My Best Intentions
I learned something very valuable from two writer friends, Jill and Ann, both of whom live in North Carolina. Instead of New Year’s resolutions, Jill and Ann set a New Year intention and that intention is in the form of a single word. Jill selected MINIMIZE for 2019 and Ann selected ENLARGE.
The word-intention I have selected for 2019 is ACCEPTANCE.
You may be saying to yourself, “Oh, oh, sounds like Irene is giving up, lacking in hope, settling for less. Quite the contrary is true, and I’ll tell you why.
I chose the word ACCEPTANCE because applying that word in my life allows me to be more understanding and acknowledging of those with whom I may hold differing opinions. (Accepting does not equate to agreeing, it simply means I accept a person’s right to hold ideas and opinions that are not identical to mine.) ACCEPTANCE also provides me with greater ease of life as I accept reality rather than fight what can’t be changed. I read recently that arguing with reality can be harmful to one’s health; I’m not going to waste a minute on such fruitless efforts.
The concept of ACCEPTANCE started to seep into my consciousness when early in 2018, I watched the TED video, A love letter to realism in a time of grief. In less than twenty minutes of your time, you will witness what Mark Pollock & Simone George learned about reality and about the difference between being an optimist and being a realist. Here’s a teaser explanation that will perhaps explain why I came to choose my 2019 word-intention.
Optimists rely on hope alone and end up disappointed. Realists accept the brutal facts and keep hope alive. Acceptance knows that grief is a raging river and you have to get in it because when you do, it carries you to the next place; it eventually takes you to the open land where it will turn out okay in the end.
I guess if you don’t get into the river, you’ll get stuck and never have the opportunity to find out what lies just beyond the bend. I have stepped into the river, and although I might step out from time to time during this new year, I feel confident I will get back in because of the desire not to miss out on what I cannot see. You see, because I’m not perfect, I’ve set ACCEPTANCE as an intention, rather than a resolution.
With resolutions, it’s all or nothing, baby; the pressure is on to change that something-or-other you discovered and have resolved to change. Sometimes resolutions get abandoned within the first 30-days, others don’t get much farther into the new year because many of us decide to just give up and take up that resolution the following year, or the one after that.
Intentions, however, have a more compassionate energy because they are not tied to outcomes. When I slip up I hope to view that shortcoming with less criticism and simply start over because the next moment presents a brand new opportunity. If I were to break my resolution, however, I think I would look at that setback as a failure because of messing up the “fix” I had decided to make in my life. With an intended action, however, I am on a path to create, rather than fix. Creating seems to allow a bit more leeway, don’t you think?
I leave you with the words of Socrates to explain my decision to intend, rather than resolve:
The secret of change is to focus all your energy not on fighting the old, but on building the new.
To make changes, a strategy has to be effective. Intention does that for me.
This week’s Good News
Towards the end of 2018, I published a post celebrating the goodness that abounds all around us. Starting today and every Wednesday in 2019 I will post a Good News story I will have recently unearthed that I feel just might make your day…you know…to balance out all the bad news that permeates our world. I hope you enjoy my efforts at bringing a little light your way.
The first Good News story of 2019 spotlights a very generous person who hails from the greater Seattle area of Washington state. Last year, Alan Naiman, an extremely frugal social worker, learned he had terminal cancer and knowing he had very few months in which to live, decided to make a difference in the lives of many after he left this world as we know it. Please click on the link I have provided to read a very brief story about this fine person who, knowing you can’t take it with you, left what he had amassed to benefit others.
BREAKING NEWS: Goodness abounds!
Goodness abounds, yes, it does.
We don’t hear or read about it enough but trust me, hatred and evil have got nothing on goodness and kindness in our world.
It has been said that it is the horrific stories that make headlines and quite frankly, that is true. Newspapers, magazines, television and social media news outlets clamber after Breaking News in their attempts to be the first to offer their take on ongoing incidents. Clamber means to “climb, move, or get in or out of something in an awkward and laborious way.” Can’t you visualize hungry journalists doing just that: pushing others out of the way, pulling yet others down in their singular effort to be first?
I am all for free journalism; without it I would not be writing this 990th post, so bring it on in all its raging color…however, wouldn’t it be rewarding to have our day interrupted by Breaking News that reports on the good and kind incidents that occur as well?
All right, I’ll do just that. Allow me to introduce you to two wonderful souls who have brought light into the darkness. This is Breaking News of the very best kind.
Sophie Andrews is a person who learned the hard way – one of the hardest – that The best way to help is often just to listen. Sophie was on death’s door – you have to listen to the 14-minute TED talk to learn of the details when a volunteer at UK’s Samaritan helpline picked up the phone and changed 14-year old Sophie’s life forever. Years later, Sophie gave back and paid it forward by starting a helpline for some of the most vulnerable human beings in society who are lonely and without access or means for socialization. Her Silver Line fields more than 1500 calls a day, making the lives of more than 550,000 UK senior citizens brighter, fuller and healthier each year.
