You’re probably having way too much summer fun to pay attention to this quirky list but I’m committed to providing these monthly informational tidbits, so here we go!
Monthly: National Blueberry Month (my favorite fruit!!!!); National Cell Phone Courtesy Month (my favorite celebration yet!!!)
July 1 Creative Ice Cream Flavors Day (bacon anyone?)
July 3 Compliment Your Mirror Day (my you’re lookin’ great today Irene!)
July 4 Sidewalk Egg Frying Day (U.S. Independence Day too)
July 5 Work-a-holics Day (even though just about everyone has taken the day off)
July 7 Chocolate Day (mmmmmm!)
July 11 Cheer Up the Lonely Day (some day you may need cheering up so go for it!)
July 12 Pecan Pie Day (my favorite type of pie!)
July 13 Embrace Your Geekness Day
July 14 National Nude Day (not celebrated in our household)
July 15 Cow Appreciation Day (no cow-tipping today!)
July 17 Yellow Pig Day
July 20 Ugly Truck Day (it’s a ‘guy’ thing)
July 21 National Junk Food Day (it’s an every person thing)
July 25 Culinarians Day (such a fancy word for people who like to cook and like to eat what they cook)
July 26 All or Nothing Day
July 27 Take your Pants for a Walk Day (don’t we always?)
July 29 National Lasagna Day
July 30 National Cheesecake Day
July 31 Mutt’s Day (is that any way to talk about man’s best friend?)
When celebrating with a drink or two gets you in trouble…
At a party, the hostess served a guest a cup of punch and told him it was spiked. Next, she served some to a minister.
“I would rather commit adultery than allow liquor to pass my lips!” the minister shouted.
Hearing this, the first man poured his punch back and said, “I didn’t know we had a choice!”
A businesswoman is sitting at a bar. A man approaches her.
“Hi, honey,” he says. “Want a little company?”
“Why?” asks the woman. “Do you have one to sell?”
One more – hold onto your seats!
One night Judge O’Brien tottered into his house very late and very drunk indeed, so bombed that he had managed to throw up all over himself. In the morning he sheepishly told his wife that a drunk sitting next to him on the train home had managed to vomit all over him.
The next day, the judge managed to make it into the courthouse when it occurred to him that his story might not be truly convincing to his wife. Inspired, he called home and said, “Honey, you won’t believe this, but I just had the drunk who threw up on me last night show up in court, and I gave him thirty days.”
“Give him sixty days,” said the judge’s wife. “He shit in your pants, too.”
Two basketball jokes; and then two football jokes:
(Photo credit: Wikipedia)
“Basketball sure is an amazing game,” said one fan to another. “They pay a guy $500,000 a year to shoot the ball, and then they call it a free throw.”
“He’s great on the court,” a sportswriter said of a college basketball player in an interview with his coach. “But how’s his scholastic work?”
“Why, he makes straight A’s,” replied the coach.
“Wonderful!” said the sportswriter.
“Yes,” agreed the coach, “But his B’s are a little crooked.”
A college football coach had recruited a top talent, but the player couldn’t pass the school’s entrance exam. Needing the recruit badly, the coach went to the dean and asked if the recruit could take the test orally. The dean agreed, and the following day the recruit and the coach were seated in his office. “Okay,” the dean said, “What is seven times seven?”
The recruit mulled it over for a moment, then said, “I think it’s 49.”
Suddenly the coach leaped to his feet, “Please, Dean Smith,” he begged, “give him another chance!”
(Photo credit: Wikipedia)
After spending all day watching football, Harry fell asleep in front of the TV and spent the night in the chair. In the morning, his wife woke him up, “Get up dear,” she said. “It’s 20 to seven.”
He woke with a start. “In whose favor?”
How was your Sunday, everyone? Here are some post-church attendance jokes:
A Texan traveled to England on vacation. While there, he attended a religious service and was amazed at how quiet and reserved it was. Not one word was spoken out of turn.
All of a sudden he heard the minister say something he really liked. “Amen!” he shouted. Everyone in the church turned and stared, and the usher came running down the aisle.
