Personal Struggles
Status Quo or Same-O Same-O
How often have you felt defeated because your day-to-day existence is somewhat routine and boring?
The life of a family caregiver, attending to a loved one with a disease or malady that is all-encompassing, is never Same-O Same-O. Any semblance of status quo flies out the window shortly after taking on this learn-as-you-go caregiver role. The boring life about which the family caregiver used to complain no longer exists as she or he memorializes that long-abandoned way of living. My memorial to status quo existed while attending to my father during his Alzheimer’s journey.
Requiem for the Status Quo speaks of that memorial to things that once were.
This Week’s Good News!
Children can have an extraordinary impact on adult behavior, as is seen in this recent article that really got me excited the other day. Enjoy!
This Week’s Good News!
Heroes come in all shapes, sizes, and ages. Wait until you see how an Ohio 8 year old’s quick thinking put an end to an incident that certainly would have ended in tragedy.
This Week’s Good News!
When on the receiving end of a generous act of kindness that saved a loved one’s life, not everyone is given the opportunity to pay it forward in a meaningful way. Oftentimes, such heroic acts fall into the category of a chance encounter so there would be no opportunity to reconnect with that lifesaver again, right? Fortunately, another chance encounter happened for Becca Bundy, the mother of the young girl who received optimal medical treatment by a first responder on the scene three years earlier. Who would have guessed this mother would be able to return a life-saving favor to that same, first responder, years later?
Sustenance for the family caregiver
In a recent interview with Oprah Winfrey, New York Times columnist and author, David Brooks, eloquently responded to Oprah’s statement where she said, “I hear that authors write the books they need to read.” Mr. Brooks’ response:
We writers are beggars who tell other beggars where we found bread.
He further explained that statement by saying:
We found it here, we want to share it with you.
That is what the more than 200 AlzAuthors have in common. Each author may describe their quest or mission somewhat differently, but no doubt many of them would agree that the impetus to write about their personal experiences was a call to action they could not ignore.
As a member of the AlzAuthors community, I personally feel that the more mainstream the conversation surrounding the Alzheimer’s and dementia experience becomes, the more the AlzAuthors’ vision will be realized:
Our vision is to lift the silence and stigma of Alzheimer’s and other dementias.
May you find sustenance within the AlzAuthors community.
This Week’s Good News!
Robert Smiley walked many miles in the shoes of those who are currently fighting homelessness and addiction. This story will warm your heart: once Robert turned his life around, he set out to help others still traveling on the path of addiction.
My extraordinary success as an author
A lot of time and effort go into writing a book. Regardless of the genre, much needs to take place prior to that work of art arriving in the public’s eye to be consumed. The writing process is grueling: outlining; picking character names – developing those characters to become who you need them to be, killing off characters that don’t add anything to the storyline or content; researching anything and everything having to do with absolutely every topic you decided to include within the front and back covers of your project; pounding out page after page of your shitty first draft – because every first draft is shitty; editing, cutting and pasting, throwing out your manuscript and then retrieving it from the garbage because you can’t bear to give up on something that initially seemed to mean so much to you.
But the preparation for my novel began years before I knew I would even be writing it.
My life changed forever when my father was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s disease. Up until that point, AD was something that happened to other people. Just like everyone else, I was afraid of it – had friends whose parents or other loved ones were diagnosed with it – but just like everyone else, I really and truly did not think it could get close enough to harm me, but it did. You see, I had hoped my professional work in the assisted living and memory care field would be as close as I would ever get to the dreaded disease that is always fatal, but I was wrong.
As my author bio states: Having previously worked in memory care, she was not new to the disease, nor was her family immune.
Years after my father’s death I chose to prolong my involvement with all things dementia, venturing forth into one of the most competitive fields around because it appears that everyone … everyone … has a story to tell, and many have chosen to tell it. With well over 8 million books currently available on Amazon and just a fraction of those touted as Best Sellers, a person would be crazy to even think about adding to those numbers!
Or that person would be brave.