Dixon Chibanda, one of 12 psychiatrists in the entire country of Zimbabwe – a country of 16 million people – created a program to treat individuals in need of psychiatric or psychological counseling: The friendship bench program – or why I train grandmothers to treat depression. This program was birthed when a desperate young woman didn’t have the minimal bus fare needed to commute the 15 kilometers to meet with him in person and who suffered the tragic consequences. Dr. Chibanda created a program that brings care and hope to those in need powered by a limitless resource: grandmothers. Sitting on a bench, talking to someone who listens without judgment serves to make a difference in the mental health of thousands across his country and other countries as well – including the United States where a similar program has been started. Please take 12 additional minutes out of your day and listen to the TED talk I have linked above.
Listening – a free resource that is oftentimes not employed when needed the most; listening that actively tunes into the person speaking.
If you are someone who sets resolutions or intentions for the new year, perhaps practicing the art of listening might be at the top of your 2019 list.
I know it is on mine.
Time’s running out: discount book sale ends late 11/13
All of the books shown in this graphic are part of the AlzAuthors Caregiver Appreciation week-long sale, starting today, November 7th. You’ll see my novel, Requiem for the status quo, in the upper right corner that is priced at 99 cents from Nov 7th through 13th. To link to all the books you see above, click on the AlzAuthors link here. Simply click on the book’s image and it will take you directly to its page on Amazon, making it extremely easy to purchase as many titles as you please. And don’t forget to gift others with titles as well. It’s so easy to do and the recipients of your gifts will be so pleased that you’ve thought of them.
I want you to have a copy of my novel
I want everyone who would like a copy of my eBook on Amazon to have one so starting November 7th, and running through November 13th, it will be available for a mere 99 cents…less than $1.
Perhaps you’d like to gift someone with a copy. You can easily do so by clicking on the Buy for Others button found on my novel’s Amazon page. You purchase it – or several copies of it – and when prompted, you provide the email address(es) for the recipient(s) and they will receive a notification that a free book is waiting for them, generously gifted by you. You can even write a personal message to the recipient. It’s so very, very easy to do.
This 99 cents sale period is being brought to you by AlzAuthors as these 170 authors honor caregivers during National Caregiver Appreciation Month. Not all the authors’ books will be available at a discounted rate, but many will be, so if you’re looking to add to your eBook library, November 7 – 13 is the time to do so.
This promotion serves to recognize the long hours, sacrifice, and love all caregivers bring to the task of caring for a loved one with dementia or any long-term illness.
I truly believe that caregivers are heroes: ordinary people, doing the ordinary right thing, at an extraordinary time. Reward yourself, or other caregivers with whom you are acquainted, for all tireless efforts, past or present.
I will post a link to the AlzAuthors discount page the morning of the 7th so come back then to fill your library shelves with heavily discounted books about Alzheimer’s & other dementias. In the meantime, the AlzAuthors Anthology filled with 58 caregiver short stories is available for pre-order for just $1.99 for the Kindle version!
Celebrating Community
I started this Blog over seven years ago. This is my 986th post. I recently told a blogging friend, Jill Weatherholt, that my blogging changed over the years, especially as it relates to steering clear of topics that divide, e.g., political, religious, and the like.
In my very first post on September 20, 2011, I stated that I wanted to bring some sort of encouragement and light into the lives of, not just Baby Boomers, but everyone. I wrote hundreds and hundreds of essays centered around caregiving and Alzheimer’s, reflecting on my personal experiences with my father, as well as my professional experiences working in long-term care (LTC). But I wrote on other topics as well…
Back in 2016 – a very contentious year in US politics – I made the decision to stop writing anything that would ruin someone’s day because as many bloggers will admit, having a forum to speak your mind is a heady and powerful responsibility – about which some of us have been irresponsible. Thus the reason why, on September 12, 2016, 5 years after I started this blog, I wrote this post, Good Starts With Me – Irene’s About Face.
I am a columnist for Grandparents Day Magazine, an online publication based out of Adelaide, Australia. I wrote a piece for their July 2018 issue in which I suggested we might all do well celebrating our similarities rather than allowing our differences to divide us.
Community is so very important, more important to me than ever before. I hope that along with me, you will acknowledge our differences, celebrate our right to be individuals, and look for the good that binds us, rather than the bad that tears us apart.
Stories that make a difference
As an author of a novel whose mission it is to make a difference in the lives of those faced with a horrendous terminal disease, I feel my stories-that-make-a-difference-detector is quite keen.
Ariel & Shya Kane’s new storybook, Being Here…Too, is one of those, and deserves 5 out of 5 stars. (Preorders now being taken for the Kindle version; both eBook and paperback will be released November 12, 2018.)
I was gifted with the opportunity to read the Kane’s latest book before its release, an opportunity I could not pass up given how impactful their books’ messages have been to me over the years. There is no woo-woo involved in what they offer a world conflicted and torn apart not by just political or global issues, but also those internal how do I live the best life I can live? struggles each of us face.
On page xviii, the following statement sets the tone for the direction readers can expect to go later in the book:
“life will support you if you let it”
The format of the book is such that each brief chapter contains a story of individuals who were not afraid to be honest/transparent about their failed efforts to make the best of their lives. In Chapter 8, co-author, Shya Kane, states, “…everyone has a terminal illness – it’s called life.” So very true. Many are those who have lost a loved one and/or prior to receiving their own terminal illness diagnosis had the mistaken notion that there’s always tomorrow, or I’ll live my life to the fullest another day when erroneously convinced another day, and another, will actually be granted us.
