Caregiver: put on your oxygen mask first.

Posted on Updated on

passenger-362169_640The airline flight attendant gives pre-flight safety instructions:

“In case of a loss of airplane pressure, oxygen masks will drop from the overhead compartments.  Put mask on yourself first before assisting children or those not able to help themselves.”

Why?  Unless the able-bodied person is fed oxygen, he won’t be able to help any one else.

Whether you are actively providing care to your loved one or you are the point-person managing that care, you are stretched thin.

Your reserves are low.

Your tank is nearing empty.

You’re on the path to caregiver burnout – or you’ve already arrived.

You love to think that you can do it all:

  • have a full-time job, and a full-time family;
  • have numerous duties in your own household that obliterate any “idle” time during your day;
  • you’re on the community board or other volunteer activity; and, oh yah
  • you’re responsible for your aging parent’s, or spouse’s, day-to-day maintenance.

Not only are you burning the midnight oil; you’re burning the candle at both ends and about to self-destruct.

“But I have to do this.  I have a lot of people counting on me to take care of dad.  If I don’t do it, who will?  I won’t be a dutiful son/daughter, if I walk away from all my responsibilities!”

Oftentimes what happens in these situations is a person ends up being of no good to anyone.

  • You’re taking more and more time off from work either due to your own illnesses or to attend to the needs of others;
  • Your spouse and children are suffering from the constant stress that your over-extension of commitments places on the household;
  • The project for which you volunteered at the PTA or Boy Scouts, or FILL IN THE BLANK, is dead in the water because you don’t have the time or energy to devote to the cause; but
  • Your loved one for which you provide care is doing just fine because he/she is receiving all of your attention.

Keep this up and you’ll be no good to anyone because a vehicle doesn’t run on an empty tank and neither can you.  It’s time for you to attend your own “care conference” to come up with a realistic plan of how to direct your own health and well-being.

The “To Do” List vs the “Don’t Do” List:

You weren’t put on this earth to help everyone and despite your well-meaning belief that you can do it all – you can’t, and you’ll never be able to do so.

  • Write a list of everything you currently feel obligated to do each week.  Now cross out a third of that obligation list.  Do what you can to delegate duties and/or designate other willing people to carry a third of your burden.  You should already start feeling better.
  • Now eliminate – or temporarily withdraw from – another third of your obligations. You won’t offend others by doing so if they know you well enough to understand your reasons for stepping back a bit.  I’m certain they know that they will be able to count on you later when your life situation isn’t so acute.  You’re not dropping out, you’re just putting yourself on pause.
  • Reconnect with the family in your household. Don’t risk losing your family.  You need them on your team and they need you.  They will be around long after the loved one for whom you’re providing care passes away.  You want your family with you now, and you’ll want their support later.
  • Assemble a caregiving team. In my blog entries: Caregiving: The Ultimate Team Sport and Solo Caregiving I address the importance of reaching out to others and tapping into resources that will help you stay sane and healthy while on this caregiving path.

You owe it to yourself, and your loved one, to start taking care of yourself.  So place your own well-being at the top of your priority list.  I can pretty much guarantee that you won’t regret it.

Advertisements

6 thoughts on “Caregiver: put on your oxygen mask first.

    Caregiving 101 through 1001 | Baby Boomers and More said:
    October 13, 2015 at 9:01 am

    […] Caregiver: put on your oxygen mask first […]

    […] Ah, respite – what a delightful concept.  Lots of us Baby Boomers equate respite to receiving some sort of relief from our caregiving tasks.  For example, we might be taking care of a parent, sibling, partner, or spouse and we look for every opportunity for a reprieve from our caregiving chores – or at least we should be.  Please see my article Caregiver: put on your oxygen mask first. […]

    […] Caregiver: put on your oxygen mask first […]

    […] Caveat: as I indicated above, finding affordable care outside of ones home is no easy task, and you may have no choice but to provide the needed care for your loved one.  But if you are able to find trusted family or friends who can “spot” you from time to time so that you can enjoy a needed time of respite, please do so.  You’ll be far more able to carry out your caregiving task if you take care of yourself first.  See my article: Caregiver: put on your oxygen mask first. […]

    […] exhaustion sneak up on you and if not attended to early enough, they are killers.  In my article, Caregiver: put on your oxygen mask first, I address the need to place yourself as more important than the person for whom you are providing […]

    What A Difference A Year Makes. | Baby Boomers and More said:
    September 10, 2012 at 12:56 pm

    […] article, “Caregiver: put on your oxygen mask first” addresses the mistaken notion that we can do it all.  We can’t.  Our reserves will always […]

What's on your mind?

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s