Bravery sounded better than crazy to me, knowing that putting myself out there would leave me vulnerable, exposed before every critic who, although a reader and not an author, would not shy away from tearing apart my completed labor of love. But I wanted something positive to result from my father’s and my family’s Alzheimer’s experience so rather than shying away from risking failure, you know, doing nothing that might prove disheartening, I chose to lay my heart out on the line.
And I am a success.
I am a success, not because Requiem for the status quo made it to Oprah’s book club and/or the New York Times’ Annual Top Books list, and certainly not because of any wealth publishing a novel has brought me…relatively few authors make money in this field. I am a success because I let my love for my father be translated into a novel, creatively based on my own family’s experience, so that others – whether a million in number or just a thousand – could find some encouragement and hope through the ashes of my family’s grief.
And guess what, others read my story and told me time and again how much it resonated with them; how my writing seemed to mirror what they too went through, or were currently going through. Readers thanked me for my story … they thanked me! If that isn’t success, then I don’t know what is.
All I can say is, “You’re very welcome.”
This Week’s Good News!
A New Jersey mom took her son to a skate park on his fifth birthday as recommended by her son’s behavior therapist who is treating the youngster’s autism and ADHD. You will perhaps be surprised by how her son was treated by some older boys who frequented this same skate park. Read all about it here.
A book for family caregivers
Although my novel, based on my own caregiving experiences for my father, focuses on the challenges faced by those caring for someone with Alzheimer’s disease or other dementia, it also benefits Every Caregiver – that universal person who finds her or himself as the primary individual caring for a loved one with a debilitating illness.
My prayer is that Requiem for the status quo helps everyone struggling to balance their own needs with that of their loved one.
This Week’s Good News!
This story from The Week really made my day when I read it. I hope you feel the same way!
Dan Laguardia went to a California dealership with plans to trade in his 2005 Toyota Scion and buy a new auto. Then he saw another customer walk out crying and asked a salesman what had happened. Laguardia, 49, discovered that Kayla Cooper – a struggling 22-year-old nursing student with two jobs – was upset because she couldn’t afford a down payment and didn’t know how she was going to get to work. Knowing he had to do something, Laguardia asked the salesman to call Cooper and then offered her his old Scion for free, no strings attached. The delighted Cooper called the gift “the biggest blessing of my life.”
A wealth of books about Alzheimer’s disease
AlzAuthors is a community of more than 200 extraordinary authors who have written about Alzheimer’s disease and other dementia. Today I am spotlighting those books written by the community’s supportive management team, of which I am a member. Please take time to visit the six books spotlighted below. I truly believe you will be glad you did. Let AlzAuthors light your way through Alzheimer’s and dementia.
Alzheimer’s Daughter – a memoir by Jean Lee. A poignant accounting of a family’s life after both parents were diagnosed with Alzheimer’s disease on the same day.
Blue Hydrangeas – an Alzheimer’s love story by Marianne Sciucco. A touching account of a couple’s journey into Alzheimer’s and of the love that never succumbed to the disease.
Somebody Stole My Iron: A Family Memoir of Dementia by Vicki Tapia. This engaging memoir offers useful information from experts within the field of Alzheimer’s research, personal lessons the author learned along the way, and ideas and tips for managing the day-to-day ups and downs of dementia.
Weeds in Nana’s Garden by Kathryn Harrison. A heartfelt story of love that helps explain Alzheimer’s disease and other dementias geared toward the children in our lives.
Motherhood: Lost and Found – a memoir by Ann Campanella. A memoir of the ordinary and extraordinary courage of those who endure debilitating and even crushing illness, and those who suffer with them when they do so.
Requiem for the Status Quo by Irene Frances Olson. A novel that explores the delicate balance of families upended by Alzheimer’s disease and how they manage their loved one’s needs with their own.
This Week’s Good News!
This week’s story comes to us from the UK where a supermarket chain pulled out all the stops to keep a woman on staff, regardless of her limitations. It is not often that a person’s company feels like family, but that was definitely the case for Ms. Salomon’s working experience.