Living in the moment – “bypassing the mind to find the moment” – is where Ariel & Shya Kane suggest true fulfillment lies. We can either live life as a victim or as its author and my friends, after sixty-five years of life, I can declare that for me, fulfillment exists in the here and now, not in the past or the future. The stories presented within the pages of Being Here…Too will paint a clear picture of what it is like to be buried in thoughts that wipe out any chance of the present taking center stage in one’s life. Been there…done that…doesn’t work for me..at all.
The authors conclude the book by describing how dissatisfaction with life gets in the way of being fulfilled.
Over the years…we have come to realize that the only time life dominates you is when you are not living in the moment. When you are not being here, your hopes for the future create an illusion, a dream of how it will someday be better than it is now…
True freedom happens when the illusion dissolves and you live life directly in each moment – not as you would prefer it, but as it is.
The present is all we have, so why live elsewhere?
I hope you’ll not let another moment go by before securing your own copy of Being Here…Too.
Grandma and Grandpa pods
I wrote this article five years ago and I’m posting it again today because it is one of the most viewed posts on my blog. Financial figures are five years old so current, 2018/2019 figures will be considerably higher.
I read a fabulous article in the “Home” section of today’s Seattle Times newspaper. It’s a throwaway section that I always read before I toss it into the recycle basket.
All of us are getting older – there’s no cure for that other than not growing older by leaving this earth before you’re ready – so where are all of us going to live – especially Granny and Pappy who can no longer safely live on their own?
Long-term care (LTC) facilities have priced themselves out of most households’ bank accounts and the alternative solution of having grandparent sitters is cumbersome and expensive in itself. What’s an adult child to do? If you have space on your property to have a guest house newly built or better yet, if you’re willing to turn your sunporch or guesthouse into accommodations for mom and dad, the original outlay of funds will pay for itself because you will have avoided the need for a facility’s ultra-expensive long-term care services.
One company that makes the pods spotlighted in the Seattle Times’ article is called Home Care Suites. Disclaimer: I am not advocating for this company’s product. I am merely pulling information out of the article and presenting it to the reader so you can do research that applies to your situation and your budget.
The pods made by this company range in size from 256 to 588 square feet with prices ranging from $42,000 to $83,000. This is no drop in the bucket but let’s consider the cost of facility care. Genworth (who sells long-term care insurance) states that the average monthly fee for assisted-living (AL) was $3,300 in 2012. I think that’s a very naive figure based on my experience of having worked in the LTC housing industry. Maybe Genworth’s lower number is just the cost for monthly rent – but what about care services? Cha-ching!!! Now you’re looking at double that amount and the cost will only go higher as care needs increase. But even at only $3,300 per month, that amounts to $158,400 for a four-year period. See how do-able the pod concept seems now?
Many of the AL service needs are simple monitoring of a resident – tasks that you can do for your loved one: waking them up, helping them get dressed, a certain amount of medication assistance, meal provision. Many seniors living in AL facilities don’t need the massive hands-on care of bathing assistance, toileting services, physical therapy, etc. I know for a fact that if a family member has the time – and a little patience – they can provide these lower acuity services on their own for quite some time before securing hands-on medical care for the elder member of their household.
Skipping ahead to after Grandma and Grandpa/Mom and Dad have passed on, you now are left with an added structure on your property which you can transform back into the porch or game room of its earlier existence, or simply leave as is as a guest room that may accommodate someone else in your family. I have to believe that your initial investment in constructing a pod is an investment that you won’t regret. And don’t forget – the costs for such a project aren’t necessarily out of your own pocket. Perhaps Grandma or Grandpa are willing to pull some of their savings out from underneath their mattress and contribute to the cost of this alternative living arrangement that would certainly be more attractive to them than a lengthy stint at an AL facility or nursing home. Just saying.
The Alzheimer’s Community
I have been closely involved in matters regarding Alzheimer’s disease and other dementia for eighteen years now: long-term care (LTC) housing, memory care, Alzheimer’s support group facilitator, and Washington State LTC Ombudsman. But it took me becoming a published author of a novel that focuses on a family’s Alzheimer’s disease experience before I finally found my Alzheimer’s community.
AlzAuthors is a group comprised of over 170 published authors (as of this writing) who have published fiction and non-fiction books reflective of their personal Alzheimer’s experience. The six members of the AlzAuthors Management Team (Team) is the Alzheimer’s community about which I speak.
The Team’s motto says it all:
We can sing a lonely song, or form a choir and create harmony.
Without exception, the authors featured on our site and each member of our Management Team had the experience of struggling with the learn-as-you-go-task of caring for someone with cognitive impairment. We all made mistakes, and we learned from them, but we also had successes, and we celebrated them.
As a recent addition to the AlzAuthors Management Team, I became even more convinced that my personal Alzheimer’s community resides within this group. The support, the kindness, the giving nature reflected within the Team is incomparable in my experience, and we are not just keeping it to ourselves. AlzAuthors is spreading their influence into numerous parts of the world…which is kinda why they asked me to join the team as their Global Outreach Coordinator. The six of us know our presence is evident in more countries than just the United States, but our imagination and passion is boundless so we have set out to become a household word in small and large communities throughout the world.
