Community outreach
It is never wrong to do good
You’ll never be faulted for doing your best.
Regardless of the outcome, always fall back on doing something for the common good.
I’m currently reading The Road to Character, a book by columnist and political pundit, David Brooks. I recently watched an interview of his with Oprah Winfrey and was so impressed with the subject matter, I purchased the book he was promoting.
Mr. Brooks talks and writes about the difference between Adam I and Adam II, the latter being the person who has lived a eulogy life, not the resume life of Adam I. You’ll need to read the book to understand the full contextual meaning, but what follows is just one of many elements that resounded with me. I provide this excerpt verbatim:
When a person gives a poor man shoes, does he do it for the poor man or for God? He should do it for God …
The poor will often be ungrateful, and you will lose heart if you rely on immediate emotional rewards for your work. But if you do it for God, you will never grow discouraged.
A person with a deep vocation is not dependent on constant positive reinforcement. The job doesn’t have to pay off every month, or every year.
The person thus called is performing a task because it is intrinsically good, not for what it produces.
You see, we’re not responsible for the outcome. Most of the time, we’ll never witness how our good deeds helped another person. If our motivation was only to observe first-hand the benefits such deeds might produce, we’d stop doing good in short order. We must exercise faith and hope that our actions are not wasted.
Your ability to discern your vocation depends on the condition of your eyes and ears, whether they are sensitive enough to understand the assignment your context is giving you. As the Jewish Mishnah puts it, “It’s not your obligation to complete the work, but neither are you free to desist from beginning it.”
All that we do with a clear conscience is good. We must not refrain from standing up and stepping forward. The good we do may be the beginning of a widespread process of well-being for others, or it may be the finishing touches on that which was started some time before you came into the picture.
It’s never too late to do good. Why resolutionize your intentions until next year? Start now.
See also: Your positive imprint on mankind, Do little rather than nothing, Valuable acts of kindness, Positive community activism
Introducing: Lainey Piland, environmental writer/advocate and photographer
In the past, I’ve written posts spotlighting an artist who uses paints, brushes and charcoal for her creations: Mary Riesche: artist and sister extraordinaire, and Art worth viewing: spotlight on Mary Riesche.
Today’s focus is on an artist who uses words, sentences, and photographs as the canvas for her creations.
Lainey Piland happens to be one of my stepdaughters, so with that matter disclosed, I can now continue to rave about her talents without any masked conflict of interest. When you check out her blog, A Day Without Rain, you’ll rave about her abilities as well.
I don’t think Lainey would mind my saying that as a youngster she was far from enamored with hiking in any shape or form. (This is a fact admitted by the artist herself and her father, my husband.) But in the past several years, hiking has indeed become a passion of hers. Her husband, TJ, benefits from her hiking passion and gifts her with acceptance and total lack of complaining when called upon to accompany her on her many jaunts throughout the Pacific Northwest. Read the rest of this entry »
Tips for helping a caregiver
The latest AARP Magazine had a fabulous article providing helpful ways in which to make a caregiver’s life just a wee bit – or quite a bit – better. Here are a few tips for you to adopt in your life.
- Bring her a low-maintenance houseplant
- Take in his mail
- Do yard upkeep, whether raking leaves, mowing the lawn, shoveling snow
- When you’re heading out to buy groceries, ask him if you can pick some things up for him
- Take her kids or grandkids to the park or to a movie
- Stop by with a board game or a movie to watch – a perfect way to get his mind off things
- Visit her with a pet that has a sweet disposition
- Take his dog on a walk – maybe on a daily or weekly basis
- Do some light housework or repairs: dishes, vacuuming, dusting, ironing, smoke alarm battery and light bulb changing, fixing a leaky faucet
- Return her library books
- Volunteer to stay at home to wait for the cable technician, repairman, etc. while he attends to other more pressing needs
- Bring him a week’s worth of meals in freezable containers
- Send her a greeting card on an ongoing basis. Who doesn’t love to receive real postal mail?
