The Longest Day. The attached article by Author, Ann Hedreen, can be found linked above, and you can find additional well-written articles on her blog The Restless Nest. Reader alert: Ms. Hedreen’s book, Her Beautiful Brain, will be released September of this year.
What was your longest day like?
Was it long, because it was fun-filled and absolutely fabulous, or was it long because the day was crammed with the most difficult and stressful experiences of your life?
Caregivers: you are heroes to all who understand the job that you’ve taken on as carers for your loved ones. You live the 36-hour day with all of its burdens and insurmountable challenges, while across the United States there’s much discussion – even controversy – over raising the minimum wage. In contrast, there you are earning no wage but working harder than you’ve ever worked before.
Loved ones with Alzheimer’s or other dementia: your disease-controlled days might seem to have no beginning or end; you go about your day trying to fulfill its challenges while perhaps being at the stage in your disease where you are still able to feel the frustrations of not grasping the how-to of tasks that prior to your diagnosis required no complex thought processes on your part.
Those who have yet to be intimately involved in the above-mentioned roles: look around you – you won’t have to look far – and then on this year’s longest day, Saturday, June 21st, do what you can to help the co-worker or neighbor who desperately needs your help but doesn’t know how to ask for it, or is too ashamed to admit that they can’t do it all.
When you offer help, please don’t leave it open-ended. Instead of saying to your neighbor, “Hi yah, Joe. Be sure to call me if you need anything,” be more specific so it’s easier for Joe to accept your offer, “Joe, when I get out my lawnmower this weekend, I’d love to swing by your place and take care of your lawn so you won’t have to.” Or how about, “Yah know, we’re always making more food than we can eat at our house so we just freeze the leftovers for another time. Can I come by later this week and give you a week’s worth of meals so you don’t have to concern yourself with what to fix for dinner?”
And then keep it up because your neighbor or co-worker’s life isn’t going to get any easier. Keep offering tangible ways in which to provide assistance and you’ll go a long way towards making the longest day – which is every day in the life of a caregiver – a bit easier to tackle.
Alternate title: Grandchildren are cooler than you think!
I believe grandparents and their grandchildren have quite a bit in common. Just because many years have passed since a grandparent or great-grandparent was born doesn’t mean that there aren’t any similarities between then and now. Here’s an example of what I mean, a quote that appeared in the Atlantic Journal:
The world is too big for us. Too much is going on. Too many crimes. Too much violence and excitement. Try as you will, you get behind in the race in spite of yourself. It’s a constant strain to keep peace – and still, you lose ground.
Science empties its discoveries on you so fast that you stagger beneath them in hopeless bewilderment. The political world now changes so rapidly, you’re out of breath trying to keep pace with who’s in and who’s out. Everything is high pressure. Human nature can’t endure much more.
An amazing sentiment that appears to reflect what’s going on right this very minute in the world in which we live. It was published on June 16, 1833, almost 181 years ago. The pervading feelings of the time are almost indistinguishable from what is in the minds of people today. Isn’t that amazing?
Let’s look at a few common items that have changed over the years. These items were used at one time but have vanished in the past several decades – or have they?
Image by Lawrence Manning/Corbis
Telephone answering machines – earlier answering machines used cassette tapes, with later versions performing the same function, albeit digitally. Answering machines still exist in the form of modern voice mail retrieved from home phones and/or cell phones.
Telephone directories/books – very few households rely on a 500-page phone book because they can now look up names and businesses on their computer or Smartphone. But phone books still exist – they’re just “housed” differently.
Printed encyclopedias – the final print edition for the Encyclopedia Britannica – a 32-volume set of books – was released in 2010. How did I find out that information? In one of today’s on-line encyclopedias of course: Wikipedia.
Floppy discs & drives – many children under the age of fifteen have never seen this storage device. You’d be hard-pressed to find any newly-released desktop or laptop computers with this type of storage capability. But storage devices still exist in the form of a thumb/flash drive or the “Cloud.”
Rolodex – some of us remember, or still have, a box or carousel version of a Rolodex. But we still own something that holds all our Contacts: our address books contained in our e-mail program and in our cell phone contact list.
Photographic film – I saved a roll of unused Kodak film. Since this product is no longer made, it may be worth something some day! Photos are still being taken, but instead of being developed and placed in a multi-paged album, most of the time these photos remain in our camera or phones, or they end up on social media sharing websites – the new type of photo album.
What I’m attempting to point out is that in many respects, grandparents and their grandchildren are performing the same functions as their younger & older age group, but the manner in which they do so is very different.
Grandparents and grandchildren are different – but the same. Establishing a common ground – and minimizing the differences between the two groups – can open the door to increased understanding and communication amongst the generations.
Regardless of the industry you represent your goal must always be to deliver the best customer experience.
I have read and viewed many advertisements in which a company assures a future customer that their goal is to deliver the best customer service to each and every customer they serve. This is a very commendable goal in my eyes – a goal that must be reached by every provider of products and/or services. Whether I am a passenger on a multi-level cruise ship or a seaport’s rickety party boat;
Photo credit: Rob Owen-Wahl
whether I dine at a casual eatery or a popular Michelin 3-star restaurant; whether I am a guest at a Residence Inn or a resident at a senior citizen housing community, you must provide me with the best customer experience you can muster.
A couple months ago, I commented on a LinkedIn article that discussed one particular goal that should be considered by long-term care (LTC) providers, e.g., senior housing, assisted living, and memory care owners and operators. The particular goal stated in that article was to fill the buildings, attain high census, or as some industry leaders describe as putting “heads in the beds.”
My comment to this article centered on my work as a long-term care ombudsman (advocate for residents living in long-term care facilities). I explained that when a new General Manager was hired for any of the facilities to which I was assigned, I made a point of meeting her or him to explain my role as a resident advocate and to get to know a bit about this new person who was now in charge of 50 to 100 or more residents.
I asked one particular newbie what he felt was the greatest challenge as the new General Manager for this particular independent/assisted living community. “Fill up the apartments.” I suggested that a more appropriate goal might be to retain the residents he already has. I explained that retaining residents most likely means that he and his staff are doing the right thing in delivering the best care and customer service experience to each of his residents.
Retaining the residents he already has equates to fewer additional apartments to fill;
Retaining the residents he already has means satisfied residents who say great things about the building thereby attracting additional friends/acquaintances as future residents;
Family members of happy residents in LTC means happy adult children who will also spread the good news to others;
It stands to reason, therefore, that satisfied current residents are the best tool a manager can maintain in his marketing tool chest.
Dining room at my dad’s memory care facility.
I have retired from working in long-term care housing and from my advocacy work as a certified LTC ombudsman. I know first hand the pressure that employees experience each and every month to report the right numbers to the corporate office. The suits want the bottom line, baby, and if you can’t deliver the numbers they want and need, you’re outta there! (Just like all the losing pitchers the Seattle Mariners have gone through in the past ten years or so.)
I’m not saying that the Suits are only concerned about profit, but I will say that perhaps their focus needs to center more on the delivery of exceptional care for those who are entrusting the Suits with the lives of mom, dad, spouse/significant other, or sibling. Those family members want to be able to sleep at night knowing that their loved one is receiving the best care possible, the most nutritious meals known to man, and that their loved one is living in a safe environment staffed by employees who care.
All you have to to is deliver the best customer experience. Do that and the bottom line will take care of itself.
How readily do you bounce back when you’ve been cut off at the knees? when you’ve experienced a long streak of bad luck? when your hopes and dreams are just that: hopes, and dreams?
I am inspired to write this brief piece today because of an extraordinary act of resilience that I witness about this time each year.
Eleven years ago my daughter opened up a bridal party business that was very successful. She started the business in August 2003 and the Grand Opening of the store occurred in March of that same year. One of her vendors, a custom jewelry designer, sent her a live plant in celebration of her store’s opening. The sweet smelling floral plant was appropriately named, Bridal Veil (stephanotis floribunda).
I had the privilege of working at my daughter’s boutique from its inception, and then off and on when she needed extra help with the bridal parties. Approximately two weeks after her store’s opening, the Bridal Veil plant had come to its seasonal end so I took it home and planted it in my backyard, just underneath my kitchen window, cutting the greenery down to the dirt. And every year about this time, the Bridal Veil shoots break through the ground and seem to announce, “Spring is back and so am I.”