“You must not talk out loud,” admonished the usher. “But,” protested the Texan, “I’ve got religion!”
“Well,” said the usher, “you did not get it here.”
(Photo credit: Wikipedia)
An impassioned minister was visiting a country church and began his address with a stirring reminder:
“Everybody in this parish is going to die.”
The evangelist was discomfited to notice a man in the front pew who was smiling broadly.
“Why are you so amused?” he asked.
“I’m not in this parish,” replied the man, “I’m just visiting my sister for the weekend.”
Very little humor can be found in the world of finance – except, perhaps, for these anecdotes:
(Photo credit: Wikipedia)
A bank in New York City is now making it possible to buy and sell stock using their ATM machines. This is great – it gives muggers a chance to diversify their portfolios.
A woman visited the bank to close her account because she was convinced the institution was going under.
Asked by a startled manager why she thought so, she produced one of her checks, endorsed by the bank, “Insufficient Funds.”
An accountant answered an advertisement for a top job with a large firm. At the end of the interview, the chairman said, “One last question – what is three times seven?”
The accountant thought for a moment and replied, “Twenty-two.” Outside he checked himself on his calculator and concluded he had lost the job. But two weeks later he was offered the post.
He asked the chairman why he had been appointed when he had given the wrong answer.
Here’s a new category of posts in which I will provide a circumstance, and you can provide your potential response; similar to a television show in the United States for which I’ve seen ads.
Here’s the circumstance that I encountered today that has inspired this initial post:
I walked into my local grocery store today, and waited at the Customer Service counter to cash in my winning lotto ticket: $10 Woo hoo! (The Customer Service counter is just outside of the public restrooms.)
(Photo credit: Wikipedia)
As I waited for customer service, what did I see, but a male customer exiting the men’s bathroom, with a USA Today newspaper in his hands. It doesn’t take an advanced educational degree to discern what this customer had just done – in the bathroom, with a newspaper. By the way – USA Today is just one of many newspapers found on shelves approximately 20 feet inside the store’s entrance that one can pick up and purchase at checkout.
But that’s not all. This customer then placed the very same newspaper – no longer a virgin-clean newspaper – on one of the seldom-used checkout counters, gathered his shopping cart where he had parked it while he did his business in the bathroom, and then happily proceeded to do his shopping.
As luck would have it, this same gentleman was right in front of me paying for his groceries while I loaded up the checkout counter with my soon-to-be-purchased items. He walked away, I took my place at the checkout counter, glanced over at the seldom-used counter near the public restrooms, and there lay the USA Today, in all its tainted glory.
What would you do?
Postscript: A family member/reader suggested that the newspaper reader may have indeed already paid for the USA Today. I agree, that’s a possible scenario. Let’s take that thought a wee bit further, shall we? Perhaps the paper had been paid for and the newspaper reader left it on the checkout stand so that someone else may enjoy the day’s news, free of charge. (What a generous thought on my part.)
Even going with that wonderfully generous supposition, shouldn’t the next person on the receiving end of the free newspaper have been made aware of the previous owner’s potty antics e.g., perhaps the satisfied pottier could have placed a sign on the newspaper stating that this issue of USA Today had already spent considerable time in the men’s bathroom and therefore, in full disclosure, you have first right of refusal should you decide not to read a newspaper that has been in close proximity to someone’s morning duty?
Some humor for you involving man’s best friend, and other animals:
A man went to the movies and was surprised to find a woman with a big collie sitting in front of him. Even more amazing was the fact that the dog always laughed in the right places through the comedy.
“Excuse me,” the man said to the woman, “but I think it’s astounding that your dog enjoys the movie so much.”
“I’m surprised myself,” she replied. “He hated the book.”
(Photo credit: Wikipedia)
Kerry the tomcat was scampering all over the neighborhood: down alleys, up fire escapes, into cellars.
A disturbed neighbor knocked on the owner’s door and said, “Your cat is rushing about like mad.”
