Quality of Life
Getting There – the road to success
This post celebrates my sister, Mary Riesche, of Mary Riesche Studios.
In current society where instant everything is perhaps more coveted than endurance and consistency, it’s a joy to write about success that comes only after many years of hard work and relentless effort.
When you know what turns you on and gives your life purpose, you’ll stop at nothing to fulfill that purpose.
My sister has drawn or painted since she could hold a crayon. She’s just a wee bit older than me so those of you who know how old I am can surmise that my sister has stuck with her artistic endeavors for quite some time.
Perhaps at first, neither Mary nor our parents figured the early talent she exhibited would be more than a passing fancy. (Let’s face it, children change what they want to be when they grow up just about as often as they change their underwear … maybe more frequently.) Once Mary started to dig in, however, and was enrolled in classes at the Honolulu Academy of Arts, it was obvious to all of us that she was in it for the long haul, in it to win it, full speed ahead … you get the idea.
I’m currently reading a fabulous book, Getting There, by Gillian Zoe Segal, that follows the sometimes hard luck but always rewarding success stories of several business and entertainment professionals. Matthew Weiner, Mad Men creator, didn’t become a successful writer with his very first story idea – that would be way too convenient and certainly not a very interesting read. Getting There spotlights the various roads to success on which men and women have traveled, roads that contained many rejection speed bumps along the way. He had this to say about overnight success, and I quote verbatim from the book, Read the rest of this entry »
Valuable acts of kindness
NEVER Underestimate What a Little Kindness Can do.
I’ve said this before and I’ll say it again: every act of kindness we extend to others; every bit of care we provide others, is extremely valuable.
My post Do Little Rather than Nothing suggests that we have the ability to change someone else’s life, 365 days of the year. The attached article at the top of this post reveals how important one person’s generous act was to someone whose life was about to change forever.
Why do we wait until we can do something grandiose to exert a positive imprint on mankind? Why do we ignore the multitude of small opportunities presented to us in which we can impact a person’s life for the better? Whether that opportunity requires we spend 30 cents or 3 minutes on someone in need, we always have a choice of whether or not to allow a momentary inconvenience to be a part of our day – a miniscule inconvenience that nonetheless greatly benefits others. Read the rest of this entry »
Tree of Life
I’m going to once again look to Dr. Bernie S. Siegel, and quote directly from a page in his book, 365 Prescriptions for the Soul.
Stand tall and proud. Remember your roots! Be content with your natural Beauty. Drink plenty of water. Enjoy the View! – Illan Shamir, Advice from a Tree
If we are busily performing deeds but never stop to reach up for knowledge and wisdom, our tree of life will have no branches and many roots. Without branches, how can it move and respond with the winds of life? Or if we accumulate great knowledge but perform no deeds, then we are like a tree with many branches but no roots, and we will be blown over by the winds of fortune.
We must see that our tree of life contains both wisdom and deeds. Then our branches will spread and our deep roots will provide support and nourishment. We will be able to survive the storms and droughts that life presents us.
A cure for the workaholic
There just aren’t enough hours in the day.
Your To-Do list seems to grow longer with every passing day.
Your daily or weekly “free” time gets shorter and shorter.
You juggle so many tasks and responsibilities, you’re starting to lose track of the important things in your life.
Take the following test to determine if you’re a workaholic. Does this scenario, or a scenario like it, sound all too familiar?
If it frustrates you that they don’t allow laptops on a Ferris wheel, you may be a workaholic. – Dr. Donald E. Wetmore
How’d you do?
How’s Karma treating you?
Good Karma for Mrs. Sherman. If you think what you do – great or small – has little effect on the world at large, think again. The attached article by author Brad Meltzer tells a story that will make you a firm believer in the theory that the order of the universe isn’t random, it’s prescribed and you are one of the prescribers. (Please read this very brief commentary, then read Mr. Metzer’s fabulous article as a treat for your efforts.)
Here’s an excerpt from Mr. Meltzer’s article in which Brad illustrates the best lesson of all:
When you do something good in the world, it brings out the good in others. And it always, eventually, spreads good elsewhere.
Wouldn’t you rather be an instrument for good, rather than evil? If you aspire to make an impact on the world, what kind of imprint are you leaving? Are you waiting for the right time to do something grandiose to benefit mankind, or are you doing important deeds on a daily basis, regardless of how small?
You might say, “I always do good things for others but rarely get to see the impact of those good actions.”