I am certain that you know people who have exhibited far more heroic and miraculous resilience than this silly plant’s arrival each year – so have I – but I still can’t help but be impressed and pleased, each and every year that it does. It has survived 100 degree (Fahrenheit) temperatures and 10 degree temps, not to mention a blanket of snow that manages to cover it when the snow starts falling around Washington State.
But each year, it comes back, and each year, I’m still surprised and as pleased as Punch! Definition: feeling great delight or pride.
Many of us would give up at the first degree of scorching heat and we certainly might throw in the towel when the snowflakes start to fly. I don’t want to be less resilient than the stephanotis floribunda.
Lately I’ve read various blog posts mentioning that employees of long-term care (LTC) facilities are routinely disregarding the rights of their residents. What’s that you say? You didn’t know that when these older folks walked through the doors of a facility, thus giving up their cherished long-term independence, they actually gained rights that they never had before? Here’s some information that will benefit you and your loved ones. I’ll explain by way of providing a few examples:
Charlie moves his mother into a facility and the head of Health and Wellness strongly suggests that he not visit her for awhile so she can adjust to living in a different environment.
WRONG! If mom wants her son to visit her, Charlie should ignore the “advice” of the H&W employee and visit mom as often, and as long, as he and his mom wishes. Logic: What do you think benefits mom most? The calming presence of her son who has been the only constant in her life, or the absence of any person or thing that would lessen the feeling of abandonment in a strange environment?
June, who is confined to a wheelchair, is forced to go to an activity by facility staff. Apparently June’s family has asked staff members to make sure that June gets out of her room and socializes with other residents. On this particular day June would rather stay in her apartment and watch game shows on television.
Who wins this argument? June should because it’s her life, and neither staff, nor family, can force her to do anything. Logic: Doesn’t someone who’s lived at least 7 or 8 decades have the right to make decisions that are important to her? Yes – and that right is protected by law. Legal implications: June is reliant on others to transport her to and from places, therefore when she’s taken to the activity room against her wishes, the law considers that action as physical restraint because she is “stuck” in the activity room and in her chair, and not able to physically move herself elsewhere on her own steam. Additionally, the facility is guilty of coercion – forcing June to do something she doesn’t want to do.
George joins his buddies in the dining room for lunch and orders a chili dog and a Bud Lite. When the meals for him and his buddies are served, George’s chili dog has been pureed and his beer has been substituted with a glass of iced tea.
Dilemma: The server tells George that his doctor ordered a pureed diet because George almost choked on a roll at a nearby restaurant and he risks aspirating on his food. The server then tells George, and anyone within hearing distance, that his doctor also said George should not drink alcohol because of his diabetes.
Rights infractions: The server talked about a medical condition in front of his buddies by mentioning two medical conditions: George’s choking hazard and his diabetes. That’s a violation of his privacy rights. George is aware of the choking incident – and he is also aware that alcohol may not be such a good idea because of his diabetes – but he is making an informed decision to eat and drink what he wants, knowing all the risks involved. Solution: Oftentimes facilities are worried about liability in these types of situations – very understandable. To resolve such a concern, all that is needed is to conduct a “care conference” in which the health & wellness director, George, and perhaps his doctor by phone, discuss the risks inherent with George’s decisions. They can easily discern that George has weighed the pros and cons and that although he acknowledges that doctor’s orders have been issued, George decides to disregard said orders. Care conference notes should indicate the gist of the discussion; perhaps everyone in attendance signs their name agreeing that what is written in the notes accurately reflects the points covered in the discussion, and then everyone should be happy and no lawyers need to be involved.
I strongly suggest that you contact the long-term care ombudsman in your state should you have any inkling that your loved one’s rights are being neglected. Visit the National Ombudsman Resource Center (NORC) and join with them to advocate for your loved one. Everyone deserves to be treated with dignity, and certainly all of you would agree that all people should have a satisfying quality of life regardless of ones’ age and residential environment.
Final thought: put yourself in your loved one’s position … what would you want done on your behalf?
Submitted by Boomer98053, a retired Certified Long-Term Care Ombudsman.
The Seattle Times newspaper has a Saturday column, Faith & Values, that spotlights a variety of religious denominations. One week there might be an article by a Catholic priest, another week, from a Rabbi, another, an Imam from the Islam faith. On Saturday, January 11th, the one who submitted her article is a minister with the Northwest Ministry Network (Assemblies of God), Jodi Detrick.
Ms. Detrick quotes several of the more well-known scriptures from the Bible that focus on hope, one of which is: “But hope that is seen is no hope at all. Who hopes for what they already have?” Romans 8:24
In my experience, I’ve found that there are many messages of hope out in the universe, and not all of them come from a spiritual text. Take Astronaut Mark Kelly’s response to Diane Sawyer on ABC’s 20/20 program a couple years ago. When talking about his wife Gabrielle Gifford’s chances for recovery from a gunshot wound to her brain, Diane Sawyer suggested that he was holding out too much hope for his wife’s successful recovery from the bullet’s onslaught. His response:
“You can’t have too much hope! That’s not practical!”
Isn’t that the truth? How limiting it would be to portion out a wee bit of hope, but not invest fully in that state of being. “In other words, it’s OK to be filled with anticipation for things that seem way out of sight and out of reach … Uncertainty is where hope does its best work,” says the columnist Jodi Detrick. Two years after the 20/20 interview, Gabrielle Giffords is doing “miraculously” better and she would argue that her day-to-day life is very complete, and very worthwhile. Thank goodness neither she, nor her husband, gave up hope!
“Hope outlasts disappointments. Not everything we hope for, happens, it’s true … Unrealized expectations can be an open door to new possibilities – options we hadn’t previously considered.” Jodi Detrick again. I agree with her statement because I’ve experienced those other possibilities. I’ve certainly couched my hopes and dreams to look a certain way, only to discover that the options I hadn’t previously considered managed to transform my hope into something better than I could have imagined.
Writing while on vacation a couple years ago.
Interestingly enough, the first hope that Jodi Detrick mentioned when she listed the types of dreams that hopeful people think about, was writing a book. I happen to be writing a book about the effects of Alzheimer’s on family caregivers and the ones for whom they are providing care – a project I started on December 29th, 2012. In the year since then, my novel has been through numerous edits – some of a substantive nature, and many that were grammar related. The mission for my book has always been to put a personal face on Alzheimer’s disease; to expand on the impressive, yet horrific, statistics on this fatal condition by making it more personal, and therefore more real.
One of my first “friendly editors” happens to have the same name as the protagonist in my book, Colleen. When Colleen read the very first draft of the very first 150 pages of my book, her first question was, “Who is your reader?” I insisted then, and I insisted for the past year, that my reader is the current or former caregiver, or the soon-to-be-caregiver who will find themselves amongst the millions of family members caring for a loved one with Alzheimer’s or other dementia. “But does the caregiver have time for the luxury of reading a novel? Or does the caregiver even want yet something else that reeks of the challenges they are currently facing?”
Crap. Of course not. But I kept on structuring the novel in my original – and stubborn – way. My second friendly editor was a coworker who was dying of cancer. Dennis wanted me to hurry up and finish my book so he could read it – “before it’s too late.” I gave him what I had. A week later I met with him and one of the constructive suggestions he gave me was, “You should be considering this novel as a textbook.” My response: “Dennis, I’m not writing a textbook. I’m not even writing non-fiction. I chose fiction as the genre because I don’t have any sophisticated initials that signify astute knowledge, such as: MD, PhD, MSW (Masters of Social Work), and the like.”
Dennis responded, “I do have a MSW and I think your novel should be required reading for medical professionals and others directly involved in Alzheimer’s care.” I continued writing, thinking that a textbook might be a secondary use for my novel, but it would primarily be a vehicle that provides hope and promise for those intimately involved on the Alzheimer’s disease journey. (Didn’t I tell you I can be a little stubborn?)
Fast forward ten months. I had lunch two weeks ago with a friend of mine, Gwen, and a woman who lives in the same apartment building as she. This woman, Liz, works for a company that provides a remarkable early-detection testing and monitoring system for those suspected of having mild cognitive impairment. I’m not here to promote the company, I’m merely providing the background of the person I met.
