Quality of Life
Your positive imprint on mankind
Our perspective of the world and all its needs can be very humbling. Many times we witness the need but can’t do much about it.
The earthquakes in Nepal and the world-wide response to that tragedy is startling and heart-warming at the same time. The massively horrible weather in parts of the United States with its past winter snow and torrential downpours – and the recent spring incursion of hurricanes and tornadoes – almost paralyzes the remainder of us because we have so little to offer in response, other than a monetary donation to a charitable response organization.
Is that really the case? Do we feel that because we can’t offer hands-on assistance in extremely serious and urgent circumstances as outlined above, we have nothing at all to offer a very exigent world?
Why wrinkles are a very good thing
Here’s a direct quote from Dr. Bernie S. Siegel’s 365 Prescriptions for the Soul. I’ll let his, and John Kenneth Galbraith’s words, say it all:
If wrinkles must be written upon our brows, let them not be written upon the heart. The spirit should never grow old. – John Kenneth Galbraith
When you wash something, it can come out wrinkled. That’s life! Just remember, if God puts you through the wringer it’s because you’re worth laundering. If I were given the choice between dying young and developing wrinkles, the answer would be clear to me. I choose life, come what may, regardless of old age and wrinkles. Read the rest of this entry »
Decision making roadblocks
I like what I like. How many times have you been asked to choose between one thing and another, you choose the thing, and then you’re asked, “What made you choose that?” If you’re the mother of Not Quite the Plan‘s author, your answer is, “I like what I like.”
I love the example of this mini-dilemma found in the attached article. The blog author’s mother, I’ll call her Mrs. Mom, cuts to the chase; she doesn’t waste any time deliberating; she simply knows what she likes: she doesn’t like the cat that keeps jumping on her lap, but she does like fudge bars. Mrs. Mom has dementia. Perhaps because of her condition, the decisions she makes are far less complicated than they used to be. Her measuring rod: I like what I like.
Weighing the pros and cons is a very important step in the decision making process, but oftentimes we get hung up on the P & C list and fall into the paralysis by analysis quagmire. The list doesn’t have to be multiple pages long and it doesn’t have to be perfected before we take the first step. What’s the worse that could happen? Let’s look at the possibilities. Read the rest of this entry »
Sexual intimacy in memory care
The attached New York Times article by Pam Belluck addresses the ambiguous loss experienced by men and women whose spouses are still alive, but not fully there. More specifically, it addresses the need for intimacy that still exists for the spouse without cognitive decline, and that can also exist for the spouse with the decline.
It is a well-known fact that advancing age doesn’t mean the end of desire for sexual intimacy. Whether in the privacy of ones home or in a long-term care housing situation, sex is alive and well. Even people with varying degrees of dementia maintain the desire for intimacy. What the above NY Times article so carefully exposes, however, is that sometimes the act of consent for such intimacy can be a subjective one when viewed by a third party. Read the rest of this entry »
Setting aside our perceived limitations
Earlier this year, Richard Glatzer, co-director of the award winning movie, Still Alice, died at the age of 63 after battling ALS for four years. It would have been unfortunate if he had gone with his first reaction when approached to adapt Lisa Genova’s novel into a movie. (Evidently, he almost turned down the project.) Fortunately for us, he did not. One article on this subject indicated that it was Glatzer’s personal connection to independence-robbing illness that gave Still Alice a greater authenticity.
From what I understand, Mr. Glatzer used one finger – using a text-to-speech app – to communicate every directive. I don’t have to know anything about film directing to understand that doing so with his “limitations” would have been extraordinarily clumsy and time consuming. I wonder if his decision to accept the project was made in part because he believed he was the best person for the job. Did you see the movie? Wouldn’t you agree?
Yet all of us are faced with far less daunting struggles than those experienced by Mr. Glatzer and we cave in to our well-honed ability to find every reason not to pursue a task that requires exceptional action on our part.
I’m ashamed of all the excuses I’ve come up with to postpone – or to avoid entirely – new ventures that required more of me than I was willing to give. Ugh – I grieve those lost opportunities when I think of the benefit to me and others such ventures would have provided. But crying over spilled milk won’t undo the past.
Going forward I can commit to seizing new opportunities and disregarding the emotional and physical hurdles in my path.
I can, but will I?
Will you?
App-licable to retirees
Some of us have owned smartphones for quite some time now. Others have finally joined the 21st century, just recently retiring their Motorola flip phone. (Love you Honey!)
Sure, the latest and greatest phones are used to make calls – oddly enough not as frequently as we send texts – but they can also help us through our day-to-day schedules. Jonah Bromwich, New York Times columnist, provides retirees with information on apps we might find quite useful. Read the rest of this entry »
Neurological hell
NFL players are choosing early retirement. Is the future of football under scrutiny?
http://wapo.st/1xvFq9p
I LOVE football. Actually, I love the Seattle Seahawks, but I cringe each time a player gets pummeled in the head.
The above Washington Post article suggests American football may some day fall away as a sport, similar to what happened to boxing. Many years ago, I remember boxing being the sport that people gathered around their televisions to watch, whether at home or in the bars. I can understand why nowadays most of us would rather not watch two people bash each other in the head; a head with virtually no protection in the boxing ring. But even with all the sophisticated helmet and body gear covering football players on the field, players are still sustaining concussions that could sooner or later place them in neurological hell. Read the rest of this entry »
Rejection is a passing fantasy
Have you ever been rejected? Read the attached NY Times article: Accepted? Rejected? Relax You’ll see that the article was retitled since it first appeared so when you click on the link, you’ll see the subject matter as being about college admissions.
Rejection affects all of us: it’s not just about college admission policies.
I’m a writer; I should know.
I’ve only been looking for an agent for 30 days, therefore the 15 rejections – or what I like to call not interesteds – I’ve received out of 60 submissions sent is only 25% of the total so far. Wow, 75% of the agents haven’t turned me down yet! Read the rest of this entry »
My Heroines: International Women’s Day
International Women’s Day: My Heroines. My heroines may look different from those posted in the attached article, and they certainly will look different from those you may consider as your heroines. That’s a very good thing because we all have different takes on the subject but the outcome is the same: heroines we admire that made a difference in their world, and in ours.
My mother: Patricia Constance Conroy Desonier was born in 1917 and died in 1994. Mom was a fair disciplinarian to us three kids and a fabulous confidant as an adult. To lose her when I was forty years old was a devastating loss for me. My biggest disappointment is that she didn’t live long enough to meet my current husband, an extraordinary man whom I met – almost exactly to the date – two years after mom died. Words to describe my mother (in addition to the above): talented musician, seamstress, faithful and supportive wife, involved parent, community activist, volunteer extraordinaire. Read the rest of this entry »
Requiem for the status quo
Allow me to reintroduce myself:
My name is Irene. I am the author of the upcoming novel Requiem for the status quo.
Some of you know me as a family member, friend, or casual acquaintance. Others are familiar with me as the author of this blog, a writer who has posted hundreds of articles over the past several years. Still others know me because of my professional connections as a volunteer advocate for vulnerable adults living in long-term care (LTC) facilities, or because of my years as an Alzheimer’s Association support group facilitator.
I’m here to announce that in addition to being the family member/friend/acquaintance/volunteer/co-employee of the past and present, I am also the novelist who has something to say.
“Oh my gosh Irene, I didn’t realize your book was already published!”
It’s not, but I’m actively pursuing agent representation by contacting several agents per day until I no longer need to.
“Why should people be interested in your book?”
Because I have an engaging way of writing about Alzheimer’s disease – a disease that will affect each and every one of you because until a cure or vaccine is developed to eradicate it, this disease is here to stay. Whether a person’s diagnosis falls into the actual Alzheimer’s category, or into one of several other dementia such as: vascular, lewy body, frontal temporal, Parkinson’s, or dementia resultant from a traumatic brain injury (TBI), there’s no escaping its effect on the unpaid caregiver (that’s you and me) and the person being cared for (spouse, partner, mother, father, brother or sister).
And here’s a fact of which some of you may not be aware: Alzheimer’s is not just an older person’s disease; an increasing number of people are being diagnosed well-before the age of 60.
“Say it isn’t so, Irene.”
I can’t do that. What I can do, however, is tell you a wee bit about my book: Read the rest of this entry »
A loved one’s move into memory care
An Alzheimer’s Love Story: The First Day of the Rest of My Life.
I hope you’ll watch the attached 4 minute video that chronicles a husband’s experience of moving his wife into a memory care facility.
This is not a decision that comes easily to anyone.
Think about it. You’ve spent decades living with the love of your life. Your days are structured around each other; the ebb and flow of all those hours are what you crave and enjoy.
You are faced with what will most certainly be an irreversible decision to leave your wife in the hands of others. You feel guilty, regardless of how well-informed and appropriate the decision. Read the rest of this entry »
Respect the crabby old lady
When I’m an old lady and end up in a care facility, I sincerely hope my personality and attitudes don’t relegate me to the category of “that crabby old lady in Room 210.” Have you visited someone in a nursing home or hospital and had the distinct feeling that the patients were treated like numbers or medical cases? You know what I mean: “the urinary tract infection in 4A” or “the decubitis in South 6.” Wow, that’s a horrible thing to consider for myself: the history of all my years on this earth being characterized as a medical condition or an intolerable behavior resulting from that condition.
What about my history of being a pretty darn good mother/wife/business person/neighbor/community volunteer/friend? Doesn’t that person still exist within the body occupying that bed?
Let’s all take the time to read this poem that depicts such a scene. Gender-wise, this could be about a crabby old man as well. Read the rest of this entry »
The first Valentine’s Day without your loved one
The first Valentine’s Day without your loved one..
I’m re-posting this article I wrote back in 2012 that discusses one of the many “first times” survivors go through after the death of a loved one.
My article contains a link to another blogger’s article in which he discusses the experience of his first Valentine’s Day without his wife. On a personal note, that blogger is my brother, a man who came through that period of his life a survivor. Although he still misses his wife who died of early-onset Alzheimer’s disease at the age of 69, he can now look back and relive the memories of the numerous happy celebrations they both shared throughout their almost 25-year marriage with gratitude and hope for the future.
When being a control freak is a very good thing
Think of a very uncomfortable subject that you don’t like to talk or even think about.
By any chance was that subject death?
If it is, you’re not alone. Given the option of getting a root canal or talking about our eventual demise, many would leap into the dental chair. Why? What’s so yucky about death? It’s an inevitable outcome of our life experience here on earth. To my knowledge, no one has successfully hidden from the grim reaper when it came knocking at their door. So what’s the big deal? I’ll tell you what’s the big deal.
Unconditional support at home and on the field
via Jim Caviezel’s challenge to 12s: Now is the time when Seahawks need us most.
Washington State’s own Jim Caviezel, film and television actor, wrote a fabulous article for the Seattle Times newspaper, attached above. I echo his sentiments about the importance of unconditional support.
Most parents don’t have a problem understanding the concept of unconditional love when it comes to their children. When a child messes up, they don’t give up on him or abandon him. Parents retain the hope that their child will do better next time, and they stand by their child to help him get there. Read the rest of this entry »
Entering the arena of vulnerability
Now that my novel is finished, I decided to re-post an article I wrote about daring greatly. Everything we do requires a certain amount of risk: walking across the street, going on a 1st date, changing careers. But if we don’t take a calculated risk, we’ll never see the inside of the arena; we’ll never know what we missed.
I hope you enjoy reading this article that served to remind me that as I start to look for agent representation for my first novel, I should do so with the confidence that my vulnerability will one day pay off.
It’s not the critic who counts; it’s not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles; or where the doer of deeds could have done them better.
(Photo credit: Wikipedia)
The credit goes to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred with dust and sweat and blood, who strives valiantly and who errs and fails, and is sometimes victorious. But when he fails, at least he does so daring greatly.
The above is an abbreviated quote from Theodore Roosevelt’s speech, Citizenship in a Republic a/k/a The Man in the Arena, delivered at the Sorbonne in Paris, France, on April 23, 1910.
Brené Brown, PhD, paraphrased the above when appearing on Oprah Winfrey’s show, Super Soul Sunday. I admit – I’m addicted to the types of shows that challenge the way I think, and/or that validate the way I think. This particular show that…
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A Super Bowl loss is not a matter of life or death
It may feel like that, but it’s really not. Win, Lose or Draw, it’s (only) a Game – Not a Matter of Life or Death – by Dietrich Gruen (Hospice Chaplain).
Dietrich Gruen, the author of the attached article, is a Green Bay Packers fan. My team, the Seattle Seahawks, beat his team in the game he references in his attached article. When I’m on the receiving end of a victory, I’m always cognizant of the fact that when I’m celebrating a win, there are those who are bemoaning a loss.
Well, let me tell you, the football field is a great equalizer, as was evident yesterday when the Seahawks lost the Super Bowl to the New England Patriots. It was a devastating loss, but it was not life-changing.
Sure, it may change some aspects of some of the Seattle team members’ lives, but it won’t alter what is truly valuable: life itself. With several hours separation between Seattle’s shocking loss and now, I’m able to re-categorize that loss as a speed bump. Read the rest of this entry »
Are you a listener?
And when you think you’re listening, are you really listening or are you constructing a response to the person who is talking to you? All the instructional teachings I’ve read about being fully present in any given situation indicate that true listening can’t afford the luxury of distraction.
True listening honors the person with whom you’re connecting. Conversely, being distracted reveals ones disregard for someone. Read the rest of this entry »
Teamwork: playing nice together
As a child, do you remember being admonished to “play nice together” with your siblings or friends? Or perhaps you’re a grandparent who has encouraged your grandchildren to behave better with others by using that same phrase. I like it, and I think playing nice together needs to be a part of our daily life strategy. Read the rest of this entry »
Throw a victory party, not a pity party, for yourself
Start the new year by celebrating your successes | Health | The Seattle Times. Dr. Tony Hacker’s article in the January 18, 2015 Seattle Times newspaper mirrors my thoughts: celebrate even the smallest of victories in your life.
Some of us feel our lives should be characterized by humility rather than pride. Sounds admirable but can lead to self-deprecation and result in drawing more attention to ourselves than not. One of the ways in which we practice this brand of humility is by being critical of ourselves when we don’t measure up to our great expectations. “…(I)f we set our standards too high we never feel that what we do is good enough.” What an unfair bar we set for ourselves. Read the rest of this entry »
A Friday good feeling
My husband and I purchase our wine at grocery stores where we can earn Fuel Points. We also purchase our wine 6 bottles at a time so we can get a 10% discount on our wine.
Today I purchased gas at a local Shell station and received a 60 cents per gallon discount for a $1.99 per gallon price. That’s the first time I’ve purchased gas under $2.00 in quite some time. (The going rate locally is between $2.59 and $2.79.)
It’s great finding a way in which to save money that is both pleasurable and profitable.
And that’s my Friday good feeling.
Why I Volunteer for Research, Part I
In this particular instance, the thought of being a human guinea pig feels very, very comforting. Being able to help find a cure for Alzheimer’s that goes beyond monetary contributions sets up a legacy for many as a result of Ms. Hedreen’s extraordinary efforts. Ann Hedreen’s book is available on Amazon and at most retailers.
by Ann Hedreen
Here are two of the many things that scare me: having to change a tire all by myself (because I’ve never done it) and camping in bear country (because I have). Here are two of the few things that don’t scare me: taking pop quizzes and getting poked with needles. These slim categories of fearlessness make me a natural volunteer for Alzheimer’s research.
My mother grew up in Montana and nothing much scared her. She not only changed tires, she put chains on tires by herself, tying them together with shoelaces if they didn’t fit right, lying under the car in a snow storm. As for camping, after a twenty-year hiatus, she decided to try it again—solo, with four children in tow. We didn’t see any bears. The worst thing that happened was that we forgot spoons for our cereal. The best thing was being with Mom…
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If Alzheimer’s disease isn’t a secret, then why are we whispering?
Alzheimers Research Funding Lags Other Diseases- Dementia – AARP. The January/February 2015 AARP Bulletin focuses on the prevalence of Alzheimer’s disease in America. The cover contains photos of fifteen celebrities who died from the disease. Some of those spotlighted may surprise you because their cause of death was not broadcast to the media.
What a shame.
It’s a shame that the stigma attached to the disease still manages to relegate Alzheimer’s to the closet. Cancer used to be that closeted disease – so much so that many years ago people shied away from even mentioning the word, preferring to call it “The Big C.” Before Alzheimer’s disease, cancer was the whispered disease but now the populous embraces each and every body part afflicted, even those considered of a private nature: breast, ovary, prostate, rectum. Read the rest of this entry »
I’ll write what I damn well please
Where has freedom of the press, and freedom of speech gone?
Must we concern ourselves with offending every element of society – friendly or adverse – with the words we choose to express ourselves? to express our views? Whether political or religious views; whether mundane topics such as fashion or dining; are we supposed to produce euphemistic journalism so as to avoid ruffling the feathers of another person’s beliefs or opinions?
That’s not my plan.
Read the rest of this entry »
Caring for our elders
9 Reasons why it‘s important to care for our elders – by Sai Santosh K.
The attached article from the Kindness Blog immediately caught my attention. Please take the time to click on the above link to discover nine easy ways to help an elder in your community. Whether that person is a family member, or a perfect stranger, the basic truth remains the same. As an advocate for the elderly I can’t help but encourage all of us to practice respect for those older than ourselves. Read the rest of this entry »
Welcome to the year 2015!
If you’re like me, you’re wondering how another year has slipped by so quickly. I’m sure there were a few of the 52 weeks that seemed to slog by, but all in all we can now look back and marvel at what we accomplished, or what others accomplished in our stead, during the past 365 days.
An accomplishment with which I’m happy is having authored this blog for the past three and a half years. I’ve provided this blog for you, but I’ve also provided it for me because I truly enjoy having the opportunity to share my experiences and my viewpoints; I hope in the process that I have encouraged, helped, and entertained you. From the start of Baby Boomers and More in 2011 to the end of 2014, I posted 520 articles. I’d be a very happy blogger if the quality of those articles surpassed the quantity because if I’m just talking into thin air without benefit to others, its hardly worth the space my blog occupies.
Here are links to the five most visited articles in the year 2014 based on WordPress statistics:
Read the rest of this entry »
Do you believe in magic?
My December 29, 2012 Horoscope:
Today is a 7. Now’s perfect to start a new writing project; no need to wait until next year. Put down your thoughts without worrying about form, one word at a time.
Prior to 12/29/2012 I would have stood by my belief that Horoscopes are merely faulty predictions by faulty people provided to those of us who are humored by such baseless declarations of personalized present and future outcomes.
But that personalized declaration for Irene on a day in late December 2012 was right on the money.
The backstory: During the summer of 2012 I made the decision to write a novel that focuses on the lives of caregivers of loved ones with Alzheimer’s and other dementia. The focus would be split with equal attention spent on the person with the disease. My book’s mission: to put a personal face on those every day people (that’s you and me) thrust onto the memory-removing disease journey. Once I made the decision to write a book, I set January 1, 2013 as the start date for my project.
That start date was moved up based on the extremely accurate Horoscope (see above) for this wannabe author whose birthday fell under the sign of the bull: Taurus.
I obeyed the directive and sat at my computer that very day and managed to write page after page of content. Wow! I’m writing a novel! It was quite exhilarating being able to spew page after page of fictional story line based on experiences I had with my father, my sister-in-law, and the many people with whom I became acquainted during my years of work with vulnerable adults.
I finished the “final” version of my manuscript earlier this month and set the timeline for next steps: starting January 1, 2015 I will actively seek representation for my novel. Oddly enough, that seems to jive with today’s Horoscope (2 years after the first timely Horoscope) if you force a few of the jigsaw puzzle pieces to fit what’s currently going on in my life.
My December 29, 2014 Horoscope:
Today is a 6. Hide away somewhere peaceful and you can get some productive thinking in. Inspire intuitive leaps. Creative work pays well now. Don’t squander an enticing opportunity. Meditate on it, and your choice comes to you. Nurture your physical health with exercise, good food and rest.
I guess I may as well get to it based on previous personal declarations that brought me to this stage of my writing career. Seriously, why wait when I can do it now?
If you’re interested in how this all pans out for me, I hope you’ll Follow my blog for updates. If you’re already a Follower, stay tuned for more predictions and/or fabulous outcomes.
My wish for you: joy in good measure
It’s always a pleasure putting my thoughts and words out there to those who follow me and to those who, by happenstance, land on my site. Either way, I’m grateful for your attention.
Some of you are anticipating a joyous Holiday experience.
Others are biding their time wishing the season would quickly pass them by, especially now that they are constantly bombarded by good vibes that they believe have no chance of alighting on them.
If joy is your portion this season, please share your delight with those who are lacking – either directly, or through your projected good wishes and thoughts. I strongly believe that positive energy has a way of catching up with those depleted souls in need of a boost.
Sometimes our light goes out but is blown into flame by another human being. – Albert Schweitzer
I have some light to spare, do you?
Welcoming light from a neighbor’s living room
Have you ever struggled to fall asleep or stay asleep? At some point during that struggle, did you say to yourself (yourself being the only person awake at the time) Screw it! I may as well get out of bed and start my day.
There are far too many of those late night and early morning day-starters for me to recount in this article – the most recent being Monday, December 22nd when my day started at 3:30 a.m. My “best” record occurred a few years ago when I never managed to fall asleep so in that instance my day started the previous day. Read the rest of this entry »
Viral construction cranes or vibrant human activity?
Guest: As Seattle grows, will the community and character stay? | Opinion | The Seattle Times. by Taso G. Lagos
Here we go again: I’ve linked another article about neighbors and community. I’m not making this stuff up, folks; I’m not the only person out there who appears to be hyper-focused on neighborly kinship. When I posted my article, The importance of good neighbors, I had been experiencing a comforting sense of neighborliness resultant from how attentive my neighbors have been to me after a recent household accident in which I injured my back and right hip. Their outpouring of support wasn’t surprising to me at all – my neighbors are what I consider super neighbors – but their support clicked with me in such a way that I had to boast about them; so I did. Read the rest of this entry »
Living: the ultimate team sport 