Why AlzAuthors? Because this 100% volunteer group has brought together some of the best books on Alzheimer’s and other dementia in one central location: our bookstore. We’ve categorized those books to make the personal caregivers’ or professionals’ shopping experiences an easy one with categories such as: Caring for Parents or Grandparents, Caring for Spouses or Partners, Living with Dementia, and Children and Teen books, to name a few. We know a caregiver’s “free” time is limited or non-existent, so we’ve done our best to make their shopping experience an easy one. They simply click on the cover of the book they’re interested in and they are taken directly to Amazon to make the paperback, eBook, or audiobook purchase.
We’re working hard so you don’t have to.
And finally, we understand the journey of unpaid (family & friend) caregivers because:
- We have experienced the loss of a loved one with dementia.
- We know the pain of being forgotten.
- We all have witnessed decline.
- We have provided countless hours of caregiving.
- We know many others have experienced the same and we believe in the power of sharing those stories.
Sorrow Passes and We Remain
I found a letter dated July 28, 1883, written by Henry James to his friend Grace Norton, in a reference book. He wrote a letter of encouragement to her as she was desolate, depressed, and determined not to live. I post portions of it here should anyone out there feel as Grace did, in need of life-saving encouragement.
********
You are not isolated, verily, in such states of feeling as this – that is, in the sense that you appear to make all the misery of all mankind your own; only I have a terrible sense that you give all and receive nothing – that there is no reciprocity in your sympathy – that you have all the affliction of it and none of the returns.
I don’t know why we live, but I believe we can go on living for the reason that life is the most valuable thing we know anything about and it is therefore presumptively a great mistake to surrender it while there is any yet left in the cup.
Sorrow comes in great waves, but it rolls over us, and though it may almost smother us it leaves us on the spot and we know that if it (sorrow) is strong, we are stronger, inasmuch as it passes, and we remain.
My dear friend, you are passing through a darkness in which I myself in my ignorance see nothing but that you have been made wretchedly ill by it; but it is only a darkness, it is not an end, or the end.
Don’t think, don’t feel, any more than you can help, don’t conclude or decide – don’t do anything but wait. Everything will pass … and the tenderness of a few good people, and new opportunities, and ever so much of life, in a word, will remain.
You are marked out for success, and you must not fail. You have my tenderest affection and all my confidence.
Kindness Fridays
This week’s kindness spotlights the Women’s Fiction Writers Association (WFWA) a fabulous group for writers of women’s fiction. Most if not all the administrative staff is volunteer – the reason why their kindness is this week’s selection. As a member of this organization, I was given the opportunity to have a podcast recorded for their Hear Me Roar program because I’m a debut author. Although my novel, Requiem for the status quo was released a year ago, it was my debut publishing effort.
This podcast is approximately 30 minutes in length, and although my novel is certainly the focus, much attention was spent on the prevalence of Alzheimer’s and other dementias in the world. Perhaps this podcast will keep you company on your commute in the next few days; although it may seem a bit choppy, I think it’s worth hanging in there to hear my, and the host’s, provocative discussion.
Dynamite storybook for seniors with dementia
I was asked to write a story or two for an anthology of short, short, stories that would be read to seniors with cognitive impairment. I jumped at the opportunity. That anthology, The Mighty Ant, is now available in paperback on Amazon.
I am one of 33 contributors to this collection of short stories for seniors who suffer from dementia and other related memory or cognitive disorders. This book is the culmination of a project from editor and contributor, Jessica Bryan, who is a caregiver and advocate for caregivers. Several years ago she began to notice that her mother, who suffers from Alzheimer’s disease, lost focus and could no longer read lengthy books. Jessica began reading to her mother and found that simple, short stories were easier for her to understand. The Mighty Ant is filled with these kinds of fiction and non-fiction stories.
The proceeds from the sales of the books will be donated to a local Council on Aging. The generous contributions of authors like myself have come from all over the world. The result is a book with different perspectives, reminiscences, and tales that reflect not only local culture, but a variety of customs, ethnicities, and lifestyles.
I am honored to have my two stories titled, A Neighborly Friendship and A Sweetheart of a Story included in this collection. A Sweetheart of a Story was selected as the final story in the book because the editor felt it was the perfect selection to provide a sweet ending to the anthology. Buy a copy or ten or more for yourself and others…perhaps your local memory care community would love to include the reading of this book to their senior activity schedule! Currently only $12 for this 322-page large print storybook.
My sister, Mary
It’s National Sisters Day so naturally, I need to write about my sister, Mary.
Gosh, I wish my sister and I didn’t live 765 miles away from each other; this photo expresses exactly how I feel.
We visit each other, but not often enough, and when we do visit each other, it’s just not the same. If we lived next door to each other we could pop into each other’s homes, take walks together, and talk face to face instead of by telephone.
We’re not getting any younger, nor are our husbands. Having close proximity to each other would guarantee in-person support for when life takes a toll on our bodies and minds, and let’s face it, regardless of how healthy you think you are, life happens when you least expect it. Our mother’s death, while she slept, is proof of that. So is our father’s diagnosis of Alzheimer’s disease that took his life four years later.
My sister, Mary, and I are creatives: she’s an artist (paints and such) who holds gallery events, and I’m a writer and a published author. In so many respects, Mary is just about my most ardent supporter, as I am of her. When we’re neglecting our craft, we remind each other of the passion that brought us to this place, and that what we produce needs to be in the hands of others to benefit them.