My friend, Gwen, brought up the fact that I was writing a novel about Alzheimer’s with a focus on the caregiver and patient journey. Immediately, Liz suggested that the founder of her company, who among other qualifications, has a PhD in Clinical Psychology, should read my manuscript. The Curriculum Vitae for each member of this company’s scientific advisory board contains more initials after their names than letters in the alphabet. These professionals know their stuff and most of it focuses on Alzheimer’s and other dementia.
I insisted that if the founder were to read my manuscript, Liz had to pave the way and do so without putting any pressure or sense of obligation on this very busy doctor. She met with him and that afternoon, Liz e-mailed me his contact information. Phew! Very long story, short, he is now in possession of the first 150 pages (the much revised version which I printed and overnighted to him) and he is taking it with him on vacation. What?!
Indeed, what? Also – what does this mean? Can I throw all caution to the wind and have even greater hopes that he and/or his advisory board will provide valuable input so that my manuscript carries more credible weight? Can I also wonder if my manuscript’s exposure to these professionals may segue into what my now deceased friend, Dennis, suggested it should be? Required reading? Whoa! The institutions of higher learning to which these professionals are attached, to name a few, are: Duke University Medical Center, University of Washington (Seattle) Medical Center and Memory Disorder Clinic, Stanford University School of Medicine, and UC San Diego School of Medicine.
I know what you’re thinking. “Aren’t you getting way ahead of yourself Irene? You could be setting yourself up for a huge disappointment.” My response to that is: Haven’t you heard? Hope outlasts disappointments.
More Alzheimer’s patients finding care far from home | Nation & World | The Seattle Times. This article looks at the direction in which Alzheimer’s care may be shifting. There are currently 44 million Alzheimer’s patients globally with 135 million projected by 2050. Even now, Western spouses and family members are faced with an insufficient supply of qualified nurses and facilities, while other countries provide cheaper – and to some minds, better – care for those suffering from an illness for which very few effective treatments have been developed, and that is always fatal.
(Photo credit: Wikipedia)
The treatment center that is the major focus of this Associated Press article is located in Thailand – the Baan Kamlangchay center. Additional elder care options in other countries are mentioned, such as the Philippines, Eastern Europe, Spain, Greece, and Ukraine. Cost is the driving force of those who are “exporting” (not my word) the elderly to these foreign countries. One gentleman from Switzerland brought his 65-year old wife to Baan Kamlangchay because the monthly cost for her Alzheimer’s care ($3,800) is a third of what he would pay in his own country and he states that the staffing ratios are far better, and the activities more engaging. In the Philippines, care is offered to Americans for $1,500 to $3,500 a month, compared to the average of $6,900 for a private room in a skilled nursing facility in the United States, according to the American Elder Care Research Organization.
Cost shouldn’t be the only consideration, however, when moving a loved one into Alzheimer’s or dementia care – and that applies to every country in which that care is available. What are the training requirements for those who will be providing this disease-specific care for your loved one? What type of governmental or social service oversight is in place to protect and advocate for the rights of those patients who can not advocate for themselves? The latter question becomes extremely relevant when the patients’ families are not around to observe care on an ongoing basis. In the previous paragraph I mentioned the man who brought his 65-year old wife from Switzerland to Thailand for care. He is now faced with the very difficult decision of perhaps leaving his wife of 41 years in the facility, and returning to Switzerland to carry on the rest of his life.
That’s a decision unbearable in its emotional implications.
What are your thoughts? Are you willing to become an expatriate should this medical need present itself in your life?
I’ve made a few edits to this article that I wrote in April of 2012. I’m re-blogging it because I know that the Holiday season may be joyful for the multitudes, but that is not always the case for everyone. I’m thinking of the reader who simply wishes this season would end and that a new year would begin…a new start that might herald in a smidgeon of much-needed peace. This one’s for you.
Do you find peace within the circle of your family; or does meditation or prayer, an inspirational book, or music fill your soul? Wherever the source – how do you keep that peace from slipping away?
Certainly when we’re exposed to sorrowful or earth-shattering news, any semblance of peace and calm seem to disappear, such as: acts of terrorism – both domestic and abroad; heartless school shootings; bigotry and hatred; and even devastating illness. How many times has your armor been pierced by such circumstances?
Too many to count. So how do we find peace amongst the chaos?
We can find peace in many small ways – probably the easiest way to do so is to acknowledge the beauty that surrounds us. It doesn’t matter whether you’re a creationist or an evolutionist, the beauty you see is the same. It’s always refreshing when I walk through my local plant nursery,
A recent NY Times article, On Dying After Your Time, poses many topics for discussion that must be addressed. I knew before I even started to read the article that readers will have varying opinions on the matter of extending life beyond its appointed time to die. These opinions will be based on ethics, biases, age of the reader, and religious beliefs, to be sure, but another factor that comes into play is the personal experience of each reader.
My father and my sister-in-law, both of whom have died from Alzheimer’s in the past five years.
If the reader has watched a loved one perilously balanced in limbo with a ravaged-by-disease body and/or mind, that reader might lean towards declaring that too much is being done to artificially prolong life. In the past five years of my life, I have watched both my father and my sister-in-law die from Alzheimer’s. Who they were at the end of their lives didn’t come close to resembling who they were pre-disease. If the reader has had no experience with this aspect of life and death, that reader may feel more comfortable with the decision to throw every treatment possible at the patient with the goal of allowing that person to live as long as humanly – or scientifically – possible.
One of the issues presented in the NY Times article is the fact that as we live longer, there is an increase in the amount of chronic illnesses – a fact that certainly stands to reason. “This rise in chronic illness should also give us pause about the idea, common to proponents of radical life extension, that we can slow aging in a way that leaves us in perfectly good health…The evolutionary theory of senescence [growing old; biological aging] can be stated as follows: while bodies are not designed to fail, neither are they designed for extended operation.”
The author of the NY Times article is an 83 year old man who closes out the piece by stating, “We are not, however, obliged to help the old become indefinitely older. Indeed, our duty may be just the reverse: to let death have its day.”
If you haven’t yet formed an opinion on the matter of life-extension at all costs – I encourage you to do so before it’s too late. Life and death decisions are best made well in advance of the necessity of such decisions.
You can’t open a newspaper these days without reading about budget cuts to Federal, State, and City services. Memos are flying around these offices demanding across the board reductions or else!
The State of Washington figured out a way to save more than one million dollars and its Department of Social and Health Services is the brainchild of this impressive savings coup: deprive those with developmental disabilities the required services mandated by law that help them to function better in society. The required services include physical and occupational therapy, personal-care training, speech therapy, guided behavioral norms, job skills, and recreation.
Two dozen developmentally disabled residents of Lakeland Village in Spokane, Washington – a state and federally funded long-term care facility – were denied these services for two years – most likely causing irreparable damage to these residents. Let’s see – two dozen residents for two years – how many times was the law broken as a result?
41,231 times
How did they pull it off? They moved a couple dozen residents from the intermediate-care facility of Lakeland Village into its nursing facility which is cheaper because that part of the facility does not have to provide the specialized services that the developmentally disabled residents need. The relocated men and women received excellent medical care – most of which wasn’t called for – but they were deprived of all the quality-of-life services they needed most. This violation of federal law means that the facility received federal funds in error – funds that were meant to cover legally mandated services at the facility.
When the investigation was launched and DSHS was told to provide documentation for the time period in question, there was little evidence that the specialized services had been provided. In response, DSHS stated, “We didn’t make good documentation, or indeed, we didn’t provide some of them (documents).” It is thought that the reason the paperwork wasn’t found, is that it doesn’t exist.
The State tried to cut its budget by $1 million by fraudulently withholding required care services. The investigation continues while it is estimated that the federal government will penalize the State of Washington/the Department of Social and Health Services in the amount of $16 million.
(Photo credit: Wikipedia)
But you and I already know that the biggest price has already been paid by the disposed of human beings.
I am very pleased to say that I am a subscriber of the only Seattle newspaper still in print – the Seattle Times. This newspaper writes and publishes varying opinions on local and global issues – even when one journalist disagrees with his or her fellow journalists or – dare I say – the Editors of the paper. A timely example of freedom of the press was displayed during the showdown between the aerospace machinists unions representing Puget Sound Boeing machinists (blue collar workers) and the higher-up Boeing management who replaced Seattle with Chicago as their ivory tower home base in the year 2001.
