Community outreach
Kindness Fridays
Although the solar eclipse is a thing of the past, I’d like to report about a kindness our neighbor extended to us on that same day.
On Solar Eclipse Day, my husband and I were taking care of our grandson at our house. We didn’t take him outside, of course, and we decided we would watch the eclipse on the various television programs covering it live.
Our across the street neighbor texted me to ask if we were watching the eclipse outside. I responded that we hadn’t acquired any of the special glasses so we were not.
Not more than a minute later, our doorbell rang and there stood Ian with a pair of viewing glasses for our usage; he had an extra pair and wanted to make sure we had a chance to watch an event that certainly would not occur again in our lifetime.
And what a sight to see! So glad Ian’s generosity made it across the street to our house.
Honor thy father
My father was the inspiration for my novel Requiem for the status quo.
I have held three author events since my novel’s release back in July and I have more planned before the end of the year. At the senior centers and independent bookstores where my events are hosted, each person attending is certainly there in support of my efforts, but more importantly, I believe their presence honors my father’s story, a story without a happy ending.
Here’s an excerpt from my novel that speaks of my fictional characters’ dilemma, but it also mirrors that which occurred in my real life experience with Alzheimer’s.
If it’s true that cancer is no respecter of persons, it is equally true that Alzheimer’s disease exhibits the same lack of respect. This disease is a murderer and I’m troubled by the millions of crimes it has gotten away with.
Alzheimer’s is also a robber, not only because it robs a person of his or her memories and future, but also because it exacts an emotional price that few can afford. To be sure, monetary costs are a challenging force to be reckoned with, but many family caregivers and their loved ones would no doubt conclude that the emotional toll on a person far surpasses even the costliest of care fees paid.
Until the person with Alzheimer’s or other dementia becomes blissfully unaware of the disease that is murdering him, he has a front row seat to all that is happening. My dad was the first to know when his senior moments became more than a quirk of the aging process. It grieves me to imagine what he went through when he was alone with his thoughts, witnessing first hand where those thoughts were taking him.
Yes, my father had a front row seat to the effects of a disease that is always fatal. Until he eventually became blissfully unaware, he lived with that fact every single day. If the caregiver thinks she or he has been dealt a bad hand in relation to Alzheimer’s, imagine if you possibly can how that hand plays out with the person diagnosed with the disease. I don’t know about you, but my imagination in such matters paints a picture I’d rather not see.
My very real reward for writing my novel is that my father is honored as a result of my efforts. Additionally, it is my sincere hope that those reading my novel and attending my author events manage to discover that they have a cheerleader in their corner…me.
Kindness Fridays
A bit unusual post on my part.
I have a medical condition – going on 2 years – for which no medical professional has provided a solution.
This condition has caused 8 nights of no sleep due to its symptoms in the last 6 weeks alone, and many other sleepless nights in the past 24 months. We cancelled a trip September 2015 because of it.
The most recent episode had me calling the specialist office to reach the on-call doctor this past Sunday. He is not my normal specialist but he provided a treatment that two of his own fellow physicians were not able to provide for the past 2 years.
Today I celebrate the kindness of a medical professional who took the time, on a Sunday, to prescribe the right treatment for me. He is my new specialist. Quite frankly, he is my medical hero.
This was and is a kindness that has made a huge difference in my health.
Community discussion on Alzheimer’s disease
Saturday, August 26th, 3 pm
I am excited about my next author event which will take place at Book Tree in Kirkland, Washington.
Book Tree is a fabulous, quaint, neighborhood bookstore that truly excels at bringing the community together.
Here’s the content of their website’s About section:
BookTree is a vibrant gathering place for the exchange of ideas, and discussion of books and the literary arts. It is a place where all are welcome to continue their journey, expand their knowledge, feed their interests and further their education through books and literature. It is a place for families to find and enjoy the best of current literature. A place where our customers can hear local and traveling writers, authors and poets present their work.
BookTree is one of the few remaining independent bookstores on the Eastside that will be an important part of our city’s identity. It will be successful because of the generous support of our community who values a stand-alone retail bookstore.
BookTree is owned by 2 people who are passionate about the inherent value of books, reading, writing, listening and sharing diverse ideas, and viewpoints.
I hope to see you on the 26th!
Kindness Fridays
Very briefly, I’ll relay a kindness that was gifted me earlier this week.
I entered an elevator in a business building occupied by two other patrons from higher floors. People who share an elevator with me are always caught unawares because I’m one of those annoying people who talk to others in elevators while the rest of the general population pretends they are invisible as they hover in the corner.
This older gentleman – older than me by at least ten years – had on the brightest green sneakers…there was no way I wouldn’t compliment him on his choice of footwear. He explained that he wears those sneakers when he’s riding his bike through the streets of Seattle – plus lots of lights and flashers – because he doesn’t want to end up as a bicyclist pancake on the street.