This Week’s Good News!
You know what they say about death and taxes, “Nothing is certain except death and taxes.” What isn’t certain is how the deceased will be honored at their funeral or memorial service. I recently experienced a very touching and affirming memorial for my sister-in-law that was certainly sad, but let me tell you, no one left that service without feeling even more love for an extraordinary person who left this earth, far too early.
This particular story out of Nebraska spotlights the person of honor at her memorial service, Margaret Hubl. Margaret was a quilter all her life and left a legacy reaching near and far. What the family and the community chose to do to honor her legacy will bring a huge smile to your face and make you feel good all over.
This Week’s Good News!
A subscription-only magazine, The Week, provides this week’s good news:
Bill Waldschmidt used to work on classic cars, but now he’s fixing a different mode of transportation. The retired Minnesota engineer contracted polio at age 4 and spent most of his childhood on crutches. He regained enough strength to walk as an adult, but 10 years ago, post-polio syndrome put him in a wheelchair.
With a new sense of purpose, he removed the vintage cars from his garage and began buying and refurbishing power wheelchairs, which he then gifts to people who can’t afford them. “He’s the kindest man on the planet,” said Don Johnson, a disabled Vietnam vet, and owner of Waldschmidt’s chairs.
Thank you, Bill, for contributing so much to so many!
This Week’s Good News!
A recent post in the subscription-only web magazine, The Week, had the following story to share:
When Seth Marko discovered he needed emergency open-heart surgery, he wasn’t sure what would happen to the Book Catapult, his San Diego bookstore. Then Scott Ehrig-Burgess, manager of a rival bookstore nearby, stepped up.
He offered to run the Catapult while Marko, 43, was in the hospital, and recruited eight volunteers from other bookstores to help. For more than a week, Ehrig-Burgess faithfully opened and closed the Catapult and trained the volunteers while also working at his own shop.
“It’s pretty incredible,” said Marko.
Rival bookstores combine to be an extraordinary book-selling community!
This Week’s Good News!
We have all been on flights where, lo’ and behold, walking down the aisle to find their seats is a parent and her or his baby and if you’re like me, you silently prayed, “Please, please, please don’t let that baby be seated anywhere near me!” Okay, maybe you didn’t exactly say that prayer but I know you had those thoughts. Well, a mother boarded a plane for a 10-hour flight with her four-month-old baby and you just know there were passengers thinking about how their extended flight experience may turn out to be. Well, the mother had a contingency plan, which this article spells out. I was amazed by what she did!
Is time your enemy or your friend?
Sometimes statements or concepts I hear repeatedly over the years suddenly come to mean something new to me and when they do, wow! My life is set on edge, but in a good way.
I was listening to a podcast the other day focused on the concept of stress and anxiety in the workplace and in our private lives. The statement, “We oftentimes declare time to be our enemy when we have so very much to do and so little time in which to do it” came up and suddenly, a new perspective about time settled within my thoughts and within my heart, which made me boldly declare out loud:
Time is my very good friend, because I still have time.
That was it – very simple – but I know the reason for that revelation came about because as of January 24, 2019, my extraordinary sister-in-law, Wendy, no longer had time at her disposal. I know Wendy wanted more time to spend with her husband, three adult children, her sisters and brothers, her good friend Gary who also happened to be her boss, and so many other people she cherished, and who cherished her. But through no fault of her own, decades of life were stolen from her by the ugly injustice of cancer.
I cared for my sister-in-law greatly. I choose to honor her by respecting the time with which I have been gifted, just as Wendy so beautifully spent the time given her.
Won’t you do the same?
This Week’s Good News!
Wow! Talk about making lemonade out of lemons! Joe Bahr suffered the loss of his brother, Marty, to Alzheimer’s disease. Joe and Marty made a deal before Marty passed on. Check out here what that deal entailed. What a legacy Marty left for the rest of us!
Get your discounted copy today!