“I know,” the man conceded. “My cat has just been neutered and he’s running around canceling engagements.”
Several racehorses are in a stable. One of them starts boasting about his track record. “Of my last 15 races,” he says, “I’ve won eight.”
Another horse breaks in, “Well, I’ve won 19 of my last 27!”
“That’s good, but I’ve taken 28 of 36,” says another, flicking his tail.
(Photo credit: Wikipedia)
At this point, a greyhound who’s been sitting nearby pipes up. “I don’t mean to boast,” he says, “but of my last 90 races, I’ve won 88.”
The horses are clearly amazed. “Wow,” says one after a prolonged silence, “a talking dog!”
At long last the good-humored boss felt compelled to call Fitch into his office. “It has not escaped my attention,” he pointed out gently, “that every time there’s a big home game, you have to take your aunt to the doctor.”
“You know, you’re right, sir,” exclaimed the employee. “I hadn’t realized. You don’t suppose she’s faking it now, do you?”
And one more joke on honesty for your Monday perusal:
A woman walks into a butcher shop and asks the butcher how much a pound of tenderloin is. “Twelve dollars per pound,” replied the butcher.
“Are you sure? That can’t be,” said the lady.
(Photo credit: Wikipedia)
“Look, Ma’am, it says right here on the card, ‘twelve dollars per pound.’ ”
“But that seems so high compared to other butchers in the area,” she said.
“Lady, maybe they gave you the price for a poorer cut of beef,” said the butcher.
“No. The butcher across the street said it was nine dollars per pound.”
“Well, then why don’t you go buy it there?” asked the butcher.
“Because they are all out.”
“When I’m all out, I sell it for eight dollars per pound,” retorted the butcher.
An ambitious new sales rep for Budweiser beer traveled all the way to Rome and managed to get an audience with the Pope himself. As soon as the two were alone together, he leaned over and whispered, “Your Holiness, I have an offer I think might interest you. I’m in a position to give you a million dollars if you’ll change the wording in the Lord’s Prayer to ‘our daily beer.’ Now whaddaya say?”
“Absolutely not,” said the shocked pontiff.
“Hey, I understand; it’s a big decision,” sympathized the salesman. “How about five million dollars?”
“I couldn’t think of it,” sputtered the Pope.
“I know it’s a tough one. Tell you what – I can go up to fifty million dollars,” proposed the salesman.
Asking him to leave the room, the Pope called in the cardinal and whispered, “When does our contract with Pillsbury expire?”
Time for a bit of psychiatric analysis – five jokes worth:
A man was attacked and left bleeding in a ditch. Two psychiatrists passed by and one said to the other, “We must find the man who did this – he needs help!”
The seriously disturbed man slunk into the office of an eminent psychiatrist.
“Doctor, you have to help me, it’s gotten really bad,” he pleaded. I feel like nobody ever listens to me.”
The psychiatrist looked up and said, “Next!”
How many psychiatrists does it take to change a lightbulb? One. But the lightbulb has to really want to change.
“I wouldn’t worry about your son playing with dolls,” the doctor told the middle-aged matron. She said, “I’m not worried, but his wife is very upset.”
(Photo credit: Wikipedia)
After the woman seated herself in the psychiatrist’s office, the doctor asked, “What seems to be the problem?”
“Well, I, uh,” she stammered. “I think I, uh, might be a nymphomaniac.”
“I see,” he said. “I can help you, but I must advise you that my fee is eighty dollars an hour.”
“That’s not bad,” she replied. “How much for all night?”
Doesn’t seem possible, but May is here! Personally, it’s one of my favorite months. Here are a few month-long celebrations:
Get Caught Reading Month; International Victorious Woman Month; Carrots and Cauliflower Month, National Salad Month – competing with National Hamburger and National Barbeque Month; Revise Your Work Schedule Month; and finally, Older Americans Month – hip hip hooray!!!
