Okay, my life isn’t always crappy, quite frankly, it’s rarely crappy. I’ve had a great life and I certainly can’t complain too loudly. But I’ve learned many things in my umpteen years of life, one of which is that there are teaching moments – and teachers – all around us and if we’re diligent students, we’ll learn something new now and then.
Dr. Bernie S. Siegel in his book 365 Subscriptions for the Soul, brings up this topic in one of his daily meditations. He starts out by offering the following Taoist quote:
Dr. Bernie Siegel, 365 Prescriptions for the Soul, provided the following regarding the art of focusing on the right target for our lives. The first quote is very timely advice by the late, great, Yogi Berra:
TARGET PRACTICE
You got to be careful if you don’t know where you’re going, because you might not get there. – Yogi Berra
Your target in life helps you to direct your course. So before you aim, be sure you choose the right target.
What are you aiming for? What is your goal? What goals are you trying to achieve? What are you trying to hit? These are the questions you need to ask yourself, because they tell you your direction and where you will end up.
The more target practice you engage in, the more likely you are to hit the bull’s-eye.
SOLUTION OF THE DAY
Take the time to refocus on your target. Ask the questions often to be sure to hone in on your center.
There’s an artist in Vacaville, California, Mary Riesche, who paints in such a way that what she sees – and the way she sees it – comes alive on every canvas she fills.
Ms. Riesche is a Baby Boomer, like myself, and many of you. She has painted since she could hold a crayon and hasn’t stopped. Her retirement consists of capturing the beauty she sees in her travels, and sharing them with the public at very reasonable prices.
Mary Riesche Studios, her virtual art studio, is a great place to look for extremely well-priced pieces.
Ocean Park on Maui
She currently has a spotlight show at the Vacaville Art League and Gallery that consists of some of her smaller, mixed media selections. This particular show only runs through October 3, 2015 so if you live in the northern California area, you must have a look-see of some of her paintings.
Truck at Rush Ranch
Additionally, her entire inventory of paintings can be found on her Mary Riesche Studios website and unless otherwise noted, are available for sale.
This week’s story is right out of a fabulous blog that I follow, The Kindness Blog. I’m submitting the story as it was written, in the 1st person, by the person involved.
I was in a really bad three-car accident a few years ago where a drunk driver ran a red light and hit another lady and me – the other lady died. This couple who had been leaving the Mosque across the street heard the accident happen and came running to help. It was cold out and I was just sitting on the side of the road shivering and cold. Read the rest of this entry »
Here I go again, relying on Dr. Bernie S. Siegel to provide some wisdom for your day, but what can I say, his 365 Prescriptions for the Soul catches my attention more often than not and when it does, I like to share the good stuff I find. The following is provided verbatim:
Parade of Life
Forget past mistakes. Forget failures. Forget everything except what you are going to do now, and do it. – William Durant
Life is a parade. Sometimes we march along and realize we have passed by what we were looking for. What do we do? Stand there and drop out of the parade? March on with regrets? Feel bad about how we looked or that everything we wanted was on the wrong side of the street? It’s passed! Forget it and march on!
Sometimes our parade isn’t so pretty, and the crowd isn’t interested in us. If we drag everything we have passed with us, we will destroy the present. We have no future when we live in the past.
We even talk about past lives. Whether you believe in them or not, the same principle applies. If you are living a past life, you are destroying your present one. In therapy, people come to understand why they are acting the way they are and how the past is affecting them. They learn to let go, move on, and not sit in the same classroom year after year. They graduate and commence a new life.
A closing comment by this blogger:
The good news is that we can learn from our past, both the good and the bad. But if we stay cemented in the past and don’t move on, that parade Dr. Siegel talks about? It’ll pass us by.
I don’t know about you, but I don’t want to get left behind.
Helene Gayle, Care USA President and CEO, learned early on in her adult life that giving to others was a necessary part of her participation in this world. It makes sense, then, that she heads a major international humanitarian agency that delivers emergency relief and support for long-term development projects. This organization is nonsectarian, impartial, and non-governmental. In my estimation, what could be better than that? In the book, Getting There by Gillian Zoe Segal, Ms. Gayle had this to say about effecting social change:
Social change is better achieved by being for something (rather) than against something. Growing up, I was part of a protest generation. We protested the war and stood in support of liberation struggles in Africa. Whenever we saw a problem, we were “against” it.
It’s easy to think that by being against something you’re standing up for a cause, but if you want to have a greater impact, you need to ask yourself, “What do I stand for and what do I want to happen?”
In this world, there exists a me against her/us against them mentality that causes us to lose sight of where our focus should be. Read the rest of this entry »
A recent article in ParadeMagazine spotlighted the efforts of older adults mentoring children on how to be good citizens. Specifically, Veterans and Congressional Medal of Honor recipients volunteer as mentors in schools across the nation.
The article emphasizes the point that parents and other adult family members should be the main source of such teaching – teachers have enough work to do just getting our children educated – but with a little bit of reinforcement at school, the lesson becomes that much more vital to the young learners. Read the rest of this entry »
What do you look for in a man? I did a wee bit of internet research and gleaned some listed qualities from websites such as Ask Men, Men’s Health, and Psychology Today. Here are a few of the qualities listed:
passionate
humorous
faithful
dependable
mysterious
exciting
kind
generous
confident
good job
All but two of those qualities were on my list when I was looking for a husband. Maybe it’s just me, but a man who’s mysterious seems to cancel out a few of the other list-worthy qualities above. Additionally, I think exciting is completely overrated.
I hit the jackpot when I met my husband.
I don’t wanna brag … who am I kidding, I really wanna brag about my choice in life partners.
Some of us have owned smartphones for quite some time now. Others have finally joined the 21st century, just recently retiring their Motorola flip phone. (Love you Honey!)
Abby Ellin, New York Times, writes about the late-life renaissances that many Baby Boomers experience when they re-decide what they want to be when they grow up.
When we were younger, many of us drifted into college studies and post-college careers that may or may not have been our first choice but at least paid the bills. As we near retirement, or even years before retirement, we wonder, “Is this all there is?” And when we wonder like that, we get dissatisfied, and when we get dissatisfied – if we’re gutsy – we’ll do what it takes to become satisfied. If we don’t attain our desired level of satisfaction, we’ll languish: lose vitality, grow weak, and become feeble. My oh my, is that what you want? Read the rest of this entry »
When I’m an old lady and end up in a care facility, I sincerely hope my personality and attitudes don’t relegate me to the category of “that crabby old lady in Room 210.” Have you visited someone in a nursing home or hospital and had the distinct feeling that the patients were treated like numbers or medical cases? You know what I mean: “the urinary tract infection in 4A” or “the decubitis in South 6.” Wow, that’s a horrible thing to consider for myself: the history of all my years on this earth being characterized as a medical condition or an intolerable behavior resulting from that condition.
What about my history of being a pretty darn good mother/wife/business person/neighbor/community volunteer/friend? Doesn’t that person still exist within the body occupying that bed?
Let’s all take the time to read this poem that depicts such a scene. Gender-wise, this could be about a crabby old man as well. Read the rest of this entry »
In my blog post, BEWARE of this Craigslist scam, I highlighted an online crime that almost succeeded in robbing one of my family members. He posted a piano for sale – a piano that needed quite a bit of work to make it operational – and he almost got taken to the cleaners. (Read the BEWARE article for the details.)
A couple weeks later, a true lover of all-things piano contacted my family member and said he was interested in purchasing the piano and he and his wife wanted to have a look-see. The couple arrived – a couple in their 80s – and when the husband took one look at the beat up piano he said, “You’ve got a deal!”
It turns out, this fellow is an expert at restoring pianos. For years now, he’s been buying pianos that are on their last legs; he restores them and gives them to children who would otherwise not be able to own a piano. What a fabulous gift these future piano virtuosos – and their parents – receive because of this couple’s “ministry” of helping young musicians.
I’m thrilled I was able to provide this Craigslist redemption story that – in my mind – wipes out the bad taste in my mouth from the previous one.
Some of us feel our lives should be characterized by humility rather than pride. Sounds admirable but can lead to self-deprecation and result in drawing more attention to ourselves than not. One of the ways in which we practice this brand of humility is by being critical of ourselves when we don’t measure up to our great expectations. “…(I)f we set our standards too high we never feel that what we do is good enough.” What an unfair bar we set for ourselves. Read the rest of this entry »
Alzheimers Research Funding Lags Other Diseases- Dementia – AARP. The January/February 2015 AARP Bulletin focuses on the prevalence of Alzheimer’s disease in America. The cover contains photos of fifteen celebrities who died from the disease. Some of those spotlighted may surprise you because their cause of death was not broadcast to the media.
What a shame.
It’s a shame that the stigma attached to the disease still manages to relegate Alzheimer’s to the closet. Cancer used to be that closeted disease – so much so that many years ago people shied away from even mentioning the word, preferring to call it “The Big C.” Before Alzheimer’s disease, cancer was the whispered disease but now the populous embraces each and every body part afflicted, even those considered of a private nature: breast, ovary, prostate, rectum. Read the rest of this entry »
The Seattle Times newspaper posted an article touting Seattle’s stellar volunteer rate for 2013:
34% of Seattle area residents volunteer ranking Seattle 4th among the 51 largest volunteer locations. After researching that article, I found the attached report detailing my area’s community service activities. You can locate your State and city in the report to discern the degree of your community’s civic life.
38.7 percent of Washington State’s Baby Boomer population volunteered in 2013, ranking my state’s volunteering Baby Boomers 6th out of 51. See? You’ll be in good company when you turn your retirement restlessness into service for others.
64.9 percent of Washington State residents participate in “informal volunteer activities” defined as doing favors for neighbors. Wow, that’s a lot of people getting to know their neighbors and “having their backs.”
You don’t have to give up all of your free time to help others.
I’ve heard people say time and again that they can’t spare another 40 hours a week to become a volunteer. Who asked you to?
There are countless volunteer opportunities that only require a couple hours a week. My best friend volunteers as a companion to a disabled person who needs transportation assistance to shop and/or to attend doctor appointments. A fellow Bar Method exerciser volunteers once a week at a local food bank to provide much needed sustenance to those in her community. Wow, such a small commitment of time that provides a service for which others cannot do without.
Thank about it: if you spent two or three less hours a week watching television, or two or three less hours working on home projects, or two or three less hours sitting at the computer (point taken), you’ll still have oodles of free time left after spending a fraction of your week focused on someone else.
Wow, when put that way, volunteering sure sounds easy, doesn’t it? And here’s a resource that will help direct you to volunteering and other worthwhile community involvement: Sixty and Me.
Those of us working the 9 to 5 work day drudgery can’t imagine having any difficulty filling our days with whatever the heck we want to do once once we’ve walked off our career path and onto the retirement treadmill. To be sure, the first several months – perhaps even the first couple years – we’ll readily manage the forty free hours a week now available to us post-employment.
But what about the point in time when we wake up in the morning, complete our morning rituals, sit in our easy chair and find ourselves thinking, “Now what?” Those of us who barely have enough time in the day to organize our thoughts can’t imagine ever being restless, but chances are, each and every one of us will be well-acquainted with that feeling at some point in our retirement future.
So what’s a person to do? Go back to the grind just so we have something to do that removes the boredom from our lives? Hell no. What we can do, however, is take on a project that satisfies our need to be useful and productive, but also satisfies the needs of those hidden citizens in our community whose needs far outweigh their means.
That’s what Leon Delong did when he got restless. He became aware of a pattern of waste that was going on in office buildings all over the city of Seattle: at night, janitorial crews replaced partial rolls of toilet paper with full rolls so that the nether regions of the next day’s workforce would have plenty of the stuff to take care of their toileting needs. Perfectly good partial rolls went unused – and worse – were thrown away. Thanks to the Toilet Paper Guy, however, these perfectly usable rolls were donated to food banks all over the greater Seattle area.
When you read the above, did you think, Big deal, it’s just toilet paper; it’s not like the food bank customers were offered a filet mignon to take home to their families. Hold onto that thought for a moment and think back to an incident where you scrambled for some sort of “cleaning implement” to finalize your stay on the commode. As the above article’s writer, Danny Westneat, stated, “I know it’s just TP. But as someone who once substituted coffee filters in an emergency, I can attest: It’s like gold when you don’t have it.”
When you become restless in your retirement years, who will you become?
The Perfectly Usable But Discarded Produce Lady?
The Overstocked Slightly Irregular Chartreuse & Hot Pink Striped Bedsheets Guy?
The Unsellable Dented Canned Good Lady?
The Super-sized Box of Costco Bandaids Person?
The You Fill in the Blank Guy?
The possibilities are endless because there is no shortage of need in your community. Visit a food bank or homeless shelter and ask them what is their greatest need; the product that is most in demand. Then go about defining a way to meet that need. Come on, you have all the time in the world to do so and still have plenty of time to enjoy your own leisurely retirement activities.
“So take it from the Toilet Paper Guy. Life is like a toilet-paper roll. What you do with what you’ve got left is up to you.”
Are you preparing right now to never lose your boogie, no matter your age? I am. The attached article is a delightful story of how music affects the elderly – whether cognitively impaired or not.
The Alive Inside program proved how beneficial music therapy is to those whose world has diminished and whose communication and connection with others has been cut off. Regardless of the music’s era, regardless of the generation listening to it, everyone can harken back to long-ago memories just by listening to familiar tunes that meant something to us then, and that mean something to us now.
Retaining ones essence and ones individuality goes far towards announcing to the world, “I’m still here; I’ve still got it; I’m still vital.” As expressed in the article I’ve shared from a fellow blogger, I hope I will indeed be the smiling lady that gets up and dances, and I hope you’ll join me on the dance floor.
Thank you for returning to this multi-part series on long-term care residents’ rights. At the bottom of this article, you will find links to the previous five postings. As this is the last in the series, I want to advise my readers that I have in no way covered every topic that could be covered in a series such as this one. I have, however, covered complaint topics that quite commonly occur in long-term care settings. In most complaint categories, more than one residents’ rights law has been violated. For the most part, I have only mentioned one aspect of the law that addresses the rights violations.
Today’s topic covers the umbrella topic of dignity and quality of life. Without exception, every rights violation is an infringement of a resident’s dignity and a detriment towards enhancing the quality of life residents should expect to experience. The same holds true whether that resident lives in a “Champagne and Chandelier” facility or a “Generic Brand X” facility. Regardless of how fancy, regardless of how bland, the same rights are afforded to all residents. All situations listed in this six-part series assume a resident is cognitively capable of making his or her own decisions.
Breakfast in bed, pee on the side
I rolled over in bed thinking I might get a few additional minutes of sleep, but those potential minutes were rudely interrupted by the assault from the room’s overhead light, the hustle of someone rushing into my room, and the abrupt raising of the head of my electrically powered bed. I don’t know if you’ve ever tried to remain curled up on your side while half of your bed is put at a 90 degree angle, but trust me, it’s not possible and it’s not comfortable.
“Hey, Gloria, time for breakfast. Come on, open your eyes and sit up so I can give you your breakfast tray.”
I’ve lived in this nursing home for three months now and every time one of these care people talks to me, they call me by my first name, and in my eyes, that’s a sign of disrespect. “First of all, I’ll remind you that my name is Mrs. Lewis, and second of all, I absolutely cannot eat the morning meal prior to going to the bathroom. Please help me to the toilet and then I’ll have my breakfast.”
“No can do, Gloria, you’re just one of forty other patients I have to personally deliver meals to this morning. You should have thought of that earlier and asked one of us to take you to the toilet before we started delivering meals.”
“But I was asleep, and besides, I told the head nurse many times that I require toileting assistance and that I require it before my morning meal. How many other times must I make this request?”
“I don’t know, how many?”
I looked at this uncaring individual and pleaded with her. “Please won’t you take me to the potty? My bladder is ready to burst!”
“Look, I’m already running behind. Just go in your pants, that’s what your nighttime diaper is for any way. Sometime after your breakfast, someone will clean you up, but it won’t be me. After I deliver all my trays, my shift is over.”
Imagine, if you can, not having the opportunity to use the bathroom after a full night’s sleep, and trying to enjoy a meal that is placed before you. Then imagine not being able to hold it any longer and peeing yourself and sitting in it for who knows how long. The above scenario is real. A family member of mine experienced this exact scenario. I also am acquainted with a gentleman who, after asking three times in a half hour period to be assisted to the restroom so he could evacuate his bowels, he was told “Go in your pants. I don’t have time to help you right now.” That neglect does not preserve a person’s dignity, nor does it promote quality of life.
42 CFR 483.15 Quality of life. A facility must care for its residents in a manner and in an environment that promotes maintenance or enhancement of each resident’s quality of life.
(a) Dignity. The facility must promote care for residents in a manner and in an environment that maintains or enhances each resident’s dignity and respect in full recognition of his or her individuality. See also Washington State law RCW 70.129.005 and RCW 70.129.140
What follows are a few other frequently occurring scenarios found in LTC residential settings:
Visitation policies: residents have the right to receive visitors of his/her choosing and a facility must not interfere with such access. There is no such thing as visiting hours, regardless of the LTC setting. If an adult son’s work schedule is such that he can only visit before 8 a.m. or after 9 p.m., reasonable accommodation must be made to facilitate his visit.
Choices regarding schedules, clothing: regardless of LTC dining room and meal hours, a resident has the right to receive meals outside of those hours. For example, if a resident is not an early-riser, he should still be able to acquire a suitable breakfast meal; this does not mean that he has full access to all that was offered prior to the “end” of breakfast hours, but he should still be able to eat breakfast items. A peanut butter & jelly sandwich does not qualify as such – unless, of course, that’s his choice. Unless a resident has turned over the responsibility of making daily clothing choices to a staff person, a resident must be given the opportunity to make clothing choices that are important to her. Clothing choices promote individuality. Each of you reading this article dress as you please; that shouldn’t change just because you move into an institutional setting.
Isolation & seclusion: punishment to a resident for perceived misbehavior in the form of prohibiting participation in dining room meals and/or activities of his choosing, is not appropriate and is a complete violation of a resident’s rights. A better response to behavioral issues is to discern the cause of said issues, e.g., depression, medication anomalies, medical conditions such as a urinary tract infection (UTI). Resolve the cause, and you resolve the effect.
Series links: Part 1, the right to make choices that are important to the resident; Part 2, admission polices, waivers of liability; Part 3, eviction and discharge process; Part 4, substandard and neglectful care; Part 5, accepting or rejecting medical care.
I guess when you don’t have a choice in the matter you gradually come around to liking life in the assisted living “community” as the staff at this facility like to call it. When I couldn’t get around my old place without the constant threat of falling in the neighborhood or falling asleep at the wheel of my 1994 Mercury Sable, I took my son’s advice as gospel, and let him move me five miles from my lady friends, and ten miles from the Baptist church I had attended for God knows how long.
Now, my only option is to attend an ecumenical service in the activity room each Sunday – it more or less satisfies those who rely on some sort of ritual to get them through the following week – and I have a completely new set of lady friends with whom I eat every meal.
It must be baseball season; for lunch today, the dining room is decorated with red, white, and blue crepe paper and the centerpieces contain a miniature bat and ball placed “just so” surrounded by a pile of sticky Cracker Jacks that we’re told are not edible, but I try one anyway and add credibility to the admonishment by spitting it out into my napkin.
Lord have mercy, we even have a special lunch menu from which we can choose what apparently is considered food one would eat at sporting exhibitions: hot dogs, hamburgers, fries, all served with a gigantic phallic-looking dill pickle on the side. Now, don’t act so shocked. The young people don’t think us older folk know what the intimate body parts are called and that we would never know what to do with them even if we did, but let me tell you, my group of lady friends have a laugh or two over things of a sexual nature. We’re not dead yet and most of our memories of such things are still intact.
The four of us ordered the chili dog special and got caught up on all the latest news since the previous time we saw each other. About ten minutes later, my meal was served, followed by everyone else’s, and the young server said, “Bon appetite!” But something was horribly wrong. Before the gal got too far away, I beckoned her back to the table. “Sweetie, what is this pile of dog-poop looking stuff on my plate?”
“That’s your chili dog.”
“My lady friends ordered the same thing I ordered and yet look at each of theirs: a hot dog is nestled into a bun, smothered by chili, cheddar cheese, and a few onions. My hot dog, on the other hand, looks like a pile of poo!”
The waitress addressed me, and therefore all the other ladies at the table. “We have a Special Menu report the kitchen & wait staff are required to review before each meal. There was an entry for you stating that all your food must be pureed because you’ve been having difficulty swallowing. Evidently, when you went out to dinner with your son a couple days ago, you almost aspirated on a piece of flank steak. Remember? The Maitre d’ of that restaurant had to Heimlich you. You could have choked! You won’t choke on pureed food – or at least we hope you don’t – so that’s what you have to eat. Doctor’s orders.”
My lady friends looked embarrassed for me and pretended that this youngster wasn’t talking about my health issues in front of everyone within hearing range. But that’s not the only thing that’s bothering me right now: I want to eat a chili dog that looks like the rest of the chili dogs on the table so I decided to tell the server. “I’m sorry, remind me of your name, sweetie?”
“My name is Jessica.”
I picked up the plate of poo and shoved it towards her. “Jessica, please toss this mess in the trash and bring out a real chili dog, and while you’re at it, I want a hefty serving of French fries as well.”
“I can’t do that Mrs. Bellamy, I’ll get in trouble.”
“You’ll get in trouble if you don’t provide me with the food that I’ve requested. Please take this plate away from me, my arm is getting tired holding it up.”
The youngster took my plate and with the other hand, signaled her boss to join her in the kitchen – no doubt to report my aberrant behavior. My lady friends, however, applauded my assertive efforts, and offered me a bite of their dogs while I waited for mine to be served.
Mrs. Bellamy’s pureed diet was prescribed by her doctor; as such, it is now a part of her medical profile at the assisted living facility in which she lives. Mrs. Bellamy chose to ignore her doctor’s orders – certainly her right whether she lived in her private home or this public facility. Residents at LTC facilities have the right to refuse prescribed treatments such as restrictive diets, medications, or physical therapy to name a few. As cognitively capable adults, they have the right to go against doctor’s orders, fully understanding the risks of not abiding by such orders.
42 CFR 483.10
(b) Notice of rights and services.
(1) The facility must inform the resident both orally and in writing in a language that the resident understands of his or her rights and rules and regulations governing resident conduct and responsibilities during the stay in the facility…
(3) The resident has the right to be fully informed in language that he or she can understand, of his or her total health status, including but not limited to, his or her medical condition;
(4) The resident has the right to refuse treatment, to refuse to participate in experimental research, and to formulate an advance directive as specified in paragraph (8) of this section; …
(d) Free choice. The resident has the right to –
(1) Choose a personal attending physician;
(2) Be fully informed in advance about care and treatment and of any changes in that care or treatment that may affect the resident’s well-being; and
(3) Unless adjudged incompetent or otherwise found to be incapacitated under the laws of the State, participate in planning care and treatment or changes in care and treatment. See also Washington State law RCW 74.42.040(3)
Additionally, Mrs. Bellamy’s medical condition should not have been discussed in front of everyone within hearing distance: her lady friends, other residents seated adjacent to Mrs. Bellamy’s table. The HIPAA Privacy Rule also applies in LTC settings. Jessica, the server, violated Mrs. Bellamy’s right to privacy by talking about her medical condition.
My mother was the quintessential social butterfly but not in the way one might imagine. Her social involvement didn’t include tennis or golf, nor did it center on being seen at extravagant galas around the city. My mother, Joan Young, socialized with the homeless, the hungry, and the vulnerable. Mom was a volunteer extraordinaire whose monthly calendar was filled with opportunities in which she would donate her time, her resources, and her compassion.
One of her most time-consuming, but most gratifying volunteer venues, was as an activity assistant at Shady Rest Nursing and Rehab Center. That same venue is now her permanent home where she’s lived the past month and a half since a massive stroke robbed her of the ability to speak or move her limbs. We think she understands what we say to her because oftentimes she’ll get a twinkle in her eye that appears to relay some sort of connection with us. The experts say she most likely still recognizes us, but even if that is not the case, I hope the presence of smiling, happy visitors go far towards improving her quality of life.
The last few days, however, mom was withdrawn, and more often than not, she slept through my visit. Because I live within close proximity of the Shady Rest, I visit her almost daily. Dad and his wife live another state over, so although they were on speaking terms prior to mom’s stroke, speaking to anyone isn’t really mom’s strong suit right now. I don’t mind carrying the torch for mom; she’d do the same for me.
After four days of a significant reduction in alertness, I talked to the head floor nurse to discuss mom’s change in condition. She assured me that one can expect sudden changes in levels of cognition after the assault that was placed on her body as a result of the stroke. The nurse told me to toss my cares aside and trust the Shady Rest staff with mom’s care. “She’s in good hands, Robin. There’s no need for you to worry. If there is ever anything that needs medical attention, be assured we’ll take care of her.”
But they didn’t. Three days later, I noticed a fetid smell as soon as I entered her room. At first I thought that perhaps mom had gone Number 2 in her adult diapers but when I lifted up the sheet that covered her body, I saw she wasn’t wearing any. But oh my God, the smell was even worse. I looked behind me to see if anyone was looking, and seeing that the coast was clear, I gently rolled my mother’s body away from me and discovered the source of the stench: an oozing, red and green sore about the size of a quarter on her left buttocks. I couldn’t help myself; I ran into the bathroom and threw up the lunch I had eaten prior to arriving.
Then I pushed the Call Button which is supposed to summon a health worker post-haste – or so I was told when mom first moved in. Three minutes ticked by: no response. I pushed the button again, this time walking to the doorway of mom’s room to look up and down the hallway for signs of incoming staff members. Not a soul in sight.
I left my mother’s room in search of a staff person and landed in front of the nurses’ station. I pounded on the counter, “Hello! I’m Robin, Joan Young’s daughter. I called you twice from my mom’s room.” That’s when I heard, for the first time, a sound that in the past always seemed to be an indeterminate background noise: the persistent dinging of Call Button tones from various rooms on the floor. A quick glance up and down the hallway also showed lights blinking above numerous rooms that coincided with each ding.
I pounded the counter again and pointed at the LPN sitting at a computer. “You, follow me.”
“Miss Robin, I’m finishing up a report, I can’t leave my desk right now.”
I tossed all protocol to the side, walked behind the counter, pulled the computer mouse out of her hand, jerked her chair back and tilted it forward. “Come with me, now.”
That seemed to work but I didn’t take any chances. I held her hand and pulled her down the hallway into my mother’s room. “Do you smell that?” And then I pulled down the sheet on my mother’s bed, gently rolled her away from us and added, “Do you see that?”
“Oh my, Mrs. Young has a bed sore.”
“Ya’ think? This sore didn’t just materialize in the past three hours ya know. It’s been festering.”
“You could be right.”
“No, I am right. I want you to summon the head of nursing and I want you to summon her now. Tell her to meet me in my mom’s room, ASAP.” The LPN didn’t move, so I pushed her out the door. “Go!”
*****
The bed sore – or decubitus – had yet to go bone deep. Had that been the case, mom would most likely not have recovered from the infection. As it was, her health never returned to its previous state, even with the excellent care she receives at a different nursing home, thirty miles away from where I live. Sunnyside Nursing Home wasn’t as fancy as the other place, but obviously, looks can be very deceiving. What my mom saw as an activity assistant volunteer was far different from what she experienced as a patient. When we chose Shady Rest as her new home, we did so without the benefit of readily available resources that would have provided red flags as to the quality of care provided. We figured, “Heck, mom loved volunteering at Shady Rest, why look any further?”
Shame on us.
Joan Young was the victim of willful inaction that caused a potentially fatal injury to her person. Joan’s inability to verbalize or express her pain and discomfort, other than the withdrawal and malaise eventually recognized by her daughter, put Joan at even greater risk of serious health decline resultant from the unattended bedsore. Facilities must assure that a resident’s body is routinely turned to different and varied sitting and lying positions in an effort to prevent such bedsores. In addition to bedsore prevention, if Joan had been diligently cared for – for example, if her ongoing bathing and care plan had been strictly followed – any skin abnormalities would have been immediately noted and attended to and infection could have been avoided.
42 CFR 483.25 Quality of care. Each resident must receive and the facility must provide the necessary care and services to attain or maintain the highest practicable physical, mental, and psychosocial well-being, in accordance with the comprehensive assessment and plan of care …
(c) Pressure sores. Based on the comprehensive assessment of a resident, the facility must ensure that –
(1) A resident who enters the facility without pressure sores does not develop pressure sores unless the individual’s clinical condition demonstrates that they were unavoidable; and
(2) A resident having pressure sores receives necessary treatment and services to promote healing, prevent infection and prevent new sores from developing. See also Washington State law RCW 74.34.
Some of you readers might be thinking, Well, if her daughter had been more attentive, she would have noticed the sore earlier or Why didn’t she say something about her mother’s malaise right away instead of waiting several days? Being an armchair quarterback is a very easy position to play. The very unfortunate – yet somewhat understandable – attitude of some family members and/or patients is: This is a licensed facility staffed by medical professionals; who am I to question their ability to take care of my mother? The answer to that is obvious: even when a family member moves into a long-term care setting, you must continue to exercise your role as family advocate. I understand the relief one feels of trusting ones care to a staff of professionals, but the unfortunate truth is sometimes that trust is misplaced.
Part 5 of this series will deal with a resident’s right to make choices about their own medical treatment. Part 5 will be posted on Friday morning, November 21.
Think of how you feel with the title of this article: Your aimless life. Now discern how you feel with the statement, Purpose in life. There’s no comparison, right? If the word aimless made you feel lost or empty, there’s a reason. The Oxford English Dictionary, 11th Edition, 2004, provides the following definition of aimless: adj. without purpose or direction. Not much can go right with that way of living.
In contrast, let’s look at the definition of purpose from the same dictionary: n. the reason for which something is done or for which something exists.
One can conclude therefore, that a person without purpose has no reason to live. That’s downright depressing, but that’s the point.
The above article from a recent Seattle Times issue highlights the benefit of reduced medical costs when a person successfully defines their purpose in life. Instead of focusing on reduced medical costs, however, I’d like to look at the less tangible – but more important – benefit of being in good health as a result of living a purposeful life. It’s amazing to me that just living and carrying out ones life with intention equates to being healthier than if one lived without any meaningful direction.
When a person enters retirement there is an initial exhilaration in not having to go through the drudgery of an 8 to 5 work day. Quite frankly, it would feel darn good not having to do anything you don’t want to do. Eventually, however, you might feel like you’re just drifting through that time of your life. You need to have a reason to get up in the morning that surpasses the joy of lingering over the morning paper and sipping a cup of coffee.
Don’t get me wrong; I’m not saying that you’re supposed to line up a new job, hang up your retirement sweatsuit, and return to the employment drudgery from which you escaped. I’d never promote that idea but I will stand by my belief that unless you have direction, you’re not going to be as happy – and as healthy – as you can be. Purpose and direction will mean something different for each of you.
Fulfilling long ignored house projects that will assure you and yours a safe and comfortable place to live for years to come? Fabulous.
Try your hand at growing your own vegetables and sharing with your neighbors or a local food bank? Delicious.
Volunteering for an organization that aligns with your world beliefs? Go for it.
Become a freelance writer ? Sharpen your pencil and get started.
What matters is not what gives you purpose, rather, that you put feet to that purpose. If it satisfies your life and gives you an added reason to get up in the morning, you’ve received the benefit that a purposeful life can provide.
It’s really as easy as that. You have many years ahead of you, make them count for you and make them count for others.
And here’s something to consider, from the book The One Thing by Gary Keller:
Purpose may sound heavy, but it doesn’t have to be. Think of it as simply the ONE Thing you want your life to be about more than any other … Pick a direction, start marching down that path, and see how you like it. Time brings clarity, and if you find you don’t like it, you can always change your mind. It’s your life.
The attached article from Parade Magazine is a fabulous example of how a person can recreate their life – regardless of ones age, circumstances, or lot in life.
If you’re seeking a new direction in your life – or perhaps are in the process of recreating yourself – I’ve found that it’s easier to know which direction you should go if you’re already in motion. The world may have been created in a week, or zillions of weeks; either way, a lot of energy went into that creation and the world-in-process was not a stagnant one. As for you – you are never too old to try something new – as long as you’re willing.
Trial and error approach. I constantly look for ways to improve myself (a task that will always keep me busy) in an effort to increase my influence on the community around me. But if I wait around for some sort of change to occur, I’m going about it in the wrong way and believe me, I’ve experienced enough trial and error to write a book on the subject. The trial and error approach can work, however, if in doing so we discover what doesn’t work for us in our attempts to find what does.
Living or playing to your strengths. My life’s direction was greatly influenced by Marcus Buckingham, one of the world’s greatest authorities on employee productivity. He suggests that to make your greatest contribution, it’s best to play to your strengths most of the time. I have taken to heart Mr. Buckingham’s strong caution against veering off ones strengths path. After all, when I’m creating a new me, why would I choose to do the lame-o, same-o with all of its inherent dissatisfaction? That’s like doing the same thing over and over again, expecting different results. That has never worked for me, how about you? In addition to playing to my strengths, I try to play to my passions. As a person who’s not getting any younger, it makes sense that going forward I should avoid activities that drag me down and weaken me. Instead, I should run to those activities for which I am most impassioned and inspired.
Find your niche and go for it. I know what I like to do and what I’m good at so I try to consciously remain open to opportunities that directly relate to those strengths. I thoroughly enjoy working with an older population of adults but I know what part of that experience I’m able to do, and what I’m not able to do. In 2013, I retired from my work as a volunteer certified Long-Term Care (LTC) Ombudsman – an advocate for the rights of vulnerable adults. As an Ombudsman, however, I knew my limits on “clinical atmosphere” so during my ombudsman career, any involvement with the older population excluded my participation in a nursing home or hospital environment. Throw me in the midst of adults living in assisted living or dementia residential settings, however, and I will make new friends and earn the trust of everyone with whom I come in contact. Add to that, with my enjoyment and effectiveness as a public speaker, I used that strength to provide talks to professional care staff, and to residents & their family members, on what it means to protect the rights of seniors who are not able to protect themselves.
Recognizing an open door when you see one. We are constantly bombarded by information whether through social media, radio and television programs, or even mini-publications such as Parade Magazine. As we wade through all of that input, it’s helpful to be alert to what that input might be trying to tell us. Sometimes the information brings to light an opportunity that will utilize both our skills and our passions for the benefit of others. But I’ve discovered that not every door that opens is the right door. I have to be extremely careful when considering a particular opportunity, because sometimes I’ve sensed an open door through which I’ve thought I should walk, only to find that it was the wrong door for me. If I don’t look before I leap, e.g., research the project, consider all of its requirements, measure whether or not I’m able to fully commit, I won’t be doing myself, or those connected with the project, any favors. It is worth my time to weigh all options; to write a list of Pros and Cons; to ask trusted individuals for their opinion and then make an informed decision. If this new opportunity that I’ve carefully considered allows me to play to my strengths and my passions, everyone benefits and there are few, if any, casualties along the way.
What about you?
Each of you has a talent or a skill-set that can be used long after you’ve officially “retired” from the workforce. Think about it: you spent years as an employee or business owner using that talent – why put it to rest? Finding new ways to utilize your life’s work is good for you; it brings a fresh outlook on what you’re still able to accomplish, and equally as important, might prove beneficial to others as you stretch your wings in your efforts to make the most of your talents.
Boomers need help dealing with their parents’ ‘stuff’ | Business & Technology | The Seattle Times. The attached article by Sacramento Bee reporter, Claudia Buck, provides sage and practical advice for those who are downsizing a parent’s belongings when said parents move into a senior housing environment, and for those who are dispersing the parental belongings after their death. Please read Ms. Buck’s article; it contains extremely useful information.
The following list gleaned from the article provides a few suggestions worth your consideration:
When you set out to eliminate stuff from a residence, don’t get rid of the memories in the process. Once you’ve dispensed with the goods, you’ll never get them back again. My mother died in her sleep – no one in the family expected it or prepared for it. After the funeral event had passed and my brother and sister had returned to Washington and California, I remained to help my father with a massive downsize of his house. There were obvious sentimental items that were boxed up for later, but for the most part, we stuffed large Hefty bags with items and placed them into two piles: donation-worthy, and garbage. Not a bad idea, actually, but we didn’t pause long enough to properly discern what should have been kept. With both parents now deceased, us three adult kids have far too few tactile sentimental items in our possession.
Creating a shadowbox of the most precious mementos. Having read the attached article, I’ve decided to create a shadowbox of the few items remaining from my parents’ lives so I can reminisce at the sight of them. One thing is for certain: containers full of sentimental nick nacks stacked in a closet do not honor a memory.
If you absolutely know that some of the nicer items will not be enjoyed by your household, give them away or donate them so others can. Look at it this way, your and your parents’ legacies will live on in the lives of others. Not a bad consolation if I do say so myself.
My family in the 70s. I no longer have that red dress but I do have those earrings my mom is wearing.
If at all possible, prior to any parent’s death, document the items that are meaningful to each family member. You’ll be glad you did. Within three months of my mother’s death, my father moved into an independent living senior community taking with him the bare necessities of furniture and kitchen items, as well as the aforementioned sentimental items that he and I had boxed up earlier. As he aged, he wisely decided that the next time each of us kids visited him, we would designate which items we would most like to inherit at his passing. Dad documented our wishes, and when he died all I had to do was retrieve the list from his files and distribute that which us three kids were interested in. Sure, conflicts can arise, but a little give and take go a long way towards preserving the value of each memory.
Speaking of taking steps in advance, what about you? Do you have clothing you haven’t worn in more than a year and probably won’t wear in the years to come? How about household items for which you have duplicates? Is there any chance whatsoever that over the years you’ve acquired items that could be re-purposed, donated, or tossed?
I’d say with 100% confidence that you have belongings that you no longer use or need.
Donating to charity is very commendable because it’s always a good thing to provide for those who don’t have the means.
And just think of all the room you’ll gain in your closets once you’ve successfully downsized your life by adding to the lives of others.
Alzheimer’s Foundation of America Teens (AFA Teens) brings hope that is sorely lacking from the Alzheimer’s medical community. The younger generation is doing something that many of us older adults are not: bringing more awareness to a disease that most of us have been exposed to, either peripherally or specifically. “AFA Teens, founded by a teenager, seeks to mobilize teenagers nationwide to raise awareness of Alzheimer’s disease, and to engage, educate, and support teens and their families.”
My family in the 70s. My dad died from Alzheimer’s, as did my brother’s wife.
As adults, we are affected because the person with the disease is our spouse, partner, sibling, or older relative. But what about the cousins, nephews and nieces, children, and grandchildren out there? Children and teenagers are also exposed to this disease. The challenges faced by teens who are actively involved with these relatives – living close enough to have frequent interaction with them – are challenges that adults have a hard time grasping.
“How come Pappy doesn’t recognize me any more?” “Why does mom always forget the things that are important to me – like my birthday!” That’s right; some teenagers have mothers or fathers with early-onset disease. What should be one of the most exciting times in their young lives is instead spent as a co-caregiver with their other parent. (I addressed this unfortunate family dynamic in my article, Alzheimer’s Heartache: young family members adjusting to a grandparent or parent with dementia.)
I strongly encourage you to visit the AFA Teens website. I know you will be encouraged by the efforts being made by these young advocates.
The Longest Day. The attached article by Author, Ann Hedreen, can be found linked above, and you can find additional well-written articles on her blog The Restless Nest. Reader alert: Ms. Hedreen’s book, Her Beautiful Brain, will be released September of this year.
What was your longest day like?
Was it long, because it was fun-filled and absolutely fabulous, or was it long because the day was crammed with the most difficult and stressful experiences of your life?
Caregivers: you are heroes to all who understand the job that you’ve taken on as carers for your loved ones. You live the 36-hour day with all of its burdens and insurmountable challenges, while across the United States there’s much discussion – even controversy – over raising the minimum wage. In contrast, there you are earning no wage but working harder than you’ve ever worked before.
Loved ones with Alzheimer’s or other dementia: your disease-controlled days might seem to have no beginning or end; you go about your day trying to fulfill its challenges while perhaps being at the stage in your disease where you are still able to feel the frustrations of not grasping the how-to of tasks that prior to your diagnosis required no complex thought processes on your part.
Those who have yet to be intimately involved in the above-mentioned roles: look around you – you won’t have to look far – and then on this year’s longest day, Saturday, June 21st, do what you can to help the co-worker or neighbor who desperately needs your help but doesn’t know how to ask for it, or is too ashamed to admit that they can’t do it all.
When you offer help, please don’t leave it open-ended. Instead of saying to your neighbor, “Hi yah, Joe. Be sure to call me if you need anything,” be more specific so it’s easier for Joe to accept your offer, “Joe, when I get out my lawnmower this weekend, I’d love to swing by your place and take care of your lawn so you won’t have to.” Or how about, “Yah know, we’re always making more food than we can eat at our house so we just freeze the leftovers for another time. Can I come by later this week and give you a week’s worth of meals so you don’t have to concern yourself with what to fix for dinner?”
And then keep it up because your neighbor or co-worker’s life isn’t going to get any easier. Keep offering tangible ways in which to provide assistance and you’ll go a long way towards making the longest day – which is every day in the life of a caregiver – a bit easier to tackle.
Alternate title: Grandchildren are cooler than you think!
I believe grandparents and their grandchildren have quite a bit in common. Just because many years have passed since a grandparent or great-grandparent was born doesn’t mean that there aren’t any similarities between then and now. Here’s an example of what I mean, a quote that appeared in the Atlantic Journal:
The world is too big for us. Too much is going on. Too many crimes. Too much violence and excitement. Try as you will, you get behind in the race in spite of yourself. It’s a constant strain to keep peace – and still, you lose ground.
Science empties its discoveries on you so fast that you stagger beneath them in hopeless bewilderment. The political world now changes so rapidly, you’re out of breath trying to keep pace with who’s in and who’s out. Everything is high pressure. Human nature can’t endure much more.
An amazing sentiment that appears to reflect what’s going on right this very minute in the world in which we live. It was published on June 16, 1833, almost 181 years ago. The pervading feelings of the time are almost indistinguishable from what is in the minds of people today. Isn’t that amazing?
Let’s look at a few common items that have changed over the years. These items were used at one time but have vanished in the past several decades – or have they?
Image by Lawrence Manning/Corbis
Telephone answering machines – earlier answering machines used cassette tapes, with later versions performing the same function, albeit digitally. Answering machines still exist in the form of modern voice mail retrieved from home phones and/or cell phones.
Telephone directories/books – very few households rely on a 500-page phone book because they can now look up names and businesses on their computer or Smartphone. But phone books still exist – they’re just “housed” differently.
Printed encyclopedias – the final print edition for the Encyclopedia Britannica – a 32-volume set of books – was released in 2010. How did I find out that information? In one of today’s on-line encyclopedias of course: Wikipedia.
Floppy discs & drives – many children under the age of fifteen have never seen this storage device. You’d be hard-pressed to find any newly-released desktop or laptop computers with this type of storage capability. But storage devices still exist in the form of a thumb/flash drive or the “Cloud.”
Rolodex – some of us remember, or still have, a box or carousel version of a Rolodex. But we still own something that holds all our Contacts: our address books contained in our e-mail program and in our cell phone contact list.
Photographic film – I saved a roll of unused Kodak film. Since this product is no longer made, it may be worth something some day! Photos are still being taken, but instead of being developed and placed in a multi-paged album, most of the time these photos remain in our camera or phones, or they end up on social media sharing websites – the new type of photo album.
What I’m attempting to point out is that in many respects, grandparents and their grandchildren are performing the same functions as their younger & older age group, but the manner in which they do so is very different.
Grandparents and grandchildren are different – but the same. Establishing a common ground – and minimizing the differences between the two groups – can open the door to increased understanding and communication amongst the generations.
A May 15, 2014 New York Times article, Alzheimer’s, a Neglected Epidemic by Ginia Bellafante, provides a keen look at a fatal disease that many still assume is one that only other people get. Maybe my coworker a few cubicles away from me or the neighbors down the street will have to deal with some sort of dementia, but not our household – right? You wish. Alzheimer’s is a world-wide epidemic and it’s knocking on your front door.
In 2010, Alzheimer’s was the underlying cause in 500,000 deaths in the United States.
Let’s look at another epidemic with horrific fatality totals. Remember the AIDS crisis? As of the year 2010, in thirty years’ time, AIDS was responsible for 636,000 deaths in the U.S. And yet Alzheimer’s – a very unpopular disease that is erroneously characterized as just an old person’s disease – racked up almost that many deaths in just one year.
Alzheimer’s isn’t just for geezers any more.
That’s the title of one of the chapters in my manuscript – a work of fiction that centers on the lives – patients and their family caregivers – affected by Alzheimer’s or other dementia. A couple of my characters are in their 80s but there are three characters ranging in age from early 40s to mid 60s whose disease journey began when they were no longer considered young – but definitely not considered old.
What will it take to push people out of denial and into activism?
In the New York Times article linked above, AIDS activist, Peter Staley, is quoted as saying, “The hidden blessing of H.I.V was that it hit a community, my community, a community of mostly gay men. We had a base of organizing that came out of Stonewall.” [1969 demonstrations by members of the gay community in response to a police raid at Stonewall Inn, in Greenwich Village.] And then he goes on to say, “Alzheimer’s hits old people. There is no real organized community beyond AARP.”
I’m not happy with Mr. Staley’s characterization of Alzheimer’s as an old person’s disease because it perpetuates a myth that is simply not entirely true. But I fully back his advice to all of us:
How does a large, affected community get the country to care? It means playing a strong inside game: These family members need to organize effectively; they need to find their allies in Congress; they need to show up with sick people in front of key members of health communities.
Right on.
Alzheimer’s struck my dad in his mid-80s and my sister-in-law in her early 60s – both now deceased.
If you have been bitten by a dog you’re in good company. I read the following statistics in the May 16, 2014 issue of the Seattle Times newspaper:
In 2013, 4.5 million Americans were bitten by dogs in the United States;
The above total includes more than 2 million children and almost 5,600 U.S Postal Service employees.
Gee, statistics for 2014 will include me in the number of Americans bitten in the United States. I seem to have greater potential for becoming part of those statistics than making a name for myself as a published author.
Future Margarita rewards for when my manuscript gets picked up.
The title for this article is my shameless attempt to keep my novel-writing in the forefront of everyone’s minds.
I’m pretty excited however – not by the dog bite episode of May 7th – but by the status of my manuscript. I’ve almost finished reading it through – for the zillion’th time – and thus far I’m pleased with the cohesiveness of the storyline. I’m still making edits in grammar and punctuation – semi-colons and hyphens/dashes are really stymieing me – but I’m hoping if I do my very best, a copy editor will do the rest. I am 100% certain that an agent will want to represent a book that throws a personal and touching spotlight on those who are living with Alzheimer’s and dementia. There’s not an agent or publisher out there who hasn’t been affected by this disease – either peripherally or specifically.
Please stay tuned as I will be providing updates in an effort to keep me on my toes, keep me honest, and get this d@*#mn book published.
Regardless of the industry you represent your goal must always be to deliver the best customer experience.
I have read and viewed many advertisements in which a company assures a future customer that their goal is to deliver the best customer service to each and every customer they serve. This is a very commendable goal in my eyes – a goal that must be reached by every provider of products and/or services. Whether I am a passenger on a multi-level cruise ship or a seaport’s rickety party boat;
Photo credit: Rob Owen-Wahl
whether I dine at a casual eatery or a popular Michelin 3-star restaurant; whether I am a guest at a Residence Inn or a resident at a senior citizen housing community, you must provide me with the best customer experience you can muster.
A couple months ago, I commented on a LinkedIn article that discussed one particular goal that should be considered by long-term care (LTC) providers, e.g., senior housing, assisted living, and memory care owners and operators. The particular goal stated in that article was to fill the buildings, attain high census, or as some industry leaders describe as putting “heads in the beds.”
My comment to this article centered on my work as a long-term care ombudsman (advocate for residents living in long-term care facilities). I explained that when a new General Manager was hired for any of the facilities to which I was assigned, I made a point of meeting her or him to explain my role as a resident advocate and to get to know a bit about this new person who was now in charge of 50 to 100 or more residents.
I asked one particular newbie what he felt was the greatest challenge as the new General Manager for this particular independent/assisted living community. “Fill up the apartments.” I suggested that a more appropriate goal might be to retain the residents he already has. I explained that retaining residents most likely means that he and his staff are doing the right thing in delivering the best care and customer service experience to each of his residents.
Retaining the residents he already has equates to fewer additional apartments to fill;
Retaining the residents he already has means satisfied residents who say great things about the building thereby attracting additional friends/acquaintances as future residents;
Family members of happy residents in LTC means happy adult children who will also spread the good news to others;
It stands to reason, therefore, that satisfied current residents are the best tool a manager can maintain in his marketing tool chest.
Dining room at my dad’s memory care facility.
I have retired from working in long-term care housing and from my advocacy work as a certified LTC ombudsman. I know first hand the pressure that employees experience each and every month to report the right numbers to the corporate office. The suits want the bottom line, baby, and if you can’t deliver the numbers they want and need, you’re outta there! (Just like all the losing pitchers the Seattle Mariners have gone through in the past ten years or so.)
I’m not saying that the Suits are only concerned about profit, but I will say that perhaps their focus needs to center more on the delivery of exceptional care for those who are entrusting the Suits with the lives of mom, dad, spouse/significant other, or sibling. Those family members want to be able to sleep at night knowing that their loved one is receiving the best care possible, the most nutritious meals known to man, and that their loved one is living in a safe environment staffed by employees who care.
All you have to to is deliver the best customer experience. Do that and the bottom line will take care of itself.
My sister, Mary, has been an artist since she could hold a crayon and a water color brush in her hand. Without giving away her age, I’ll just say that she’s been an artist for quite a few years because she is close in age to myself.
Mary in her garage studio
This article honors the consistency and commitment that my sister has exercised in her quest to maintain and hone her talent. Her husband was in the United States Navy when she married him, a career that deposited the two of them and their ever growing family, all over the United States and the world. She could have put down her sketching pencils, acrylics, and oils and figured that until the kids are grown up and out of the house, she wouldn’t have time for her artistic endeavors. But she didn’t. She managed her family single-handedly – and excellently I might add – while her husband was away at sea, never neglecting her family nor the craft that she loves so much.
Mary has been so diligent on this artistic journey, that I can only recall one time when she could not work on her craft. Mary broke her right wrist falling down in front of a grocery store near her Vacaville, California neighborhood several years ago, and as happens after we cross a certain age threshold, bones break easier and take longer to heal. But my sister was only sidelined for as long as absolutely necessary while she completed her physical therapy regimen and then – almost as good as new – she again took up the tools of her craft to pour her heart, soul, and energy into each piece.
And now that my sister and her husband are retired – and their five children are all grown and the number of grandchildren has recently increased to six – Mary continues to pick up the tools that she discovered as a youngster, and consistently makes efforts to expand her talents.
The artist in April 2014 at one of many craft fairs she attends through the year.
Now this is where you come in. I strongly encourage you to visit Mary Riesche Studiosso that you can get to know a bit more about this artistic family member of mine, and while you’re at it, browse a sampling of her current inventory of pieces that are for sale. She loves what she does so much, and is so committed to what she loves to do, she will even create a custom piece to fit your home, business, or organization’s needs.
Do yourself a favor, browse the Mary Riesche Studios website, and then contact the artist to discern how her talent can benefit your personal or commercial environment.
I was in a really bad three-car accident a few years ago where a drunk driver ran a red light and hit another lady and me – the other lady died. This couple who had been leaving the Mosque across the street heard the accident happen and came running to help. It was cold out and I was just sitting on the side of the road shivering and cold. Read the rest of this entry »
Life is a parade. Sometimes we march along and realize we have passed by what we were looking for. What do we do? Stand there and drop out of the parade? March on with regrets? Feel bad about how we looked or that everything we wanted was on the wrong side of the street? It’s passed! Forget it and march on!
In this world, there exists a me against her/us against them mentality that causes us to lose sight of where our focus should be. Read the rest of this entry »
A recent article in Parade Magazine spotlighted the efforts of older adults mentoring children on how to be good citizens. Specifically, Veterans and Congressional Medal of Honor recipients volunteer as mentors in schools across the nation.
What do you look for in a man? I did a wee bit of internet research and gleaned some listed qualities from websites such as Ask Men, Men’s Health, and Psychology Today. Here are a few of the qualities listed:
Some of us have owned smartphones for quite some time now. Others have finally joined the 21st century, just recently retiring their Motorola flip phone. (Love you Honey!)
When we were younger, many of us drifted into college studies and post-college careers that may or may not have been our first choice but at least paid the bills. As we near retirement, or even years before retirement, we wonder, “Is this all there is?” And when we wonder like that, we get dissatisfied, and when we get dissatisfied – if we’re gutsy – we’ll do what it takes to become satisfied. If we don’t attain our desired level of satisfaction, we’ll languish: lose vitality, grow weak, and become feeble. My oh my, is that what you want? Read the rest of this entry »
In my blog post, BEWARE of this Craigslist scam, I highlighted an online crime that almost succeeded in robbing one of my family members. He posted a piano for sale – a piano that needed quite a bit of work to make it operational – and he almost got taken to the cleaners. (Read the BEWARE article for the details.)
It turns out, this fellow is an expert at restoring pianos. For years now, he’s been buying pianos that are on their last legs; he restores them and gives them to children who would otherwise not be able to own a piano. What a fabulous gift these future piano virtuosos – and their parents – receive because of this couple’s “ministry” of helping young musicians.
Some of us feel our lives should be characterized by humility rather than pride. Sounds admirable but can lead to self-deprecation and result in drawing more attention to ourselves than not. One of the ways in which we practice this brand of humility is by being critical of ourselves when we don’t measure up to our great expectations. “…(I)f we set our standards too high we never feel that what we do is good enough.” What an unfair bar we set for ourselves. Read the rest of this entry »
It’s a shame that the stigma attached to the disease still manages to relegate Alzheimer’s to the closet. Cancer used to be that closeted disease – so much so that many years ago people shied away from even mentioning the word, preferring to call it “The Big C.” Before Alzheimer’s disease, cancer was the whispered disease but now the populous embraces each and every body part afflicted, even those considered of a private nature: breast, ovary, prostate, rectum. Read the rest of this entry »
This report shines a light on content that I recently provided in two articles posted to this blog: Restless in retirement? You don’t have to be, and The importance of good neighbors.
I’ve heard people say time and again that they can’t spare another 40 hours a week to become a volunteer. Who asked you to?
Those of us working the 9 to 5 work day drudgery can’t imagine having any difficulty filling our days with whatever the heck we want to do once once we’ve walked off our career path and onto the retirement treadmill. To be sure, the first several months – perhaps even the first couple years – we’ll readily manage the forty free hours a week now available to us post-employment.
But what about the point in time when we wake up in the morning, complete our morning rituals, sit in our easy chair and find ourselves thinking, “Now what?” Those of us who barely have enough time in the day to organize our thoughts can’t imagine ever being restless, but chances are, each and every one of us will be well-acquainted with that feeling at some point in our retirement future.
That’s what Leon Delong did when he got restless. He became aware of a pattern of waste that was going on in office buildings all over the city of Seattle: at night, janitorial crews replaced partial rolls of toilet paper with full rolls so that the nether regions of the next day’s workforce would have plenty of the stuff to take care of their toileting needs. Perfectly good partial rolls went unused – and worse – were thrown away. Thanks to the Toilet Paper Guy, however, these perfectly usable rolls were donated to food banks all over the greater Seattle area.
Think of how you feel with the title of this article: Your aimless life. Now discern how you feel with the statement, Purpose in life. There’s no comparison, right? If the word aimless made you feel lost or empty, there’s a reason. The Oxford English Dictionary, 11th Edition, 2004, provides the following definition of aimless: adj. without purpose or direction. Not much can go right with that way of living.
What was your longest day like?
When you offer help, please don’t leave it open-ended. Instead of saying to your neighbor, “Hi yah, Joe. Be sure to call me if you need anything,” be more specific so it’s easier for Joe to accept your offer, “Joe, when I get out my lawnmower this weekend, I’d love to swing by your place and take care of your lawn so you won’t have to.” Or how about, “Yah know, we’re always making more food than we can eat at our house so we just freeze the leftovers for another time. Can I come by later this week and give you a week’s worth of meals so you don’t have to concern yourself with what to fix for dinner?”
Printed encyclopedias – the final print edition for the Encyclopedia Britannica – a 32-volume set of books – was released in 2010. How did I find out that information? In one of today’s on-line encyclopedias of course: Wikipedia.
Floppy discs & drives – many children under the age of fifteen have never seen this storage device. You’d be hard-pressed to find any newly-released desktop or laptop computers with this type of storage capability. But storage devices still exist in the form of a thumb/flash drive or the “Cloud.”
Photographic film – I saved a roll of unused Kodak film. Since this product is no longer made, it may be worth something some day! Photos are still being taken, but instead of being developed and placed in a multi-paged album, most of the time these photos remain in our camera or phones, or they end up on social media sharing websites – the new type of photo album.
I have read and viewed many advertisements in which a company assures a future customer that their goal is to deliver the best customer service to each and every customer they serve. This is a very commendable goal in my eyes – a goal that must be reached by every provider of products and/or services. Whether I am a passenger on a multi-level cruise ship or a seaport’s rickety party boat;
My comment to this article centered on my work as a long-term care ombudsman (advocate for residents living in long-term care facilities). I explained that when a new General Manager was hired for any of the facilities to which I was assigned, I made a point of meeting her or him to explain my role as a resident advocate and to get to know a bit about this new person who was now in charge of 50 to 100 or more residents.
Living: the ultimate team sport 