September is World Alzheimer’s Month. READ THIS ARTICLE CAREFULLY TO DISCOVER HOW YOU CAN WIN A FREE COPY OF MY NOVEL, Requiem for the status quo.
Several of the AlzAuthors group of writers who have written fiction or non-fiction books on the subject of Alzheimer’s or other dementia are offering special, discounted offers to those who would like to get ahold of a select group of books being offered September 27 – 30, 2017.
I am a member of this group of writers and am offering a total of eight free copies of my novel, Requiem for the status quo: four (4) free Kindle eBooks and four (4) free paperback books (the latter available to residents of the United States only). All you need to do is Like/Follow my author Facebook page, then write a comment in the AlzAuthor post that appears on that page.
In order to get in the drawing for a free Kindle eBook or free paperback copy, you must indicate in the comment section which format you would prefer: Kindle eBook or paperback. Please don’t say you don’t care which format you receive; for accounting and distribution purposes I will only put your name in one of the drawings so be sure to specify your preference.
All those Liking my page and posting a comment indicating their format preference will have their names entered into a drawing that will take place at Noon, Pacific Standard Time, on Saturday, September 30th. I will Messenger the winners through FB to request either your e-mail address (for eBook sending) or postal delivery address (for paperback book shipment) so that I can send out your complimentary book copies the first week of October.
But I am not the only author offering great deals on books – all the books contained within the graphic on this post are discounted during the September 27 – 30th timeframe. Be sure to go to the AlzAuthors website, click on the Bookstore tab, locate the author and their book being offered at a discounted price, click on the photo of their book and you will be directed to the site where their discounted book can be purchased. Since I am personally offering free copies of my novel – as opposed to doing so through an Amazon.com promotion – you will not find Requiem for the status quo in the AlzAuthors bookstore during this promotion.
Here’s another article from the past that draws lots of attention. Bringing it into the present today.
First of all – take a deep breath and shed the mantle of guilt you’re wearing. Now let’s address your dilemma.
When your father was on his deathbed you made a promise to take care of your mother in her old age. Now she is at the point of not being able to care for herself and you realize that you’re absolutely not cut out for – nor are you capable of – taking her under your roof to provide the care that she needs. What’s a dutiful son or daughter to do?
I’m not advocating that you break your promise to your father but I am suggesting that you consider redefining what that promise looks like. You promised your father that you would take care of your mother and that’s exactly what you’re going to do. Taking care of your mother is not solely defined as moving her into your home and taking care of all her basic needs until she dies. Very few people have the ability or the means to provide 24-hour care in their home. You made that promise with the best intentions and you can still honor your promise without dishonoring your father. Keep in mind that loving your mother doesn’t guarantee your success as her caregiver. Even adult children with a fabulous relationship with their parent struggle greatly in their efforts. And if your relationship with your mother is tenuous at best, try picturing the scenario of you as caregiver and her as recipient of that care. What effect will that have on her, you, and the remainder of your household?
Let’s clarify how best to care for your mother.
Why can’t caring for your mother mean that you’re honest enough to admit that you’re not the best caregiving option? Do your best to find the care alternative that will provide her an optimal quality of life, e.g. adult daycare, errand and housekeeping services, assisted living. Do the research and consult the experts to confidently fulfill your promise to your father by securing the best care solution for your mother. If that solution involves selecting an assisted living facility, there are many resources available to you that can make this move a successful one for everyone involved. As her son or daughter you will be able to lovingly help her transition into a residential location with like-minded older adults where she can receive the care that will fulfill the promise you made to your father.
Now imagine the NEW normal that your mother and your family can experience.
Your mother lives nearby in an assisted living residence. She has companions with whom she enjoys spending time. She receives three wholesome meals a day and when she, or you, feel like seeing each other, you’re just a short drive away! The time she spends at your house will be as a pampered visitor – not an inpatient (or impatient) relative. It’s probably difficult right now for you to see this as a viable option, but I think in time, you’ll find that everyone, including your father, will be pleased with the outcome.
I covet your input. What success, or challenges in achieving success, can you share with us? I look forward to hearing from you.
Attached is a very worthwhile read by blogger, Kathie Ritchie. The article includes her suggestions as well as those of caregiver adviser, Marie Marley. (Note: the links provided for Marie Marley appear to be broken, but Kathie includes Ms. Marley’s input within the body of her own blog article, making the content easily readable.)
Additional articles that will provide information and suggestions to non-caregivers on how they can help their neighbor, co-worker, besieged family member:
- Caregiving: Grief, Guilt, Exhaustion, and Discrimination;
- Solo Caregiving;
- Caregiving: The Ultimate Team Sport
The above will give you more than enough material to provide readers with helpful suggestions. If you don’t take the time to read the attached articles – and I sincerely hope you do – I’ll leave you with one suggestion that I hope you do follow:
If a caregiver doesn’t ask for help while on his or her caregiving journey, don’t assume they aren’t in need of your assistance. Offer specific assistance to them; don’t force them to come up with a suggestion on how you can help.
Examples: “I have some individual frozen leftover meals I’d like to bring over for your household, what’s a good time for me to drop them off?” or “I’m headed to the grocery store, what can I pick up for you?” or “It may sound crazy, but I enjoy working in the yard. I’ve completed my Spring yard cleanup, I’d like to come over and help you with yours.”
Like Nike says, “Just do it!”
This Blogger, Richard Kenny, really has a way with words as he describes the challenges – and sometimes the joys – of his caregiving role as a son to his mother who has Alzheimer’s and to his father who struggles to be the spouse of a wife with Alzheimer’s.
Very much worth the read – and I don’t just mean this one article. Many of Richard Kenny’s observations and musings so clearly reflect his day-t0-day frustrations as well as his somewhat new found ability to adapt to every unforeseen circumstance.
For those of you who have not experienced the stresses of caregiving, or being the point-person for a loved one with dementia or other debilitating disease – please read the above-linked article. It will give you a wee taste of:
a) the toll that caregiving takes on loved ones;
b) the toll of being a spouse with someone with dementia; and
c) the extreme frustration of trying to communicate with professionals while coordinating care for your loved one.
Please read this article – it will give you a healthy respect for your coworker, neighbor, family member – who is on duty 24/7 with caregiving tasks. Whether the caregiver is performing these tasks long-distance, as was the case for me in relation to my father’s care, or performing them on-site, the task is monumental and deserves a great amount of respect and understanding.
What a terrific article provided in the above link from the “Taking Care of Mom and Dad” blog site. The information provided in this article is valuable, and as Kelli mentioned on her blog, it’s not just specific to the state in which it originated, Oklahoma. The information provided is applicable everywhere because let’s face it – every caregiver pretty much needs the same questions answered and this site has many one-size-fits all solutions for all caregivers who are grasping to stay afloat on their caregiving journey.
This same website can also direct you to your own state’s valuable resources by clicking on the applicable section on the Homepage. It’s as easy as that! And don’t we all need something to be easy every once and awhile?