And now for some daily celebrations:
May 1: Global Love Day and Great American Grump Out Day
May 3: Hug your Cat Day and Lumpy Rug Day (better check under your rug for Fluffy!); No Pants Day – I don’t make these up folks…
May 5: Cinco de Mayo – ole!!! and pass the tequila
May 6: No Diet Day – even if you want to – don’t!
May 8: No Socks Day – I’m seeing a trend here…(see May 3rd)
May 11: Eat What you Want Day (see May 6th)
May 15: National Chocolate Chip Day and Turn Beauty Inside Out Day
May 18:This Blogger’s Birthday!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
May 19: Mike, the Headless Chicken Day (I don’t get it either)
May 26: Indianapolis 500 (this one’s for you honey!!!!)
May 27: Cellophane Tape Day (it’s about time the world acknowledged this important supply!)
May 28: Slugs Return from Capistrano Day (now that’s just silly)
May 29: National Senior Health & Fitness Day
Enjoy the month of May everyone! And for goodness sake, don’t take yourselves too seriously.
Jesus and Moses went golfing and were about even until they reached the fifteenth hole – a par five. Both balls landed about twenty feet from the edge of a little pond that stood between them and the hole. Moses took out a five-wood and landed his ball in excellent position. Jesus took out a five-iron.
“Hang on, hang on,” cautioned Moses. “Use a wood – you’ll never make it.”
“If Arnold Palmer can make that shot with a five-iron, so can I,” said Jesus. His ball landed in the middle of the lake. Moses parted the waters, retrieved the ball, and sighed when he saw Jesus still holding the five iron.
“If Arnold Palmer can make that shot with a five-iron, so can I,” maintained Jesus. Again Moses had to part the waters to retrieve the ball. By this time there were a number of people waiting to play through, and Moses said firmly. “Listen, Jesus; I’m not fetching the ball another time. Use a wood.”
Jesus, however, still insisted. “If Arnold Palmer can make that shot with a five-iron, so can I.” Splash!
Moses shook his head. “I told you, I’m not budging. Get it yourself!”
So Jesus walked across the water toward where the ball landed. At this, the onlookers gaped in astonishment. One came over to Moses and stammered, “I can’t believe my eyes – that guy must think he’s Jesus Christ!”
In response, Moses shook his head gloomily. “He is Jesus Christ. He thinks he’s Arnold Palmer.”
Here’s a mish mosh of amusing, sometimes funny, ponderings:
The father was very proud when his son went off to college. He came to tour the campus on Parents’ Day and observed his son hard at work in the chemistry lab. “What are you working on?” he asked.
The father whistled, clearly impressed, then wondered aloud, “What’ll you keep it in?
A man was trying to understand the nature of God and asked him: “God, how long is a million years to you?” God answered: “A million years is like a minute.”
Then the man asked: “God, how much is a million dollars to you?” And God replied: “A million dollars is like a penny.”
Finally the man asked: “God could you give me a penny?” And God said: “In a minute.”
(Photo credit: Wikipedia)
As an informed and wise society, we prefer the old-fashioned alarm clock to the kind that awakens you with soft music or a gentle whisper.
If there’s one thing we can’t stand early in the morning, it’s hypocrisy.
In the United States we are fast-approaching the income tax filing deadline of April 15th. Here are a few jokes to get us through it – perhaps with a chuckle.
Somehow the IRS auditor knew it was my first audit. “How could you tell?” I asked.
“For this kind of examination, you don’t have to undress,” she explained.
You know what they’re doing with our taxes? They’re spending your money – hundreds of billions of dollars on defense. To defend us from the Russians, the North Koreans, the Libyans, the Iranians. When was the last time someone from any of those groups broke into your car? I’m not worried about Russians, I’m worried about Americans! You’re going to defend me, defend me from Americans! Get my butt back from Burger King alive!
What gets me is the estimated tax return. You have to guess how much money you’re going to make. You have to fill it out, sign it, send it in. I sent mine in last week. I didn’t sign it. If I have to guess how much money I’m gonna make, let them guess who sent it.
The income tax system has made more liars out of the American people than golf has.
You’ve got to admire the IRS. Any organization that makes that much money without advertising deserves respect.