- When visiting, let the person vent, without passing verbal judgment on what they may say
- Do an item or two on her To-Do list – I promise you, her list is extraordinarily long
- Offer to make a photo album with him, using photos that mean a lot to him and the rest of the family
- Give him a gift card to a restaurant he may enjoy, or better yet, take him out to dinner
- Help him decorate for the holidays
- Drop off or pick up a prescription
- Keep in touch with her, even after her loved one passes. Too often, the grieving one has more attention than she can handle immediately after someone dies, then when she could really use some TLC, no one can be found.
Normal is highly under-rated
Have you ever experienced a time when things just weren’t going right or you were ill and felt you would never again return to normal?
Of course you have, we all have. We were so wrapped up in our current state of affairs, we couldn’t even remember what normal feels like. This phenomena may also be characterized as craving the status quo, a condition that many of us usually abhor, given the option of leading an eventful and stimulating life.
When we’re on our knees praying to the Universe for a break – or perhaps worshiping the Porcelain God with an upside down stomach – we’ll give anything for boredom, a heightened state of normalcy, or a long stretch of monotony.
My suggestion to you: the next time your yawns make you impatient for something different, be careful what you wish for and enjoy the ennui while you can.
And when you’re going through a rough patch, remember that when you’re in the dumps, this too shall pass, and when it does, you’ll have the opportunity to relish the calming state of normalcy once again.
It’s always nice having something to look forward to, isn’t it?
Caregiving 101 through 1001
I’ve written several articles over the years about the importance of assembling a caregiving team when caring for a loved one – a team that doesn’t necessarily rely on family because not everyone has a participatory family when it comes to these matters. Of all the life-changes we encounter during our journey, caregiving is one of – if not the most difficult – speed bump to get over.
Caregiving: the ultimate team sport suggests how one might use the strengths of each team/family member to handle the varied needs during the caregiving journey.
Family dynamics that hamper caregiving success exposes the need to let go of stereotypes or childhood roles that don’t serve siblings well as adults. If ever there was a time to work together for the greater good – taking care of a family member with dementia or other terminal illness – this ranks right up there at the top.
Solo caregiving addresses the needs of the person who appears to be strapped with fulfilling all the roles needed for a successful caregiving venture. As the sole caregiver, you need not settle into those roles, not without the help of other, well-meaning individuals. Certainly, much relies on the neighbor, coworker, even casual acquaintance, but said entities are a resource from which much assistance can be found.
And here are several more articles for the caregivers out there – and those acquainted with a caregiver – to provide some wisdom and encouragement through the tough times: Read the rest of this entry »
Why I love the internet
Sure, it’s convenient and very utilitarian for our every-day use. As a writer, I benefit greatly from an online Thesaurus to use alternate words. Case in point, there’s gotta be a better way to say, “Colleen got angry (irked, vexed, indignant, apoplectic, choleric) when traffic made her late for her hair appointment.”
And among the many other reasons for which I use the internet, I count on it for quick access to a recipe for an I’m too exhausted to be creative meal on a Monday night or in the alternative, a restaurant that’s not too far away from home and can seat us at the last minute. Bottom line, I take full advantage of what the inter-web has to offer.
But the biggest reason I love the internet is that it reaches anyone who has access to any type of computer device – especially those in need of some sort of assistance when sorting out the difficulties of life. My need for a dining alternative pales in comparison to someone searching for help when caring for someone with a debilitating illness.
One of the blogs I follow: My Dementia Experience, is written by a woman, NorCalMom, who takes care of her mother-in-law. This delightful caregiver also has five children of her own. But NorCalMom jumped into caregiving with both feet in 2013 when Marie, her mother-in-law, moved in with her and the rest of her household because of Marie’s advancing dementia. Reading just one of this blogger’s posts will show an outsider what types of challenges NorCalMom faces on an ongoing basis.
As caregivers, and I’ve been one as well, we oftentimes “wing it” when it comes to handling the day-to-day, and shockingly acute, issues that occur during our caregiving journey. The unpredictable nature of Alzheimer’s or other dementia makes even the most mundane activities frustratingly impossible to handle with only a layman’s knowledge of providing care. For example, how does one communicate with a person who can no longer understand what is said to her and who can no longer respond cogently to questions proferred by their primary care person?