(Photo credit: Wikipedia)
Washington State Governor, Jay Inslee, asked for – and received – a special legislative session to present a bill that would award Boeing with delightful tax incentives to entice the company to continue the practice of building their airplanes in the greater Seattle area, a/k/a the Puget Sound region. This bill was passed but was contingent on the machinists agreeing to an extension of their current union contract period from 2016 to the year 2024. Additionally, the newly revised contract would not come close to resembling the current contract that both the machinists and the Boeing executives agreed upon when signed a few years back. If the union membership would vote “Yes” on this newly devised contract, Boeing would keep the 777X in Washington forever more. If the machinists voted “No” on the contract, Boeing leadership would approach other non-local Boeing sites – those not in Washington State. Now why would this Washington business want to give their work to another state’s economy? It’s all about the unions, baby.
Boeing leadership, and the major shareholders of Boeing stock, are sick and tired of machinists and engineers caring about – and fighting for – their rights regarding employee benefits. Shifting work to non-union locations means that the company doesn’t have to deal with the petty demands of their dedicated workers who are just trying to make a decent living now, while building a decent retirement for later. One of the major take-aways of the newly crafted contract is the cessation of the machinist’s pension plan, replacing it with a traditional 401(k) savings plan. Go ahead and say it – many people are thinking the same thing you are: “Shit! Companies all over the United States are ending employee pensions and cutting back. You SOB Boeing machinists should stop your whining and just be glad that you have a job!”
On November 11, 2013, the Seattle Times editorial staff printed their opinion of what the machinists should do: Vote Yes for the Boeing 777X. I encourage you to read the attached article because the Editors no doubt speak for a certain percentage of their readership who believed that the machinists should give up their current contract and take on a new contract – let’s call it Machinists’ ContractX. Danny Westneat’s “Squeeze play” opinion piece attached at the top of my article, speaks for a different percentage of the newspaper readership – many who work for Boeing – but also those non-Boeing people who understand that when employees are told to sacrifice and cut back on their benefits for the good of the company – everyone in the company should be a part of that sacrifice.
Let’s look at the facts and you can decide if the executives are sacrificing to the same extent as their employees. Boeing has been racking up profits with its stock exhibiting impressive numbers. When the markets closed on Monday, November 18th, the stock price was $138.36 per share. “If Boeing’s CEO, Jim McNerney, retires right now, he will get $265,575 a month. That’s not a misprint: The man presiding over a drive to slash retirement for his own workers, and for stiffs in the rest of America, stands to glide out on a company pension that pays a quarter-million dollars per month.” See Anguish many of us understand, by Danny Westneat dated 11/9/2013.
At play here are many emotions and opinions – both in the newsroom and in our living rooms. On the one hand, people are saying that the machinists ruined it for Washington State by not agreeing to replace their current contract in 2016 with the hastily revised one. This new contract came about as a result of the Governor and his legislators getting into bed with the Boeing executives and some of the machinist union leaders, to discuss in private what they felt was best for their employees. As a result, the squeeze was indeed put on the machinists and now they are being blamed for Boeing’s decision to look elsewhere for airplane production that would have provided guaranteed work for current – and future – Boeing employees in the Puget Sound region.
Let’s get back to the disgruntled people who say that Boeing employees should just be glad that they have a job. Boeing employees are highly skilled workers, and historically they have been paid salary and benefits commensurate to their skills – as is the case with Boeing engineers – many of whom have been with the company for decades. All the salary and benefit details were agreed upon by Boeing management and Boeing laborers at the beginning of their current contract – the contract for which the terms don’t expire until 2016. If the machinists voted “Yes” on the newly proposed contract, they would have eight years’ worth of financial takeaways for which they weren’t prepared at the 2016 contract end.
Based on what had been legally agreed upon, these employees had been managing their present lives and gearing up for their future lives, when all of a sudden they were presented with a different financial formula than the one promised in the contract upon which they based these financial plans. Then the rug was pulled out from under them and the people pulling the rug were those who will bank monthly pension amounts of approximately $300,000 at today’s rate. Where’s the sacrifice baby? What am I missing? Don’t forget, the aforementioned amount is just the pension amount – there are many other richly held benefits held by the executives. And even if $300k per month was all the compensation each executive were to receive in retirement, that’s $3,600,000 a year. Shouldn’t that leave some sacrificial wiggle room?
But the article I set out to write is about Freedom of the Press and the wonderful ability for one newspaper to express conflicting views while still being able to retain their jobs. Newspapers and other periodicals would do well to model the Times so that the reading public can read conflicting journalistic opinions in order to arrive at their own opinions on hotly contested subject matters…
A well-turned out man was driving his new BMW convertible. He had the top down, his right hand on the wheel, and his left arm hanging out the driver’s side window. With his IPod going full blast and singing at full voice himself, he didn’t notice that a rust bucket of a vehicle had pulled around to pass him and sideswiped the BMW in the process. The wealthy man pulled to a stop.
“My car!” he cried, “my beautiful car!”
When a policeman came by, the man told the officer about the accident. His car was a wreck, and it didn’t even have 50 miles on the odometer!
“You’ve got more to worry about than your car, sir” replied the officer. “You need an ambulance. Your arm is badly injured.”
The driver looked at his arm and cried, “My Rolex! My beautiful Rolex!”
Life as a Caregiver and Dealing With Stress Caring for Aging Parents – AARP. The attached article, written by Dr. Nancy Snyderman, chief medical editor for NBC News, shows us that even doctor-caregivers are not immune from the stress brought on by caregiving. A year after Nancy and her siblings moved their parents to live near her, Dr. Snyderman became “one of almost 44 million U.S. adults caring for an older friend or family member.”
My dad and I, five years before I became his caregiver; seven years before he died from Alzheimer’s.
Statistics show that caregivers tend to patients who are loved ones, an average of 20 hours each week – many times on top of part-time or full-time employment. Before long, Dr. Snyderman came to the realization that she had forgotten to check in on how she was doing. She gained weight, she slept only a few hours a night, and she experienced burnout – not unlike what many of us have felt as caregivers – or former caregivers – for family members.
In my article, Caregiver: put on your oxygen mask first, I address the importance of caring for yourself first, and the patient second. “No way,” you say, “my mom/dad/spouse come first; they need me!” You’re absolutely correct – they do need you, but if you get sick or disabled, you can’t be there for them. That’s why you need to place the oxygen mask on yourself first, and then on the person for whom you are providing care.
Most of us learn the hard way. We get burned out and emotionally or physically incapacitated, and then we start taking care of numero uno. Do yourself – and your loved one – a favor. If you’ve been ignoring the signs of stress that are enveloping you, stop being such a hero and start taking care of yourself. You will benefit from such care, and so will your loved one.
U.S. President Barack Obama meeting with Speaker of the House John Boehner during the debt ceiling crisis in 2011. (Official White House Photo by Pete Souza”) (Photo credit: Wikipedia)
So our elected officials – those who claim to represent us – seemed to have been playing games the entire length of the partial government shutdown while countless U.S. citizens were out of work and the economy lost $24 billion amid a cloud of uncertainty and unease. Here are a few quotes from late in the day, October 16, 2013:
Jay Carney, White House press secretary: “There are no winners here.” John Boehner, speaker of the House: “We fought the good fight. We just didn’t win.”
Those comments reminded me of a Joe South song. What follow are some snippets of the lyrics:
Oh the games people play now. Every night and every day now. Never meaning what they say now. Never saying what they mean…
And they wile away the hours in their ivory towers, till they’re covered up with flowers, in the back of a black limousine…
People walking up to you singing glory halleluiah, and they’re tryin to sock it to you, in the name of the Lord…
Look around tell me what you see. What’s happening to you and me. God grant me the serenity to remember who I am. Because you’ve given up your sanity, for your pride and your vanity. Turns you sad on humanity, and you don’t give a damn.
The biggest loss for Americans is their respect for their lawmakers. Senator Chuck Schumer of New York agrees, “It was not America’s finest moment.”
Within a half hour of the finalization of the U.S. government deal, I received a phone call from one of the political parties, asking for a monetary donation to assure that there will be better representation of that party in Congress during the next election cycle. I abruptly stopped the caller, “You’re asking me today of all days to give money to one of the U.S. political parties? I’m disgusted with both parties right now, so for you to ask for my money within minutes of the U.S. funding agreement being finalized, is extremely bad timing.” Then I hung up.