I wouldn’t mind paying taxes if I knew they were going to a friendly country.
A prominent Russian scientist conducted a very important experiment. He trained a flea to jump on giving her a verbal command (“Jump!”)
(Photo credit: Wikipedia)
In the first stage of the experiment, he removed the flea’s leg, told her to jump, and the flea jumped. So he wrote in his scientific notebook: “Upon removing one leg, all flea organs function properly.”
So, he removed the second leg, asked the flea to jump, she obeyed, so he wrote again: “Upon removing the second leg, all flea organs function properly.”
Thereafter he removed all the legs but one, the flea jumped when ordered, so he wrote again: “Upon removing the next couple legs, all flea organs function properly.”
Then he removed the last leg, told the flea to jump, and nothing happened.
He did not want to take a chance, so he repeated the command to jump, several times, and the legless flea never jumped. So he wrote his conclusion:
“Upon removing the last leg, the flea loses sense of hearing.”
The third-grade teacher was shocked to find a number of foul words scrawled on the blackboard when she walked into the classroom.
“Children,” she said sternly, “you are much too young to use such vile language. Now, we’re all going to close our eyes and count to fifty, and while we’re counting, I want the little boy or girl who wrote those words to tiptoe up and erase them.”
At the signal, the teacher and her students closed their eyes and the teacher counted out loud, very slowly. When she reached fifty, she said, “All right class, everybody open their eyes.”
All eyes went to the blackboard.
None of the words had been erased, and below them was the message:
Sometimes we just need a bit of humor to get us through the week. Here’s one that my husband recently passed along to me:
My neighbor was working in his yard when he was startled by a late model car that came crashing through his hedge and ended up in his front lawn.
He rushed to help an elderly lady driver out of the car and sat her down on a lawn chair.
He said with excitement, “you appear quite elderly to be driving.”
“Well, yes, I am,” she replied proudly. I’ll be 97 next month, and I am now old enough that I don’t even need a driver’s license anymore.
You see, the last time I went to my doctor, he examined me and asked if I had a driver’s license. I told him yes and handed it to him. He took scissors out of the drawer, cut the license into pieces, and threw them in the waste basket saying,
Without warning, a hurricane blew across the Caribbean. The luxurious yacht soon foundered in the huge waves and sank without a trace. Only two survivors, the boat’s owner and its steward, managed to swim to the closest island.
(Photo credit: Wikipedia)
Observing that it was utterly uninhabited, the steward burst into tears, wringing his hands and moaning that they’d never be heard of again. Meanwhile, his companion leaned back against a palm tree and relaxed.
“Dr. Karpman, how can you be so calm?” moaned the distraught steward. “We’re going to die on this godforsaken island. They’re never going to find us.”
“Let me tell you something, Mitchell,” began Karpman with a smile. “Four years ago I gave five hundred thousand dollars to the United Way, and five hundred thousand dollars to the United Jewish Appeal. Three years ago I did very well in the stock market, so I contributed eight hundred and fifty thousand to each. Last year business was good, so both charities got a million dollars.”
“So?” screamed the wretched steward.
“It’s time for their annual fund drives,” the yachtsman pointed out, “I’m certain they’ll find me.”
One of my fellow Bloggers wrote a great article (above) to bring an explosively humorous end to my work week. Thank you for sharing your humiliation with the rest of us. Been there – done that myself – far too many times.
Speaking of which … my husband and I were in Home Depot last Sunday; me walking ahead of him as he pushed the shopping cart. A 30-something couple walked towards me, and then past me towards my husband, and oh my goodness … one of them must have not been able to hold in the flatulence one second longer. I wilted amongst the fumes – turned around to look at my husband and his face was twisted in a disgusted-looking, painful way, and he quickly slapped his hand over his nose. I said to him, “I know, right? Must have left a pile somewhere in this aisle!” then I continued walking onward only to discover that the fumes filled the length of that aisle. I started running in a vain attempt to escape the blanket of stinkyness, and soon thereafter, my husband could be seen running with his heavily loaded-down shopping cart making the same attempt at escape. (I know – we’re both quite juvenile.)