Caregivers need psychic powers to unravel the mystery of care providing. Or do they? Read the rest of this entry »
Focus on Caring: raising children who care
Source: 7 Ways To Help Your Kids Embrace Kindness – By Lucy Martial
We’ve all heard the admonishment that we should lead by example. The intent of that statement focuses on providing good examples for not only our own children and grandchildren, but also our neighbors’ children, school students, and all other young people with whom we come in contact. The final increment of this Focus on Caring series suggests that adopting an attitude of caring is best started at an earlier age.
If we live in such a way that our words and actions positively influence the younger set among us, we are to be rewarded. But if our actions negatively influence children, we’ve done them – and the world – a grave disservice.
The article attached above from the Kindness Blog – a website that ONLY provides stories that focus on kindness – lists seven suggestions for effectuating kindness in children.
My article focuses on two of the article’s very apt suggestions: Read the rest of this entry »
Perfecting our life’s target practice
Dr. Bernie Siegel, 365 Prescriptions for the Soul, provided the following regarding the art of focusing on the right target for our lives. The first quote is very timely advice by the late, great, Yogi Berra:
TARGET PRACTICE
You got to be careful if you don’t know where you’re going, because you might not get there. – Yogi Berra
Your target in life helps you to direct your course. So before you aim, be sure you choose the right target.
What are you aiming for? What is your goal? What goals are you trying to achieve? What are you trying to hit? These are the questions you need to ask yourself, because they tell you your direction and where you will end up.
The more target practice you engage in, the more likely you are to hit the bull’s-eye.
SOLUTION OF THE DAY
Take the time to refocus on your target. Ask the questions often to be sure to hone in on your center.
Focus on Caring: The ties that bind us
This week’s story is right out of a fabulous blog that I follow, The Kindness Blog. I’m submitting the story as it was written, in the 1st person, by the person involved.
I was in a really bad three-car accident a few years ago where a drunk driver ran a red light and hit another lady and me – the other lady died. This couple who had been leaving the Mosque across the street heard the accident happen and came running to help. It was cold out and I was just sitting on the side of the road shivering and cold. Read the rest of this entry »
Focus on Caring: Looking for trouble
My oh my how often we are on the road, driving to our intended destination, and we observe someone with car trouble. Each and every time I observe such a scene I always say a little prayer that the Universe will step in and send someone to be of assistance to this poor soul.
Thomas Weller of San Diego, California looks for trouble and provides assistance in the form of: fuel for those who thought driving on fumes would get them to their destination, a change of tire for that troublesome flat tire that started out as a slow leak but ended as a pancake, or a lift to a safer place so that the stranded motorist could get off the highway.
This isn’t a passing fancy of his, he’s been doing it for 50 years. Read the rest of this entry »
Time to recognize & bolster family caregivers
The proposed Recognize, Assist, Include, Support, and Engage (RAISE) Family Caregivers Act would require the development of an integrated national strategy to provide resources for under-served family caregivers in the United States. If you are not currently a caregiver for a loved one, you most likely will be, and no doubt you know of someone who is already an unpaid caregiver (as opposed to a hired caregiver) for a person in their family.
Source: Recognize, Assist, Include, Support, and Engage (RAISE) Family Caregivers Act – AARP
Many families, even those with young children, find themselves thrust into the role of caring for a loved one when they least expect it and can ill afford to. Caregiving for a child or an adult with disabilities, or caring for an adult with a debilitating illness, has become the norm for many in the United States and abroad.
These caregivers “prepare meals, handle finances, manage medications, drive to doctors’ appointments, help with bathing and dressing, perform complex medical tasks and more – all so loved ones can live at home.”