I’m ashamed of these knuckle heads for simply kicking the can down the road, instead of working together to come up with a lasting solution that will benefit their constituents – constituents who can not afford to play their silly games.
“Oh we make one another cry, break a heart then we say goodbye. Cross our hearts and we hope to die, that the other was to blame.” The Games People Play, by Joe South.
Ms. Froma Harrop’s Opinion piece, linked above, challenges all of us Baby Boomers to not surrender to the other groups coming up in the generational ranks.
Are you done at 61? Closing the door at 64? Barely alive at 75? Or are you skipping to my Lou at 82?
Come on everyone – don’t throw in the towel! As Ms. Harrop said in her Opinion piece, “there’s nothing noble about declaring oneself out of the game, whatever the game is.” I’m not saying that us Baby Boomers and older don’t have age-related changes – of course we do – but that doesn’t mean that nothing remains for us in the years ahead. In my recent blog article, A surprising fete by a Baby Boomer! I complained about a Florida reporter’s characterization of something that a 55-year old woman was able to accomplish – even at her advanced age. Click on the link to my article to get the full gist of my whining diatribe.
Circa 1960’s: my dad running a marathon in his late 50’s.
I am not advocating that you suddenly decide to beat 64-year old Diana Nyad’s swimming record, unless, of course you feel like doing so. I am advocating, however, that you explore what you’re able to do and capitalize on it. Start a new business, volunteer for organizations that you support, or just keep working at your current job as long as you still want to. Who’s stopping you? My former father-in-law turned 90-years old on September 18, 2013, and he still plays tennis and is still working at his commercial real estate development company. If Jimmy were to stop working, he’d probably collapse and die on the spot. Why? Because he enjoys being active and productive. So should you.
Don’t let the younger folks – anyone less than 50-years old – have all the fun! You can have fun too! I turned 60-years old this past May. I’ve always been an active person exercise-wise but most of that centered around taking lengthy neighborhood walks and gentle hikes. My exceptional and persistent daughter, Erin, decided I could do more. She purchased six sessions of Bar Method classes for each of us and presented it as my birthday/Mother’s Day gift. “It’ll be fun! Once you get there, I know you’ll love it.”
My daughter (the Bar Enforcer), me in the middle, and my sister Mary.
Very presumptuous on her part, but she was right! After six sessions, Erin dropped out (she has other mind-boggling exercises that she does) but I continued with the program. The biggest lesson that I learned through this process is that I can do more than I thought I could do. Bar Method is extremely difficult, but it’s not impossible. After the first six lessons, I was able to conclude that a) it didn’t kill me; b) it didn’t disable me; and c) I kicked ass! That’s right – I kicked ass. I am in a class of mostly 20-50 year olds, and I not only keep up, but sometimes I outlast the younger students. I go to class once a week and two to three additional times a week I exercise to the Bar Method DVDs at home – courtesy of my husband who installed a ballet bar in our exercise room. Thanks hubby!
If you lack confidence, go find some! If you’re hesitant to go it alone, find someone else with your same interests, and go for it together.
You are not done yet. To quote Ms. Harrop, “Every age group brings something to the party. And for every generation, the party’s not over until it’s over.”
I wrote the article below with an exhilaration that threatened to carry me into the air and cradle me on Cloud 9.
Donning silly glasses and cozying up to a bottle of bubbly that remains unopened.
Since that time, the children in Washington, D.C. have been battling it out on the playground, most not playing fairly, and all of them holding strong to an agenda that appears to be designed to promote their party, rather than their constituents.
I wondered aloud, “If thousands of national parks are closed, 100’s of thousands of employees are furloughed, and service members’ families are being robbed of benefits, what luck does the Alzheimer’s research money have of remaining designated for that cause?”
So I wrote an e-mail to the National Institutes of Health and asked them this very question. What follows is the automated response I received:
Due to the absence of either an FY 2014 appropriation or Continuing Resolution for the Department of Health and Human Services, no one is available to respond to your message. If you require immediate attention, please contact NIH Service desk at 301-496-HELP or via web http://itservicedesk.nih.gov/support.
Asked and answered.
September 25, 2013
NIH logo (Photo credit: Wikipedia)
In today’s news, the National Institutes of Health (NIH) announced that grants for research to discover therapies for Alzheimer’s disease have been awarded in the amount of $40 million from the Office of the NIH director, and $5 million from the National Institute on Aging.
In all the reading that I’ve done, I’ve discerned that the magic words when it comes to finding treatment and/or a cure, are “clinical trials.” The new funding of $45 million will advance the current research being initiated in the form of clinical trials, thereby offering hope to all of us who live long enough to be at risk for acquiring this disease.
That’s what happened to the woman who is the subject matter of the attached article by Danny Westneat of the Seattle Times newspaper.
1951: Marian Dahoney, a newly employed worker at an insurance company in downtown Seattle, opens her first and only bank account at the institution located within her company’s building. Name of the bank: Seattle First National Bank, later called Seafirst, a wholly owned subsidiary of Bank of America. These days, we all know the bank as megalithic Bank of America.
(Photo credit: Wikipedia)
2013: Now 85-years of age, with no steady income, other than her monthly social security check and a small retirement amount from her now-deceased husband’s employment at Rainier Brewing Company, Bank of America is penalizing her for not having very much money. The Advantage for Seniors account that she currently funds with her fixed income will be charged a maintenance fee of $25/month unless she keeps a balance of at least $5,000. Danny Westneat calls those fees hidden taxes on the poor.
Marian is of the generation that believes that customer loyalty and commitment means something. She could have jumped ship many years ago as other financial institutions provided incentives for new customers to walk the plank onto their boat, but she stayed with Bank of America for 62 years – feeling good about her commitment to one banking institution for her entire adult life.
Not anymore. Marian is being forced to pull her funds (she has less than $5,000 in the bank, otherwise she would not have received a letter notifying her that the bank would be charging her $25 per month in maintenance fees) and she is searching for a new banking institution that will show her some integrity by waiving minimum balance fees. Imagine the efforts required of this 85-year old woman to go through the process of abandoning ship. For you and I – it would be an inconvenience – for Marian, it’s a major effort.
Marian Dahoney thought that her 62-years of loyalty to Bank of America would have counted for something. Nope! It counts for nothing, because Bank of America is too busy nickle and dimeing those who are just trying to put a couple meals on the table each day in a house or apartment they hope not to lose, while paying monthly utility bills to maintain the house’s heat, electricity, and water.
Shame on you Bank of America – and any other financial institutions – for penalizing the poor for not having enough money to somehow keep your businesses afloat.
“Mr. Desonier, I think you can stop scheduling an annual colonoscopy from this point forward. You’ve been very diligent about this aspect of your health care for many years, but at your age, I think this procedure provides inconvenience and discomfort that you can do without.”
My dad was 84-years old when his gastroenterologist made that declaration. I never thought I’d say this, but that gastroenterologist is my hero. My father had one suspicious colonoscopy a decade or so earlier, and was advised to undergo that test every year to be certain that no cancer was present. If you’ve ever undergone this test – and you should have a baseline one after the age of 50 or earlier if you’re symptomatic – you’ll understand when I say that I’d rather have a root canal than have my colon flushed and probed every year. Here’s TMI for you: I’m 60 and had my first exam of that sort seven years ago and passed with flying colors. I’m on the ten-year plan so I have a couple years left before I hop on that table again. But I digress.
The above article will shock you to your senses as to how incentivized doctors are to keep prescribing outlandish medical procedures on their elderly patients. Most, but not all, such procedures benefit medical professionals and facilities and provide no benefit to the patients that undergo such procedures. Here’s a quote from the above article that is sickening in its implications:
(Photo credit: Wikipedia)
Medicare spends a quarter of its $551 billion annual budget on medical treatment in the last year of life. A third of Medicare patients undergo surgery or an intensive-care-unit stay in their final year (of life.)
The author’s 80-year old father had a “stroke-blasted” body and underwent the surgical procedure of having a pacemaker installed to correct a slow heartbeat that gave him no health problems. Medicare paid $12,500 for that procedure. Her father’s family doctor didn’t approve of the cardiologist’s decision to perform that surgery. Medicare would have only paid that doctor $54 for a medical consultation with the family to weigh the pros and cons of such a procedure.