And if you act now, there are a few copies available that are ridiculously priced for under $13. Act now while supplies last!
This Week’s Good News!
Last week’s good news focused on a child’s kind efforts towards vulnerable adults; this week’s news features how an adult in Lafayette, Indiana was able to lighten a young child’s bad day.
A young boy got home from school – it’s not clear whether anyone was at home with him at the time – but he had experienced a bad day at school so he called someone who could help: a 911 dispatcher. This brief article – and the even briefer audio of the call – clearly shows how a little kindness can make the difference in a person’s day. I’m glad the dispatcher chose to help, rather than reprimand, this boy who wasn’t in an emergency situation but needed support nonetheless. Enjoy.
This Week’s Good News!
Good news abounds in Harrison, Arkansas, and a 5th grader is the one who set this story in motion.
Ruby Kate Chitsey spends lots of time in nursing homes because her mother is a nurse practitioner and Ruby Kate loves to join her mother while she’s at work. Ruby noticed something at nursing homes that wasn’t getting the attention she felt it deserved. Wait until you read this brief story about how this young girl took charge of making life in nursing homes better for those who live within.
Weather got you down? Read a book!
Boy do I have a book for you. The paperback of Requiem for the status quo is discounted until the end of February. For only $13.95, you can add this book to your To Be Read (TBR) list!
If the Ebook is more to your liking, it is currently just $4.99 or free to Amazon Unlimited subscribers. It will always be available, but the paperback will not be, at least until later this year.
Hurry while supplies last! Discounted price!
Requiem for the status quo was picked up by a publisher two years ago this month. The eBook and audiobook will continue to be available on Amazon through Black Rose Writing until the end of 2019. I am arranging for different publishing options for the paperback version, however, and will be releasing that paperback later this year.
In the meantime, my publisher and I reduced the paperback price for the month of February so those who want to add this book to their library can do so at a discounted price. If you are a Prime member, shipping is FREE! When I self-publish my novel I’ll be sure to send out an announcement so you’ll again have access to the paperback version through Amazon. And of course, the eBook is still available on Amazon and will continue to be available forever and a day. (I will self-pub the eBook at the end of the year.)
Let these recent reviews encourage you to get your copy today!
Jill W. I’ve never written a review when I’m only halfway through a book, but I wanted the author to know sooner rather than later, how much her book has affected me emotionally. My family has been dealt the dreaded card of dementia so reading REQUIEM FOR THE STATUS QUO has been difficult since we’re living Coleen and Patrick’s nightmare now. I find myself only able to read pieces at a time because the author has done a superb job of making Patrick and his family’s battle with this horrible disease, so real. Last night as I read, I found myself laughing and then crying. This book is a must read for anyone touched by Alzheimer’s or dementia.
Ann C. Irene Frances Olson writes believable fiction. Her characters are kind, funny and endearing — even in their flaws. When Colleen takes over her father Patrick’s caregiving because of his advancing memory issues, the reader can’t help but be moved by the tender relationship between them. The effervescent Colleen finds herself in a challenging life situation — pulled between her father’s condition, her working life, her brother’s disdain for her father’s illness and her own desire for companionship. Having experienced the devastation that Alzheimer’s can bring to a family, it was both heartbreaking and a joy to follow Colleen’s path. Yes, there was loss, but the author helps us see the beauty and courage in facing the inevitable challenges of aging and how it’s possible to do it with grace and love.
Jason This book is about the many faces of Alzheimer’s, from those how bear the thief in their brain to those who must cope with and care for loved ones. The story is straightforward and written with love, it is a daughter’s anthem of love for her father while also being a support for others facing the journey of incremental loss. Colleen describes it best when she identifies Alzheimer’s as a thief robbing us of our memories and our future. If you or a loved one are walking this journey, this story is sure to give both a sense of how to make this journey possible and how to mourn with others on the path.
This Week’s Good News
The more I examine good news, the more I am convinced that it does not take extraordinary efforts to be the producer of such news.