We arrived at the Lobby floor, much to the delight of the other, non-talkative elevator occupier, and I extended my hand for her, and the older gentleman to leave, after all, they occupied the elevator prior to me. That is the unwritten right of passengers.
No. That was not to be the case. The older gentleman waved me ahead of himself because he still maintained the courtesy of letting women go first.
That’s all; that’s my kindness, and it was delightful.
The secret of Alzheimer’s disease
I discovered something shocking during the weeks that followed my novel’s release:
Alzheimer’s disease is still a secret.
I know; we’ve all certainly read about it, especially when a celebrity is diagnosed with the disease. Every once and awhile there might be an Alzheimer’s Association commercial on television…that is assuming we don’t fast forward through it or walk out of the room. Another reason we’re familiar with the disease is that it is happening to so many people with whom we are acquainted – whether intimately or tangentially.
But it’s still a secret. The very definition of the word speaks to its intent: adj. not known or seen or not meant to be known or seen by others; n. something not properly understood; a mystery. from the Concise Oxford English Dictionary
In many of my promotional posts and boasts for my novel Requiem for the status quo, I’ve indicated that my book tour would probably look more like a senior center tour than what is normally the route for authors: readings and signings in major and independent bookstores. That’s the tact I took, approaching numerous senior centers in Western Washington. 25% of those I approached booked my author event on their activity calendars. But when I approached a major senior housing community foundation to get on their speakers’ calendar, I was told the residents pushed back at the foundation’s previous efforts to enlighten and inform when they hosted those who spoke to the reality of Alzheimer’s disease and other dementia.
Kindness Fridays
Okay, today’s Kindness Friday is going to look a lot like another shameless effort on my part to promote by novel, Requiem for the status quo, and it is, but there’s lots of kindness wrapped up in it.
My very first author event will take place at Third Place Books in Lake Forest Park, WA on August 17, 2017. I dropped off my promotional poster that they’ll be using prior to and day of, and lo’ and behold, did I receive a welcome surprise when I walked into the store.
There, at the front of the store along with other authors’ announcements was my own announcement that the staff put into place. See it on the far left in front?
ALSO, on a kiosk just inside the door are announcements for every author in the month of August who will be holding a reading. And whose book do you think was found on that kiosk just waiting for someone to notice and purchase it?
Mine.
If that isn’t kindness, I don’t know what is.
And just in case you’re wondering, my novel is available where all fine books are sold, including Amazon (who now offers it in eBook version) and Barnes and Noble. Other eRetailers will be offering eBook format in the weeks ahead.
Dementia caregivers: 21st century heroes
Those family members who have had, or who currently have, a family member or close friend with Alzheimer’s or other dementia, you are my hero.
You took on the task of showing your love and compassion by signing up to become a family caregiver which at its best is a learn-as-you-go, long-term commitment. Your efforts make a difference in the life of your loved one. They may not be able to express their appreciation for all that you do, but please know that the essence of who they are acknowledges your kindness.
Your name and/or identity may be lost to them, but you are still a vital part of their lives, and your friendly and loving demeanor goes far toward affirming them and making them feel valued and loved.
Thank you for all that you have done, continue to do, and will remain doing in the future. It is an honor to be in your company.
Requiem for the status quo was released by Black Rose Writing on July 20th. You can order Requiem at Barnes & Noble and Amazon as well as all online and brick and mortar chain and independent bookstores. Be sure to shop around for the best price, you won’t be sorry you did. And for those of you with eReaders, the eBook will be available at most online book retailers on, or about, July 27th.
Kindness Fridays
Those of us who have been blogging for quite some time always appreciate comments that readers leave in response to our articles.
Jill Weatherholt, author and friendly blogger extraordinaire, is one of those readers who never fails to leave some sort of comment on each and every post I make on my blog. Jill has her own blog that focuses on her writing career. You would be very wise to visit her site, especially if it means you’ll be introduced to her novel, Second Chance Romance, which is available everywhere books are sold. (I’ve attached the Amazon link for ease of purchasing.)
I read Jill’s novel a couple months ago and thoroughly enjoyed the storyline. The development of her characters excels, providing the reader with a clear understanding of who they are and how they tick. If you do read her novel, please be sure to leave a review on Amazon, Barnes & Noble, and Goodreads. Authors thoroughly rely on reader reviews for sales rankings and marketing so if you take the time to read her book, please also take the time to leave a review.
Jill and I will probably never meet in person – she lives in Charlotte, NC – but that’s okay, because like the rest of you, I could sure use some internet friends upon whom I can rely; friends that I know won’t bully me, but will only encourage and affirm me.
That’s what Jill does for me, and that, my friends, is this Friday’s Kindness offering.
Support for my readers
I’ve mentioned in previous posts that my “book tour” may look more like a senior center tour than a literary one. The reason: I want to reach those who could use a bit of what I have to offer. As my Author Bio states, I want to make a difference in the lives of others by writing novels that encourage those who just might need another cheerleader in their corner. At the bottom of each of my site’s pages is a section titled READERS CORNER. Each week I provide a new element of encouragement as my simple way of standing in my readers’ corner.