Test your ice cream knowledge
With summer upon us, we’re sure to stock our freezers with some sort of frozen confection: ice cream, frozen yogurt, sherbet, ice cream bars. My oh my, the possibilities are absolutely astonishing! The latest issue of Food Network Magazine provides some tasty statistics for your educational entertainment. The next time you have a family gathering, test your guests’ preferences; see how close they come to the Food Network fans’ tastes:
Casual vs addictive ice cream eater: 74% have at least one carton of ice cream in their freezer right now … 6% have at least four!
Favorite toppings: fudge at 57%; caramel at 20%; other (?) at 18%; and butterscotch at 5%.
Types & cones: scooped ice cream 74% and soft-serve 26%; waffle cone 61%, sugar cone 28%, and cake cone 11%.
Plain or fancy: 55% prefer ice cream with stuff in it (like chocolate chips); 45% like it unadulterated. Read the rest of this entry »
Caregivers: take a bow
Applause. Please, please, please read the attached mini-article written by a 30-something year old blogger who is taking care of her mother who has Alzheimer’s.
I’ve written about how important it is to do good things, say nice things, and appreciate the people around you. There’s a group of people out there that could really use some of those good vibes: family caregivers. You encounter them everywhere you go. You may not know they’re caregivers, but believe me, if you build them up, rather than tear them down, you will have done a very good thing. You might be just the person she/he needs to get through a very trying day.
The next time you leave your house, set out to make someone’s day. Don’t rely on some other stranger to do it; it’s up to you.
What are you: a builder-upper or a tearer-downer?
Every day, and every encounter during each day, we have the opportunity to do good, or to do bad; to improve upon someone’s day, or ruin it for them.
Right now, or at the end of this day, think about the opportunities presented to you. Now think of what you allowed to come forth.
Did you let a car get into your lane when a person was trying to get out of a business parking lot on a very busy street while you were in a hurry, and perhaps running late, and therefore had every reason not to stop for five seconds to allow that car into the flow of traffic?
Depending upon how you acted in that situation, the driver of that car felt this way:
or the driver of that vehicle felt this way:
He may even have felt this way:
which would eventually make him feel this way:
How did you fare today?
- Just for today, let go of anger.
- Just for today, let go of worry.
- Just for today, give thanks for your many blessings.
- Just for today, do your work honestly.
- Just for today, be kind to your neighbor and every living thing.
And do it again tomorrow and the next day.
If you don’t wanna walk, how about hip hop?
Canadian high school dance teacher Shirley Clements, performs with her students at a Hip-Hop competition! This amazing woman has inspired countless dancers throughout the years and continues to inspire every day!
60 YEAR OLD KILLS HIP-HOP ROUTINE. I hope you enjoy this fabulous dance routine to Bruno Mars’ song, Up Town Funk You Up. Most likely this woman will never have to walk around any shopping malls if she keeps up this level of activity.
Click on the link, turn up the volume, and enjoy!
Two legs and a good pair of shoes
We should ALL be walking, even people with dementia.
That’s all you need! Walking is one of the least expensive modes of exercise you’ll ever find. Correction: you need legs, good shoes, and room to walk. The good news is that even if you don’t live in a neighborhood where walking is appropriate, you can walk around the mall; you can walk the perimeter of your apartment or house; you can walk up and down the corridors of your building; you can walk in place … I know, boring, but you get the idea … WALK!
Walking is one of the best weight-bearing exercises us humans can do to protect our bones. At a recent doctor’s appointment, I bragged to my doctor that every week I do Bar Method exercises, yoga, weight lifting, and recumbent bike … and every once in a while I walk. She said, “The only weight-bearing exercise in that list is walking. Get out there and walk!” Read the rest of this entry »
Do little, rather than nothing
I’ve written about this topic before: Positive community activism; Spineless inaction: the bystander effect; Your positive imprint on mankind.
And I’m writing about it again, but I’m going to let Dr. Bernie S. Siegel be my mouthpiece on this one because he addresses the importance of making a difference in the lives of others in this excerpt from: 365 Prescriptions for the Soul. Here’s the selection verbatim: Read the rest of this entry »
The value of green
Here’s a very quick blog entry that I’m providing to get you started on your long-weekend.
For in the true nature of things, if we rightly consider, every green tree is far more glorious than if it were made of gold and silver. – Martin Luther
Your positive imprint on mankind
Our perspective of the world and all its needs can be very humbling. Many times we witness the need but can’t do much about it.