When we left the store, my husband was certain that someone must have been videotaping us and no doubt, we are now You Tube stars, gaining lots of followers around the world.
The retired couple sat at the table after their Sunday lunch when the wife looked over and said,
“Know what I feel like? An ice cream. Will you go get me one?”
“Okay, honey,” said the long-suffering husband, getting up.
“But not just any ice cream” she interrupted. “A sundae.”
“Okay, dear, a sundae it is.”
(Photo credit: Wikipedia)
“But not just any sundae, a banana split. Should I write it down and put the note in your coat pocket?”
“No, dear,” said the husband, pulling on his coat. “You want a special sundae, a banana split.”
“Right, but not just any banana split. I want a scoop of chocolate on one side and a scoop of vanilla on the other. Sure you don’t want me to write it down?”
“I got it, I got it,” said the beleaguered husband, heading for the door.
“But that’s not all,” she shouted after him. ” I want it to be special. I want whipped cream and a cherry on top. Let me write it down for you.”
“No, no, no,” protested her husband. “You want a special ice cream sundae: a banana split with a scoop of vanilla here, a scoop of chocolate there, some whipped cream, and a cherry on top.”
“And don’t forget the chopped nuts.”
“Chopped nuts,” repeated the husband as the door closed after him.
Two hours later, the husband returned and put a greasy paper bag on the kitchen table. The wife walked over, looked inside, and saw four bagels. Looking up at him in intense irritation, she snapped, “I knew it – you forgot the cream cheese.”
It’s too easy to find the standard holidays that occur each month. Although I usually provide those run-of-the-mill highlights, I always provide the more obtuse events that one might choose to celebrate, such as these:
Weekly Observances:
March 1 – 7: National Write a Letter of Appreciation Week and Universal Human Beings Week; March 3 – 9: Celebrate Your Name Week; March 11 – 17: International Brain Awareness Week; March 17 – 23: Root Canal Awareness Week; March 18 – 23: American Chocolate Week; March 21 – 27: Week of Solidarity with People Struggling Against Racism & Discrimination Week; March 24-30: National Cleaning Week (ugh!).
A few Daily Observances:
March 1: National Horse Protection Day (this one’s for my two stepdaughters who love, and own, horses; and World Compliment Day (something for us humans.)
March 3: I want you to Be Happy Day (I really do!!!!)
March 4: March Forth and Do Something Day a/k/a Get off Your Butt Day.
March 8: Day for Women’s Rights & International Peace.
March 9: Get Over It Day; and Panic Day.
March 10: International Day of Awesomeness; and Daylight Savings Time Begins.
March 11: Fill Our Staplers Day – really????
March 13: Smart and Sexy Day.
March 18: Awkward Moments Day; Forgive Mom and Dad Day; and Well-Elderly or Wellderly Day.
March 20: Kick Butts Day; and Won’t You Be My Neighbor Day.
March 22: International Goof-Off Day.
March 26: Make Up Your Own Holiday Day (be creative!!!)
March 28: Weed Appreciation Day (I don’t think so)
March 30: Grass Is Always Browner on the Other Side of the Fence Day.
March 31: National “He’s/She’s Funny That Way” Day.
A certain sailor celebrating a long-awaited ship’s shore leave, got very inebriated. When he staggered back up the gangway, the captain sternly entered in the log: “Mate drunk tonight.”
When he saw the entry, the mate objected violently.
“Captain, the boat was moored – you know I’ve never been drunk on board before, never drunk on duty. If this stays on the record, I’ll never get work on another ship!”
Stone-hearted, the captain refused to modify his entry. “It is the truth, and it shall remain on the record.”
A few days later, the captain was checking over the log and came across an entry written by the mate: “Captain was sober today.” The outraged captain summoned the mate and accused him of creating a false impression.
“Anyone reading this entry will think my sobriety was unusual, that I’m usually drunk!” he bellowed.
“The statement is true,” the mate calmly asserted, “and it will remain in the log.”