What’s the lesson here? There needs to be a greater focus on slow medicine in the form of palliative care, rather than fast medicine that dictates quick consults and immediate – and oftentimes drastic – medical intervention that robs the elderly patient of living on his own terms, and dying when its the body’s time to do so.
Monica Guzman, Seattle Times writer and blogger, is going off the technical grid for a week – thus the article attached above wherein she analyzes our habits and impulses when it comes to us feeling the need to be instantaneously on top of matters. She’s not disconnecting from all technologies – she intends to watch television and might use a real camera – but she’s staying away from “the ones that know me.”
Ah, respite – what a delightful concept. Lots of us Baby Boomers equate respite to receiving some sort of relief from our caregiving tasks. For example, we might be taking care of a parent, sibling, partner, or spouse and we look for every opportunity for a reprieve from our caregiving chores – or at least weshould be. Please see my article Caregiver: put on your oxygen mask first.
Cordless Phone (Photo credit: Wikipedia)
Respite, however, also relates to resisting the compulsion to send someone a Happy Birthday greeting by sending an e-mail, or going to the honoree’s Facebook page, or sending a Tweet on the person’s Twitter feed – and instead, deciding to call that person for a conversation that lasts longer than it takes to type a 140 character greeting. OMG, MIK? (Oh my god, am I kidding?)
No – I’m serious. I could make it harder on you – and myself – by suggesting that we send a birthday card that would require us to purchase, write, post, and drop the card through the slot of a postal box. I think that would be a great idea, mind you, but that’s not what I’m proposing.
Rejoice in the fact that Facebook reminded you of that person’s birthday. (I know that you received sufficient notice not to miss that person’s birthday because truth be told – that’s how I remember many of my acquaintances’ birthdays each year.) But please resist the urge to send an instantaneous electronic greeting. Think of yourself – I know you can – and think of what it feels like to receive fun mail, such as a birthday card, or simply a “there’s no reason for this card” card. You liked that feeling – didn’t you? Now I want you to also think about how it feels when someone calls you to personally wish you happiness – just you and the person that called you. That’s a one-on-one attention connection.
Drop a note, make a call, but leave the 140 characters for some other important message, like:
I had a glazed doughnut and a cup of coffee for breakfast then washed my hair and can’t do a thing with it! Isn’t that just the worst thing ever?
Go ahead and count – there’s 140 characters there.
(This is a resubmission of the article I wrote yesterday. I changed the title.)
In his book Eleven Rings: The Soul of Success author and NBA former coach, Phil Jackson, emphasizes the need for players to have a team mentality instead of a me-mentality. He took on the challenging task of asking Michael Jordan to reduce the number of successful shots he made in a game. Keep in mind, Michael Jordan was averaging 32.5 points per game at that point, almost single handedly winning games. The coach wanted other members of the team to get more involved in the offense, resulting in a team win – not just a MJ win. Phil Jackson’s explanation to Michael: “You’ve got to share the spotlight with your teammates, because if you don’t, they won’t grow.”
Chicago Bulls Michael Jordan and Phil Jackson 1997 (Photo credit: Wikipedia)
At first Michael expressed his lack of confidence in some of his players and his hesitancy to let them have the ball. Phil Jackson responded, “The important thing is to let everybody touch the ball, so they won’t feel like spectators. It’s got to be a team effort.” It wasn’t an easy sell – to be sure – but Michael Jordan went with his coach’s plan. That seems to have worked for him.
Now switch to a different sport and a different player: Alex Rodriguez, or A-Rod as he is now called – unless you live in Seattle where their former Mariner shortstop is called “Pay-Rod” because of his greed when leaving the Mariners for the Texas Rangers.
David Brooks, syndicated columnist for the Seattle Times, wrote an exceptional opinion piece: A-Rod: the perils of self-preoccupation. This columnist knows how to clearly paint a personality picture – or should I say, personality disorder? “One of the mysteries around Rodriguez is why the most talented baseball player on the planet would risk his career to allegedly take performance-enhancing drugs?” A-Rod’s self-preoccupation prevented him from successfully managing his own talent. The columnist’s theory about those who are self-preoccupied is explained like this: “Locked in a cycle of insecurity and attempted self-validation, their talents are never enough, and they end up devouring what they have been given.”
Where does that leave the little league baseball player in his or her quest to mimic the bigger-than-life champions (pun-intended) such as Alex Rodriguez? Emulating A-Rod, or McGwire, or Sosa – or any other player who allegedly cheated to improve his stats – sends the truly talented youth down the wrong path.
Where does that leave you and me? Each time we take a chance, put ourselves out there and dare to make something of ourselves, we run the risk of failure. As A-Rod’s former NY Yankee manager, Joe Torre, once wrote, “There’s a certain free-fall you have to go through when you commit yourself without a guarantee that it’s always going to be good…Allow yourself to be embarrassed. Allow yourself to be vulnerable.”
As a “trying to become a novelist” novice, I’m definitely in a free-fall. There’s no guarantee that the seven months of writing my novel (so far) will be picked up by an agent or publisher. It’s highly likely that the 103,000 words I’ve written (so far) will be criticized so horrifically, that no publishing professional will want to be associated with me.
But I’m doing what I love; I’m doing what I know I’m supposed to be doing; so I’m in that free-fall and praying for a soft landing. I could try to cheat my way to publication – but copying someone else’s work (other than quoting and crediting them) and characterizing it as my own is a steroid that I’m not interested in taking.
I want to be proud of what I’ve accomplished – not ashamed – and I want others to benefit from the honest work that I do.
Here’s a peek into a story that was in the news lately in my neck of the woods. This story is from Oregon, not that far from us in Washington state:
Baby buys car while playing on parents’ cellphone is quirky enough to make it to this week’s blog news article. EBay is certainly a place where adults bid and pay for items they can’t do without, but this 14-month old little girl accelerated her EBay skills the other day.
Austin-Healey Sprite (Photo credit: Wikipedia)
Through some stroke of luck(?) this little tyke bid on a sports car, won the bidding war, and her parents then found out that they now owned the sports car. They explained the situation to the person auctioning off the sports car and were given a reprieve – but in the end, they decided to go ahead with the sale. Looks like this young lady has landed herself a sports car well in advance of her teenage years. She’ll be the envy of all her friends.
The attached article, written by a blogger in the UK, is straight-forward and thought provoking – it should be.
I live in Washington state, and I am glad that Death with Dignity is a legal option assuming all the legal requirements are met. This is a very personal subject matter, as is the choice that individuals will make to seize the opportunity, or to reject the opportunity. There is definitely a separate element of this option when the law is utilized for those with dementia. When is someone still capable of making the decision?
A non-profit in my state, Compassion & Choices of Washington, is an excellent resource for materials and information. They have even developed an Alzheimer’s Disease and Dementia Mental Health Directive – a first-of-its-kind directive that allows people – while still competent – to document their wishes related to who will provide their care, where care will be provided, how it will be financed, how to deal with difficult behaviors that may arise, and many other matters that both caregiver and patient face. Bless all of you who face this horrific disease that has no effective treatment, and certainly no cure.
Very little humor can be found in the world of finance – except, perhaps, for these anecdotes:
(Photo credit: Wikipedia)
A bank in New York City is now making it possible to buy and sell stock using their ATM machines. This is great – it gives muggers a chance to diversify their portfolios.
A woman visited the bank to close her account because she was convinced the institution was going under.
Asked by a startled manager why she thought so, she produced one of her checks, endorsed by the bank, “Insufficient Funds.”
An accountant answered an advertisement for a top job with a large firm. At the end of the interview, the chairman said, “One last question – what is three times seven?”
The accountant thought for a moment and replied, “Twenty-two.” Outside he checked himself on his calculator and concluded he had lost the job. But two weeks later he was offered the post.
He asked the chairman why he had been appointed when he had given the wrong answer.
Keep in mind that although he writes about our elderly parents (those over age eighty), the principles he puts forward apply equally to a spouse or partner, sibling, or good friend. If you are invested in a loved one’s well-being, please consider reading this book. Bear with me as I provide a lengthy quote that characterizes this physician’s concerns:
Families must come to appreciate that “medicalized” care is very different in nature and cost from the personal health support and hands-on caring so essential for your parent. In reality, our American medical system is best at managing acute crises and supplying excellent specialized elective procedures – joint replacements, organ transplants, eye improvements, cosmetic changes – all modern technological wonders.
As for the more ordinary and common management and support of elders and families dealing with chronic problems of aging and slow-moving diseases, our medical care system has not done so well. Some elderly patients are fruitlessly subjected to what some critics now call “death by intensive care … “
Now let’s put ourselves into the shoes of a vulnerable adult sitting in an examination room waiting for the almighty doctor to walk through the door. Answer this question for me: When was the last time you personally felt rushed during a doctor’s visit for yourself? (Mine occurred last week – but I digress.) Many of us think faster than the vulnerable adult, are able to keep track of what the doctor is saying, and have sufficient cognitive awareness to discern the doctor’s recommendations or treatment options. Dr. McCullough wonders how an elderly person could possibly be treated effectively during a fifteen-minute office appointment by a doctor who peers into a computer screen, barely acknowledging the presence of the patient. How can that physician possibly treat the complexities of an elder’s needs if he/she is not fully engaged in examining the patient? Most often, the elder patient will not volunteer information that is not in direct response to a doctor’s insightful inquiries. They are of a generation that does not question a medical professional – “after all, they have the medical degree, not me.” The elderly patient may exit the exam room having not even discussed his or her medical concerns – simply because the doctor didn’t give her an opportunity to do so.
Dr. McCullough emphasizes how important it is that each vulnerable patient have a “Circle of Concern” – a group of people that provides steady support and insight into the patient’s needs. That group may consist of immediate family members, friends, neighbors – anyone dedicated to providing an “active, extended advocacy partnership” that will not only attend to the patient’s technical needs, but also the emotional and human needs that are perhaps in need of greater attention.
My article, Caregiving: The Ultimate Team Sport, promotes a similar type of caring, using the analogy of a team’s various members, and their collective roles on the team. Each person has a skill that supports the other team members’ skills. The Circle of Concern serves this same purpose.
Perhaps we should all consider how we would like to be treated by others if/when we become dependent upon their contributions to our quality of life. Dr. McCullough offers this snippet of Tibetan wisdom: Make haste slowly.
Not all decisions are emergent ones. Isn’t a person’s quality of life worth stepping back so that appropriate, “guided” decisions can be made? Rushed judgment should not take the place of carefully considered care. As Dr. McCullough states, “Time to begin to ask for more time. Short of a crisis, don’t be rushed.”
In the United States we are fast-approaching the income tax filing deadline of April 15th. Here are a few jokes to get us through it – perhaps with a chuckle.
Somehow the IRS auditor knew it was my first audit. “How could you tell?” I asked.
“For this kind of examination, you don’t have to undress,” she explained.
You know what they’re doing with our taxes? They’re spending your money – hundreds of billions of dollars on defense. To defend us from the Russians, the North Koreans, the Libyans, the Iranians. When was the last time someone from any of those groups broke into your car? I’m not worried about Russians, I’m worried about Americans! You’re going to defend me, defend me from Americans! Get my butt back from Burger King alive!
What gets me is the estimated tax return. You have to guess how much money you’re going to make. You have to fill it out, sign it, send it in. I sent mine in last week. I didn’t sign it. If I have to guess how much money I’m gonna make, let them guess who sent it.
The income tax system has made more liars out of the American people than golf has.
You’ve got to admire the IRS. Any organization that makes that much money without advertising deserves respect.
I wouldn’t mind paying taxes if I knew they were going to a friendly country.
It’s not the critic who counts; it’s not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles; or where the doer of deeds could have done them better.
(Photo credit: Wikipedia)
The credit goes to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred with dust and sweat and blood, who strives valiantly and who errs and fails, and is sometimes victorious. But when he fails, at least he does so daring greatly.
The above is an abbreviated quote from Theodore Roosevelt’s speech, Citizenship in a Republic a/k/a The Man in the Arena, delivered at the Sorbonne in Paris, France, on April 23, 1910.
Brené Brown, PhD, paraphrased the above when appearing on Oprah Winfrey’s show, Super Soul Sunday. I admit – I’m addicted to the types of shows that challenge the way I think, and/or that validate the way I think. This particular show that aired on OWN March 17, 2013, floored me. I needed it because I’m in the arena right now while in the midst of writing my first novel.
What if I don’t get representation by an agent?
What if I secure an agent, but the agency can’t sell it to a publisher?
What if my novel gets published, but it gets panned by book critics everywhere?
I guess if that happens I will need to be glad that I had the confidence to try; to dare to think that I could get published in the very competitive world of writing. The following is what Brené Brown said to herself – and perhaps to others – after she was severely criticized after delivering a speech at a conference a few years ago:
If you’re not in the arena getting your butt kicked, I’m not interested in your feedback.
I like her spunk because with that statement she’s basically telling her critics to suck it if they don’t care for her work – because at least she put herself out there; she showed up; she tried. Ms. Brown says that there is no innovation and creativity without failure. We all must take the risk to fail when we’re doing something that we know without a shadow of a doubt we were meant to be doing.
How ridiculous of me to be so concerned about what might happen, when I’ve yet to even finish my manuscript. I believe in what I’m doing. I’m proud of my motivation/mission statement for writing my book. Oh my God – I’m writing a book! I don’t know if it will get published but that’s a concern for which I don’t have time right now. I am only half way through writing the manuscript so I guess I’ll just have to keep showing up at my computer and get the darn thing done!
What about you? What brings you to the arena in which you are now standing? Or what prevents you from entering the arena? In the very same second that you decide to enter the arena, it’s okay to be both brave and scared.
Maybe your arena is changing your career path; or getting into – or out of – a relationship. Perhaps your arena is standing up for what you believe in and daring to express those beliefs.
You can’t get to courage without walking through vulnerability. Don’t wallow in regrets – walk into the arena without fearing failure or success.
Lest you think that Alzheimer’s has nothing to do with you, look at the following statistics provided by the Alzheimer’s Association:
By the year 2050, nearly one million new cases will be diagnosed each year – that’s one American developing Alzheimer’s every 33 seconds. Taken further, that most likely equates to nearly one and a half million new family caregivers each year – considering that at least one family member will be involved in managing a loved one’s care;
Ten million Baby Boomers will get Alzheimer’s;
On average, 40% of a person’s years with Alzheimer’s are spent in the most severe stage of the disease;
The number of Americans that die each year from Alzheimer’s disease has risen 66% since the year 2000;
Alzheimer’s is the sixth-leading cause of death in the United States;
Today, there are no Alzheimer’s survivors – none.
Please take time to read the article I’ve attached above and consider the following: We are going to pay for Alzheimer’s one way or the other – now, or later.
This is a disease that will affect you, your children, your grandchildren, great-grandchildren, and beyond. Burying our heads in the sand won’t solve anything. Please consider donating to the Alzheimer’s Association as well as contacting your state’s congressional leaders asking for greater federal funding for Alzheimer’s research. Why? Because of this staggering statistic:
According to the National Institute of Health, the federal government currently spends much less money on Alzheimer’s research, prevention, and cure than on other conditions such as cancer, heart disease, and HIV.
In a recent NY Times post, Catherine Rampell writes about how the economy is affecting Baby Boomers; more specifically that it’s not just a matter of postponing retirement, it’s the need to hold down more than one job to meet the daily – and future – essentials of their lives. Ms. Rampell is quick to point out, however, “(I)n the current listless economy, every generation has a claim to have been most injured.” Certainly that seems to be the case as I have heard that Generation X and the Millennials have complained that Baby Boomers are to blame for the state of the economy – present and future.
Crowd gathering on Wall Street after the stock market crash of October 1929. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)
Of this I am certain – each generation before us, and every generation after us, will contribute positively and negatively to the world as we know it. I have to believe that every generation has pointed their fingers at generations other than theirs, and talked about the good, the bad, and the ugly that permeates their times. Let’s look at those generations as posted on CNN, American Generations Through the Years: (figures and personalities provided by the Pew Research Center and CNN)
G.I./Greatest Generation: Pre-1928; Kate Hepburn and George H. W. Bush
Silent Generation: 1925 – 1945; Martin Luther King, Jr. and Tina Turner
Baby Boomers: 1946 – 1964; Oprah Winfrey and Michael Jordan
Generation X: 1965-1980; Jay-Z and Tiger Woods
Millennials: Post 1980; Christina Aguilera and Mark Zuckerberg
We’re all struggling in some way, and we’ll continue to struggle as we mimic the overall consensus felt through all generations. There are carefree times, and then there are all the rest of our days, and we get through them, because we must. We’re better for it, but it doesn’t feel like that while we’re going through it. I have to look to Brendan Marrocco, a twenty-six year old Iraq war veteran who lost all his limbs because of a roadside bomb in 2009. In an Associated Press story, in the Seattle Times, Brendan said he could get by without his legs, but he didn’t like living without arms. “Not having arms takes so much away from you. Even your personality … You talk with your hands. You do everything with your hands, and when you don’t have that, you’re kind of lost for a while.”