Yesterday I witnessed one small way in which someone was reached by my novel.
I had a haircut appointment with my wonderful stylist, Molly, of C.J. Salon. Molly has followed my entire publishing journey and is very familiar with the topic of my soon to be published novel, Requiem for the status quo. She finished up with her previous client and welcomed me into her chair. I did the reveal of my published novel which I had brought with me for a much anticipated Show and Tell moment. I also gave her several copies of my marketing brochure that provides a peek into the storyline and the lives of the characters. “Please hand them out to women who could possibly benefit from reading my novel.”
She grabbed one of the brochures, said, “I’ll be right back” and ran out into the parking lot to flag down her previous client. Turns out this client is fully-involved in a family member’s dementia journey and Molly felt she could benefit from reading my book. Turns out she was right. Her client was so excited, she hugged Molly and basically said, “This is what I’ve been looking for!”
That, my friends, was the highlight of my week – someone who wanted what I had to offer and just might benefit from the read. But you wanna know something else? My appointment was initially scheduled for 3 pm. The day before I found out I had a change of plans for my Friday, freeing up my morning, so I called C.J. Salon, asked if they had an earlier opening, and I grabbed it.
Molly’s client benefited from my change of plans – a change that initially was upsetting to me, but turned out to be just what was supposed to happen.
My oh my, I love how the Universe cooperates when its occupants are just going about their lives, oblivious to its whiles!
In less than two weeks, Requiem for the status quo will be released. It is currently available for preorder at Black Rose Writing; enter discount code PREORDER2017 before July 20th for a 10% discount. You can also preorder Requiem at Barnes & Noble and Amazon. Be sure to shop around for the best price, you won’t be sorry you did. And for those of you with eReaders, the eBook will be available at most online book retailers on, or about, July 27th.
Kindness Fridays
I was reminded the other day about an extraordinary kindness given to me shortly after I moved to the Seattle, Washington area with my two cats, Kate & Allie, the summer of 1994.
I moved into my Kirkland, WA apartment in July, secured a job as a paralegal early August, and on September 24, 1994, I received a Saturday phone call from my father, telling me that my mother had died in her sleep the night before.
Other than my brother and his family who lived nearby, I had very few acquaintances that early in my Washington state residency. Those who have gone through this type of emotional disruption know that while dealing with the rawness of grief, other matters require immediate attention. For me it was getting together with my brother and his wife that same day, making airline reservations to Honolulu, Hawaii – where my parents lived – and notifying business associates of our need to suspend all work activities so we could gather around our father who had just suffered the loss of his wife of forty-eight years.
There was one detail that needed attention in my household: my two cats who would be left on their own for, what turned out to be, a two week period of time. What’s a person to do?
I had seen and said hello to my upstairs neighbor and her Great Dane a few times but as yet hadn’t truly met and gotten to know her. I traipsed upstairs, knocked on her door, but she was not home.
Back downstairs I wrote a note explaining my emergent situation, asking if there was any chance she could check on my cats daily, feed them twice a day and fill their water bowls, and empty their litter box. I told her I would be home all day preparing for the next day’s departure and she could either call me or come downstairs and knock on my door. After placing the note in the crack of her door, I went downstairs to finalize my packing.
An hour later, she knocked on my door, pulled me into a hug, cried with me, and gladly offered her assistance in my time of need. I returned two weeks later to find two very healthy and happy cats in my apartment. Turns out she didn’t just perform the perfunctory feeding and litter box tasks, she played with my cats, even buying additional cat toys to entertain them on a daily basis so they would receive the love and attention I would have normally paid them.
That started a delightful friendship of going on walks, spending dinners with each other, and sharing in each other’s lives. Tragedy ushered in a kindness that greatly improved my life going forward.
I found hope in the midst of tragedy.
Kindness Fridays
I’m really going in a different direction with this week’s post, so bear with me.
A person can’t live in this world without being personally offended or attacked for any number of reasons, whether founded or unfounded, countless times during the course of his life.
In this world, there exists those whose modus operandi is to criticize others, bring others down, make fun of them, even bully them. The person with that MO may have any number of “reasons” why he or she acts that way, but none of those reasons are justified, plain and simple.
What do we do when someone acts that way toward us? I know how we feel, we feel hurt and angry; we feel we must be on the defensive and maybe we even want to dish out the same pain, or worse, than what was inflicted on us. A defensive action, however, turns us into someone no better than the person who lashed out at us; we join their ranks.
When an unkindness is said or done to us, the higher road is to not respond in kind. By that I mean maybe it’s better we don’t go on the defensive, we don’t fight fire with fire. Oh, let me tell you, the base part of our character wants to let loose with our own brand of meanness, but each and every one of us has the ability to choose a contrary response. Each. And. Every. One. Of. Us.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m not suggesting you lavish the offender with peace, love, and happiness – there are very few of us who could pull that off – but what I am saying is that we can choose to stay silent. We can walk away – both figuratively and physically – and leave that person to wallow in the slime they just created.