Yep, Mary is my best friend and best friends should live closer to each other so they can have a front row seat to what life sends their way. I don’t at all predict my imaginary neighborhood will ever come to pass, but what I can predict is how close Mary and I will remain on this unpredictable and impermanent journey called life.
My novel’s 1st anniversary
Requiem for the status quo‘s anniversary is the perfect opportunity to announce my involvement with a fabulous project focused on Alzheimer’s disease.
I am one of over 150 authors from around the world who will be represented at the Alzheimer’s Association – Western Carolina Chapter’s Dementia Education conference in Charlotte, N.C., this August. I, and over 25 other AlzAuthors, have donated copies of their books, which will be given away in a raffle to conference attendees.
I wanted to support this cause because during my caregiving experience in the early 2000s, I most definitely could have used more fiction about Alzheimer’s to normalize my day-to-day stresses, and some up-to-date non-fiction to help my learn-as-you-go caregiving experience. Something else from which I surely could have benefited is the non-profit, AlzAuthors. AlzAuthors.com is a nonprofit website that shares information on books and blogs about Alzheimer’s and dementia. I am proud to say that I, too, am a member of this fine organization. Had it been available prior to my father’s death from Alzheimer’s disease, I no doubt would have tapped into its resources.
AlzAuthors started in 2015, when Founders Jean Lee from Ohio, Vicki Tapia from Montana and Marianne Sciucco from New York, who had also written books about Alzheimer’s, met in cyberspace. They discussed the growing need for resources about dementia. A year later, after Shannon Wierbitzky joined the team, the group started a website and published posts from 60 authors. In 2017, Canadian Kathryn Harrison and Ann Campanella from North Carolina joined the administrative team.
Since that time AlzAuthors has published weekly posts, sharing resources about books and blogs that focus on Alzheimer’s and other dementias. The site has grown to include over 150 AlzAuthors from around the world and has a bookstore with a vast collection of top books for individuals, doctor’s offices, assisted living facilities and other eldercare services. AlzAuthors also has a thriving presence on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, and Pinterest. AlzAuthors Jean Lee and Ann Campanella, whose memoirs were recently named to Book Authority’s Best Alzheimer’s Books of All Time List, will share “The Story Behind the Stories” of AlzAuthors at the Alzheimer’s Association conference.
“Together We Can,” the Dementia Education Conference held by the Alzheimer’s Association – Western Carolina Chapter, will take place on Wednesday, Aug. 29, from 8:00 a.m. to 4:00 p.m.at the Friendship Missionary Baptist Church, 3400 Beatties Ford Road in Charlotte, N.C. The event is geared for healthcare professionals, caregivers, people living with Alzheimer’s or related dementia and members of the general public. Attendees will learn more about research, caregiving practices and tools to assist in the journey with Alzheimer’s. For more information, visit ALZ.org/NorthCarolina or call 800-272-3900.
For more information about AlzAuthors. visit their website: https://alzauthors.com/.
Lighten up Mondays
We had new windows installed upstairs and downstairs – the whole house – and with new windows come new wood trim around each window that needs painting. That’s what we’ve been doing and after four separate days of prepping and painting, we finally finished the downstairs this past weekend…in 89-degree weather and 75% humidity…and don’t even ask me how we’re gonna handle the 2nd-floor windows. Painting humor for you…but painting isn’t funny or fun.
*****
Two painters go fishing and find a honey hole. They pull in huge keepers with every cast. They soon catch their limit and the first painter says to the other, “this lake is huge, too bad we won’t be able to find this spot again.”
With that, painter #2 jumps overboard and disappears below the water. A short time later he resurfaces and gets back in the boat.
Painter #1 – What the heck were you doing down there?
Painter #2 – I marked this spot by painting big red X on the bottom of the boat.
Painter #1 – You idiot! What if we don’t get the same boat?
Lighten up Mondays
One of my sons-in-law is a commercial fisherman out of Petersburg, Alaska during the summer. To honor him, here’s a joke centered on the art of fishing.
The fishing season hasn’t opened yet, and a fisherman who doesn’t even have a license, is casting for trout as a stranger approaches and asks, “Any luck?”
“Any luck? Heck yes, this is a wonderful spot. I took 10 out of this stream yesterday” he boasts.
“Is that so? By the way, do you know who I am?” asks the stranger.
“Nope.”
“Well, meet the new game warden.”
“Oh,” gulped the fisherman. “Well, do you know who I am?”
“Nope,” said the game warden.
“Meet the biggest liar in the state.”
Kindness Fridays
Hiking always makes me feel good to be alive, even though my joints and muscles complain more often than not at the completion of each hike.
There’s so much goodness found in the mountains, streams, lakes, and forests of the Pacific Northwest. Along with that goodness is the kindness that oozes out of every beautiful sight we behold:
- the sweet and varied songs of the birds that are hidden from sight, but not by hearing;
- the welcome shade provided by trees that have been around longer than my timespan on this earth and that will remain long after I’m gone;
- the flowers and berries, both common and unique, that serve to add color to the landscape, thus softening the feel of the dirt, rocks, and rooty trails that receive our eager feet;
- the top of the mountain vistas – what my husband and I call the payoff – that await our sweaty, achy, bodies, making us forget the out of breath effort it took to get there; and
- the people we meet along the way who love hiking as much as we do.
