Internal Revenue Service
Lighten up Mondays
It’s the last Monday of March which means April is upon us, which means in the United States it’s income tax filing time. Here are some one liners that might tickle your funny bone:
- The U.S. Post Office just recalled their newest stamps; they had pictures of IRS agents on them and people couldn’t figure out which side to spit on.
- If a lawyer and an IRS agent were both drowning and you could only save one of them, would you go to lunch or read the newspaper?
- America is the land of opportunity; everybody can become a taxpayer.
- Children are deductible but they’re still taxing.
- Nothing has done more to stimulate the writing of fiction than the itemized deduction section of the income-tax forms.
- Filling out your own income tax return is something like a do-it-yourself mugging.
- A man admitted he lied on his income-tax return – he listed himself as the head of the household.
- The best things in life are still free, but the tax experts are working overtime on the problem.
And here’s an original from me:
I hope this first full month of Spring doesn’t tax you too heavily.
Lighten Up Mondays
In the United States we are fast-approaching the income tax filing deadline of April 15th. Here are a few jokes to get us through it – perhaps with a chuckle.
Somehow the IRS auditor knew it was my first audit. “How could you tell?” I asked.
“For this kind of examination, you don’t have to undress,” she explained.
You know what they’re doing with our taxes? They’re spending your money – hundreds of billions of dollars on defense. To defend us from the Russians, the North Koreans, the Libyans, the Iranians. When was the last time someone from any of those groups broke into your car? I’m not worried about Russians, I’m worried about Americans! You’re going to defend me, defend me from Americans! Get my butt back from Burger King alive!
What gets me is the estimated tax return. You have to guess how much money you’re going to make. You have to fill it out, sign it, send it in. I sent mine in last week. I didn’t sign it. If I have to guess how much money I’m gonna make, let them guess who sent it.
The income tax system has made more liars out of the American people than golf has.
You’ve got to admire the IRS. Any organization that makes that much money without advertising deserves respect.
I wouldn’t mind paying taxes if I knew they were going to a friendly country.