The earthquakes in Nepal and the world-wide response to that tragedy is startling and heart-warming at the same time. The massively horrible weather in parts of the United States with its past winter snow and torrential downpours – and the recent spring incursion of hurricanes and tornadoes – almost paralyzes the remainder of us because we have so little to offer in response, other than a monetary donation to a charitable response organization.
Is that really the case? Do we feel that because we can’t offer hands-on assistance in extremely serious and urgent circumstances as outlined above, we have nothing at all to offer a very exigent world?
Why wrinkles are a very good thing
Here’s a direct quote from Dr. Bernie S. Siegel’s 365 Prescriptions for the Soul. I’ll let his, and John Kenneth Galbraith’s words, say it all:
If wrinkles must be written upon our brows, let them not be written upon the heart. The spirit should never grow old. – John Kenneth Galbraith
When you wash something, it can come out wrinkled. That’s life! Just remember, if God puts you through the wringer it’s because you’re worth laundering. If I were given the choice between dying young and developing wrinkles, the answer would be clear to me. I choose life, come what may, regardless of old age and wrinkles. Read the rest of this entry »
Decision making roadblocks
I like what I like. How many times have you been asked to choose between one thing and another, you choose the thing, and then you’re asked, “What made you choose that?” If you’re the mother of Not Quite the Plan‘s author, your answer is, “I like what I like.”
I love the example of this mini-dilemma found in the attached article. The blog author’s mother, I’ll call her Mrs. Mom, cuts to the chase; she doesn’t waste any time deliberating; she simply knows what she likes: she doesn’t like the cat that keeps jumping on her lap, but she does like fudge bars. Mrs. Mom has dementia. Perhaps because of her condition, the decisions she makes are far less complicated than they used to be. Her measuring rod: I like what I like.
Weighing the pros and cons is a very important step in the decision making process, but oftentimes we get hung up on the P & C list and fall into the paralysis by analysis quagmire. The list doesn’t have to be multiple pages long and it doesn’t have to be perfected before we take the first step. What’s the worse that could happen? Let’s look at the possibilities. Read the rest of this entry »
Sexual intimacy in memory care
The attached New York Times article by Pam Belluck addresses the ambiguous loss experienced by men and women whose spouses are still alive, but not fully there. More specifically, it addresses the need for intimacy that still exists for the spouse without cognitive decline, and that can also exist for the spouse with the decline.
It is a well-known fact that advancing age doesn’t mean the end of desire for sexual intimacy. Whether in the privacy of ones home or in a long-term care housing situation, sex is alive and well. Even people with varying degrees of dementia maintain the desire for intimacy. What the above NY Times article so carefully exposes, however, is that sometimes the act of consent for such intimacy can be a subjective one when viewed by a third party. Read the rest of this entry »
Setting aside our perceived limitations
Earlier this year, Richard Glatzer, co-director of the award winning movie, Still Alice, died at the age of 63 after battling ALS for four years. It would have been unfortunate if he had gone with his first reaction when approached to adapt Lisa Genova’s novel into a movie. (Evidently, he almost turned down the project.) Fortunately for us, he did not. One article on this subject indicated that it was Glatzer’s personal connection to independence-robbing illness that gave Still Alice a greater authenticity.
From what I understand, Mr. Glatzer used one finger – using a text-to-speech app – to communicate every directive. I don’t have to know anything about film directing to understand that doing so with his “limitations” would have been extraordinarily clumsy and time consuming. I wonder if his decision to accept the project was made in part because he believed he was the best person for the job. Did you see the movie? Wouldn’t you agree?
Yet all of us are faced with far less daunting struggles than those experienced by Mr. Glatzer and we cave in to our well-honed ability to find every reason not to pursue a task that requires exceptional action on our part.
I’m ashamed of all the excuses I’ve come up with to postpone – or to avoid entirely – new ventures that required more of me than I was willing to give. Ugh – I grieve those lost opportunities when I think of the benefit to me and others such ventures would have provided. But crying over spilled milk won’t undo the past.
Going forward I can commit to seizing new opportunities and disregarding the emotional and physical hurdles in my path.
I can, but will I?
Will you?
App-licable to retirees
Some of us have owned smartphones for quite some time now. Others have finally joined the 21st century, just recently retiring their Motorola flip phone. (Love you Honey!)
Sure, the latest and greatest phones are used to make calls – oddly enough not as frequently as we send texts – but they can also help us through our day-to-day schedules. Jonah Bromwich, New York Times columnist, provides retirees with information on apps we might find quite useful. Read the rest of this entry »
Neurological hell
NFL players are choosing early retirement. Is the future of football under scrutiny?
http://wapo.st/1xvFq9p
I LOVE football. Actually, I love the Seattle Seahawks, but I cringe each time a player gets pummeled in the head.
