As a writer who is in the process of querying agents (27 queries sent thus far with MANY more to send, still waiting for 21 responses) this advice is very timely.
Most actors hate auditions. I don’t know why. I love them.
An audition is your chance to show yourself at your best. You’ve spent years honing your craft. You’ve spent days polishing each detail. You’ve spent hours preparing the material. Now all of those years of work are focused into three perfect minutes. It is not a necessary evil. It’s the culmination of everything you’ve worked for and the gateway to the thing you want most.
Now go back to the first paragraph and replace the word “audition” with “query letter.” Do it. It will be eye-opening, I promise.
Most actors think that their job is acting in plays. Wrong! Their job is auditioning. The fruit of their labor is a part in a play. It’s the same with authors. Your job is not writing a book. Yes, in order to query a book you need to have written one, and a good one at that. But…
International Women’s Day: My Heroines. My heroines may look different from those posted in the attached article, and they certainly will look different from those you may consider as your heroines. That’s a very good thing because we all have different takes on the subject but the outcome is the same: heroines we admire that made a difference in their world, and in ours.
My mother with my daughter, circa 1976.
My mother: Patricia Constance Conroy Desonier was born in 1917 and died in 1994. Mom was a fair disciplinarian to us three kids and a fabulous confidant as an adult. To lose her when I was forty years old was a devastating loss for me. My biggest disappointment is that she didn’t live long enough to meet my current husband, an extraordinary man whom I met – almost exactly to the date – two years after mom died. Words to describe my mother (in addition to the above): talented musician, seamstress, faithful and supportive wife, involved parent, community activist, volunteer extraordinaire. Read the rest of this entry »
A solicitor for the Red Cross arrived at the house of a well-to-do couple to ask for a donation. Hearing a commotion inside, he knocked extra-loudly on the door.
A somewhat disheveled man opened the door. “What can I do for you?” he growled, clearly upset about something.
“I would like to speak to the Master of the house,” said the Red Cross solicitor.
“Then you’re just in time,” barked the young man, “My wife and I are settling that very question right now”
My name is Irene. I am the author of the upcoming novel Requiem for the status quo.
Some of you know me as a family member, friend, or casual acquaintance. Others are familiar with me as the author of this blog, a writer who has posted hundreds of articles over the past several years. Still others know me because of my professional connections as a volunteer advocate for vulnerable adults living in long-term care (LTC) facilities, or because of my years as an Alzheimer’s Association support group facilitator.
I’m here to announce that in addition to being the family member/friend/acquaintance/volunteer/co-employee of the past and present, I am also the novelist who has something to say.
“Oh my gosh Irene, I didn’t realize your book was already published!”
It’s not, but I’m actively pursuing agent representation by contacting several agents per day until I no longer need to.
“Why should people be interested in your book?”
Because I have an engaging way of writing about Alzheimer’s disease – a disease that will affect each and every one of you because until a cure or vaccine is developed to eradicate it, this disease is here to stay. Whether a person’s diagnosis falls into the actual Alzheimer’s category, or into one of several other dementia such as: vascular, lewy body, frontal temporal, Parkinson’s, or dementia resultant from a traumatic brain injury (TBI), there’s no escaping its effect on the unpaid caregiver (that’s you and me) and the person being cared for (spouse, partner, mother, father, brother or sister).
And here’s a fact of which some of you may not be aware: Alzheimer’s is not just an older person’s disease; an increasing number of people are being diagnosed well-before the age of 60.
The development of new friendships in LTC settings can be very comforting, as was the case with Molly and Richard. Sometimes these relationships blossom while still married to someone else. It takes extreme kindness and understanding for the cognizant spouse to allow that comfort to exist for their memory impaired loved one. It’s not a breaking of ones wedding vows, rather, it’s a celebration of still having the ability to give and receive love.
This is true story from the assisted living facility where I work. The names have been changed to protect the privacy of the residents. Of all the stories I could tell you, this is one of my favorites.
I have worked in nursing homes and assisted living facilities for many years. I have seen many things and gotten to know many people. Many things have touched my heart but this one is really special.
This is a story about Richard and Molly. First I will tell you about Richard…
Richard lived with his wife, in our assisted living facility for 10 years. They had their own apartment and were a high functioning couple.
A few months ago, the wife passed away suddenly. We were all quite shocked, but none of us were more upset by her sudden death, than Richard was. His mental state began to quickly decline, after his…
I hope you’ll watch the attached 4 minute video that chronicles a husband’s experience of moving his wife into a memory care facility.
This is not a decision that comes easily to anyone.
Think about it. You’ve spent decades living with the love of your life. Your days are structured around each other; the ebb and flow of all those hours are what you crave and enjoy.
You are faced with what will most certainly be an irreversible decision to leave your wife in the hands of others. You feel guilty, regardless of how well-informed and appropriate the decision. Read the rest of this entry »
Sam was the owner of a world-wide branch of stores and a millionaire many times over. When his daughter, Sandy, got engaged to a very religious young man, Sam called his future son-in-law into his office.
“So tell me,” said Sam, “what are your plans for the future?”
“Well,” said the future groom, “I plan on studying the Bible all of my life.”
“And how exactly do you plan on supporting my daughter if you’re studying all day?”
“I am sure the Lord will provide,” answered the young man.
“And what about your kids? How do you plan on supporting them?”
“The Lord will provide,” answered the young man again.
Later that evening Sam and his wife sat down to talk.
“How did it go?”, asked Sam’s wife.
“It went great,” Sam replied. “I had just met the young fellow and already he thinks I’m the Lord!”
When I’m an old lady and end up in a care facility, I sincerely hope my personality and attitudes don’t relegate me to the category of “that crabby old lady in Room 210.” Have you visited someone in a nursing home or hospital and had the distinct feeling that the patients were treated like numbers or medical cases? You know what I mean: “the urinary tract infection in 4A” or “the decubitis in South 6.” Wow, that’s a horrible thing to consider for myself: the history of all my years on this earth being characterized as a medical condition or an intolerable behavior resulting from that condition.
What about my history of being a pretty darn good mother/wife/business person/neighbor/community volunteer/friend? Doesn’t that person still exist within the body occupying that bed?
Let’s all take the time to read this poem that depicts such a scene. Gender-wise, this could be about a crabby old man as well. Read the rest of this entry »
Two guys, Jimmy and Clarence, were standing at heaven’s gate waiting to be interviewed by St. Peter.
Jimmy: “How did you get here?”
Clarence: “Hypothermia, you?”
Jimmy: “You won’t believe it. I was sure my wife was cheating on me so I came home early one day hoping to catch them in the act. I accused my wife of unfaithfulness and searched the whole house without any luck. Then I felt so bad about the whole thing, I had a massive heart attack.”
Clarence: “Oh, man, if you had checked the walk-in freezer, we’d both be alive.”
I’m re-posting this article I wrote back in 2012 that discusses one of the many “first times” survivors go through after the death of a loved one.
My article contains a link to another blogger’s article in which he discusses the experience of his first Valentine’s Day without his wife. On a personal note, that blogger is my brother, a man who came through that period of his life a survivor. Although he still misses his wife who died of early-onset Alzheimer’s disease at the age of 69, he can now look back and relive the memories of the numerous happy celebrations they both shared throughout their almost 25-year marriage with gratitude and hope for the future.
Think of a very uncomfortable subject that you don’t like to talk or even think about.
By any chance was that subject death?
If it is, you’re not alone. Given the option of getting a root canal or talking about our eventual demise, many would leap into the dental chair. Why? What’s so yucky about death? It’s an inevitable outcome of our life experience here on earth. To my knowledge, no one has successfully hidden from the grim reaper when it came knocking at their door. So what’s the big deal? I’ll tell you what’s the big deal.
Washington State’s own Jim Caviezel, film and television actor, wrote a fabulous article for the Seattle Times newspaper, attached above. I echo his sentiments about the importance of unconditional support.
Most parents don’t have a problem understanding the concept of unconditional love when it comes to their children. When a child messes up, they don’t give up on him or abandon him. Parents retain the hope that their child will do better next time, and they stand by their child to help him get there. Read the rest of this entry »
Now that my novel is finished, I decided to re-post an article I wrote about daring greatly. Everything we do requires a certain amount of risk: walking across the street, going on a 1st date, changing careers. But if we don’t take a calculated risk, we’ll never see the inside of the arena; we’ll never know what we missed.
I hope you enjoy reading this article that served to remind me that as I start to look for agent representation for my first novel, I should do so with the confidence that my vulnerability will one day pay off.
It’s not the critic who counts; it’s not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles; or where the doer of deeds could have done them better.
(Photo credit: Wikipedia)
The credit goes to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred with dust and sweat and blood, who strives valiantly and who errs and fails, and is sometimes victorious. But when he fails, at least he does so daring greatly.
The above is an abbreviated quote from Theodore Roosevelt’s speech, Citizenship in a Republic a/k/a The Man in the Arena, delivered at the Sorbonne in Paris, France, on April 23, 1910.
Brené Brown, PhD, paraphrased the above when appearing on Oprah Winfrey’s show, Super Soul Sunday. I admit – I’m addicted to the types of shows that challenge the way I think, and/or that validate the way I think. This particular show that…
This fabulous article really captures the essence of what those grieving need from those with whom they’re acquainted. It also helps those uncomfortable with the topic of death to understand that there are many ways to lighten the emotional load for the person who is grieving.
The 11th suggestion I would offer is this: If you’re with someone who has recently suffered a loss and you don’t know what to say; you feel any words you offer couldn’t possibly make a difference; offer a hug. Your sincere intentions will transfer to them and just might provide them with the assurance that you acknowledge their grief and want them to know that they are not alone. Thank you Howard Whitman for offering this article to us.
Editor’s Note: The following is an excerpt from Keys to Happiness, an anthology of articles published in 1954.
Most of us want to be helpful when grief strikes a friend, but often we don’t know how. We may end up doing nothing because we don’t know the right — and helpful — things to say and do. Because that was my own experience recently, I resolved to gather pointers which might be useful to others as well as myself.
Ministers, priests, and rabbis deal with such situations every day. I went to scores of them, of all faiths, in all parts of the country.
Here are some specific suggestions they made:
1. Don’t try to “buck them up.”
This surprised me when the Rev. Arthur E. Wilson of Providence, RI mentioned it. But the others concurred. It only makes your friend feel worse when you say, “Come now…
Dietrich Gruen, the author of the attached article, is a Green Bay Packers fan. My team, the Seattle Seahawks, beat his team in the game he references in his attached article. When I’m on the receiving end of a victory, I’m always cognizant of the fact that when I’m celebrating a win, there are those who are bemoaning a loss.
Well, let me tell you, the football field is a great equalizer, as was evident yesterday when the Seahawks lost the Super Bowl to the New England Patriots. It was a devastating loss, but it was not life-changing.
Sure, it may change some aspects of some of the Seattle team members’ lives, but it won’t alter what is truly valuable: life itself. With several hours separation between Seattle’s shocking loss and now, I’m able to re-categorize that loss as a speed bump. Read the rest of this entry »
Here’s a nod towards those experiencing cold temps and lots of snow. “Cold” is a relative term so use the handy list below for added clarity. (Degrees in Fahrenheit)
65 Hawaiians declare a two-blanket night
60 Californians put on sweaters if they can find one
50 Miami residents turn on the heat
45 Vermont residents go to outdoor concerts
40 You can see your breath, Californians shiver uncontrollably, and Minnesotans go swimming
30 You plan your vacation to Australia
25 Ohio water freezes, Californians weep pitiably, Minnesotans eat ice cream, and Canadians go swimming
15 Your cat insists on sleeping in your bed with you
10 You need jumper cables to get the car started
0 Alaskans put on t-shirts
-15 You can cut your breath and use it to build an igloo, Arkansans stick their tongue onto metal objects, and Miami residents cease to exist
-20 Cat insists on sleeping in pajamas with you
-30 You plan a two week hot bath
-40 Californians cease to exist, Minnesotans button their top button, and Canadians put on sweaters
-50 Congressional hot air freezes and Alaskans close the bathroom window
This is NOT an article about football. Anyone who has a loved one for whom they provide care – whether hands-on or peripheral – knows all too well how unpredictable life can be with that 24/7 responsibility. We’d all like to think that special occasions and events are immune from medical emergencies and other disasters, but all too often that is not the case.
Welcome to the life of a caregiver.
I honestly didn’t think I had another football article in me but the unfortunate circumstances in my best friend’s life have proven otherwise. Read the rest of this entry »
In my blog post, BEWARE of this Craigslist scam, I highlighted an online crime that almost succeeded in robbing one of my family members. He posted a piano for sale – a piano that needed quite a bit of work to make it operational – and he almost got taken to the cleaners. (Read the BEWARE article for the details.)
A couple weeks later, a true lover of all-things piano contacted my family member and said he was interested in purchasing the piano and he and his wife wanted to have a look-see. The couple arrived – a couple in their 80s – and when the husband took one look at the beat up piano he said, “You’ve got a deal!”
It turns out, this fellow is an expert at restoring pianos. For years now, he’s been buying pianos that are on their last legs; he restores them and gives them to children who would otherwise not be able to own a piano. What a fabulous gift these future piano virtuosos – and their parents – receive because of this couple’s “ministry” of helping young musicians.
I’m thrilled I was able to provide this Craigslist redemption story that – in my mind – wipes out the bad taste in my mouth from the previous one.
I promise after Super Bowl XLIX I’ll have less football-centric posts, but until that time, here’s another. This post by Richard Sherman one year ago was his opportunity to thank Seahawks Coach Pete Carroll for being a winning coach both on the field and off. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: football isn’t just about beating people up on the playing field. Coach Carroll gets that, and so do his team players.
And when you think you’re listening, are you really listening or are you constructing a response to the person who is talking to you? All the instructional teachings I’ve read about being fully present in any given situation indicate that true listening can’t afford the luxury of distraction.
True listening honors the person with whom you’re connecting. Conversely, being distracted reveals ones disregard for someone. Read the rest of this entry »
Forgive me those of you who are not Seahawks fans, but here’s another article about teamwork and community that relates to football AND life in general. Richard Sherman, cornerback for the Seahawks, is a guest columnist for this Sports Illustrated blog.
Working in tandem is effective only when each person grabs a hold of the baton for their portion of the project. In relay racing, one person doesn’t run the entire race, everyone does their part; no single effort is worth more than the other.
When you read Larry Stone’s and my articles (both attached above) you’ll come to the conclusion that the principle that is being proposed is not just football-related, it’s also society-related. Read the rest of this entry »
I started the month by providing some good, clean adult humor. Here’s another to end the month:
Two IRS agents were traveling through a rural area when their car broke down. They walked to a nearby mansion and knocked on the door. A beautiful widow answered and said they were welcome to spend the night while her hired hands worked on the car.
Months later one of the agents received a package of legal documents. After surveying the contents, he quickly called the other agent.
“When we were up in the country,” the first agent asked, “did you slip away in the night and go to the widow’s bedroom?”
I’d like to shift the focus from footballs and their degree of inflation, to “indecent” gestures that draw fines. In particular, let’s look at the actions of running back, Marshawn Lynch of the Seattle Seahawks. This beast of a Seahawks player has been fined twice this season – so far – for “grabbing his crotch” after making touchdowns. Interesting.
The NFL is so hell-bent on harassing Marshawn, that in addition to fining him for not talking to the media in the manner expected of him, they’ve taken to harassing him for adjusting his cup in public.
Wait a minute, Irene. What he did was obscene. He touched his crotchal area and moved it up and down.
As a child, do you remember being admonished to “play nice together” with your siblings or friends? Or perhaps you’re a grandparent who has encouraged your grandchildren to behave better with others by using that same phrase. I like it, and I think playing nice together needs to be a part of our daily life strategy. Read the rest of this entry »
This 2nd part in Ann Hedreen’s series about being an Alzheimer’s research subject will both make you cringe – ugh, lumbar puncture – and will make you proud to know that someone such as Ms. Hedreen exists in this oftentimes self-centered world in which we live. As someone whose father died from Alzheimer’s complications, I am most appreciative of her efforts. Although monetary donations are greatly needed, for me I find it far easier to open my wallet than to offer my spine for research. Not only did Ann offer her spine, she did it more than once.
Although being a control subject in Alzheimer’s research studies involves plenty of memory tests, there are neurological tests too. I was tickled with feathers, tapped on the elbows and knees, peered at with a penlight in my eyes. And there were psychological questions: On a scale of one to ten, do you usually feel life is worth living?
I was weighed and measured. I gave blood. I peed in a cup. My family tree was drawn, with special attention to anything that might be relevant: Grandma Cere’s Parkinson’s disease; Great Aunt Eine’s Alzheimer’s disease, which started in her seventies. I was approved for a lumbar puncture, more commonly known as a spinal tap, and a week later, I came back and curled up in a ball while two tablespoons of fluid were extracted from my spine with a long quivery needle: two…
Some of us feel our lives should be characterized by humility rather than pride. Sounds admirable but can lead to self-deprecation and result in drawing more attention to ourselves than not. One of the ways in which we practice this brand of humility is by being critical of ourselves when we don’t measure up to our great expectations. “…(I)f we set our standards too high we never feel that what we do is good enough.” What an unfair bar we set for ourselves. Read the rest of this entry »
As a professional photographer, Judy takes a lot of pride in her pictures. She brings her portfolio with her wherever she goes to show her work and to drum up more business.
On one occasion, Judy was a dinner guest at the house of one of her husband’s co-workers.
“Wow,” said her host that evening, “these are really nice pictures, you must have a great camera.”
Fuming mad at the implication that her whole talent came from her camera, Judy waited until the end of the meal and then thanked her host.
“Thank you, Sandra, for a delicious meal, you must have great pots.”
My husband and I purchase our wine at grocery stores where we can earn Fuel Points. We also purchase our wine 6 bottles at a time so we can get a 10% discount on our wine.
Today I purchased gas at a local Shell station and received a 60 cents per gallon discount for a $1.99 per gallon price. That’s the first time I’ve purchased gas under $2.00 in quite some time. (The going rate locally is between $2.59 and $2.79.)
It’s great finding a way in which to save money that is both pleasurable and profitable.
Living: the ultimate team sport 