First step for any endeavor: START
You have an idea that turns into a personal goal. You plan for it, making a list of To Dos and To Purchase, or whatever lists are required to put your idea into motion.
Then you’re paralyzed: when do I start? how do I start? You begin to second guess your idea, your plans, your goal.
Paralysis by analysis sets in. You freeze in place. You do nothing for a day, a week, a month, eventually discarding the project about which you were initially very excited.
Doubt sidelined your goal.
For me, taking that first step can be the beginning of failure, and because it is, oftentimes it’s a step I choose not to take.
I signed up for National Novel Writing Month, NaNoWriMo, in August or September, I don’t remember. I purchased book-drafting software called Snowflake, and went through every step needed to prepare an outline and/or book proposal for a novel, my second. I was extremely excited about the novel’s concept.
I kept receiving NaNoWriMo emails, counting down the days until November 1st when that novel writing month would commence. The second week of October I questioned the sensibility of subjecting myself to completing a novel in thirty days. The third week of October, I ceased all preparation. Monday of the fourth week of October, I decided not to participate. Read the rest of this entry »
Lighten up Mondays
On a flight to Florida, the doctor was preparing his notes for one of the parent-education seminars he conducted as an educational psychologist.
The elderly woman sitting next to him explained that she was returning to Miami after having spent two weeks with her six children, eighteen grandchildren, and ten great grandchildren in Boston.
Then she inquired as to what the doctor did for a living. He told her – listing his credentials – fully expecting her to question him for free professional advice.
Instead, she sat back, picked up a magazine and said, “If there’s anything you want to know, just ask me.”
Isolation after the death of a loved one
I had the privilege of facilitating an Alzheimer’s caregiver support group meeting this afternoon. For several years I facilitated my own caregiver support meeting but retired from doing so in 2013. Earlier this year I was the substitute facilitator for this same meeting and was so very impressed with the group of ladies I met then, a few of whom were in the meeting again today.
One of the gals, Georgina (not her real name) lost her husband to Alzheimer’s in January. She told the group that while her husband was still alive, the two of them were always invited to a Holiday gathering of friends – all married couples – to celebrate the Christmas season. She found out recently that she was not invited to this year’s event.
Quite frankly, she hadn’t yet thought about the Holiday party, thinking the invitation might be forthcoming but certainly wasn’t stressing out about it. Quite innocently, one of her friends mentioned the party in passing, saying, “Looking forward to seeing you at the annual Christmas celebration” not realizing that the host of the party had not included Georgina on this year’s guest list.
The attendees at today’s meeting had these thoughts to say about the situation: Read the rest of this entry »
Thank you for your service
Thank you for your military service in the U.S. Army, Don Paul Desonier, my brother; and in the Canadian Armed Forces during America’s involvement in WWII, Don Patrick Desonier, my father.
Thank you also, Stewart Olson, my father-in-law, for your military service to the United States of America. Without the commitment and dedication of these three men, and millions of others over the years, freedom wouldn’t be a word with which we would be very familiar.
Need Tips for Moving with Dementia Loved One
I am reblogging this article from a fellow blogger. Please, she needs help discerning the best way to get her mother-in-law acclimated once the entire family moves into a new house 1.5 months from now; AND she’ll need pointers on the actual move itself, to facilitate such a move with someone with dementia.
Lighten up Mondays
After Brian proposed to Jill, his father took him to one side.
“Son, when I first got married to your mother, the first thing I did when we got home was take off my pants. I gave them to your mother and told her to try them on, which she did.
“They were huge on her and she said she couldn’t wear them because they were too large. I said to her, ‘Of course they are too big for you, I wear the pants in this family and I always will.’ Ever since that day we have never had a single problem.”
Brian took his dad’s advice and did the same thing to his wife on his wedding night. Then Jill took off her panties and gave them to Brian. “Try these on,” she said.
Brian went along with it and tried them on but they were far too small. “What’s the point of this? I can’t get into your panties.”
“Exactly,” Jill replied, “and if you don’t change your attitude, you never will!”
NaNoWriMo Survival Guide: How I Write 50k(-ish) Every Month
Source: NaNoWriMo Survival Guide: How I Write 50k(-ish) Every Month This hilarious writer/blogger knows of what he speaks. This will give the non-writers an idea of what us writers go through. I appreciate his tell it like it is writing style, including the swear words … especially the swear words.
Lighten up Mondays
A lady goes to the doctor and complains that her husband is losing interest in sex.
The doctor gives her a pill but warns her that it’s still experimental. He tells her to slip it into her husband’s mashed potatoes at dinner, so that night she does just that.
