Community outreach
Kindness Fridays
Celebrating my 65th birthday today and celebrating the wonderful parents who raised me.
Mom and Dad were fair people who were very dedicated to their three children. They were supportive and immensely forgiving of Don, Mary, and me. The latter attribute included both not letting us get away with anything, while teaching us the importance of making life decisions that would make us better citizens of the world in which we inhabited.
Mom was the creative half of our parents, sewing all our clothes and actively involved in the musical community throughout her life. She was a master pianist and sang tenor equal to or better than most male tenors. She was also an activist, a trait I am happy to have inherited. Dad was the jokester of the two, but managed to balance that fun side with extraordinarily practical aspects of childrearing so we would become successful, contributing adults.
Mom and Dad were extremely kind – to family, friends, and strangers – and taught us to consider each and every person with whom we came in contact, as equal to ourselves, regardless of their station in life, their ethnicity, race, or religion. Us kids had a really good start in life because of their parenting, and now that we’re all three in our mid to very late 60s (that’s you, Don) I can proudly say we didn’t turn out all that bad.
Kindness Fridays
Over the years I’ve discovered that when we are part of a community of people, our quality of life increases. The support of others can’t be beat. For me, community is like-minded people with a common thread through their lives that provide meaning and purpose for one’s day to day existence.
I found community in a writer’s group called AlzAuthors, a compendium of authors who have all been affected by Alzheimer’s disease and other dementia. All of us authors share our experiences through our non-fiction and fiction works to bring knowledge, comfort, and understanding to those on a similar journey to the one we have already completed. Trust me, we all wish such a group were not necessary; that the common thread we share didn’t involve the always fatal disease of Alzheimer’s and related dementia; but it is necessary and we’re filling a need that as of this writing doesn’t show any chance of abating.
I’ve never met any of these authors – I live in Washington State and the rest of the authors represent just about every state in our nation – but because of our common journeys, we are members of a community. Are we all politically aligned identically to each other? Probably not. What about religious practices, do we follow the same spiritual practices as every member of the group? Hardly, but it doesn’t matter. What we have in common does matter: we are dedicated to encouraging and helping families and individuals whose lives have been interrupted by Alzheimer’s disease. Speaking for myself, I am so glad that my novel, Requiem for the status quo, can reflect the good and the bad decisions I made and other individuals made, so that those who are still on the Alzheimer’s journey might do better because they know better. I hope you’ll get to know us AlzAuthors through our website and that you’ll become an AlzAuthors Reader Community once you’ve browsed through our bookstore. Click here to go directly to the AlzAuthors Bookstore to find a library of books – more than 140 as of today – that link directly to Amazon or other purchase outlets.
So that’s it. This week I celebrate the kindness I have found in the AlzAuthors Community. Sure beats going it alone.
Kindness Fridays
The other day I was in the clothing department of a store I frequent, found the item I wanted to purchase, and made my way to the sales counter…with a 20% coupon in hand.
“Do you have any other coupons?” the salesperson asked.
“Why, no, just the one.”
“You can ask me.”
Not certain what I was supposed to do at that point I asked, “Do you have any coupons?”
Yep, she sure did, which she scanned bringing the price of the item even lower…almost to the point where I was wondering if they would owe me money, rather than the other way around.
The salesperson didn’t have to be generous and kind like that, but she was.
And that’s my Kindness Friday for this week. Don’t you just love it?
Kindness Fridays
This week’s kindness celebration focuses on a long-time family friend, Walt D.
Walt came into our lives when we lived in Los Angeles, California. He worked at the same company as my father who was a mentor to the young, up-and-coming new employee at Manufacturers’ Life Insurance Company. When my family moved from LA to Honolulu, Hawaii, Walt kept in touch with us, oftentimes flying through Honolulu on his way to Maui where he vacationed from time to time.
We hadn’t seen Walt in a while, so when my mother died in September of 1994, imagine my delighted surprise when I entered the church for my mother’s funeral service and there stood Walt near the altar, a friend who had flown to Honolulu from Toronto, Canada where he had relocated years prior to work in the head office of my father’s company.
At forty years of age, I ran up the aisle of the church and threw my arms around him, so thrilled to see our family friend and so blessed that he traveled all the way from eastern Canada to honor my mother and our family by his attendance at my mother’s service.
Fast-forward twenty-four years to Monday of this week when eighty-three-year old Walt D. called me from Toronto to congratulate me on my novel, Requiem for the status quo. He had just finished reading it and couldn’t wait to talk to me about my accomplishment. “Irene, there is no reason why your novel shouldn’t be on the New York Times Best Seller List!” I thanked him for his very generous review and we then talked about the book’s subject matter (Alzheimer’s disease and its effect on families) and how he, in his golden years, had witnessed dementia’s hold on many of his friends. Since Walt and I communicate by postal mail several times a year (he does not own or use a computer), I was well-aware of his involvement with the Alzheimer’s Society of Canada where he volunteers and participates in their equivalent of the annual Walk to End Alzheimer’s. Walt visited my father after my Dad’s Alzheimer’s diagnosis, even while my father was in the middle of his Alzheimer’s journey. Walt made a point of keeping in touch with Dad, knowing the window of opportunity would come to a close in time.