Case in point: recently during a fallen officer procession in Birmingham, Alabama, an officer stood at attention in the pouring rain, drenched to the skin. Her dilemma did not go unnoticed. A perfect stranger rectified the situation showing respect for her, and respect for the fallen officer. You can read all about it right here.
This Week’s Good News
I am so thrilled to offer this local story in a town called Lake Stevens where both of my husband’s daughters live. We take for granted the comfort and warmth of our homes or apartments when some people’s reality is not having any way in which to heat their abodes. This featured family is chopping hundreds and hundreds of cords of wood and giving it away to anyone who needs it. Their good deeds have been featured nationally and in other countries. One of the family members was astounded at the reach of their simple act of kindness. “It’s amazing to see because a lot of people out there don’t believe that good exists, and we’re showing that it still does,” said Henry.
Good news travels fast, yes?
This Week’s Good News
Guess what the currency of media is? OUR ATTENTION.
Don’t invest in bad news, invest only in the good!
Ron Robert doesn’t believe in giving up even after being diagnosed with Alzheimer’s disease. He was a retired man who was extremely bored with his life and when he received the diagnosis so many of us fear, he enrolled in University to get off his butt and once again get involved in life. Read this astounding article that contains some of the best news about Alzheimer’s I’ve heard in quite some time.
This Week’s Good News
I found some good news to share with you this week that came from a website devoted to good news. I must say, I was thrilled to find the site because doing a regular search for positive news on mainstream media left me high and dry. Jen Kremer wrote 365 love letters to her peers. Like so many of us who don’t believe in the success rate of New Year’s resolutions, Jen tried something different that proved effective beyond belief.
“This was an experiment that absolutely altered the course of my life and the way I go through life,” she continued, “and it cost me nothing.”
The really great news about what Ms. Kremer accomplished is that she positively affected the lives of 365 individuals; it’s safe to say she absolutely made the day of 365 individuals who received a letter. But I’m not going to spoil it for you. Please click on the link above and rejoice in how the easiest and smallest of efforts can change the lives of many, including the person who made the effort.
My Best Intentions
I learned something very valuable from two writer friends, Jill and Ann, both of whom live in North Carolina. Instead of New Year’s resolutions, Jill and Ann set a New Year intention and that intention is in the form of a single word. Jill selected MINIMIZE for 2019 and Ann selected ENLARGE.
The word-intention I have selected for 2019 is ACCEPTANCE.
You may be saying to yourself, “Oh, oh, sounds like Irene is giving up, lacking in hope, settling for less. Quite the contrary is true, and I’ll tell you why.
I chose the word ACCEPTANCE because applying that word in my life allows me to be more understanding and acknowledging of those with whom I may hold differing opinions. (Accepting does not equate to agreeing, it simply means I accept a person’s right to hold ideas and opinions that are not identical to mine.) ACCEPTANCE also provides me with greater ease of life as I accept reality rather than fight what can’t be changed. I read recently that arguing with reality can be harmful to one’s health; I’m not going to waste a minute on such fruitless efforts.
The concept of ACCEPTANCE started to seep into my consciousness when early in 2018, I watched the TED video, A love letter to realism in a time of grief. In less than twenty minutes of your time, you will witness what Mark Pollock & Simone George learned about reality and about the difference between being an optimist and being a realist. Here’s a teaser explanation that will perhaps explain why I came to choose my 2019 word-intention.
Optimists rely on hope alone and end up disappointed. Realists accept the brutal facts and keep hope alive. Acceptance knows that grief is a raging river and you have to get in it because when you do, it carries you to the next place; it eventually takes you to the open land where it will turn out okay in the end.
I guess if you don’t get into the river, you’ll get stuck and never have the opportunity to find out what lies just beyond the bend. I have stepped into the river, and although I might step out from time to time during this new year, I feel confident I will get back in because of the desire not to miss out on what I cannot see. You see, because I’m not perfect, I’ve set ACCEPTANCE as an intention, rather than a resolution.