I learned long ago, that if someone yells at me and I choose not to yell back, their fire goes out. If I don’t feed their anger, it has nowhere to go but down. Quite frankly, my decision to walk away hurts that person far worse than any words I could ever spew back. I guess sometimes you just have to kill them with kindness.
Just. Walk. Away.
Writing to make a difference, one person at a time
First and foremost, I sat down at my computer because I had something to say about how Alzheimer’s disease affected my father. Additionally, having graduated from the unofficial school of family caregiving, I figured someone just might benefit from the good – and the not-so-good – ways in which I managed my father’s illness.
Now thirteen years after my father’s initial Alzheimer’s diagnosis, my novel will hit the virtual and brick & mortar shelves of bookstores. It will also make its way in person to a number of senior centers and senior living communities in my area. As an event on their activity calendars, I will read passages from my novel that might just ring a bell in the minds and hearts of those gathered to listen to what this Baby Boomer has to say. Maybe what I share will inspire them to purchase REQUIEM which I will gladly sell to them at a highly-discounted price. And once they’ve read my novel, perhaps they will share it with someone else, and so on down the line.
Is REQUIEM about Irene Frances Olson and her father, Don Patrick Desonier? Read the rest of this entry »
Kindness Fridays
For some, this may seem a trivial expression of kindness. For me, not so much.
When my husband and I aren’t hiking, we “hike” through the streets of our very hilly neighborhood. We have various walks that we take:
- The Wall – a very steep incline in a short period of time
- The Monster – a very steep incline over a longer stretch of time
- The Broadhurst (or Reverse Broadhurst) – a longer walk in an adjacent neighborhood, and
- The Broadhurst Monster – a steep hill in that same neighborhood
While on our walks, I lift up my hand in greeting to everyone who drives by, and without fail, the driver always returns the gesture. Sometimes the occupant in the car gives me a hand greeting before I can even lift my arm to do so.
“Yeah, but Irene, that’s not a very deep connection with someone; it’s just a throw-away gesture.”
Not to me it isn’t. It’s one way of connecting with people I might never meet. And besides, maybe the “hello” affects them just as positively as it affects me. What a great and simple gift that is.
Caregiving 101: when fiction meets reality
I’ve written several articles over the years about the importance of assembling a caregiving team when caring for a loved one – a team that doesn’t necessarily rely on family because not everyone has a participatory family when it comes to these matters. That was certainly the case for REQUIEM FOR THE STATUS QUO‘s Colleen Strand while taking care of her father, Patrick Quinn. She sought help from her brother but that was not something with which he chose to be involved.
REQUIEM, my debut novel, is now available for pre-order from my publisher, Black Rose Writing. You will receive a 10% discount with code PREORDER2017 if purchased before its release date of July 20th. Additionally, in the days ahead, both Amazon and Barnes & Noble will be offering a pre-order option leading up to the novel’s release. Ebook options will be available at most online book retailers as of July 27th.
Of all the life-changes we encounter during our journey, caregiving is one of – if not the most – difficult speed bumps to get over.
Caregiving: the ultimate team sport suggests how one might use the strengths of each team/family member to handle the varied needs during the caregiving journey.
Family dynamics that hamper caregiving success exposes the need to let go of stereotypes or childhood roles that don’t serve siblings well as adults. If ever there was a time to work together for the greater good, taking care of a family member with dementia or other terminal illness ranks right up there at the top.
Solo caregiving addresses the needs of the person who appears to be strapped with fulfilling all the roles needed for a successful caregiving venture. The solo caregiver need not settle into those roles, however. The help of other, well-meaning individuals, can lessen that daunting task. Certainly, much relies on the neighbor, coworker, even casual acquaintance, but said entities are a resource from which much assistance can be found.
Here are several more articles for the caregivers out there – and those acquainted with a caregiver – to provide some wisdom and encouragement through the tough times:
- The tethered caregiver
- Helping an Alzheimer’s caregiver
- Caregiving and the 36-hour day
- A normal day, caregiving style
- Caregiving: grief, guilt, exhaustion, and discrimination
- Long distance caregiving Part I and Part II
- Caregiver: put on your oxygen mask first
- Caregivers, learning from our mistakes and finally
- But how am I supposed to do that?
Kindness Fridays
Today’s kindness focuses on customer service – not at retail establishments but at medical offices. And I’ll be brief.
On May 17th of this year, I had a surgical consult for a nasty, invasive skin cancer that decided to make itself known on my right leg. On May 19th, I had surgery to remove that skin cancer.
I then had two subsequent post-surgical visits, May 25th and June 1st, with the latter being my final visit (knock on wood) at the Skin Surgery Center in Bellevue, Washington.
Right before I left I said good-bye to the front desk person, Ashley, and quite truthfully told her, “I’m going to miss you!”
