When celebrating with a drink or two gets you in trouble…
At a party, the hostess served a guest a cup of punch and told him it was spiked. Next, she served some to a minister.
“I would rather commit adultery than allow liquor to pass my lips!” the minister shouted.
Hearing this, the first man poured his punch back and said, “I didn’t know we had a choice!”
A businesswoman is sitting at a bar. A man approaches her.
“Hi, honey,” he says. “Want a little company?”
“Why?” asks the woman. “Do you have one to sell?”
One more – hold onto your seats!
One night Judge O’Brien tottered into his house very late and very drunk indeed, so bombed that he had managed to throw up all over himself. In the morning he sheepishly told his wife that a drunk sitting next to him on the train home had managed to vomit all over him.
The next day, the judge managed to make it into the courthouse when it occurred to him that his story might not be truly convincing to his wife. Inspired, he called home and said, “Honey, you won’t believe this, but I just had the drunk who threw up on me last night show up in court, and I gave him thirty days.”
“Give him sixty days,” said the judge’s wife. “He shit in your pants, too.”