At yesterday’s vista view, we met a young man who with his wife, moved to Seattle from Utah. Just three weeks into his Washington State experience Matt is in love with what our state has to offer. His wife’s job is what prompted their move: she is in her medical residency at Seattle Children’s Hospital. She has the overnight shift so Matt is taking advantage of her daytime sleep schedule to explore the new place in which he lives.
Matt is a microbiologist who is putting off looking for a job for a few weeks while he acquaints himself with his new home. We recommended he enjoy the best weather the Seattle area has to offer before getting anywhere near a laboratory. We also told him we felt certain he would have no problem finding work in his field given the renowned medical community in the area. We had a simply delightful conversation with this man who, after I mentioned my family’s history with Alzheimer’s, offered the promising breakthrough just discovered regarding a virus that might contribute to the disease.
Whether Baby Boomers like ourselves, young children, or everyone in between, the hiking community just seems to give off kindness vibes – a kindness that provides lasting benefits for these late-in-life hike enthusiasts. I know this has been a far different Kindness Fridays to which you may be accustomed, but I hope you enjoyed it nonetheless.
Lighten up Mondays
With United States’ birthday occurring on July 4th, I’ve decided to provide some statements made by none other than Benjamin Franklin.
In the great tradition of American humor, the title of “First American Humorist” rightfully belongs to Benjamin Franklin. He was the beginning of a long line of writers who created a uniquely American form of humor filled with clever wit, folksy wisdom, and a generous portion of irreverence.
In his Poor Richard’s Almanac, Franklin wrote many clever sayings which are still part of our cultural heritage today. At 26, Franklin published the first edition of Poor Richard’s Almanac under the pseudonym Richard Saunders.
- Remember that time is money.
- A little neglect may breed mischief: for want of a nail, the shoe was lost; for want of a shoe the horse was lost, and for want of a horse the rider was lost.
- A penny saved is a penny earned.
- Any fool can criticise, condemn and complain and most fools do.
- Early to bed, early to rise makes a man healthy, wealthy, and wise.
- Fish and visitors smell in three days.
- Genius without education is like silver in the mine.
- God helps them that help themselves.
- Haste makes waste.
- Hide not your talents. They for use were made. What’s a sundial in the shade?
- It is hard for an empty bag to stand upright.
- Little strokes fell great oaks.
- Never leave that till tomorrow which you can do today.
- Three may keep a secret if two of them are dead.
- Well done is better than well said.
- In this world, nothing can be said to be certain, except death and taxes.
- There never was a good war nor a bad peace.
- Never contradict anybody.
Caregiver Guilt
Just under seven years ago I posted this article about the guilt many caregivers feel when they are convinced nothing they do for a loved one is good enough. I felt the need to repost it today.
Do you feel as though you don’t visit your loved one often enough at the long-term care (LTC) facility in which they live? Try to acknowledge that guilt is a feeling that may not necessarily reflect an accurate reality of how attentive you are towards your loved one.
The local caregiver.
Many people have expressed their concerns to me that they’re just not doing enough for their loved one who lives in a LTC facility. Even when a caregiver visits Mom several days a week, the caregiver still feels guilty for not making more of an effort to be there for her.
Guilt is a valid feeling – I believe all feelings are valid – but the feeling of guilt may not accurately reflect what is going on. Let’s face it, most of us are hard on ourselves. The old adage, “we’re our own worse critic” came about resultant from…
View original post 554 more words
Kindness Fridays
Today I celebrate an author friend who has been so supportive of my writing journey. Jill Weatherholt is a fabulous writer of inspirational romance novels. Second Chance Romance is the first in the Love Inspired series that will grab you from the very first page. The second in the series, A Father for Bella, will be released August 1, 2018, but is available for preorder right now. I already ordered my copy and can hardly wait for the continuation of a series that has warmed my heart and has me wanting more.
This delightful author friend of mine inspires kindness wherever she goes, and she certainly warrants a Kindness Friday spot on my blog today for it is today that Jill posted an essay I wrote that gives readers a peek at my personal caregiving experience with my father. You can view that post, here. I wrote about this personal experience of mine when Jill indicated she wanted to feature me yet again on her author site, and could I please write about a caregiving episode from my past.
It was my pleasure to do so, just as it is my pleasure to give you, my blog followers, a peek into this North Carolina author’s exceptional romance novel series. I certainly hope you will pick up your own copies of Jill’s two books in the Love Inspired series, and that you will perhaps gift others who also might be interested in receiving their very own copies. At the very least, be sure to share this post with your friends so they can have quick and easy access to her novels’ Amazon purchase links.
The best part about my own publishing experience has been the authors I’ve met along the way; what giving and loving individuals they have proven to be. My life is greatly enriched by them. Thank you, Jill, for your friendship.
Lighten up Mondays
Our home is in construction mode while getting every window and screen replaced on both floors of the house. That mode includes workers using our downstairs bathroom – the window company didn’t provide an onsite porta potty – and noise, dust, and BUGS everywhere. They started their work last Wednesday and by Friday I had counted 12 mosquito bites on my body. Let’s face it, when a window is removed, bugs make a run for the border…that border being the portal into our home where a window used to be. So here it goes, my attempt at lightening my mood as there are two more days remaining of work this week.
- Do you want to hear a construction joke? Oh, sorry, I’m still working on it.
- I find construction work to be riveting.
- I never wanted to believe my dad was stealing from his job as a road worker but when I got home, all the signs were there.
- My electrician friend accidentally blew the power to the ice-making factory, now they’ve gone into liquidation.
- Never trust an electrician with no eyebrows.
- Google says, “I know everything.” Facebook says, “I know everyone.” The internet says, “Without me, you’re all nothing.” Electricity says, “Keep talking, fools.”
Kindness Fridays
Today’s kindness post is an extremely short one but it’s one I thought you would appreciate.
Us Pacific Northwest residents spent months complaining about the rain and cold temperatures and now that it’s hot, we are of course dreaming of cooler days. (We aren’t easy to please, us PNWers.)
I went on my weekly grocery shopping trip the other day and what greeted me and every other shopper was the following oasis from the sweltering outdoor temperatures.
Such an easy effort on the store employees’ part, but it meant the world to me. You see, even the smallest of kindnesses can change the direction of a person’s day.
Lighten up Mondays
Vacation/beginning-of-summer humor:
- I don’t make enough money to go on vacation so I’m just going to get drunk until I don’t know where I am.
- “How was your vacation?” “I’m analyzing it now. I only got eight likes but one of them was from someone really influential.”
- I don’t need a vacation, I’d be happy with a trip to the bathroom by myself…said every mother of young children.
- Being on vacation with my family has brought me so much closer to my iPad.
- I don’t need a vacation, I just want time to sit, read, snack, and take a nap. Basically, I want to be in kindergarten.
- I’m sorry your post-vacation workload has negated all the benefits of your vacation.
- Honey, pack your fat pants, we’re going on a cruise!
- There should be sympathy cards for having to go back to work after vacation.
- If you answer “Awesome” to the question, “How are you?” you are either a) drunk; b) practicing your sarcasm; or c) on your last day before vacation or retirement.
Lighten up Mondays
Just recently received a notice that my Visa credit card will be replaced by another due to suspected fraudulent activity reported by a vendor. Apparently, 1000s of accounts have been affected. So today’s humor focuses on credit cards because I’m needing some humor right now because once the new card arrives, I will need to update 16 vendors/utility companies, etc. for which we pay our bills with the Visa card. Gotta get those miles, baby, thus the reason why we charge and pay off the balance every month.
- A woman placed her credit card on the dressing room visiting chair, tried on a new dress and asked the card, “Should I get this dress? How do I look in it?” to which the credit card said, “Meh.” That’s what she gets for having a no-interest credit card.
- They say numbers don’t lie but my recent credit card bill shows that I had a lot more fun on vacation than I actually did.
- A grizzly bear enters a fast food place for lunch and hands the employee a credit card to which the employee says, “Sorry, we don’t take credit cards. Hey, look at me, I’m stopping a charging grizzly! Ha! Ha! Ha!”
- I haven’t reported my credit card stolen because the person who stole it is spending less money than my spouse.
- A woman received a letter from her credit card company that said, “Due to the extremely responsible manner in which you have handled your account, your card has been canceled.”
Kindness Fridays
This week I focus on the kindness of a fellow Black Rose Writing author, R. Bruce Logan. Bruce and I have never met, but through both of our association with the same publisher we developed an online relationship in which I feel I’ve known him for some time. Good news? My husband and I will meet Bruce and his wife late June when they are in the Seattle area. What a delightful lunch date that will be.
Bruce kindly reviewed my novel Requiem for the status quo on his blog The Narrative Arc. That kindness inspired my own exchange of kindness by reviewing his novel Finding Lien and teasing you about its sequel, As the Lotus Blooms.
I am providing my Five Star Amazon review from a year ago, as well as my additional comments:
Finding Lien grabs you from the opening scene. Wow, I really enjoyed this novel. The author has a way of describing scenes so that the reader is transported right there. But it’s not just the scenes that are clear, it’s his description of the characters that comes through loud and clear, without robbing the reader of her or his own impressions of what a specific character might look like.
The action in this novel did not lag. I wanted to find out what happened next and was not satisfied to put the book down until such scenes had played out.
Bruce’s love of and familiarity with Vietnam and the surrounding areas give the reader confidence that what they’re seeing through his descriptions are right on the money. Delightful. Addendum: how could he possibly know so much about Vietnam’s geography and history? He is a retired Army officer who has been giving back to the country in which he served, Vietnam, for many, many years.
Having completed Bruce’s very well written Finding Lien, I jumped at the opportunity to be a beta reader for the sequel. As the Lotus Blooms, with a release date of September 20th, seamlessly carries on from where Lien left off. If I could have read it faster I would have, a paradoxical statement if there ever was one. While wanting to read what came next, I didn’t want the novel to end. I would have done my emotions a favor by reading it as slowly as possible but speed won out, which left me wondering, “Will there be a book three?” I don’t know the answer to that question so nothing you do to bribe me for the answer will benefit your own curiosity.
What I can say, however, is that you should mark your calendars for the sequel’s release September 20, 2018, and read Lien in the interim. You will not be disappointed.
Kindness Fridays
Long distance relationships don’t always work out but the relationship I have with an Adelaide, Australia online magazine works to perfection. I’ve never wanted to be the selfish one in this relationship, but I feel I’ve received far more from it than they have.
A wee bit of history: I’ve been writing for this magazine off and on for some time and then late last year, Grandparents Day Magazine offered me my own column; my own byline. Now I’m guaranteed a page in every publication.
Then, just a couple weeks ago, the editors/founders of the magazine reached out to me wanting to promote a writers’ group to which I belong: AlzAuthors. AlzAuthors is made up of a compendium of authors who share their personal experiences with Alzheimer’s disease and other dementias to benefit others. Their motto is: To make a difference. One can sing a lonely song, but we chose to form a choir and create harmony.
So today’s celebration of kindness is two-fold: one, Grandparents Day Magazine generously reached out to me and the author group to which I belong; and two, AlzAuthors members chose to share their difficult Alzheimer’s disease journeys so that others could benefit from their vast experience – much of it learn-as-you-go. As a member of the AlzAuthors group, I can testify to the fact that once I had been through a family caregiving experience – for me it was for my father – I hoped it wasn’t for naught. Being able to share my experience with others through my novel’s publication just seemed right. The same can be said for the more than 150 books written by the AlzAuthors members.
And that, my friends, is my Kindness Fridays for this week.
Lighten up Mondays
We have two teachers in our immediate family: a daughter that teaches at a local high school and a son-in-law who teaches at a local elementary school. Time for some “Is it summer vacation time yet?” humor in celebration of teachers.
- Homework: the teacher’s way of finding out how smart the parents are.
- Every time someone types “to funny” I immediately picture them, fist in the air, going on a quest to find funny.
- I’m just a teacher, standing in front of an interactive projector, begging it to work for my lesson plan today.
- I hate it when I plan my day and nobody follows the script.
- Teaching is like acting if you were in five plays at once and you had to give every member of the audience a one on one performance.
- I love having parent conferences at the grocery store – said no teacher ever.
- Judging a teacher on their students’ test scores makes as much sense as judging a farmer on his crop without accounting for drought, freezes, or disease.
- And finally, a little admonishment for those student clock-watchers:
Kindness Fridays
Celebrating my 65th birthday today and celebrating the wonderful parents who raised me.
Mom and Dad were fair people who were very dedicated to their three children. They were supportive and immensely forgiving of Don, Mary, and me. The latter attribute included both not letting us get away with anything, while teaching us the importance of making life decisions that would make us better citizens of the world in which we inhabited.
Mom was the creative half of our parents, sewing all our clothes and actively involved in the musical community throughout her life. She was a master pianist and sang tenor equal to or better than most male tenors. She was also an activist, a trait I am happy to have inherited. Dad was the jokester of the two, but managed to balance that fun side with extraordinarily practical aspects of childrearing so we would become successful, contributing adults.
Mom and Dad were extremely kind – to family, friends, and strangers – and taught us to consider each and every person with whom we came in contact, as equal to ourselves, regardless of their station in life, their ethnicity, race, or religion. Us kids had a really good start in life because of their parenting, and now that we’re all three in our mid to very late 60s (that’s you, Don) I can proudly say we didn’t turn out all that bad.
Lighten up Mondays
Mother’s Day is behind us but not the humor centered around mothers. Here you go!
- You know you’re a mom when picking up another human to smell their butt isn’t just normal, it’s necessary. (Same applies to grandmothers, or is that just me?)
- Mother: one person who does the work of 20 for free.
- Don’t wake up mom! There are at least seven species who eat their young, your mom may be one of them!
- Mom #1: How do you get your sleepyhead son to get up in the morning? Mom#2: How? Mom#1: Put the cat on the bed. Mom #2: How does that help? Mom #1: The dog is already there.
- A mother mouse and a baby mouse are walking along when suddenly a cat attacks them. The mother mouse shouts “BARK!” and the cat runs away. “See?” the mother mouse says to her baby. “Now do you see why it’s important to learn a foreign language
- Sweater: something you wear when your mother gets cold.
- Bought my Mum a mug which says, “Happy Mother’s day from the World’s Worst Son”. I forgot to mail it but I think she knows.
Lighten up Mondays
Pain humor, just because.
- Many years ago, the best painkiller was ice; it was particularly effective if you poured whiskey over it.
- Throwback Thursday reminds me of when I only had to take one medication.
- Being sick is just your body’s way of saying you’re way to awesome and you need to slow down so everyone else can catch up.
- If you still have energy after walking up the stairs, your opinion about chronic pain is irrelevant.
- Said the doctor to his patient, handing him a bottle of pills: “I want you to take one of these every day until I think of something else.”
- My immune system attacks itself, what does yours do?
- You know you’re in pain when the sun is too loud.
- “But you don’t look sick.” “Please tell me what sick looks like and I’ll try to do better next time.”
- Why are there never any good side effects? Just once I’d like to read a medication bottle that says, “May cause extreme sexiness.”
- I’m not one to brag, but I totally got out of bed today.
- Where does it hurt? I’m sorry, I don’t understand the question.
Living: the ultimate team sport 