Keep in mind, the above tasks are those they were already performing for their own household, tasks that multiplied exponentially with the increased needs of their disabled or ill family member. Add a job outside of the home to all of that, and you have to wonder how these overworked and over-stressed heroes manage at all! Read the rest of this entry »
Focus on Caring: The Spineless Bystander Effect
On July 7, 2014, I wrote an article Spineless inaction: the bystander effect, an article that told the story of a female McDonald’s restaurant employee who was severely beaten by another woman. No one called 911, no one tried to intervene, but everyone within a block of the beating took cell phone video of the attack. That, my friends, is an example of spineless inaction.
I’m going to counter that horrific example with a rewarding one out of Buffalo, New York.
Darnell Barton, a bus driver in Buffalo, New York, was on his multi-trip route over a bridge on the expressway. Ahead of him, he could see a woman standing over the railing on the ledge; the intent of this woman was obvious to anyone who observed her. The entire episode was caught on the bus dashboard camera. Read the rest of this entry »
The Elephant in the Room
Have you ever jumped to conclusions or reacted ill-advisedly because you didn’t have all the information about a particular person or situation? If you haven’t, I guess I’m the only sorry person out there who has made that mistake far too many times throughout my life.
Dr. Bernie S. Siegel is my commentator today as I quote directly from his 365 Prescriptions for the Soul that starts with an Indian parable:
Three blind men touch an elephant. The first blind man was holding the elephant’s leg and said, “I think an elephant is like the trunk of a tree.” The second blind man was holding the elephant’s trunk and said, “An elephant is like a large snake.” The third blind man said, “An elephant is like a great wall,” while touching the elephant’s side.
You all know the story about the elephant that walked into an area where many blind men were living. They all wanted to know what the elephant was like. So when the elephant was captured, they were allowed to touch it. Of course their descriptions varied depending on the part of the elephant they touched. Read the rest of this entry »
Focus on Caring: Boundaries that constrain us
How are you defined? What kind of box would you fit into? Here are a few characteristics some might assign to me:
- White American
- Baby Boomer
- Pacific Northwest resident
- Wife
- Mother
- Sister, aunt, niece, cousin, friend
- Seattle Seahawks super fan
All items on that list are correct but if that’s all that people see about me, they’ve greatly reduced the trueness of who I am because my box also contains the following:
- spiritual but definitely not religious person
- free-thinker (is that redundant?)
- writer of things that matter to me
- advocate of the elderly and just about everyone else who crosses my path in life
Setting boundaries between who I am, and who you are, benefits no one.
Leonard Pitts, Jr. spoke at a TEDx event in February of this year. His 20 minute talk, The Boundaries We Choose, is readily available on YouTube so I strongly suggest you seek it out. He suggests, “Our labels shouldn’t define who we are and place us in a strict box.” He then spoke of labels one might put in his box: African American, Christian, Husband, Father, Fan of the LA Lakers. If you’ve read any of Mr. Pitts’ literary pieces in the Miami Herald or any of his books, you already know that he is more than the contents his box may imply. (To be sure, there is a very valid reason why he was named the 2004 Pulitzer Price Winner for Commentary.)
During his February TEDx talk, he provided a fabulous story that illustrates the downside of labels or identifying markers. I’ll let you discover that beautiful and clarifying story by watching his TEDx video, but for the purposes of this blog posting, I will provide you with one of his statements from that video.
Our bonds are more than connecting with certain markers that define people.
Examine, if you will, your way of describing something that happened to you during the course of your day.
When you relay a story about a person taking his or her time in line at the Starbucks store, holding everyone up for far too long a time, do you define the person this way?
This Asian woman in front of me acted like she owned the damn place. She was so selfish, taking her damn time ordering her fancy drink when all I wanted was a damn cup of brewed coffee.
Or did you simply say
This damn person in front of me took so much time ordering a fancy damn cup of coffee that I just about ran out of time to get my plain and simple cup of brewed coffee.
Tuesdays in September: Focus on Caring
Just a brief post to announce that I have designated each Tuesday in September as a day to Focus on Caring.
On September 1st (tomorrow) I’ll introduce the topic by providing extraordinary insight by Leonard Pitts, Jr. and my takeaway from his insight. On subsequent Tuesdays I will provide heartwarming and heart-wrenching stories about ordinary people, doing the ordinary right thing, at an extraordinary time.