I spent nearly a half hour on the phone with Walt this past Monday, feeling so close to this man who had entered our lives way back in the early 1960s, and who had remained a part of our family for almost sixty years. Friendships don’t have to end because of distance and time; when you stoke the flames they can survive and be contributory to one’s quality of life, as Walt’s has been to mine.
Kindness doesn’t recognize the barriers of distance, time, and even age.
Kindness can live on if we make the effort to nourish it.
Kindness Fridays
The other day, I discovered something about myself and about the way of kindness.
It’s really easy to be kind when life is going grand.
Clarification. The kindness gene resides within me, just as it does in you if you feed it and let it flourish. I feel absolutely honest saying that my pattern of thinking reflects the best of kindness one can imagine. At the very least, my intentions are pure.
With that said, however, when I’m feeling less than 100% – say, 25% – I have to work hard at not letting others be on the receiving end of that less than whole person that I’ve become. I’ve had a lousy night of sleep while also fighting seriously inflamed sinuses? Ugh, I must rein in my struggles and not take it out on the receptionist at the doctor’s office, or the supermarket employee. I sincerely don’t want to be responsible for ruining someone else’s perfect, gloriously, healthy, well-slept day. (Gawd, I’m envious of those who have been given the gift of sleep.)
All it takes is one look, one word – or the omission of a word – to spew miserableness onto someone else.
Kindness is a way of life for me but sometimes it threatens to take a break from the norm and that’s when it’s needed the most in the world. You see, I’m not the only person who has less than stellar days. I’d be self-centered to think I’m the only person the world takes a dump on now and again. Everyone in this world is vulnerable – everyone – and far too many are on the brink of giving up. We are all in this together, in good times and in bad.
I vow to not contribute to the latter.
Long-term care: squeaky wheels and raging forest fires
Although now retired, over a twelve-year period I worked in long-term care (LTC) wearing three different hats:
- My first job in this industry was in the corporate office of a very fine assisted living and memory care company. In time, I decided to work in one of the company’s facilities so I could spend more time with the residents and families who chose our company for their LTC needs;
- When I left the company, I took several years off to care for my father who had Alzheimer’s disease. A few years after his death, I became a certified long-term care ombudsman for the State of Washington – an advocate for vulnerable adults living in LTC settings;
- Concurrent with my ombudsman work I became a trained Alzheimer’s Association caregiver support group facilitator, providing a listening ear to those on the caregiving path.
Given all that experience, I’ve seen and heard of many unfortunate and nasty occurrences where residents and patients were denied the basic rights each living person should expect to receive, especially those dependent on others for their well-being and quality of life.
I’m sorry to say that some nursing homes, assisted living/memory care communities, and adult group homes do not employ sufficient staffing to meet the needs of their residents. I can confidently say that the government agencies that oversee the LTC industry are also understaffed. When complaints are called in, those government employees have to apply grease to the squeakiest wheels and must turn their fire hoses on the most out of control fires in their case files.
That’s where you and I come in.
We must be the squeakiest darn wheels we can be so our complaint(s) are attended to.
We also need to be the hottest, most devastating fire imaginable so that our vulnerable loved one’s rights are respected.
One grievous example. This is just one example of common issues that arise in LTC settings. The complaint process I mention later in this post provides a good starting point when issues arise.
Nursing home call lights are being ignored so that residents/patients are left to defecate and urinate in their adult sanitary garments on a routine basis. Not only is such an act demeaning to the poor soul with no option but to let go of his/her bodily wastes, but said wastes are sure to cause skin breakdown and a urinary tract infection that is not only extraordinarily painful but can also be life-threatening.
What does the family member/good friend do about this indignity? They need to complain vehemently to the administrator of said facility and when she/he does nothing or very little, family and friends contact the local area’s LTC ombudsman program. This website will direct you to ombudsman resources right where you live: National Long-Term Care Ombudsman Resource Center.
Your local ombudsman program will investigate, work with the facility’s staff, and if need be, get the full force of the law to come to the defense of those in need. State ombudsman programs are staffed by paid and volunteer employees, therefore their staffing levels are usually higher than many government agencies. These ombudsmen all receive the same extensive training required for such a vital role. Once you’ve reached a dead end at the facility, ombudsmen are your most active line of defense. They are passionate about what they do and they will ceaselessly advocate for you and your loved ones. Their proximity to appropriate resources and their intimate knowledge of residents’ rights laws makes them an approachable and viable alternative for the common man’s (yours and my) needs. Caveat: if you suspect criminal activities such as physical or sexual assault law enforcement needs to be immediately involved in the matter. Additionally, severe lack of care that endangers the lives and well-being of adults more likely than not will also require law enforcement involvement.
Adults in long-term care settings are a reflection of you and me. By that I mean they were once active and self-reliant adults, just like many of you reading this piece, but they now find themselves unable to fend for themselves and need you and me to step in for them. Imagine, if you will, being in their shoes, unable to speak up for yourself. If you or I ever find ourselves in a similarly vulnerable situation, wouldn’t you want an advocate to step in on your behalf?
Advocacy for vulnerable adults falls on all of our shoulders. You can make a difference in the life of your loved one. Won’t you please step up to become their most important advocate?
Kindness Fridays
2017 was a year of conflicting emotions for me. There were many good times. These two stood out: our grandson was born and my novel, Requiem for the status quo, was published. But there were also times I’d like to forget, and once my hip gets better after this past October’s bionic replacement, that will become one of the most forgettable events of the year.
Kindness, however, wins out and drowns out the not-so-pleasant occurrences that can cause stumbling blocks to our gentle psyche. So on this last Kindness Friday of 2017, I’m posting links to a few of my favorites in the hopes that while I’m encouraged by past Kindnesses, you can be as well.
June 30th, 2017: walk away from cruelty
April 14th, 2017: kindness trumps all
March 17th, 2017: courtesy on the road
March 10th, 2017: my husband’s perfect eyesight
January 6th, 2017: 1st Kindness Fridays – Mall kindness
Kindness Fridays
Nicole Brodeur, a writer for the Seattle Times newspaper, posted this article about a Costco employee who always went above and beyond his normal duties to make the customers’ days better than when they arrived at the store.
Fifty-six-year-old Tom Goessman contracted polio as a child and got around in a wheelchair. While working at the Seattle Costco store, he used a standing wheelchair while validating each customer’s receipt before they left the store. But that’s not all he did. He would make a game of guessing the amount spent just by looking at the goods in a customer’s cart; more often than not, he was right on the money. He would also draw pictures on the customer’s receipt if that customer was accompanied by a child, something fun for the kids to look forward to.
But all of a sudden, Tom was no longer at Costco’s Seattle location; customers were more than a little concerned. The Seattle Times has a column titled, Asked and Answered which provides an opportunity for people to contact the newspaper with queries that are on their mind. Turns out, many Seattle Costco customers took advantage of that column to discern the whereabouts of their beloved Tom. The person who became the highlight of their Costco warehouse shopping trips was nowhere to be found.
After some research, the newspaper discovered he had moved to Glendale, Arizona after being invited to visit that state by one of Costco’s customers, a man whose son is also paralyzed and who thrives in the dry, Arizona weather. You see, Tom gets life-threatening infections each year because of his polio; the damp, Seattle weather being an aggravating factor. Tom spent some time in Arizona two years in a row and was pleased to discover that his infections became a thing of the past. So what did he do? He relocated to Glendale, Arizona, and took on the same job he held in Seattle.
When columnist Nicole Brodeur wrote her original article about Tom a colleague of hers suggested, “If you want to restore your faith in humanity, read the readers’ comments.” Ms. Brodeur knew how much vitriol can be included in readers’ comments and so doubted her colleague’s assessment.
The comments under an online news story are a saloon I step into with one hand on my holster. One person makes a valid, thoughtful point, but then two stools down, someone pops off with a sexist or racist comment. Someone else weighs in on that and one scroll later, a full-on brawl has broken out, the subject of the story long forgotten.
That was not the case for those readers who responded to her article. The comments were filled with positive stories about their interactions with Tom during their Costco warehouse shopping expeditions; they missed him so much! The kindnesses that Tom extended to busy Costco shoppers elicited more kindness, revealed in the shoppers’ recollections of their brief times spent with him.
It’s been said that hate breeds hate but I’m convinced just the opposite is true. Kindness generating kindness is what I’ve experienced time and again in my life; even the smallest of kindnesses can douse the flames of hatred.
And in the world in which we’re currently living, don’t you think it’s about time hatred was put in its place, once and for all?
Kindness Fridays
Chivalry isn’t dead, nor is good ol’ everyday courteousness.
We had a full day this past Tuesday, the highlight of which was taking care of our grandson. In the afternoon, a new refrigerator/freezer was scheduled to be delivered but we received a call that it would be delivered a bit late…right around our dinner hour.
I decided we wouldn’t want to cook that evening because we’d be waiting for the delivery (happened just after 4:30 pm as it turns out) and we’d be getting it filled with all the food we had placed into numerous coolers earlier in the day with solid ice blocks to maintain the foods’ integrity.
While our grandson napped I slipped out of the house to pick up a pizza at the Take and Bake pizza place nearby, leaving Lucas in the very capable hands of his grandpa. I don’t yet feel comfortable walking and carrying our grandson so Jerry needed to be the one who remained at the house so he could pick Lucas up out of the crib if he woke up before my return.
I snagged a parking space right in front of the shop so I didn’t have to get out my disabled parking pass. I hobbled into the pizza place, paid the employee for our pie, and tried to juggle my purse, my cane, and the pizza all at the same time, failing miserably in my attempts to do so. The young man quickly got out from behind the counter and said, “I’ll take the pizza to your car for you.” What a relief, and what a kindness. He didn’t know my car was so close by; it could have been anywhere in the two-days-before-Thanksgiving crowded supermarket parking lot.
And that’s this week’s kindness story.
Rewarding Alzheimer’s family caregivers
November is National Caregiver Appreciation Month, a time to recognize the long hours, sacrifice, and love all caregivers bring to the task of caring for a loved one with dementia or any long-term illness. In honor of their efforts, AlzAuthors is hosting an eBook sale and giveaway! This is a terrific way for caregivers who are looking for knowledge, guidance, and support to find carefully vetted books to help guide and inspire them every day.care
Consider this information from the Alzheimer’s Association:
- In 2016, 15.9 million family and friends provided 18.2 billion hours of unpaid assistance to those with Alzheimer’s and other dementias, a contribution to the nation valued at $230.1 billion.
- Approximately two-thirds of caregivers are women, and 34 percent are age 65 or older.
- 41 percent of caregivers have a household income of $50,000 or less.
- Approximately one-quarter of dementia caregivers are “sandwich generation” caregivers — meaning that they care not only for an aging parent, but also for children under age 18.
Starting today through November 21st, you can take advantage of this excellent opportunity to check out some of our books at reduced prices, ranging from free to $2.99. We offer a variety of genres, including fiction, memoir, non-fiction, and children’s literature. Many of our books are also available in paperback and audio, so be sure to check them out too. As a matter of fact, my novel is available on Kindle for just $2.99 through November 21st and if you prefer a paperback copy, my publisher is offering it at half price on my publisher’s site. Check it outhere!
Kindness Fridays
According to the 2017 Alzheimer’s Association Facts and Figures research, there are more than 15 million Americans providing unpaid care for people with Alzheimer’s or other dementias. Some have assembled a team of family and friends so the responsibilities are evenly spread out, but that is not always the case. The solo caregiver manages—or tries to manage—everything on his own.
That’s where those who are on the outside looking in can become a caregiver’s hero.
OFFER TANGIBLE ASSISTANCE. We will never be wrong in assuming the caregiver needs help so rather than saying, “Call me if you need anything” we can ask, “What exactly do you need?” If we remember what we needed when we were on the mend from illness or surgery we should be able to come up with an endless list of concrete gifts of assistance.
MEALS. You need to cook for yourself and/or your household anyway so make a double recipe, pack that extra portion in a disposable dish, freeze it, and keep doing that for a week and deliver one full week’s worth of frozen meals to the caregiver who, receiving your food offerings, can look forward to not having to be creative in the kitchen at the end of the caregiving day. Engage others to sign up for this dinner on wheels program so the responsibilities are spread out amongst many.
ERRANDS. You’re running to the store for a few items; take the time to ask Sam if there’s anything he might need while you’re out. He may need a half-gallon of milk—and he might have needed it for the past several days—but embarking on that task proved impossible for him. With very little effort on your part you can make a huge difference in Sam’s well-being. Maybe the needed item is toilet paper; acquiring that for him makes you a genuine hero!
CHORES. The last task a time-strapped caregiver considers doing is housework or yardwork. You will not insult your friend or neighbor by offering to vacuum their house or clean their bathrooms. Or perhaps it’s a lawn that needs mowing or a flower bed, weeding; that sprucing up will provide the caregiver with a virtual—and literal—fresh view of their circumstances.
OTHER OPTIONS. Sam may turn down home improvement offers but he might say, “What I could really use right now is some help figuring out Nancy’s health insurance statements.” Or he might say, “My wife’s not much of a conversationalist anymore, I’d give anything to have an hour to talk with someone who is. Could you stop by later today for a visit? I’ll even talk politics if it means having someone else to talk to.”
WHAT I KNOW FOR SURE. The family caregiver has so much going on physically and emotionally, offers of assistance can be the salve that gets them through each day.
Grief: Your caregiving friend is grieving the loss of a person who is still with him. Unlike the sudden death of a family member, the Alzheimer’s caregiver suffers the prolonged loss of their loved one—oftentimes called ambiguous loss—because although physically present, the person with dementia is continuously leaving their loved one.
Exhaustion. Physical, emotional, and spiritual exhaustion sneak up on the solo caregiver and they are killers. The solo caregiver must put their needs above those of the one for whom they are providing care and sometimes they need you, the outsider, to help them prioritize those needs. Just like the airlines’ seatbelt instructions, the person meeting the need requires attention before the one requiring it.
BOTTOM LINE. You have so much to offer the time-strapped family caregiver; your gifts of kindness are more valuable than you could ever imagine.
Do you want additional insight into what caregivers with whom you are acquainted are facing? You can order Requiem for the status quo at Barnes & Noble and Amazon as well as all online and brick and mortar chain and independent bookstores. And if you have already read my debut novel, please consider leaving a review on the online retailer’s website of your choice.
Meet Marita Golden, author of “The Wide Circumference of Love” — AlzAuthors
Silent Storm: What We Remember, What We Forget, What We Discover A Novelist Meditates on Writing about Alzheimer’s By Marita Golden I didn’t choose. I was called. That’s how inspiration, art, and creativity work sometimes. I am often asked why I wrote a novel about Alzheimer’s disease. I am not caring for anyone afflicted with […]
via Meet Marita Golden, author of “The Wide Circumference of Love” — AlzAuthors
Kindness Fridays
I kind of blew it this week, so here is me being very transparent with you.
Tuesday of this week was the day my husband and I had multiple appointments to take care of. After I spent all morning having pre-surgical tests completed at the hospital in preparation for my October 9th hip replacement, I raced home to grab lunch, did some writing business in my home office, and then set out again for another doctor’s appointment that was originally scheduled for 1:30 but my doctor’s office called earlier that morning to reschedule the appointment to 2:45. I wasn’t happy with that change but sometimes – all the time – you just gotta go with the flow.
The problem was, my attitude wasn’t flowing very well by the time I arrived at said doctor’s office at 2:35 pm when the front desk employee told me my appointment was not until 3 pm.
“No, when this office called me this morning to change my appointment time, they specifically said the appointment time was 2:45, there was no indication that 2:45 was the check-in time.”
“I’m sorry, but no, the check-in time is 2:45 for a 3 pm appointment.”
I knew getting all huffy wouldn’t change the current situation but I chose to be huffy – it really is a choice when we choose to be huffy and that’s what I chose to be at that particular moment in time. I’m sure the front desk employee wasn’t the one who called that morning to tell me of my revised appointment time but I guess I felt I had a right to be upset.
Don’t get me wrong, I didn’t yell, I didn’t accuse anyone of being incompetent or anything as brash as that, but I let my mood transfer to that poor unfortunate employee and it was selfish of me to do so. You see, being kind is a conscious decision we make, but not being kind is a decision we make as well.
Fortunately, I had to return the next morning for a medical test and the same employee was at the front desk. I explained that the previous afternoon when I was checking in for my appointment I exhibited a bad mood toward her and I wanted to apologize for it. She thanked me and added that she didn’t think I was in a very bad mood at all. But I’m still glad I apologized. The Universe gave me an opportunity to make things right, and this time I chose wisely.
Kindness Fridays
Community. That’s what this world needs: a unified body of individuals.
That doesn’t mean we all have to have the same political, social, or religious affiliation. What it does mean, however, is that we choose to live in unity and in support of each other.
Have you had the experience where you’re having a pretty darn good day and someone says or does something to you and your entire day’s direction is negatively altered?
In the alternative, have you experienced a bad day when someone says or does something to you and your entire day’s direction is altered for the better?
In the former, someone chose to live separate from you; chose to not recognize you as his or her fellow man; chose to harm you and widen the gap between the two of you.
In the latter, a kind-hearted person chose to come out of themselves; chose to join with a fellow survivor on this planet where division and hatred would seek to become the norm; chose to bridge the gap between the two of you.
My modus operandi is that I assume each person with whom I come in contact during my day needs my friendly words and actions in order for their day to improve. I believe in most cases I’ll be right on the money with that MO.
I mean, it sure couldn’t hurt, could it?
Kindness Fridays
Although the solar eclipse is a thing of the past, I’d like to report about a kindness our neighbor extended to us on that same day.
On Solar Eclipse Day, my husband and I were taking care of our grandson at our house. We didn’t take him outside, of course, and we decided we would watch the eclipse on the various television programs covering it live.
Our across the street neighbor texted me to ask if we were watching the eclipse outside. I responded that we hadn’t acquired any of the special glasses so we were not.
Not more than a minute later, our doorbell rang and there stood Ian with a pair of viewing glasses for our usage; he had an extra pair and wanted to make sure we had a chance to watch an event that certainly would not occur again in our lifetime.
And what a sight to see! So glad Ian’s generosity made it across the street to our house.
Honor thy father
My father was the inspiration for my novel Requiem for the status quo.
I have held three author events since my novel’s release back in July and I have more planned before the end of the year. At the senior centers and independent bookstores where my events are hosted, each person attending is certainly there in support of my efforts, but more importantly, I believe their presence honors my father’s story, a story without a happy ending.
Here’s an excerpt from my novel that speaks of my fictional characters’ dilemma, but it also mirrors that which occurred in my real life experience with Alzheimer’s.
If it’s true that cancer is no respecter of persons, it is equally true that Alzheimer’s disease exhibits the same lack of respect. This disease is a murderer and I’m troubled by the millions of crimes it has gotten away with.
Alzheimer’s is also a robber, not only because it robs a person of his or her memories and future, but also because it exacts an emotional price that few can afford. To be sure, monetary costs are a challenging force to be reckoned with, but many family caregivers and their loved ones would no doubt conclude that the emotional toll on a person far surpasses even the costliest of care fees paid.
Until the person with Alzheimer’s or other dementia becomes blissfully unaware of the disease that is murdering him, he has a front row seat to all that is happening. My dad was the first to know when his senior moments became more than a quirk of the aging process. It grieves me to imagine what he went through when he was alone with his thoughts, witnessing first hand where those thoughts were taking him.
Yes, my father had a front row seat to the effects of a disease that is always fatal. Until he eventually became blissfully unaware, he lived with that fact every single day. If the caregiver thinks she or he has been dealt a bad hand in relation to Alzheimer’s, imagine if you possibly can how that hand plays out with the person diagnosed with the disease. I don’t know about you, but my imagination in such matters paints a picture I’d rather not see.
My very real reward for writing my novel is that my father is honored as a result of my efforts. Additionally, it is my sincere hope that those reading my novel and attending my author events manage to discover that they have a cheerleader in their corner…me.
Kindness Fridays
A bit unusual post on my part.
I have a medical condition – going on 2 years – for which no medical professional has provided a solution.
This condition has caused 8 nights of no sleep due to its symptoms in the last 6 weeks alone, and many other sleepless nights in the past 24 months. We cancelled a trip September 2015 because of it.
The most recent episode had me calling the specialist office to reach the on-call doctor this past Sunday. He is not my normal specialist but he provided a treatment that two of his own fellow physicians were not able to provide for the past 2 years.
Today I celebrate the kindness of a medical professional who took the time, on a Sunday, to prescribe the right treatment for me. He is my new specialist. Quite frankly, he is my medical hero.
This was and is a kindness that has made a huge difference in my health.
Community discussion on Alzheimer’s disease
Saturday, August 26th, 3 pm
I am excited about my next author event which will take place at Book Tree in Kirkland, Washington.
Book Tree is a fabulous, quaint, neighborhood bookstore that truly excels at bringing the community together.
Here’s the content of their website’s About section:
BookTree is a vibrant gathering place for the exchange of ideas, and discussion of books and the literary arts. It is a place where all are welcome to continue their journey, expand their knowledge, feed their interests and further their education through books and literature. It is a place for families to find and enjoy the best of current literature. A place where our customers can hear local and traveling writers, authors and poets present their work.
BookTree is one of the few remaining independent bookstores on the Eastside that will be an important part of our city’s identity. It will be successful because of the generous support of our community who values a stand-alone retail bookstore.
BookTree is owned by 2 people who are passionate about the inherent value of books, reading, writing, listening and sharing diverse ideas, and viewpoints.
I hope to see you on the 26th!
Kindness Fridays
Very briefly, I’ll relay a kindness that was gifted me earlier this week.
I entered an elevator in a business building occupied by two other patrons from higher floors. People who share an elevator with me are always caught unawares because I’m one of those annoying people who talk to others in elevators while the rest of the general population pretends they are invisible as they hover in the corner.
This older gentleman – older than me by at least ten years – had on the brightest green sneakers…there was no way I wouldn’t compliment him on his choice of footwear. He explained that he wears those sneakers when he’s riding his bike through the streets of Seattle – plus lots of lights and flashers – because he doesn’t want to end up as a bicyclist pancake on the street.
We arrived at the Lobby floor, much to the delight of the other, non-talkative elevator occupier, and I extended my hand for her, and the older gentleman to leave, after all, they occupied the elevator prior to me. That is the unwritten right of passengers.
No. That was not to be the case. The older gentleman waved me ahead of himself because he still maintained the courtesy of letting women go first.
That’s all; that’s my kindness, and it was delightful.
The secret of Alzheimer’s disease
I discovered something shocking during the weeks that followed my novel’s release:
Alzheimer’s disease is still a secret.
I know; we’ve all certainly read about it, especially when a celebrity is diagnosed with the disease. Every once and awhile there might be an Alzheimer’s Association commercial on television…that is assuming we don’t fast forward through it or walk out of the room. Another reason we’re familiar with the disease is that it is happening to so many people with whom we are acquainted – whether intimately or tangentially.
But it’s still a secret. The very definition of the word speaks to its intent: adj. not known or seen or not meant to be known or seen by others; n. something not properly understood; a mystery. from the Concise Oxford English Dictionary
In many of my promotional posts and boasts for my novel Requiem for the status quo, I’ve indicated that my book tour would probably look more like a senior center tour than what is normally the route for authors: readings and signings in major and independent bookstores. That’s the tact I took, approaching numerous senior centers in Western Washington. 25% of those I approached booked my author event on their activity calendars. But when I approached a major senior housing community foundation to get on their speakers’ calendar, I was told the residents pushed back at the foundation’s previous efforts to enlighten and inform when they hosted those who spoke to the reality of Alzheimer’s disease and other dementia.
Kindness Fridays
Okay, today’s Kindness Friday is going to look a lot like another shameless effort on my part to promote by novel, Requiem for the status quo, and it is, but there’s lots of kindness wrapped up in it.
My very first author event will take place at Third Place Books in Lake Forest Park, WA on August 17, 2017. I dropped off my promotional poster that they’ll be using prior to and day of, and lo’ and behold, did I receive a welcome surprise when I walked into the store.
There, at the front of the store along with other authors’ announcements was my own announcement that the staff put into place. See it on the far left in front?
ALSO, on a kiosk just inside the door are announcements for every author in the month of August who will be holding a reading. And whose book do you think was found on that kiosk just waiting for someone to notice and purchase it?
Mine.
If that isn’t kindness, I don’t know what is.
And just in case you’re wondering, my novel is available where all fine books are sold, including Amazon (who now offers it in eBook version) and Barnes and Noble. Other eRetailers will be offering eBook format in the weeks ahead.
Dementia caregivers: 21st century heroes
Those family members who have had, or who currently have, a family member or close friend with Alzheimer’s or other dementia, you are my hero.
You took on the task of showing your love and compassion by signing up to become a family caregiver which at its best is a learn-as-you-go, long-term commitment. Your efforts make a difference in the life of your loved one. They may not be able to express their appreciation for all that you do, but please know that the essence of who they are acknowledges your kindness.
Your name and/or identity may be lost to them, but you are still a vital part of their lives, and your friendly and loving demeanor goes far toward affirming them and making them feel valued and loved.
Thank you for all that you have done, continue to do, and will remain doing in the future. It is an honor to be in your company.
Requiem for the status quo was released by Black Rose Writing on July 20th. You can order Requiem at Barnes & Noble and Amazon as well as all online and brick and mortar chain and independent bookstores. Be sure to shop around for the best price, you won’t be sorry you did. And for those of you with eReaders, the eBook will be available at most online book retailers on, or about, July 27th.
Kindness Fridays
Those of us who have been blogging for quite some time always appreciate comments that readers leave in response to our articles.
Jill Weatherholt, author and friendly blogger extraordinaire, is one of those readers who never fails to leave some sort of comment on each and every post I make on my blog. Jill has her own blog that focuses on her writing career. You would be very wise to visit her site, especially if it means you’ll be introduced to her novel, Second Chance Romance, which is available everywhere books are sold. (I’ve attached the Amazon link for ease of purchasing.)
I read Jill’s novel a couple months ago and thoroughly enjoyed the storyline. The development of her characters excels, providing the reader with a clear understanding of who they are and how they tick. If you do read her novel, please be sure to leave a review on Amazon, Barnes & Noble, and Goodreads. Authors thoroughly rely on reader reviews for sales rankings and marketing so if you take the time to read her book, please also take the time to leave a review.
Jill and I will probably never meet in person – she lives in Charlotte, NC – but that’s okay, because like the rest of you, I could sure use some internet friends upon whom I can rely; friends that I know won’t bully me, but will only encourage and affirm me.
That’s what Jill does for me, and that, my friends, is this Friday’s Kindness offering.
Support for my readers
I’ve mentioned in previous posts that my “book tour” may look more like a senior center tour than a literary one. The reason: I want to reach those who could use a bit of what I have to offer. As my Author Bio states, I want to make a difference in the lives of others by writing novels that encourage those who just might need another cheerleader in their corner. At the bottom of each of my site’s pages is a section titled READERS CORNER. Each week I provide a new element of encouragement as my simple way of standing in my readers’ corner.
Yesterday I witnessed one small way in which someone was reached by my novel.
I had a haircut appointment with my wonderful stylist, Molly, of C.J. Salon. Molly has followed my entire publishing journey and is very familiar with the topic of my soon to be published novel, Requiem for the status quo. She finished up with her previous client and welcomed me into her chair. I did the reveal of my published novel which I had brought with me for a much anticipated Show and Tell moment. I also gave her several copies of my marketing brochure that provides a peek into the storyline and the lives of the characters. “Please hand them out to women who could possibly benefit from reading my novel.”
She grabbed one of the brochures, said, “I’ll be right back” and ran out into the parking lot to flag down her previous client. Turns out this client is fully-involved in a family member’s dementia journey and Molly felt she could benefit from reading my book. Turns out she was right. Her client was so excited, she hugged Molly and basically said, “This is what I’ve been looking for!”
That, my friends, was the highlight of my week – someone who wanted what I had to offer and just might benefit from the read. But you wanna know something else? My appointment was initially scheduled for 3 pm. The day before I found out I had a change of plans for my Friday, freeing up my morning, so I called C.J. Salon, asked if they had an earlier opening, and I grabbed it.
Molly’s client benefited from my change of plans – a change that initially was upsetting to me, but turned out to be just what was supposed to happen.
My oh my, I love how the Universe cooperates when its occupants are just going about their lives, oblivious to its whiles!
In less than two weeks, Requiem for the status quo will be released. It is currently available for preorder at Black Rose Writing; enter discount code PREORDER2017 before July 20th for a 10% discount. You can also preorder Requiem at Barnes & Noble and Amazon. Be sure to shop around for the best price, you won’t be sorry you did. And for those of you with eReaders, the eBook will be available at most online book retailers on, or about, July 27th.
Kindness Fridays
I was reminded the other day about an extraordinary kindness given to me shortly after I moved to the Seattle, Washington area with my two cats, Kate & Allie, the summer of 1994.
I moved into my Kirkland, WA apartment in July, secured a job as a paralegal early August, and on September 24, 1994, I received a Saturday phone call from my father, telling me that my mother had died in her sleep the night before.
Other than my brother and his family who lived nearby, I had very few acquaintances that early in my Washington state residency. Those who have gone through this type of emotional disruption know that while dealing with the rawness of grief, other matters require immediate attention. For me it was getting together with my brother and his wife that same day, making airline reservations to Honolulu, Hawaii – where my parents lived – and notifying business associates of our need to suspend all work activities so we could gather around our father who had just suffered the loss of his wife of forty-eight years.
There was one detail that needed attention in my household: my two cats who would be left on their own for, what turned out to be, a two week period of time. What’s a person to do?
I had seen and said hello to my upstairs neighbor and her Great Dane a few times but as yet hadn’t truly met and gotten to know her. I traipsed upstairs, knocked on her door, but she was not home.
Back downstairs I wrote a note explaining my emergent situation, asking if there was any chance she could check on my cats daily, feed them twice a day and fill their water bowls, and empty their litter box. I told her I would be home all day preparing for the next day’s departure and she could either call me or come downstairs and knock on my door. After placing the note in the crack of her door, I went downstairs to finalize my packing.
An hour later, she knocked on my door, pulled me into a hug, cried with me, and gladly offered her assistance in my time of need. I returned two weeks later to find two very healthy and happy cats in my apartment. Turns out she didn’t just perform the perfunctory feeding and litter box tasks, she played with my cats, even buying additional cat toys to entertain them on a daily basis so they would receive the love and attention I would have normally paid them.
That started a delightful friendship of going on walks, spending dinners with each other, and sharing in each other’s lives. Tragedy ushered in a kindness that greatly improved my life going forward.
I found hope in the midst of tragedy.
Kindness Fridays
I’m really going in a different direction with this week’s post, so bear with me.
A person can’t live in this world without being personally offended or attacked for any number of reasons, whether founded or unfounded, countless times during the course of his life.
In this world, there exists those whose modus operandi is to criticize others, bring others down, make fun of them, even bully them. The person with that MO may have any number of “reasons” why he or she acts that way, but none of those reasons are justified, plain and simple.
What do we do when someone acts that way toward us? I know how we feel, we feel hurt and angry; we feel we must be on the defensive and maybe we even want to dish out the same pain, or worse, than what was inflicted on us. A defensive action, however, turns us into someone no better than the person who lashed out at us; we join their ranks.
When an unkindness is said or done to us, the higher road is to not respond in kind. By that I mean maybe it’s better we don’t go on the defensive, we don’t fight fire with fire. Oh, let me tell you, the base part of our character wants to let loose with our own brand of meanness, but each and every one of us has the ability to choose a contrary response. Each. And. Every. One. Of. Us.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m not suggesting you lavish the offender with peace, love, and happiness – there are very few of us who could pull that off – but what I am saying is that we can choose to stay silent. We can walk away – both figuratively and physically – and leave that person to wallow in the slime they just created.
I learned long ago, that if someone yells at me and I choose not to yell back, their fire goes out. If I don’t feed their anger, it has nowhere to go but down. Quite frankly, my decision to walk away hurts that person far worse than any words I could ever spew back. I guess sometimes you just have to kill them with kindness.
Just. Walk. Away.
Writing to make a difference, one person at a time
First and foremost, I sat down at my computer because I had something to say about how Alzheimer’s disease affected my father. Additionally, having graduated from the unofficial school of family caregiving, I figured someone just might benefit from the good – and the not-so-good – ways in which I managed my father’s illness.
Now thirteen years after my father’s initial Alzheimer’s diagnosis, my novel will hit the virtual and brick & mortar shelves of bookstores. It will also make its way in person to a number of senior centers and senior living communities in my area. As an event on their activity calendars, I will read passages from my novel that might just ring a bell in the minds and hearts of those gathered to listen to what this Baby Boomer has to say. Maybe what I share will inspire them to purchase REQUIEM which I will gladly sell to them at a highly-discounted price. And once they’ve read my novel, perhaps they will share it with someone else, and so on down the line.
Is REQUIEM about Irene Frances Olson and her father, Don Patrick Desonier? Read the rest of this entry »
Kindness Fridays
For some, this may seem a trivial expression of kindness. For me, not so much.
When my husband and I aren’t hiking, we “hike” through the streets of our very hilly neighborhood. We have various walks that we take:
- The Wall – a very steep incline in a short period of time
- The Monster – a very steep incline over a longer stretch of time
- The Broadhurst (or Reverse Broadhurst) – a longer walk in an adjacent neighborhood, and
- The Broadhurst Monster – a steep hill in that same neighborhood
While on our walks, I lift up my hand in greeting to everyone who drives by, and without fail, the driver always returns the gesture. Sometimes the occupant in the car gives me a hand greeting before I can even lift my arm to do so.
“Yeah, but Irene, that’s not a very deep connection with someone; it’s just a throw-away gesture.”
Not to me it isn’t. It’s one way of connecting with people I might never meet. And besides, maybe the “hello” affects them just as positively as it affects me. What a great and simple gift that is.
Caregiving 101: when fiction meets reality
I’ve written several articles over the years about the importance of assembling a caregiving team when caring for a loved one – a team that doesn’t necessarily rely on family because not everyone has a participatory family when it comes to these matters. That was certainly the case for REQUIEM FOR THE STATUS QUO‘s Colleen Strand while taking care of her father, Patrick Quinn. She sought help from her brother but that was not something with which he chose to be involved.
REQUIEM, my debut novel, is now available for pre-order from my publisher, Black Rose Writing. You will receive a 10% discount with code PREORDER2017 if purchased before its release date of July 20th. Additionally, in the days ahead, both Amazon and Barnes & Noble will be offering a pre-order option leading up to the novel’s release. Ebook options will be available at most online book retailers as of July 27th.
Of all the life-changes we encounter during our journey, caregiving is one of – if not the most – difficult speed bumps to get over.
Caregiving: the ultimate team sport suggests how one might use the strengths of each team/family member to handle the varied needs during the caregiving journey.
Family dynamics that hamper caregiving success exposes the need to let go of stereotypes or childhood roles that don’t serve siblings well as adults. If ever there was a time to work together for the greater good, taking care of a family member with dementia or other terminal illness ranks right up there at the top.
Solo caregiving addresses the needs of the person who appears to be strapped with fulfilling all the roles needed for a successful caregiving venture. The solo caregiver need not settle into those roles, however. The help of other, well-meaning individuals, can lessen that daunting task. Certainly, much relies on the neighbor, coworker, even casual acquaintance, but said entities are a resource from which much assistance can be found.
Here are several more articles for the caregivers out there – and those acquainted with a caregiver – to provide some wisdom and encouragement through the tough times:
- The tethered caregiver
- