Two guys, Jimmy and Clarence, were standing at heaven’s gate waiting to be interviewed by St. Peter.
Jimmy: “How did you get here?”
Clarence: “Hypothermia, you?”
Jimmy: “You won’t believe it. I was sure my wife was cheating on me so I came home early one day hoping to catch them in the act. I accused my wife of unfaithfulness and searched the whole house without any luck. Then I felt so bad about the whole thing, I had a massive heart attack.”
Clarence: “Oh, man, if you had checked the walk-in freezer, we’d both be alive.”
I’m re-posting this article I wrote back in 2012 that discusses one of the many “first times” survivors go through after the death of a loved one.
My article contains a link to another blogger’s article in which he discusses the experience of his first Valentine’s Day without his wife. On a personal note, that blogger is my brother, a man who came through that period of his life a survivor. Although he still misses his wife who died of early-onset Alzheimer’s disease at the age of 69, he can now look back and relive the memories of the numerous happy celebrations they both shared throughout their almost 25-year marriage with gratitude and hope for the future.
Think of a very uncomfortable subject that you don’t like to talk or even think about.
By any chance was that subject death?
If it is, you’re not alone. Given the option of getting a root canal or talking about our eventual demise, many would leap into the dental chair. Why? What’s so yucky about death? It’s an inevitable outcome of our life experience here on earth. To my knowledge, no one has successfully hidden from the grim reaper when it came knocking at their door. So what’s the big deal? I’ll tell you what’s the big deal.
Washington State’s own Jim Caviezel, film and television actor, wrote a fabulous article for the Seattle Times newspaper, attached above. I echo his sentiments about the importance of unconditional support.
Most parents don’t have a problem understanding the concept of unconditional love when it comes to their children. When a child messes up, they don’t give up on him or abandon him. Parents retain the hope that their child will do better next time, and they stand by their child to help him get there. Read the rest of this entry »
Now that my novel is finished, I decided to re-post an article I wrote about daring greatly. Everything we do requires a certain amount of risk: walking across the street, going on a 1st date, changing careers. But if we don’t take a calculated risk, we’ll never see the inside of the arena; we’ll never know what we missed.
I hope you enjoy reading this article that served to remind me that as I start to look for agent representation for my first novel, I should do so with the confidence that my vulnerability will one day pay off.
It’s not the critic who counts; it’s not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles; or where the doer of deeds could have done them better.
(Photo credit: Wikipedia)
The credit goes to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred with dust and sweat and blood, who strives valiantly and who errs and fails, and is sometimes victorious. But when he fails, at least he does so daring greatly.
The above is an abbreviated quote from Theodore Roosevelt’s speech, Citizenship in a Republic a/k/a The Man in the Arena, delivered at the Sorbonne in Paris, France, on April 23, 1910.
Brené Brown, PhD, paraphrased the above when appearing on Oprah Winfrey’s show, Super Soul Sunday. I admit – I’m addicted to the types of shows that challenge the way I think, and/or that validate the way I think. This particular show that…
This fabulous article really captures the essence of what those grieving need from those with whom they’re acquainted. It also helps those uncomfortable with the topic of death to understand that there are many ways to lighten the emotional load for the person who is grieving.
The 11th suggestion I would offer is this: If you’re with someone who has recently suffered a loss and you don’t know what to say; you feel any words you offer couldn’t possibly make a difference; offer a hug. Your sincere intentions will transfer to them and just might provide them with the assurance that you acknowledge their grief and want them to know that they are not alone. Thank you Howard Whitman for offering this article to us.
Editor’s Note: The following is an excerpt from Keys to Happiness, an anthology of articles published in 1954.
Most of us want to be helpful when grief strikes a friend, but often we don’t know how. We may end up doing nothing because we don’t know the right — and helpful — things to say and do. Because that was my own experience recently, I resolved to gather pointers which might be useful to others as well as myself.
Ministers, priests, and rabbis deal with such situations every day. I went to scores of them, of all faiths, in all parts of the country.
Here are some specific suggestions they made:
1. Don’t try to “buck them up.”
This surprised me when the Rev. Arthur E. Wilson of Providence, RI mentioned it. But the others concurred. It only makes your friend feel worse when you say, “Come now…
Dietrich Gruen, the author of the attached article, is a Green Bay Packers fan. My team, the Seattle Seahawks, beat his team in the game he references in his attached article. When I’m on the receiving end of a victory, I’m always cognizant of the fact that when I’m celebrating a win, there are those who are bemoaning a loss.
Well, let me tell you, the football field is a great equalizer, as was evident yesterday when the Seahawks lost the Super Bowl to the New England Patriots. It was a devastating loss, but it was not life-changing.
Sure, it may change some aspects of some of the Seattle team members’ lives, but it won’t alter what is truly valuable: life itself. With several hours separation between Seattle’s shocking loss and now, I’m able to re-categorize that loss as a speed bump. Read the rest of this entry »
Here’s a nod towards those experiencing cold temps and lots of snow. “Cold” is a relative term so use the handy list below for added clarity. (Degrees in Fahrenheit)
65 Hawaiians declare a two-blanket night
60 Californians put on sweaters if they can find one
50 Miami residents turn on the heat
45 Vermont residents go to outdoor concerts
40 You can see your breath, Californians shiver uncontrollably, and Minnesotans go swimming
30 You plan your vacation to Australia
25 Ohio water freezes, Californians weep pitiably, Minnesotans eat ice cream, and Canadians go swimming
15 Your cat insists on sleeping in your bed with you
10 You need jumper cables to get the car started
0 Alaskans put on t-shirts
-15 You can cut your breath and use it to build an igloo, Arkansans stick their tongue onto metal objects, and Miami residents cease to exist
-20 Cat insists on sleeping in pajamas with you
-30 You plan a two week hot bath
-40 Californians cease to exist, Minnesotans button their top button, and Canadians put on sweaters
-50 Congressional hot air freezes and Alaskans close the bathroom window
This is NOT an article about football. Anyone who has a loved one for whom they provide care – whether hands-on or peripheral – knows all too well how unpredictable life can be with that 24/7 responsibility. We’d all like to think that special occasions and events are immune from medical emergencies and other disasters, but all too often that is not the case.
Welcome to the life of a caregiver.
I honestly didn’t think I had another football article in me but the unfortunate circumstances in my best friend’s life have proven otherwise. Read the rest of this entry »
In my blog post, BEWARE of this Craigslist scam, I highlighted an online crime that almost succeeded in robbing one of my family members. He posted a piano for sale – a piano that needed quite a bit of work to make it operational – and he almost got taken to the cleaners. (Read the BEWARE article for the details.)
A couple weeks later, a true lover of all-things piano contacted my family member and said he was interested in purchasing the piano and he and his wife wanted to have a look-see. The couple arrived – a couple in their 80s – and when the husband took one look at the beat up piano he said, “You’ve got a deal!”
It turns out, this fellow is an expert at restoring pianos. For years now, he’s been buying pianos that are on their last legs; he restores them and gives them to children who would otherwise not be able to own a piano. What a fabulous gift these future piano virtuosos – and their parents – receive because of this couple’s “ministry” of helping young musicians.
I’m thrilled I was able to provide this Craigslist redemption story that – in my mind – wipes out the bad taste in my mouth from the previous one.
I promise after Super Bowl XLIX I’ll have less football-centric posts, but until that time, here’s another. This post by Richard Sherman one year ago was his opportunity to thank Seahawks Coach Pete Carroll for being a winning coach both on the field and off. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: football isn’t just about beating people up on the playing field. Coach Carroll gets that, and so do his team players.
And when you think you’re listening, are you really listening or are you constructing a response to the person who is talking to you? All the instructional teachings I’ve read about being fully present in any given situation indicate that true listening can’t afford the luxury of distraction.
True listening honors the person with whom you’re connecting. Conversely, being distracted reveals ones disregard for someone. Read the rest of this entry »
Forgive me those of you who are not Seahawks fans, but here’s another article about teamwork and community that relates to football AND life in general. Richard Sherman, cornerback for the Seahawks, is a guest columnist for this Sports Illustrated blog.
Working in tandem is effective only when each person grabs a hold of the baton for their portion of the project. In relay racing, one person doesn’t run the entire race, everyone does their part; no single effort is worth more than the other.
When you read Larry Stone’s and my articles (both attached above) you’ll come to the conclusion that the principle that is being proposed is not just football-related, it’s also society-related. Read the rest of this entry »
I started the month by providing some good, clean adult humor. Here’s another to end the month:
Two IRS agents were traveling through a rural area when their car broke down. They walked to a nearby mansion and knocked on the door. A beautiful widow answered and said they were welcome to spend the night while her hired hands worked on the car.
Months later one of the agents received a package of legal documents. After surveying the contents, he quickly called the other agent.
“When we were up in the country,” the first agent asked, “did you slip away in the night and go to the widow’s bedroom?”
I’d like to shift the focus from footballs and their degree of inflation, to “indecent” gestures that draw fines. In particular, let’s look at the actions of running back, Marshawn Lynch of the Seattle Seahawks. This beast of a Seahawks player has been fined twice this season – so far – for “grabbing his crotch” after making touchdowns. Interesting.
The NFL is so hell-bent on harassing Marshawn, that in addition to fining him for not talking to the media in the manner expected of him, they’ve taken to harassing him for adjusting his cup in public.
Wait a minute, Irene. What he did was obscene. He touched his crotchal area and moved it up and down.
As a child, do you remember being admonished to “play nice together” with your siblings or friends? Or perhaps you’re a grandparent who has encouraged your grandchildren to behave better with others by using that same phrase. I like it, and I think playing nice together needs to be a part of our daily life strategy. Read the rest of this entry »
This 2nd part in Ann Hedreen’s series about being an Alzheimer’s research subject will both make you cringe – ugh, lumbar puncture – and will make you proud to know that someone such as Ms. Hedreen exists in this oftentimes self-centered world in which we live. As someone whose father died from Alzheimer’s complications, I am most appreciative of her efforts. Although monetary donations are greatly needed, for me I find it far easier to open my wallet than to offer my spine for research. Not only did Ann offer her spine, she did it more than once.
Although being a control subject in Alzheimer’s research studies involves plenty of memory tests, there are neurological tests too. I was tickled with feathers, tapped on the elbows and knees, peered at with a penlight in my eyes. And there were psychological questions: On a scale of one to ten, do you usually feel life is worth living?
I was weighed and measured. I gave blood. I peed in a cup. My family tree was drawn, with special attention to anything that might be relevant: Grandma Cere’s Parkinson’s disease; Great Aunt Eine’s Alzheimer’s disease, which started in her seventies. I was approved for a lumbar puncture, more commonly known as a spinal tap, and a week later, I came back and curled up in a ball while two tablespoons of fluid were extracted from my spine with a long quivery needle: two…
Some of us feel our lives should be characterized by humility rather than pride. Sounds admirable but can lead to self-deprecation and result in drawing more attention to ourselves than not. One of the ways in which we practice this brand of humility is by being critical of ourselves when we don’t measure up to our great expectations. “…(I)f we set our standards too high we never feel that what we do is good enough.” What an unfair bar we set for ourselves. Read the rest of this entry »
As a professional photographer, Judy takes a lot of pride in her pictures. She brings her portfolio with her wherever she goes to show her work and to drum up more business.
On one occasion, Judy was a dinner guest at the house of one of her husband’s co-workers.
“Wow,” said her host that evening, “these are really nice pictures, you must have a great camera.”
Fuming mad at the implication that her whole talent came from her camera, Judy waited until the end of the meal and then thanked her host.
“Thank you, Sandra, for a delicious meal, you must have great pots.”
My husband and I purchase our wine at grocery stores where we can earn Fuel Points. We also purchase our wine 6 bottles at a time so we can get a 10% discount on our wine.
Today I purchased gas at a local Shell station and received a 60 cents per gallon discount for a $1.99 per gallon price. That’s the first time I’ve purchased gas under $2.00 in quite some time. (The going rate locally is between $2.59 and $2.79.)
It’s great finding a way in which to save money that is both pleasurable and profitable.
I’ve used Craigslist once. I announced a garage sale from which all proceeds would be donated to the Alzheimer’s Association. I felt safe advertising the sale because a) it was only scheduled for six hours on a Saturday; and b) several friends and supporters were on site throughout the entire sale so I wasn’t alone. (And of course all items were outside and there was no access to the inside of our house.) The garage sale was a huge success but I haven’t used Craigslist since.
I’m sure many of you have either listed something for sale or purchased an item that was for sale on Craigslist and were very pleased: the money exchanged hands and both parties benefited from the online service.
That was not the case for an acquaintance of mine who was recently set up for a scam but was smart enough to realize that if it looks like a rat and smells like a rat, it’s probably a rat. (Bad analogy, but you get my point.) Read the rest of this entry »
In this particular instance, the thought of being a human guinea pig feels very, very comforting. Being able to help find a cure for Alzheimer’s that goes beyond monetary contributions sets up a legacy for many as a result of Ms. Hedreen’s extraordinary efforts. Ann Hedreen’s book is available on Amazon and at most retailers.
Here are two of the many things that scare me: having to change a tire all by myself (because I’ve never done it) and camping in bear country (because I have). Here are two of the few things that don’t scare me: taking pop quizzes and getting poked with needles. These slim categories of fearlessness make me a natural volunteer for Alzheimer’s research.
My mother grew up in Montana and nothing much scared her. She not only changed tires, she put chains on tires by herself, tying them together with shoelaces if they didn’t fit right, lying under the car in a snow storm. As for camping, after a twenty-year hiatus, she decided to try it again—solo, with four children in tow. We didn’t see any bears. The worst thing that happened was that we forgot spoons for our cereal. The best thing was being with Mom…
An elderly man and his wife decided to separate. Before being allowed to do so legally, the family court insisted they undergo some marriage counseling to see if their union could be saved.
The therapist did her best but to no avail. The old folks were absolutely determined to go through with the separation leading to a divorce.
Finally, in desperation, the therapist said to the husband, “But you’re ninety-five and your wife is ninety-three. You’ve been married for seventy-two years! Why do you want to separate now?”
To which the wife replied, “We haven’t been able to stand each other for the last forty-six years. We thought we should wait until all the children died before we split up.”
Alzheimers Research Funding Lags Other Diseases- Dementia – AARP. The January/February 2015 AARP Bulletin focuses on the prevalence of Alzheimer’s disease in America. The cover contains photos of fifteen celebrities who died from the disease. Some of those spotlighted may surprise you because their cause of death was not broadcast to the media.
What a shame.
It’s a shame that the stigma attached to the disease still manages to relegate Alzheimer’s to the closet. Cancer used to be that closeted disease – so much so that many years ago people shied away from even mentioning the word, preferring to call it “The Big C.” Before Alzheimer’s disease, cancer was the whispered disease but now the populous embraces each and every body part afflicted, even those considered of a private nature: breast, ovary, prostate, rectum. Read the rest of this entry »
Where has freedom of the press, and freedom of speech gone?
Must we concern ourselves with offending every element of society – friendly or adverse – with the words we choose to express ourselves? to express our views? Whether political or religious views; whether mundane topics such as fashion or dining; are we supposed to produce euphemistic journalism so as to avoid ruffling the feathers of another person’s beliefs or opinions?
I’m starting the first Monday of the New Year with some clean, adult humor:
“Doctor, I’m losing my sex urge,” complained Ruth at her annual checkup.
“Mrs. Hampton, that’s understandable at eighty-four,” said the doctor, “but tell me, when did you first start noticing this?”
“Last night,” she answered, “and then again this morning.”
“Aha,” said the doctor. “Your problem isn’t a diminished sex drive, it’s that you’re not getting enough sex. You should be having relations at least fifteen times a month.”
Thanking him and heading home, the old woman couldn’t wait to report the doctor’s prescription to her husband. “Guess what, Honey? The doctor says I need it fifteen times a month!”
Her husband put down his newspaper and replied, “That’s just great, Sweetie. Put me down for five.”
The attached article from the Kindness Blog immediately caught my attention. Please take the time to click on the above link to discover nine easy ways to help an elder in your community. Whether that person is a family member, or a perfect stranger, the basic truth remains the same. As an advocate for the elderly I can’t help but encourage all of us to practice respect for those older than ourselves. Read the rest of this entry »
If you’re like me, you’re wondering how another year has slipped by so quickly. I’m sure there were a few of the 52 weeks that seemed to slog by, but all in all we can now look back and marvel at what we accomplished, or what others accomplished in our stead, during the past 365 days.
An accomplishment with which I’m happy is having authored this blog for the past three and a half years. I’ve provided this blog for you, but I’ve also provided it for me because I truly enjoy having the opportunity to share my experiences and my viewpoints; I hope in the process that I have encouraged, helped, and entertained you. From the start of Baby Boomers and More in 2011 to the end of 2014, I posted 520 articles. I’d be a very happy blogger if the quality of those articles surpassed the quantity because if I’m just talking into thin air without benefit to others, its hardly worth the space my blog occupies.
Here are links to the five most visited articles in the year 2014 based on WordPress statistics: Read the rest of this entry »
Living: the ultimate team sport 