Three sailors were stranded in a life raft with the captain after their ship had sunk in a typhoon. After going through the emergency rations, the captain gravely announced that there was only enough food for three people.
“One of you will have to swim for it, I’m afraid,” averting his eyes from the sharks circling the raft, “but to make it fair and square, I’m going to ask each of you a question. If you answer correctly, you stay; if you blow it, out you go.”
The three sailors nodded their agreement, and the captain turned to the first sailor.
“What was the boat that was sunk by an iceberg?”
“The Titanic,” answered the sailor with a sigh of relief.
“How many people were killed?”
“Three thousand, four hundred and seventy,” blurted the second, mopping the nervous sweat off his brow.”
“Correct,” noted the captain, then turned to the third sailor. “Name them.”
There are these two nude statues, one of a man and the other of a woman, standing across from each other in a secluded park. A few hundred years after they’ve been put in place, an angel flutters down to them. A wave of his hand, and suddenly the statues come to life and the man and the woman step down from their pedestals.
(Photo credit: Wikipedia)
The angel says, “I have been sent to grant the mutual request you both have made after hundreds of years of standing across from each other, unable to move. But be quick – you only have fifteen minutes until you must become statues again.”
The man looks at the woman. They both flush and giggle, and then run off into some underbrush. The sound of great rustling comes from the bushes, and seven minutes later, they come back to the angel, obviously satisfied.
The angel smiles at the couple. “That was only seven minutes – why not go back and do it again?”
The former statues look at each other for a minute, and then the woman says, “Why not? But let’s reverse it this time – you hold down the pigeon, and I’ll poop on it.”
I don’t know how the first month of 2013 treated you but it kind of kicked me in the butt! I need some humor going into February so the list of celebrations I provide this month will lean more towards the humorous and creative side. I hope you enjoy!
A few weekly observances: Feb. 3 – Feb. 9 – Dump Your Significant Jerk Week; Feb. 7 – Feb. 14 – Have a Heart for a Chained Dog Week; Feb. 13. – Feb. 19 – International Flirting Week.
A few month of February observances: Adopt a Rescued Rabbit Month; Avocado and Banana Month; International Boost Self-Esteem Month; International Expect Success Month (makes sense!); National Chocolate Lover’s Month; Return Shopping Carts to Supermarket Month; Spunky Old Broads Month (now you’re talking!!!)
A few daily celebrations – cheers!
Feb. 5 World Nutella Day
Feb. 6 Lame Duck Day
Feb. 7 Wave All Your Fingers at Your Neighbor Day (as opposed to the one finger salute?)
Feb. 13 Madly in Love With Me Day
Feb. 16 Do a Grouch a Favor Day
Feb. 27 No Brainer Day – I can certainly support this one!!!
My wish for all of you is that you celebrate even the smallest of good happenings that come your way this month.
Old Timothy O’Daly was clearly on his deathbed. So his son, Liam, was completely taken aback when the old man plucked at Liam’s sleeve, drew him close, and said, “My boy, it’s time for you to go for the Protestant minister.”
“But, Dad.” gasped Liam in surprise, “what on earth would a good Catholic like yourself be wanting with a Protestant minister at a time like this – meaning no disrespect of course.”
“Get the minister,” ordered his dad fiercely, and after a few more sputtering protests, his son hurried off to honor what might be his father’s last request. He was back with the Reverend Wilson within forty-five minutes, and listened in dismay outside the door as the minister converted his father and administered the Protestant faith’s last rites.
“His distress, however, paled beside that of Father McGuire, who hurried up the stairs past the departing Reverend Wilson. “Tim, Tim, why?” he cried, bursting into the old man’s room. “We went to St. Joseph’s together. We were altar boys at Our Lady of the Sacred Heart. I was there at your First Holy Communion and you attended the first Mass I performed. How in the world could you do such a thing?”
“Paddy,” said O’Daly, leaning back against his pillows, “I figured if somebody had to go, better one of them than one of us.”
Living: the ultimate team sport 