Lighten Up Mondays

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Time for a bit of psychiatric analysis – five jokes worth:

A man was attacked and left bleeding in a ditch.  Two psychiatrists passed by and one said to the other, “We must find the man who did this – he needs help!”

The seriously disturbed man slunk into the office of an eminent psychiatrist.

“Doctor, you have to help me, it’s gotten really bad,” he pleaded.  I feel like nobody ever listens to me.”

The psychiatrist looked up and said, “Next!”

How many psychiatrists does it take to change a lightbulb?  One.  But the lightbulb has to really want to change.

“I wouldn’t worry about your son playing with dolls,” the doctor told the middle-aged matron.  She said, “I’m not worried, but his wife is very upset.”

illustrations in the book
(Photo credit: Wikipedia)

After the woman seated herself in the psychiatrist’s office, the doctor asked, “What seems to be the problem?”

“Well, I, uh,” she stammered.  “I think I, uh, might be a nymphomaniac.”

“I see,” he said.  “I can help you, but I must advise you that my fee is eighty dollars an hour.”

“That’s not bad,” she replied.  “How much for all night?”