In short, I will introduce you to people like you and me who, in my mind, are every day heroes: people who chose to do the right thing in an amazing way.
Be pro-something instead of anti-something
Helene Gayle, Care USA President and CEO, learned early on in her adult life that giving to others was a necessary part of her participation in this world. It makes sense, then, that she heads a major international humanitarian agency that delivers emergency relief and support for long-term development projects. This organization is nonsectarian, impartial, and non-governmental. In my estimation, what could be better than that? In the book, Getting There by Gillian Zoe Segal, Ms. Gayle had this to say about effecting social change:
Social change is better achieved by being for something (rather) than against something. Growing up, I was part of a protest generation. We protested the war and stood in support of liberation struggles in Africa. Whenever we saw a problem, we were “against” it.
It’s easy to think that by being against something you’re standing up for a cause, but if you want to have a greater impact, you need to ask yourself, “What do I stand for and what do I want to happen?”
In this world, there exists a me against her/us against them mentality that causes us to lose sight of where our focus should be. Read the rest of this entry »
Definition of sympathy
I am again relying on Dr. Bernie Siegel’s wisdom, found in his book 365 Prescriptions for the Soul, for this post. The older I get, the more I’m faced with opportunities in which to witness tragedy in the lives of those with whom I come in contact. Even after all these years, I have to meditate on what a particular person’s tragic situation may mean to him or her so that when we meet in person or by phone, I’ll do and say the right thing. Here is Dr. Siegel’s take on the matter which I present verbatim:
Sympathy
Sympathy is not about feeling pity for the person who has experienced a significant loss or problem. Being “simpatico” is about being congenial, winsome, and pleasant. To be sympathetic is to connect with the other person so she does not feel isolated by her problem. If you fear experiencing the other person’s pain, then you will not be able to be sympathetic.
Just as sympathy is not about pity, it is not about denial either. It is about accepting and relating to the person. When you do you will experience a fuller life and a feeling of closeness with the other person. In the sharing of sympathy we learn, and so we move up, in a sense, as human beings.
Being a sympathetic person will also attract others to you. They come not to share wounds and complain, but for understanding. When we are alone in our world and questioning life, a sympathetic word or touch can change our experience and help us to survive. To be held in the arms of sympathy is a gift that creates true healing.
Soulution of the Day
Be sympathetic in your words and actions, you never know when you may need some sympathy yourself.
Good citizenship starts young
Operation Good Citizen: Teaching Kids to do the Right Thing in 2015.
A recent article in Parade Magazine spotlighted the efforts of older adults mentoring children on how to be good citizens. Specifically, Veterans and Congressional Medal of Honor recipients volunteer as mentors in schools across the nation.
The article emphasizes the point that parents and other adult family members should be the main source of such teaching – teachers have enough work to do just getting our children educated – but with a little bit of reinforcement at school, the lesson becomes that much more vital to the young learners. Read the rest of this entry »
Getting There – the road to success
This post celebrates my sister, Mary Riesche, of Mary Riesche Studios.
In current society where instant everything is perhaps more coveted than endurance and consistency, it’s a joy to write about success that comes only after many years of hard work and relentless effort.
When you know what turns you on and gives your life purpose, you’ll stop at nothing to fulfill that purpose.
My sister has drawn or painted since she could hold a crayon. She’s just a wee bit older than me so those of you who know how old I am can surmise that my sister has stuck with her artistic endeavors for quite some time.
Perhaps at first, neither Mary nor our parents figured the early talent she exhibited would be more than a passing fancy. (Let’s face it, children change what they want to be when they grow up just about as often as they change their underwear … maybe more frequently.) Once Mary started to dig in, however, and was enrolled in classes at the Honolulu Academy of Arts, it was obvious to all of us that she was in it for the long haul, in it to win it, full speed ahead … you get the idea.