About a week later, she’s back at the doctor’s office where she says, “Doc, the pill worked great! I put it in the potatoes like you said. It wasn’t five minutes later that he jumped up, raked all the food and dishes onto the floor, grabbed me, ripped off all my clothes and made love to me right there on the table!”
The doctor replied, “I’m sorry, we didn’t realize the pill was that strong. The medical foundation will be glad to pay for any damages.”
“Nah, that’s okay. We’re never going back to that restaurant anyway.”
The past – and the truth – have set me free
Oftentimes we’re told that we should forget about the past. Sure, it’s okay to learn from past bad decisions, but sometimes those years are better left alone.
The other day, I went back twenty-one years to uncover the basis for a mystery that has haunted me since September 24th, 1994. Twenty one years of fear and uncertainty came to an end in just ten minutes time.
My mother died on September 24th, 1994 in my parents’ home in Honolulu, Hawaii. She was 77 years old and she died in her sleep. Although she had some chronic health-related issues with which to contend, no one could have predicted her sudden death because she lived a vital and active life.
Dad didn’t want an autopsy performed on my mother which – at the time – I was okay with; it was his decision to make; he didn’t want her body assaulted just to find out why her life ended on that particular day.
That decision was the basis for my twenty-one years of fear.
Read the rest of this entry »
It takes courage to be passionate
David Brooks’ article, Lady Gaga and the life of passion, speaks of putting ourselves out there for something for which we are passionate.
All that is needed for a person to conclude that Lady Gaga puts herself out there is to watch just one of her performances or appearances at awards shows. She wore a meat dress at the 2010 MTV Video Music Awards. Outsiders like ourselves look at such a display and might think unkind thoughts about a person who is extremely passionate about her craft.
For most of us, putting ourselves out there means singing at the top of our lungs in the shower or car where no one can hear us. Or perhaps our definition of being out there means matching a floral print top with checked shorts when on vacation where no one knows us.
David Brooks’ article covers the passion involved when we’re courageous enough to follow our dreams, dreams portrayed in this manner by Lady Gaga:
I suppose that I didn’t know what I would become, but I always wanted to be extremely brave and I wanted to be a constant reminder to the universe of what passion looks like. What it sounds like. What it feels like.
Given that description, us aforementioned outsiders might feel differently about how this extraordinarily talented singer/performer expresses herself.
So what does it mean to live a life of passion? Read the rest of this entry »
Lighten up Mondays
An old man and woman were married for years and years even though they hated each other. When they had an argument, screams and yelling could be heard deep into the night. Repeatedly a threat was heard from the old man against his wife. “When I die, I will dig my way up and out of the grave to come back and haunt you for the rest of your life!”
The old man died abruptly under strange circumstances and the funeral had a closed casket. After the burial, the wife went straight to the local bar, met up with some neighbors, and began to party like there was no tomorrow.
The gaiety of her actions were becoming extreme when her neighbors approached her and asked, “Aren’t you afraid of the way you’re behaving? Your husband is probably just as powerful in death as he was in life. Didn’t he threaten to dig his way up out of the grave to come back and haunt you for the rest of your life?”
With a self-satisfied smile on her face, the widow put her drink down and responded, “Let the old guy dig. I had him buried upside down.”
Pack courage in your toolbox
Whatever you do, you need courage. Whatever course you decide upon, there is always someone to tell you that you are wrong.
There are always difficulties arising that tempt you to believe your critics are right. To map out a course of action and follow it to an end requires some of the same courage that a soldier needs. – Ralph Waldo Emerson
If you are facing difficulties that seem insurmountable, I want to en-courage you to draw on that which lies deep within you.
Oh, sure, you may think you lack what it takes to climb over that speed bump – or mountain – that’s directly in front of you, but I have faith that you will not only do so, but you will rise victorious to the top.
You are stronger than you think.
Believe it.
Tips for helping a caregiver
The latest AARP Magazine had a fabulous article providing helpful ways in which to make a caregiver’s life just a wee bit – or quite a bit – better. Here are a few tips for you to adopt in your life.
- Bring her a low-maintenance houseplant
- Take in his mail
- Do yard upkeep, whether raking leaves, mowing the lawn, shoveling snow
- When you’re heading out to buy groceries, ask him if you can pick some things up for him
- Take her kids or grandkids to the park or to a movie
- Stop by with a board game or a movie to watch – a perfect way to get his mind off things
- Visit her with a pet that has a sweet disposition
- Take his dog on a walk – maybe on a daily or weekly basis
- Do some light housework or repairs: dishes, vacuuming, dusting, ironing, smoke alarm battery and light bulb changing, fixing a leaky faucet
- Return her library books
- Volunteer to stay at home to wait for the cable technician, repairman, etc. while he attends to other more pressing needs
- Bring him a week’s worth of meals in freezable containers
- Send her a greeting card on an ongoing basis. Who doesn’t love to receive real postal mail?
- When visiting, let the person vent, without passing verbal judgment on what they may say
- Do an item or two on her To-Do list – I promise you, her list is extraordinarily long
- Offer to make a photo album with him, using photos that mean a lot to him and the rest of the family
- Give him a gift card to a restaurant he may enjoy, or better yet, take him out to dinner
- Help him decorate for the holidays
- Drop off or pick up a prescription
- Keep in touch with her, even after her loved one passes. Too often, the grieving one has more attention than she can handle immediately after someone dies, then when she could really use some TLC, no one can be found.
Normal is highly under-rated
Have you ever experienced a time when things just weren’t going right or you were ill and felt you would never again return to normal?
Of course you have, we all have. We were so wrapped up in our current state of affairs, we couldn’t even remember what normal feels like. This phenomena may also be characterized as craving the status quo, a condition that many of us usually abhor, given the option of leading an eventful and stimulating life.
When we’re on our knees praying to the Universe for a break – or perhaps worshiping the Porcelain God with an upside down stomach – we’ll give anything for boredom, a heightened state of normalcy, or a long stretch of monotony.
My suggestion to you: the next time your yawns make you impatient for something different, be careful what you wish for and enjoy the ennui while you can.
And when you’re going through a rough patch, remember that when you’re in the dumps, this too shall pass, and when it does, you’ll have the opportunity to relish the calming state of normalcy once again.
It’s always nice having something to look forward to, isn’t it?
Help Getting IHSS Benefits for Caregivers
I’m re-blogging this post in the hopes someone can address this caregiver’s questions. Those of you who have a blog, do the same. We’re bound to find the answers for norcalmom, and others requiring the same information.
Lighten up Mondays
Do you realize that the only time in our lives when we like to get old is when we’re kids?
If you’re less than 10 years old, you’re so excited about aging that you think in fractions. “How old are you?” … “I’m four and a half” …You’re never 36 and a half but you’re four and a half going on five.
That’s the key. Then you get into your teens and you can’t hold back. You jump to the next number. “How old are you?” … “I’m gonna be 16 soon.” You could actually be 12, but you’re gonna be 16.
And then the greatest day of your life happens, you become 21. Even the words sound like a ceremony … you become 21. Yes! But then you turn 30 … ooohhh, what happened there? Makes you sound like bad milk … He turned, we had to throw him out. There’s no fun being had now. Read the rest of this entry »
Caregiving 101 through 1001
I’ve written several articles over the years about the importance of assembling a caregiving team when caring for a loved one – a team that doesn’t necessarily rely on family because not everyone has a participatory family when it comes to these matters. Of all the life-changes we encounter during our journey, caregiving is one of – if not the most difficult – speed bump to get over.
Caregiving: the ultimate team sport suggests how one might use the strengths of each team/family member to handle the varied needs during the caregiving journey.
Family dynamics that hamper caregiving success exposes the need to let go of stereotypes or childhood roles that don’t serve siblings well as adults. If ever there was a time to work together for the greater good – taking care of a family member with dementia or other terminal illness – this ranks right up there at the top.
Solo caregiving addresses the needs of the person who appears to be strapped with fulfilling all the roles needed for a successful caregiving venture. As the sole caregiver, you need not settle into those roles, not without the help of other, well-meaning individuals. Certainly, much relies on the neighbor, coworker, even casual acquaintance, but said entities are a resource from which much assistance can be found.
And here are several more articles for the caregivers out there – and those acquainted with a caregiver – to provide some wisdom and encouragement through the tough times: Read the rest of this entry »
Lighten up Mondays
Got a letter from a friend of mine yesterday. She writes: The other day, I went up to a local Christian bookstore and saw a “Honk if you love Jesus” bumper sticker. I was feeling particularly inspired that day because I had just come from a thrilling choir performance, followed by a thunderous prayer meeting, so I bought the sticker and put it on my bumper.
Boy am I glad I did! What an uplifting experience followed! I was stopped at a red light at a busy intersection – lost in thought about the Lord and how good He is – and I didn’t notice that the light had changed. It is a good thing someone else loves Jesus because if he hadn’t honked, I’d never have noticed! I found out LOTS of people love Jesus!
Why, while I was sitting there, the guy behind me started honking like crazy, and then he leaned out his window and screamed, “For the love of GOD! GO! Jesus Christ, GO!” What an exuberant cheerleader he was for Jesus! Everyone started honking! I just leaned out my window and started waving and smiling at all these loving people. I even honked my horn a few times to share in the love! Read the rest of this entry »
Our school of hard knocks: life
Okay, my life isn’t always crappy, quite frankly, it’s rarely crappy. I’ve had a great life and I certainly can’t complain too loudly. But I’ve learned many things in my umpteen years of life, one of which is that there are teaching moments – and teachers – all around us and if we’re diligent students, we’ll learn something new now and then.
Dr. Bernie S. Siegel in his book 365 Subscriptions for the Soul, brings up this topic in one of his daily meditations. He starts out by offering the following Taoist quote:
When the student is ready, the teacher appears.
Lighten up Mondays
There was a female business executive who was late for a meeting.
She is going 65 mph on a street where the speed limit is 40.
A cop pulls her over and says, “Ma’am, can I please see your license?”
She says, “I’m sorry, officer, but I got it revoked two years ago for drunk driving.”
His brow furrows and he straightens up. “Well, can I please see the registration of your car?”
She says, “I stole the car and killed the driver; he’s in the trunk.” Read the rest of this entry »
Why I love the internet
Sure, it’s convenient and very utilitarian for our every-day use. As a writer, I benefit greatly from an online Thesaurus to use alternate words. Case in point, there’s gotta be a better way to say, “Colleen got angry (irked, vexed, indignant, apoplectic, choleric) when traffic made her late for her hair appointment.”
And among the many other reasons for which I use the internet, I count on it for quick access to a recipe for an I’m too exhausted to be creative meal on a Monday night or in the alternative, a restaurant that’s not too far away from home and can seat us at the last minute. Bottom line, I take full advantage of what the inter-web has to offer.
But the biggest reason I love the internet is that it reaches anyone who has access to any type of computer device – especially those in need of some sort of assistance when sorting out the difficulties of life. My need for a dining alternative pales in comparison to someone searching for help when caring for someone with a debilitating illness.
One of the blogs I follow: My Dementia Experience, is written by a woman, NorCalMom, who takes care of her mother-in-law. This delightful caregiver also has five children of her own. But NorCalMom jumped into caregiving with both feet in 2013 when Marie, her mother-in-law, moved in with her and the rest of her household because of Marie’s advancing dementia. Reading just one of this blogger’s posts will show an outsider what types of challenges NorCalMom faces on an ongoing basis.
As caregivers, and I’ve been one as well, we oftentimes “wing it” when it comes to handling the day-to-day, and shockingly acute, issues that occur during our caregiving journey. The unpredictable nature of Alzheimer’s or other dementia makes even the most mundane activities frustratingly impossible to handle with only a layman’s knowledge of providing care. For example, how does one communicate with a person who can no longer understand what is said to her and who can no longer respond cogently to questions proferred by their primary care person?
Caregivers need psychic powers to unravel the mystery of care providing. Or do they? Read the rest of this entry »
Focus on Caring: raising children who care
Source: 7 Ways To Help Your Kids Embrace Kindness – By Lucy Martial
We’ve all heard the admonishment that we should lead by example. The intent of that statement focuses on providing good examples for not only our own children and grandchildren, but also our neighbors’ children, school students, and all other young people with whom we come in contact. The final increment of this Focus on Caring series suggests that adopting an attitude of caring is best started at an earlier age.
If we live in such a way that our words and actions positively influence the younger set among us, we are to be rewarded. But if our actions negatively influence children, we’ve done them – and the world – a grave disservice.
The article attached above from the Kindness Blog – a website that ONLY provides stories that focus on kindness – lists seven suggestions for effectuating kindness in children.
My article focuses on two of the article’s very apt suggestions: Read the rest of this entry »
Lighten up Mondays
A middle-aged woman had a heart attack and was taken to the hospital. While on the operating table she had a near-death experience.
Seeing God, she asked, “Is my time up, Lord?” God said, “No, you have another 43 years, 2 months, and 8 days to live.”
Upon recovery, the woman decided to stay in the hospital and have a face lift, liposuction, and a tummy tuck. Since she had so much more time to live, she figured she might as well look good. Read the rest of this entry »
My plea for print news media
I love, love, love to read my local print newspaper, The Seattle Times, each morning.
If a daily edition is late due to inclement weather, I will read the paper on my tablet, but only if I’m quite certain the print edition won’t arrive, e.g., snow, power lines across the roads, the end of the world as we know it, etc.
But I don’t want to read the paper on my tablet – or sitting at my computer – as my only option.
NO!!!!!
The other local area newspaper, Seattle Post Intelligencer, switched to online-only several years ago. I’m thrilled that the Seattle PI is still available to readers but I fear the remaining local newspaper will end up with the same fate.
Why do I think so? Read the rest of this entry »
Perfecting our life’s target practice
Dr. Bernie Siegel, 365 Prescriptions for the Soul, provided the following regarding the art of focusing on the right target for our lives. The first quote is very timely advice by the late, great, Yogi Berra:
TARGET PRACTICE
You got to be careful if you don’t know where you’re going, because you might not get there. – Yogi Berra
Your target in life helps you to direct your course. So before you aim, be sure you choose the right target.
What are you aiming for? What is your goal? What goals are you trying to achieve? What are you trying to hit? These are the questions you need to ask yourself, because they tell you your direction and where you will end up.
The more target practice you engage in, the more likely you are to hit the bull’s-eye.
SOLUTION OF THE DAY
Take the time to refocus on your target. Ask the questions often to be sure to hone in on your center.
Art worth viewing: spotlight on Mary Riesche
There’s an artist in Vacaville, California, Mary Riesche, who paints in such a way that what she sees – and the way she sees it – comes alive on every canvas she fills.
Ms. Riesche is a Baby Boomer, like myself, and many of you. She has painted since she could hold a crayon and hasn’t stopped. Her retirement consists of capturing the beauty she sees in her travels, and sharing them with the public at very reasonable prices.
Mary Riesche Studios, her virtual art studio, is a great place to look for extremely well-priced pieces.
She currently has a spotlight show at the Vacaville Art League and Gallery that consists of some of her smaller, mixed media selections. This particular show only runs through October 3, 2015 so if you live in the northern California area, you must have a look-see of some of her paintings.
Additionally, her entire inventory of paintings can be found on her Mary Riesche Studios website and unless otherwise noted, are available for sale.
Focus on Caring: The ties that bind us
This week’s story is right out of a fabulous blog that I follow, The Kindness Blog. I’m submitting the story as it was written, in the 1st person, by the person involved.
I was in a really bad three-car accident a few years ago where a drunk driver ran a red light and hit another lady and me – the other lady died. This couple who had been leaving the Mosque across the street heard the accident happen and came running to help. It was cold out and I was just sitting on the side of the road shivering and cold. Read the rest of this entry »
Lighten up Mondays
A young man was walking through a supermarket to pick up a few things when he noticed an old lady following him around. Thinking nothing of it, he ignored her and continued on.
Finally, he went to the checkout line but she cut in front of him. “Pardon me,” she said, “I’m sorry if my staring has made you feel uncomfortable, it’s just that you look just like my son who died recently.”
“I’m very sorry,” replied the young man, “is there anything I can do for you?” Read the rest of this entry »
Our life: an ongoing parade
Here I go again, relying on Dr. Bernie S. Siegel to provide some wisdom for your day, but what can I say, his 365 Prescriptions for the Soul catches my attention more often than not and when it does, I like to share the good stuff I find. The following is provided verbatim:
Parade of Life
Forget past mistakes. Forget failures. Forget everything except what you are going to do now, and do it. – William Durant
Life is a parade. Sometimes we march along and realize we have passed by what we were looking for. What do we do? Stand there and drop out of the parade? March on with regrets? Feel bad about how we looked or that everything we wanted was on the wrong side of the street? It’s passed! Forget it and march on!
Sometimes our parade isn’t so pretty, and the crowd isn’t interested in us. If we drag everything we have passed with us, we will destroy the present. We have no future when we live in the past.
We even talk about past lives. Whether you believe in them or not, the same principle applies. If you are living a past life, you are destroying your present one. In therapy, people come to understand why they are acting the way they are and how the past is affecting them. They learn to let go, move on, and not sit in the same classroom year after year. They graduate and commence a new life.
A closing comment by this blogger:
The good news is that we can learn from our past, both the good and the bad. But if we stay cemented in the past and don’t move on, that parade Dr. Siegel talks about? It’ll pass us by.
I don’t know about you, but I don’t want to get left behind.
Focus on Caring: Looking for trouble
My oh my how often we are on the road, driving to our intended destination, and we observe someone with car trouble. Each and every time I observe such a scene I always say a little prayer that the Universe will step in and send someone to be of assistance to this poor soul.
Thomas Weller of San Diego, California looks for trouble and provides assistance in the form of: fuel for those who thought driving on fumes would get them to their destination, a change of tire for that troublesome flat tire that started out as a slow leak but ended as a pancake, or a lift to a safer place so that the stranded motorist could get off the highway.
This isn’t a passing fancy of his, he’s been doing it for 50 years. Read the rest of this entry »
Living: the ultimate team sport 