Ashley made my cancer journey – and no doubt those of many of the center’s patients – one that felt less clinical, and more restorative. She always greeted me by my first name, recognizing me among so many that pass through the doors of the surgery center. She also remembered something important about my life – important to me anyway – and brought it up as I left.
“Enjoy your hiking this summer!”
Big deal, right? Yes, it was, because of all the things that bothered me about my cancer, it was not being able to hike that I bemoaned the most. Her farewell greeting put the biggest smile on my face because I was cleared to hit the trails once again, and she was celebrating my ability to do so.
Kindness Fridays
Never mind. We have affirmed a principle, a way of being.
Microcosm is macrocosm: Each person is the whole world.
As many mystics and visionaries have pointed out, each individual, in some subtle and mysterious way, embodies all people.
If we can bring some relief and well-being to just one person’s life, this is already a victory, a silent, humble response to the suffering and pain of the planet.
This is the starting point.
Today’s Kindness Friday comes directly from the book, The Power of Kindness – The Unexpected Benefits of Leading a Compassionate Life, by Piero Ferrucci.
Why you should own a copy of REQUIEM FOR THE STATUS QUO
REASON ONE: You don’t have to know someone with Alzheimer’s disease to benefit from this novel. Let’s face it, when you pick up a novel wherein cancer, murder, courtroom drama, homelessness, financial devastation, or horror are part of the storyline, you don’t put down the book because none of those issues have personally affected you. I mean, when was the last time you picked up a Steven King novel and said, “Man, this is totally irrelevant to me, I’ve never been terrorized by a car named Christine, nor have I ever attended a prom where a girl named Carrie exercised her supernatural powers to ruin the evening for most everyone in attendance.” And even though no one – as of yet – has ever lived Under the Dome, you would still be glued to the pages of that novel (not so much the TV version) to discern how it would all turn out.
When you pick up a novel, you find yourself getting involved with the characters. While you’re wondering how the book may end, you read on to find out what’s going to happen next. Or maybe your eyes are opened about matters for which you previously knew very little and then you can’t wait to see where the storyline leads you. REQUIEM FOR THE STATUS QUO satisfies all of those curiosities.
REASON TWO: You do know someone with Alzheimer’s or other dementia – whether tangentially or intimately. You might be hesitant to read yet another technical treatise or article about the devastating effects of the condition, but you still want to learn more while being entertained at the same time. Did I say a novel about Alzheimer’s can be entertaining? Yes, and I’ll tell you why. The definition of entertainment isn’t just giggles and laughs – as Steven King’s novels clearly demonstrate. According to Merriam Webster, entertainment is also something diverting or engaging. Without a doubt readers will be engaged in the story of the Quinn family from page one when the patriarch of the family, Patrick, finds himself in a very inconvenient situation while stranded on an extraordinarily busy freeway in Seattle, Washington. And you will cheer for Patrick’s daughter, Colleen, as she struggles to redefine normalcy while craving even one minute of status quo. And believe or not, you will find humor in some of the least desirable circumstances faced by a variety of characters who are members of “Club Alzheimer’s.”
REASON THREE: You read Still Alice, by Lisa Genova – maybe you even saw the movie – and you became very sympathetic to those who have faced, are facing, and will face the ravages that Alzheimer’s disease has on families such as yours and mine. And if you were fortunate, you also read the memoir, Her Beautiful Brain, Ann Hedreen’s account of the challenges she faced raising a young family and caring for a mother who was “lost in the wilderness of an unpredictable and harrowing illness.” There is much to be gained by reading various genres on the subject, and quite frankly, not enough is being published in the fiction and memoir genres.
As of this writing, there are more than 5 million people in the United States with Alzheimer’s or other dementia, and worldwide, more than 44 million suffer with the disease. Alzheimer’s disease is not going away. The more awareness and compassion we possess, the more capable we will be of helping ourselves, and others, through this protracted disease journey.
MARK YOUR CALENDARS …
REQUIEM FOR THE STATUS QUO a Black Rose Writing release, will be available July 20th, 2017.
Kindness Fridays
For years now, I’ve practiced the habit of celebrating even the smallest of victories that come my way. The more aware I am of something that goes right, or of something that brings joy to my life, the more celebrations I get to enjoy.
Tuesday of this week saw me hustling and bustling around town getting various errands accomplished and even though my adrenaline was at a high level, I still could use some help. While at my local grocery store I purchased a Diet Pepsi in a screw bottle and got in my car to continue the remainder of my day’s tasks.
Except I couldn’t open the Pepsi bottle. After several valiant attempts to unscrew the top, I stopped just short of shredding the skin on the inside of my hand. I’m pretty sure the bottle top machine in the factory needs to be adjusted a bit so the consumer can enjoy their beverage right away instead of having to bulk up one’s upper body before attempting access.
Next stop was to fill up my Corolla with gas; that’s when I saw my opportunity. I approached a young man in the commercial truck behind me at the pump and asked if he could please unscrew the top of my Pepsi because, “that caffeine ain’t gonna get in my body any other way.” With a smile on his face, he gladly fulfilled my request which then put a smile on my face.
Kindness doesn’t have to be earth shattering to make a difference – it can be as simple as helping a caffeine-starved person get their fix.
Kindness Fridays
Today’s installment combines two passions of mine: kindness and hiking.
Since my husband’s retirement in April of 2016, we’ve managed to hike every week except during the winter months. Now with the snow a distant memory on most of the Pacific Northwest trails, we’re well into this year’s hiking season.
On Tuesday of this week, we headed out to Barclay Lake located in the lower Stevens Pass area of western Washington. This was a new hike for me and one perfectly suited for a sprained right foot, mine, needing a bit of coddling while on its healing journey. The hike was just under 5 miles and only had an elevation gain of 500 feet.
About two miles into our hike and a half mile from the lake, a couple in their late 60s were making their descent and as I always do for every hiker we meet on the trail, I greeted the man and woman which then encouraged them to pause and spend some time with us. This couple hiked 30 times last year – to our 18 times – which seriously encouraged me to continue our hiking activities during the winter season, albeit on trails at lower elevations to avoid snow encounters along the way. The kindness extended was the mutual sharing of favorite hiking destinations: for us, it was Margaret Lake, for them, Bowen Bay.
The excitement from each couple describing their particular trail favorite created a commonality of experience that went beyond any differences we may harbor within ourselves, be they political, religious, life experience, or otherwise. The four of us agreed that being out in nature and accomplishing our individual hiking goals contributed greatly to our quality of life.
On the trail, differences in beliefs or political leanings simply don’t come into play. And that, my friends, is a glorious way to experience kindness.
Wearing It
I like Nancy’s take on labels. In this instance, labels seem to be a darn good thing. Thanks, Nancy, for this fresh insight.
Last night, just as we were falling asleep, my husband drowsily remembered a conversation he had earlier in the day.
“Oh,” he murmured, “I talked to that guy from the committee.”
“Which guy?” I asked.
“You know… That guy… He wears a limp.”
My husband was only semi-conscious and that probably explains his weird phrasing.
But I kind of liked it.
The man wears a limp.
A limp as something you wear.
Think about the control that gives the man over his limp.
He owns that limp. It doesn’t own him.
It makes me want to think about other conditions that we experience as something we wear. How differently we might consider our issues, problems – our very bodies – if they are just Something We Wear.
We could wear our health:
“She wears some arthritis in her fingers.”
“She’s wearing her third pregnancy.”
“She wears a stroke on…
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Kindness Fridays
Is it possible to receive kindness from nature? Yes, it certainly is.
Earlier this week I was headed to my twice a year dental appointment and to be honest with you, my mood at the time was extraordinarily melancholic. Maybe you’re familiar with that feeling?
If you’ve ever experienced periods in your life when your body complains a bit louder than usual and everything you try to accomplish feels like a major undertaking, then I’m talking to the right crowd.
That was my state as I stepped out of my vehicle and made my way through the parking lot to the dental office’s front door. I was limping – one reason for my crummy mood – and paying close attention to each step I took so I didn’t add insult to injury by further harming my right sprained foot.
As I turned the corner and stepped onto the sidewalk, I looked up. It was a good thing I did because a natural kindness was extended to me of magnificent proportions, a kindness that instantly elicited a smile resultant from the beauty that it offered.
A cluster of red Azaleas dragged me out of my funk.
And that, my friends, is this week’s Kindness account, brought to you by nature.
Club Alzheimer’s
No one wants to be a member of a club characterized by a disease that robs a person of their cognitive function and is always fatal. Unfortunately, as of this writing, 5 million Americans (many more million in other countries) are living with Alzheimer’s disease or other dementias. Here are a few more facts extracted from the most current Facts and Figures document published by the Alzheimer’s Association:
- In 2016, 15 million Americans provided unpaid care for people with Alzheimer’s or other dementias;
- That equates to 18.2 billion hours of care valued at $230 billion;
- 1 in 3 adults dies with Alzheimer’s or other dementia;
- It kills more than breast cancer and prostate cancer combined;
- Since the year 2000, deaths from heart disease have decreased by 14% while deaths from Alzheimer’s disease have increased by 89%;
- Every 66 seconds, a person develops the disease.
My novel, REQUIEM FOR THE STATUS QUO, (Black Rose Writing publication, July 2017) spotlights one family’s experience in particular – the Quinn family – while also visiting other households affected by Alzheimer’s or other dementias.
- Eddie and Katherine, a couple in their 40s. Katherine has a combination Alzheimer’s/Lewy Body dementia, a type of dementia that causes somewhat violent behavior and speech;
- Frank and his son, Sean, the latter of whom suffers from a traumatic brain injury (TBI) incurred while on deployment in Afghanistan;
- Victoria and George, a couple in their 80s, trying to crawl through the maze of George’s Alzheimer’s disease;
- Rose and Sophia, sisters in their 50s, struggling with the effects of Sophia’s vascular dementia;
- Donna and Kelly, partners in their 60s, experiencing the devastating effects of Kelly’s Parkinson’s disease and the dementia associated with her disease.
These are characters like you and I. They were living their lives the best they knew how, being good people and doing good for others, yet Alzheimer’s still managed to grab them by the throat and refused to let go.
The storyline is a difficult one but the way in which I have portrayed all of these precious people will touch your heart, and at times, your funny bone. No, there’s nothing humorous about the disease, but people will be people, and when they’re confronted with the impossible, they can find – or create – a bright side onto which they can find redemption and community.
I look forward to introducing you to my characters. Just a few more months before they’ll become a part of your life.
Kindness Fridays
This past Wednesday I rode the bus into downtown Seattle to have lunch with my daughter, Erin. Two blocks from my bus stop in a very congested road construction area, someone pulled the stop cord, and I guess because of the traffic, the driver let the passengers off a half block early. This was a very unusual action on the bus driver’s part. Every bus commuter knows the only time a driver picks up or drops off passengers is in the designated bus stop. I’ve witnessed people trying to catch a bus, flagging down the bus in an undesignated area, and that driver will keep on going. Even if the driver is stopped at a red light he or she will not open the door for the person flagging down the bus. RULES ARE RULES.
So back to my bus commute. At the OFFICIAL bus stop stood a woman to board our bus. The driver opened the door and grumbled, “I already stopped back there! Now you’re holding everyone up.” She was walking to the OFFICIAL stop so missed seeing the premature stop that occurred behind her.
She was in the right by standing at the real stop but she was verbally penalized.
Kindness was in order but it wasn’t extended. The bus driver messed up the law-abiding woman’s day by yelling at her and collateral damage landed on me which took the form of my mood being deflated. But then the woman returned the driver’s discourtesy with kindness. She said, “Have a nice day, sir.”
When we have the opportunity to express ourselves in such a way as to harm someone, but choose instead to bless someone with our words, the grand order of the universe is altered so that peace displaces disharmony.
The female passenger’s words made my day, thus cancelling out the grumpy driver’s ill-chosen ones.
Have a nice day everyone.
Kindness Fridays
Have world events impacted you in such a way that you feel things are hopeless?
Are you overwhelmed to the point that you say to yourself, What could I possibly do to make a difference?
The answer is:
You can make a difference because kindness trumps all.
I recently wrote Ellen Degeneres to thank her for her ongoing efforts to spread kindness. Sure, at the end of each of her daily shows she says, Be kind to one another, but she puts force behind those words in what she does for others. At the conclusion of my letter to her, I said the following:
We’re not charged with changing the entire world, but we can have an impact on the miniscule portion of the world to which we have access. You’re doing it, and I will continue to do what I can from my corner of the world. If everyone makes a fraction of a difference right from where they are, those fractions will add up to great things.
I’m glad I’m on the same kindness train as you, Ellen, and I’ll keep chugging along until I can’t chug any longer.
I sincerely believe that random acts or words of kindness can make a difference in the world in which we live. There are so many negative and hurtful words being thrust into our universe, can’t we just please try to balance out that hurt with words of encouragement, recognition, and nourishment?
Yes, nourishment. In all our daily interactions – be they via social media or in person – we can nurture the hurt that exists all around us. Our words, our smile, our actions may just change the life of someone forever. Haven’t you been on the receiving end of that type of transformative nourishment? Didn’t it feel good? Didn’t it fill the emptiness within you that hungered and thirsted for confirmation that you matter, that you aren’t a failure, that you have potential?
Let’s revisit how that felt and commit to quenching the thirst of each person with whom we come in contact.
Being connected in a fragmented world
Much has been said about how impersonal – or even cruel – social media can be. That certainly is the case many times over, but social media can also be a way in which to stay connected with those you care about but with whom you are not able to get together as frequently as you would like.
That is the case for me.
I currently have 60 Facebook (FB) friends, most of whom are those who are close friends and family members. I’ve never felt I needed to post ginormous numbers of friends in order to be a valid Facebook user; I’ve just always been thrilled to be able to follow the lives of those with whom I have a history.
When I first opened my FB account I sent friend requests to everyone I could find on the site. One of those was my daughter, Erin, who indicated that she preferred to keep her FB life separate from her mother/daughter life. I totally got that – and still do – so Erin and I aren’t FB friends but we communicate so much, we always know what’s the latest and greatest in each of our lives.
It’s just this year that my FB family has been enlarged; I’m reaching out to my nieces and nephews and other fabulous family members who – when I first started on FB – were quite a bit younger than they are now. And joy of all joys, they’re reaching out to me! Quite frankly, I figured why would the younger set care about what this geezer-in-the-making is doing with herself? Turns out, they do care, and it’s been glorious, and I certainly care about what they’re doing. The added benefit is that when we do get together, I’ll be far better acquainted with them because we’ve stayed connected on an ongoing basis.
Connecting with others – having contact with them – tears down walls that need not exist. I’ll leave you with a quote from The Power of Kindness about what lack of connection can result in:
We can also do the opposite: build walls, as well as find ourselves in front of others’ walls, and decide that this is an easier, more practical way to live . . . Distance may be safer. But our lives are poorer without the nourishment that these people can give – nourishment in the form of stimuli, different points of view, fresh emotions.
The incapacity of being in touch with others can become a tragedy of solitude. We become our own prisoners.
No thank you.
Kindness Fridays
Have you ever been on the receiving end of encouragement? Of course you have. Referring again to my daily-read book, The Power of Kindness, by Piero Ferucci, he calls that type of kindness”
“a warming help: attention and a kind word in a difficult moment.”
My across the street neighbor, Eva, is an enthusiastic, lively person – kind of like me if I do say so myself. We get along quite well. Unfortunately, we don’t get together often enough because life gets in the way. Yep, the intricacies of life even get in the way of spending time with decidedly beautiful people.
When Eva and I get together we operate on the same wavelength: we love people more than we hate people, we get excited about similar things, and we lift each other up just by sharing our energy with each other. And when one of us is down or blahness seems to have taken over our personal orbit, time spent with each other erases a good portion of that blahness. I’m close to twenty years older than Eva, but that doesn’t matter in the least. When we’re together, we’re Besties, and we’re the same age. Period.
Without fail, each and every time we leave each other – whether at the conclusion of a neighborhood walk or a lunch date – Eva throws me kisses. Saying goodbye until next time isn’t good enough for my neighbor, instead, she gives me something that lasts and also makes me feel good about the time I’ve spent with her. Just thinking about those thrown kisses are a warming help that is sometimes needed during my day. Quite frankly, just writing about it has already improved my day exponentially.
My neighbor Eva: a delightful gift of kindness.
Gawd, I love her.
Kindness Fridays
Last Friday I mentioned a book that I read daily, Live your dash. Another book I read on a daily basis is The Power of Kindness, The Unexpected Benefits of Leading a Compassionate Life, by Piero Ferrucci, I’m actually on my second read-through of this encouraging book.
I think we can all agree that what makes the headline news is rarely the pleasant things that occur around us. Horror sells newspapers.
Mr. Ferrucci says the following regarding that unfortunate truth:
There may be murder, there may be violence, and there may be selfishness, but most human beings at heart are helpful and supportive. Cruelty makes the headlines precisely because it is the exception.
But the world goes on because we care for one another . . .
And yet life goes on precisely because we are kind to one another. No newspaper tomorrow will tell of a mother who read a bedtime story to her child, or a father who prepared breakfast for his children, of someone who listened with attention, of a friend who cheered us up, of a stranger who helped us carry a suitcase.
Think of how long our world has been in existence and consider all the mayhem that has played out as described in history books and in front of our very eyes.
Yet, the world goes on.
Kindness and caring have sufficiently sustained us through wars, terrorism, pestilence, and other natural disasters.
It seems appropriate, therefore, that we should feed kindness so its supply never runs out.
Perhaps some day cruelty will run out of steam and die a natural death.
I mean, a person’s gotta hope … right?
Kindness Fridays
I own a book – kind of a devotional, but not religious – that I read each morning, Live Your Dash, by Linda Ellis. The subtitle is Make Every Moment Matter. Ms. Ellis’s book encourages readers to live well in the time between the dash that exists between the day we were born and the day we die. Today’s Kindness post directly quotes an excerpt from her book that I thought was relevant to the subject at hand.
Your name, as spoken, and as remembered, represents more than your reputation. Through the years, it becomes an embodiment of the ways in which you have lived your dash, and touched others’ lives.
Live your life in such a manner that when you imagine your name being spoken in your absence, there will never be a desire (or need) to be present to defend it.
Words in italics provided by this blog author.
Kindness Fridays
While on errands the other day – during a very busy time of day in the middle of a downtown Redmond, WA construction zone – traffic was pretty much bumper to bumper and getting to my appointment on time was proving to be a waning possibility.
On the two lane road upon which I was driving, the car directly in front of me stopped to let another car out of the business park on the right. I’m quite certain that made that driver’s day – I know my day has been improved inordinately when that grace has been extended to me.
Approximately five minutes later a car coming toward me in the opposite lane put on his turn signal, indicating he wanted to turn into a driveway coming up on my right; he would need to turn in front of my car to do so.
Looks like that earlier driver who extended a courtesy rubbed off on me. I stopped, motioned the car through, and then went on my way.
My day was delayed by a whole eight seconds.
The point of this mini-kindness post is that I immediately wanted to replicate what that previous driver had done. That driver’s kindness gave me yet more proof that when kindnesses are extended, such kindnesses can influence others. Sure, hatred spreads like wildfire, but kindness can snuff out that fire and benefit so many.
That’s the kind of influence with which I want to be associated. How about you?
See also: Do little rather than nothing
Living: the ultimate team sport 