The end of January 2013, six weeks after getting a double arm transplant, Brendan said the following at a coming-out press conference about how he’s made it thus far:
Just not to give up hope. You know, life always gets better, and you’re still alive. And be stubborn. There’s a lot of people who will say you can’t do something. Just be stubborn and do it anyway.
Sobering words, and ones that force us to reassess our current situations. I’m not trying to minimize what you might be going through, nor of what’s going on in my life. It’s just that I personally can’t help but focus on Brendan’s plight and then consciously turn my eyes away from my me-ness, and towards other-people-ness. Is Brendan worse off as a Millennial who lost so much but gained a huge dose of intestinal fortitude, defined as strength of character; perseverance? If it were me, I would be wallowing in a very deep pit of self-pity. That doesn’t seem to be Brendan’s current location.
The above link, from a December 2012 NBC News report, addresses the conversations that many of us – well, many of you anyway – still need to have with your parents. (My mother died in 1994, my father in 2007 – those conversations have long since taken place.) In many respects, my brother and sister and I were fortunate because in our family, the topic of sickness and death seemed no different from discussing that night’s dinner menu – perhaps even easier. That’s just how it was in our household growing up. But I’m aware that universally, that is not the case.
GIFTS. Who doesn’t like receiving gifts? Most of us get a kick out of being handed a package with a fully wrapped surprise within and told to “open it!” “What, for me?” Yes – for you. Perhaps the gift is something we didn’t expect, or we’ve sufficiently hinted our exact wishes and finally someone gifted us with that long sought after item. Fun, isn’t it? Someone cared enough to gift you with something you’ve always wanted or you receive something that you didn’t know you wanted, but it turns out, you do!!!
THE GIFT THAT KEEPS ON GIVING. A few years ago, I succeeded in convincing my wonderful hubby that we needed to put together our “last wishes” which of course includes a Will, but more importantly, an Advanced Health Care Directive. My husband is one of those who isn’t exactly comfortable sitting around the dinner table – or any table for that matter – talking about death. I get that – I really do. So I couched this discussion by talking about what a gift my parents, and his parents, gave their families by specifically outlining what to do when it came time to do something.
When your loved one is heading towards the great beyond, it’s comforting to already have his or her wishes on paper and ready to execute – no pun intended. I’ll use my father as an example. My father died at the age of 89 on October 13, 2007. Official cause of death was prostate cancer but advanced Alzheimer’s was a huge factor in his death. There is no way my father would have a) survived cancer surgery; and b) even wanted cancer surgery at that stage of his dying. His Advanced Health Care Directive very clearly stated his wishes and us three siblings had copies of that document and respectfully went along with his wishes. Dad saved us the stress of making an extremely difficult guesstimate of what he would have wanted in the midst of that situation. His dying was already an emotional experience so I can’t imagine having some sort of discussion about when to stop treating his illnesses.
The legal document, drafted years earlier, was drafted for this specific time. Even if dad had been conscious – and he was not – his dementia would have prevented him from making a well-informed decision. If ever there was a time when dad’s gift was ready to be presented – this was it. That gift allowed us to spend our last hours with him simply loving him; singing to him; and telling him how grateful we were to have him as our dad. Beautiful.
You don’t have to wait until you are 50 years or older to put your wishes in print. Old people aren’t the only ones dying who require some sort of affirmative decision-making. Someone in their thirties could be in a horrific vehicle accident and end up lingering on the precipice of death. A forty-year old person could have a stroke and be on that same precipice. It’s never too early to do something about your exit from this world as we know it. You can always change your mind later – you decide that you do, or do not, want hydration, so you revise the document. That’s the beauty of word processing – it’s changeable, and once you get that revised version documented by witnesses, you’re good to go! Literally.
If you choose to use an attorney, you can go through the local Bar Association for referrals or you can attempt the same outcome by doing it yourself. Many office supply stores have boiler plate legal documents you can readily purchase – but be certain to purchase the forms that contain the required legal verbiage for your state or territory. Additionally, organizations such as Compassion and Choices provides forms that you can download from their website, even a form that has a Dementia Provision. Who woulda thunk? Not me.
The Holidays may be over, but the season of gift-giving is not. Won’t you consider giving your loved ones one more gift this year?
During this highly contentious and rude political season, it’s really difficult to discern fact from fiction. Oftentimes we get caught up in the rhetoric spoken by Talking Heads and dismiss what we’re hearing based on which Talking Head is doing the talking.
For the most part, I’ve trusted what the AARP has put out regarding issues and candidates over the years so I felt fairly confident in posting this article.
If you want clarification about the following myths, please take the time to read the above link.
Myth 1: The new law cuts Medicare drastically, so I won’t be able to get quality health care;
Myth 2: I’ve heard that Medicare Advantage plans will be cut or taken away;
Myth 3: I’ll have to wait longer to see my doctor – or I won’t be able to see my doctor at all;
Myth 4: If I have Medicare, I will need to get more or different insurance;
Myth 5: The new law “raids Medicare of $716 billion”;
Myth 6: The law is going to bankrupt America;
Myth 7: The new law will drive up premiums astronomically;
Myth 8: If I can’t afford to buy health insurance, I’ll be taxed – or worse;
Myth 9: I’m a small-business owner and I’ll pay big fines if I don’t provide health insurance to my employees;
Myth 10: The Affordable Care Act (ACA) basically turns our health care system into universal health care. So now some government bureaucrat will decide how and when I get treated;
Myth 11: If my state doesn’t set up an insurance exchange, I can’t get health coverage.
What was your longest day like?
When you offer help, please don’t leave it open-ended. Instead of saying to your neighbor, “Hi yah, Joe. Be sure to call me if you need anything,” be more specific so it’s easier for Joe to accept your offer, “Joe, when I get out my lawnmower this weekend, I’d love to swing by your place and take care of your lawn so you won’t have to.” Or how about, “Yah know, we’re always making more food than we can eat at our house so we just freeze the leftovers for another time. Can I come by later this week and give you a week’s worth of meals so you don’t have to concern yourself with what to fix for dinner?”
Printed encyclopedias – the final print edition for the Encyclopedia Britannica – a 32-volume set of books – was released in 2010. How did I find out that information? In one of today’s on-line encyclopedias of course: Wikipedia.
Floppy discs & drives – many children under the age of fifteen have never seen this storage device. You’d be hard-pressed to find any newly-released desktop or laptop computers with this type of storage capability. But storage devices still exist in the form of a thumb/flash drive or the “Cloud.”
Photographic film – I saved a roll of unused Kodak film. Since this product is no longer made, it may be worth something some day! Photos are still being taken, but instead of being developed and placed in a multi-paged album, most of the time these photos remain in our camera or phones, or they end up on social media sharing websites – the new type of photo album.
I have read and viewed many advertisements in which a company assures a future customer that their goal is to deliver the best customer service to each and every customer they serve. This is a very commendable goal in my eyes – a goal that must be reached by every provider of products and/or services. Whether I am a passenger on a multi-level cruise ship or a seaport’s rickety party boat;
My comment to this article centered on my work as a long-term care ombudsman (advocate for residents living in long-term care facilities). I explained that when a new General Manager was hired for any of the facilities to which I was assigned, I made a point of meeting her or him to explain my role as a resident advocate and to get to know a bit about this new person who was now in charge of 50 to 100 or more residents.
And every year about this time, the Bridal Veil shoots break through the ground and seem to announce, “Spring is back and so am I.”
Dilemma: The server tells George that his doctor ordered a pureed diet because George almost choked on a roll at a nearby restaurant and he risks aspirating on his food. The server then tells George, and anyone within hearing distance, that his doctor also said George should not drink alcohol because of his diabetes.
Living: the ultimate team sport 