I’m currently reading a fabulous book, Getting There, by Gillian Zoe Segal, that follows the sometimes hard luck but always rewarding success stories of several business and entertainment professionals. Matthew Weiner, Mad Men creator, didn’t become a successful writer with his very first story idea – that would be way too convenient and certainly not a very interesting read. Getting There spotlights the various roads to success on which men and women have traveled, roads that contained many rejection speed bumps along the way. He had this to say about overnight success, and I quote verbatim from the book, Read the rest of this entry »
Valuable acts of kindness
NEVER Underestimate What a Little Kindness Can do.
I’ve said this before and I’ll say it again: every act of kindness we extend to others; every bit of care we provide others, is extremely valuable.
My post Do Little Rather than Nothing suggests that we have the ability to change someone else’s life, 365 days of the year. The attached article at the top of this post reveals how important one person’s generous act was to someone whose life was about to change forever.
Why do we wait until we can do something grandiose to exert a positive imprint on mankind? Why do we ignore the multitude of small opportunities presented to us in which we can impact a person’s life for the better? Whether that opportunity requires we spend 30 cents or 3 minutes on someone in need, we always have a choice of whether or not to allow a momentary inconvenience to be a part of our day – a miniscule inconvenience that nonetheless greatly benefits others. Read the rest of this entry »
How’s Karma treating you?
Good Karma for Mrs. Sherman. If you think what you do – great or small – has little effect on the world at large, think again. The attached article by author Brad Meltzer tells a story that will make you a firm believer in the theory that the order of the universe isn’t random, it’s prescribed and you are one of the prescribers. (Please read this very brief commentary, then read Mr. Metzer’s fabulous article as a treat for your efforts.)
Here’s an excerpt from Mr. Meltzer’s article in which Brad illustrates the best lesson of all:
When you do something good in the world, it brings out the good in others. And it always, eventually, spreads good elsewhere.
Wouldn’t you rather be an instrument for good, rather than evil? If you aspire to make an impact on the world, what kind of imprint are you leaving? Are you waiting for the right time to do something grandiose to benefit mankind, or are you doing important deeds on a daily basis, regardless of how small?
You might say, “I always do good things for others but rarely get to see the impact of those good actions.”
Caregivers: take a bow
Applause. Please, please, please read the attached mini-article written by a 30-something year old blogger who is taking care of her mother who has Alzheimer’s.
I’ve written about how important it is to do good things, say nice things, and appreciate the people around you. There’s a group of people out there that could really use some of those good vibes: family caregivers. You encounter them everywhere you go. You may not know they’re caregivers, but believe me, if you build them up, rather than tear them down, you will have done a very good thing. You might be just the person she/he needs to get through a very trying day.
The next time you leave your house, set out to make someone’s day. Don’t rely on some other stranger to do it; it’s up to you.
What are you: a builder-upper or a tearer-downer?
Every day, and every encounter during each day, we have the opportunity to do good, or to do bad; to improve upon someone’s day, or ruin it for them.
Right now, or at the end of this day, think about the opportunities presented to you. Now think of what you allowed to come forth.
Did you let a car get into your lane when a person was trying to get out of a business parking lot on a very busy street while you were in a hurry, and perhaps running late, and therefore had every reason not to stop for five seconds to allow that car into the flow of traffic?
Depending upon how you acted in that situation, the driver of that car felt this way:
or the driver of that vehicle felt this way:
He may even have felt this way:
which would eventually make him feel this way:
How did you fare today?
- Just for today, let go of anger.
- Just for today, let go of worry.
- Just for today, give thanks for your many blessings.
- Just for today, do your work honestly.
- Just for today, be kind to your neighbor and every living thing.
And do it again tomorrow and the next day.
Do little, rather than nothing
I’ve written about this topic before: Positive community activism; Spineless inaction: the bystander effect; Your positive imprint on mankind.
And I’m writing about it again, but I’m going to let Dr. Bernie S. Siegel be my mouthpiece on this one because he addresses the importance of making a difference in the lives of others in this excerpt from: 365 Prescriptions for the Soul. Here’s the selection verbatim: Read the rest of this entry »
Your positive imprint on mankind
Our perspective of the world and all its needs can be very humbling. Many times we witness the need but can’t do much about it.
The earthquakes in Nepal and the world-wide response to that tragedy is startling and heart-warming at the same time. The massively horrible weather in parts of the United States with its past winter snow and torrential downpours – and the recent spring incursion of hurricanes and tornadoes – almost paralyzes the remainder of us because we have so little to offer in response, other than a monetary donation to a charitable response organization.
Is that really the case? Do we feel that because we can’t offer hands-on assistance in extremely serious and urgent circumstances as outlined above, we have nothing at all to offer a very exigent world?
Decision making roadblocks
I like what I like. How many times have you been asked to choose between one thing and another, you choose the thing, and then you’re asked, “What made you choose that?” If you’re the mother of Not Quite the Plan‘s author, your answer is, “I like what I like.”
I love the example of this mini-dilemma found in the attached article. The blog author’s mother, I’ll call her Mrs. Mom, cuts to the chase; she doesn’t waste any time deliberating; she simply knows what she likes: she doesn’t like the cat that keeps jumping on her lap, but she does like fudge bars. Mrs. Mom has dementia. Perhaps because of her condition, the decisions she makes are far less complicated than they used to be. Her measuring rod: I like what I like.
Weighing the pros and cons is a very important step in the decision making process, but oftentimes we get hung up on the P & C list and fall into the paralysis by analysis quagmire. The list doesn’t have to be multiple pages long and it doesn’t have to be perfected before we take the first step. What’s the worse that could happen? Let’s look at the possibilities. Read the rest of this entry »
Sexual intimacy in memory care
The attached New York Times article by Pam Belluck addresses the ambiguous loss experienced by men and women whose spouses are still alive, but not fully there. More specifically, it addresses the need for intimacy that still exists for the spouse without cognitive decline, and that can also exist for the spouse with the decline.
It is a well-known fact that advancing age doesn’t mean the end of desire for sexual intimacy. Whether in the privacy of ones home or in a long-term care housing situation, sex is alive and well. Even people with varying degrees of dementia maintain the desire for intimacy. What the above NY Times article so carefully exposes, however, is that sometimes the act of consent for such intimacy can be a subjective one when viewed by a third party. Read the rest of this entry »
Renaissance – Baby Boomer style
Abby Ellin, New York Times, writes about the late-life renaissances that many Baby Boomers experience when they re-decide what they want to be when they grow up.
When we were younger, many of us drifted into college studies and post-college careers that may or may not have been our first choice but at least paid the bills. As we near retirement, or even years before retirement, we wonder, “Is this all there is?” And when we wonder like that, we get dissatisfied, and when we get dissatisfied – if we’re gutsy – we’ll do what it takes to become satisfied. If we don’t attain our desired level of satisfaction, we’ll languish: lose vitality, grow weak, and become feeble. My oh my, is that what you want? Read the rest of this entry »
Neurological hell
NFL players are choosing early retirement. Is the future of football under scrutiny?
http://wapo.st/1xvFq9p
I LOVE football. Actually, I love the Seattle Seahawks, but I cringe each time a player gets pummeled in the head.
The above Washington Post article suggests American football may some day fall away as a sport, similar to what happened to boxing. Many years ago, I remember boxing being the sport that people gathered around their televisions to watch, whether at home or in the bars. I can understand why nowadays most of us would rather not watch two people bash each other in the head; a head with virtually no protection in the boxing ring. But even with all the sophisticated helmet and body gear covering football players on the field, players are still sustaining concussions that could sooner or later place them in neurological hell. Read the rest of this entry »
Rejection is a passing fantasy
Have you ever been rejected? Read the attached NY Times article: Accepted? Rejected? Relax You’ll see that the article was retitled since it first appeared so when you click on the link, you’ll see the subject matter as being about college admissions.
Rejection affects all of us: it’s not just about college admission policies.
I’m a writer; I should know.
I’ve only been looking for an agent for 30 days, therefore the 15 rejections – or what I like to call not interesteds – I’ve received out of 60 submissions sent is only 25% of the total so far. Wow, 75% of the agents haven’t turned me down yet! Read the rest of this entry »
Living: the ultimate team sport 