With resolutions, it’s all or nothing, baby; the pressure is on to change that something-or-other you discovered and have resolved to change. Sometimes resolutions get abandoned within the first 30-days, others don’t get much farther into the new year because many of us decide to just give up and take up that resolution the following year, or the one after that.
Intentions, however, have a more compassionate energy because they are not tied to outcomes. When I slip up I hope to view that shortcoming with less criticism and simply start over because the next moment presents a brand new opportunity. If I were to break my resolution, however, I think I would look at that setback as a failure because of messing up the “fix” I had decided to make in my life. With an intended action, however, I am on a path to create, rather than fix. Creating seems to allow a bit more leeway, don’t you think?
I leave you with the words of Socrates to explain my decision to intend, rather than resolve:
The secret of change is to focus all your energy not on fighting the old, but on building the new.
To make changes, a strategy has to be effective. Intention does that for me.
BREAKING NEWS: Goodness abounds!
Goodness abounds, yes, it does.
We don’t hear or read about it enough but trust me, hatred and evil have got nothing on goodness and kindness in our world.
It has been said that it is the horrific stories that make headlines and quite frankly, that is true. Newspapers, magazines, television and social media news outlets clamber after Breaking News in their attempts to be the first to offer their take on ongoing incidents. Clamber means to “climb, move, or get in or out of something in an awkward and laborious way.” Can’t you visualize hungry journalists doing just that: pushing others out of the way, pulling yet others down in their singular effort to be first?
I am all for free journalism; without it I would not be writing this 990th post, so bring it on in all its raging color…however, wouldn’t it be rewarding to have our day interrupted by Breaking News that reports on the good and kind incidents that occur as well?
All right, I’ll do just that. Allow me to introduce you to two wonderful souls who have brought light into the darkness. This is Breaking News of the very best kind.
Sophie Andrews is a person who learned the hard way – one of the hardest – that The best way to help is often just to listen. Sophie was on death’s door – you have to listen to the 14-minute TED talk to learn of the details when a volunteer at UK’s Samaritan helpline picked up the phone and changed 14-year old Sophie’s life forever. Years later, Sophie gave back and paid it forward by starting a helpline for some of the most vulnerable human beings in society who are lonely and without access or means for socialization. Her Silver Line fields more than 1500 calls a day, making the lives of more than 550,000 UK senior citizens brighter, fuller and healthier each year.
Dixon Chibanda, one of 12 psychiatrists in the entire country of Zimbabwe – a country of 16 million people – created a program to treat individuals in need of psychiatric or psychological counseling: The friendship bench program – or why I train grandmothers to treat depression. This program was birthed when a desperate young woman didn’t have the minimal bus fare needed to commute the 15 kilometers to meet with him in person and who suffered the tragic consequences. Dr. Chibanda created a program that brings care and hope to those in need powered by a limitless resource: grandmothers. Sitting on a bench, talking to someone who listens without judgment serves to make a difference in the mental health of thousands across his country and other countries as well – including the United States where a similar program has been started. Please take 12 additional minutes out of your day and listen to the TED talk I have linked above.
Listening – a free resource that is oftentimes not employed when needed the most; listening that actively tunes into the person speaking.
If you are someone who sets resolutions or intentions for the new year, perhaps practicing the art of listening might be at the top of your 2019 list.
I know it is on mine.
Time’s running out: discount book sale ends late 11/13
All of the books shown in this graphic are part of the AlzAuthors Caregiver Appreciation week-long sale, starting today, November 7th. You’ll see my novel, Requiem for the status quo, in the upper right corner that is priced at 99 cents from Nov 7th through 13th. To link to all the books you see above, click on the AlzAuthors link here. Simply click on the book’s image and it will take you directly to its page on Amazon, making it extremely easy to purchase as many titles as you please. And don’t forget to gift others with titles as well. It’s so easy to do and the recipients of your gifts will be so pleased that you’ve thought of them.
Living: the ultimate team sport 