The above Washington Post article suggests American football may some day fall away as a sport, similar to what happened to boxing. Many years ago, I remember boxing being the sport that people gathered around their televisions to watch, whether at home or in the bars. I can understand why nowadays most of us would rather not watch two people bash each other in the head; a head with virtually no protection in the boxing ring. But even with all the sophisticated helmet and body gear covering football players on the field, players are still sustaining concussions that could sooner or later place them in neurological hell. Read the rest of this entry »
Rejection is a passing fantasy
Have you ever been rejected? Read the attached NY Times article: Accepted? Rejected? Relax You’ll see that the article was retitled since it first appeared so when you click on the link, you’ll see the subject matter as being about college admissions.
Rejection affects all of us: it’s not just about college admission policies.
I’m a writer; I should know.
I’ve only been looking for an agent for 30 days, therefore the 15 rejections – or what I like to call not interesteds – I’ve received out of 60 submissions sent is only 25% of the total so far. Wow, 75% of the agents haven’t turned me down yet! Read the rest of this entry »
My Heroines: International Women’s Day
International Women’s Day: My Heroines. My heroines may look different from those posted in the attached article, and they certainly will look different from those you may consider as your heroines. That’s a very good thing because we all have different takes on the subject but the outcome is the same: heroines we admire that made a difference in their world, and in ours.
My mother: Patricia Constance Conroy Desonier was born in 1917 and died in 1994. Mom was a fair disciplinarian to us three kids and a fabulous confidant as an adult. To lose her when I was forty years old was a devastating loss for me. My biggest disappointment is that she didn’t live long enough to meet my current husband, an extraordinary man whom I met – almost exactly to the date – two years after mom died. Words to describe my mother (in addition to the above): talented musician, seamstress, faithful and supportive wife, involved parent, community activist, volunteer extraordinaire. Read the rest of this entry »
Requiem for the status quo
Allow me to reintroduce myself:
My name is Irene. I am the author of the upcoming novel Requiem for the status quo.
Some of you know me as a family member, friend, or casual acquaintance. Others are familiar with me as the author of this blog, a writer who has posted hundreds of articles over the past several years. Still others know me because of my professional connections as a volunteer advocate for vulnerable adults living in long-term care (LTC) facilities, or because of my years as an Alzheimer’s Association support group facilitator.
I’m here to announce that in addition to being the family member/friend/acquaintance/volunteer/co-employee of the past and present, I am also the novelist who has something to say.
“Oh my gosh Irene, I didn’t realize your book was already published!”
It’s not, but I’m actively pursuing agent representation by contacting several agents per day until I no longer need to.
“Why should people be interested in your book?”
Because I have an engaging way of writing about Alzheimer’s disease – a disease that will affect each and every one of you because until a cure or vaccine is developed to eradicate it, this disease is here to stay. Whether a person’s diagnosis falls into the actual Alzheimer’s category, or into one of several other dementia such as: vascular, lewy body, frontal temporal, Parkinson’s, or dementia resultant from a traumatic brain injury (TBI), there’s no escaping its effect on the unpaid caregiver (that’s you and me) and the person being cared for (spouse, partner, mother, father, brother or sister).
And here’s a fact of which some of you may not be aware: Alzheimer’s is not just an older person’s disease; an increasing number of people are being diagnosed well-before the age of 60.
“Say it isn’t so, Irene.”
I can’t do that. What I can do, however, is tell you a wee bit about my book: Read the rest of this entry »
A loved one’s move into memory care
An Alzheimer’s Love Story: The First Day of the Rest of My Life.
I hope you’ll watch the attached 4 minute video that chronicles a husband’s experience of moving his wife into a memory care facility.
This is not a decision that comes easily to anyone.
Think about it. You’ve spent decades living with the love of your life. Your days are structured around each other; the ebb and flow of all those hours are what you crave and enjoy.
You are faced with what will most certainly be an irreversible decision to leave your wife in the hands of others. You feel guilty, regardless of how well-informed and appropriate the decision. Read the rest of this entry »
Respect the crabby old lady
When I’m an old lady and end up in a care facility, I sincerely hope my personality and attitudes don’t relegate me to the category of “that crabby old lady in Room 210.” Have you visited someone in a nursing home or hospital and had the distinct feeling that the patients were treated like numbers or medical cases? You know what I mean: “the urinary tract infection in 4A” or “the decubitis in South 6.” Wow, that’s a horrible thing to consider for myself: the history of all my years on this earth being characterized as a medical condition or an intolerable behavior resulting from that condition.
What about my history of being a pretty darn good mother/wife/business person/neighbor/community volunteer/friend? Doesn’t that person still exist within the body occupying that bed?
Let’s all take the time to read this poem that depicts such a scene. Gender-wise, this could be about a crabby old man as well. Read the rest of this entry »
The first Valentine’s Day without your loved one
The first Valentine’s Day without your loved one..
I’m re-posting this article I wrote back in 2012 that discusses one of the many “first times” survivors go through after the death of a loved one.
My article contains a link to another blogger’s article in which he discusses the experience of his first Valentine’s Day without his wife. On a personal note, that blogger is my brother, a man who came through that period of his life a survivor. Although he still misses his wife who died of early-onset Alzheimer’s disease at the age of 69, he can now look back and relive the memories of the numerous happy celebrations they both shared throughout their almost 25-year marriage with gratitude and hope for the future.
When being a control freak is a very good thing
Think of a very uncomfortable subject that you don’t like to talk or even think about.
By any chance was that subject death?
If it is, you’re not alone. Given the option of getting a root canal or talking about our eventual demise, many would leap into the dental chair. Why? What’s so yucky about death? It’s an inevitable outcome of our life experience here on earth. To my knowledge, no one has successfully hidden from the grim reaper when it came knocking at their door. So what’s the big deal? I’ll tell you what’s the big deal.
Unconditional support at home and on the field
via Jim Caviezel’s challenge to 12s: Now is the time when Seahawks need us most.
Washington State’s own Jim Caviezel, film and television actor, wrote a fabulous article for the Seattle Times newspaper, attached above. I echo his sentiments about the importance of unconditional support.
Most parents don’t have a problem understanding the concept of unconditional love when it comes to their children. When a child messes up, they don’t give up on him or abandon him. Parents retain the hope that their child will do better next time, and they stand by their child to help him get there. Read the rest of this entry »
Entering the arena of vulnerability
Now that my novel is finished, I decided to re-post an article I wrote about daring greatly. Everything we do requires a certain amount of risk: walking across the street, going on a 1st date, changing careers. But if we don’t take a calculated risk, we’ll never see the inside of the arena; we’ll never know what we missed.
I hope you enjoy reading this article that served to remind me that as I start to look for agent representation for my first novel, I should do so with the confidence that my vulnerability will one day pay off.
It’s not the critic who counts; it’s not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles; or where the doer of deeds could have done them better.
(Photo credit: Wikipedia)
The credit goes to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred with dust and sweat and blood, who strives valiantly and who errs and fails, and is sometimes victorious. But when he fails, at least he does so daring greatly.
The above is an abbreviated quote from Theodore Roosevelt’s speech, Citizenship in a Republic a/k/a The Man in the Arena, delivered at the Sorbonne in Paris, France, on April 23, 1910.
Brené Brown, PhD, paraphrased the above when appearing on Oprah Winfrey’s show, Super Soul Sunday. I admit – I’m addicted to the types of shows that challenge the way I think, and/or that validate the way I think. This particular show that…
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A Super Bowl loss is not a matter of life or death
It may feel like that, but it’s really not. Win, Lose or Draw, it’s (only) a Game – Not a Matter of Life or Death – by Dietrich Gruen (Hospice Chaplain).
Dietrich Gruen, the author of the attached article, is a Green Bay Packers fan. My team, the Seattle Seahawks, beat his team in the game he references in his attached article. When I’m on the receiving end of a victory, I’m always cognizant of the fact that when I’m celebrating a win, there are those who are bemoaning a loss.
Well, let me tell you, the football field is a great equalizer, as was evident yesterday when the Seahawks lost the Super Bowl to the New England Patriots. It was a devastating loss, but it was not life-changing.
Sure, it may change some aspects of some of the Seattle team members’ lives, but it won’t alter what is truly valuable: life itself. With several hours separation between Seattle’s shocking loss and now, I’m able to re-categorize that loss as a speed bump. Read the rest of this entry »
Are you a listener?
And when you think you’re listening, are you really listening or are you constructing a response to the person who is talking to you? All the instructional teachings I’ve read about being fully present in any given situation indicate that true listening can’t afford the luxury of distraction.
True listening honors the person with whom you’re connecting. Conversely, being distracted reveals ones disregard for someone. Read the rest of this entry »
Living: the ultimate team sport 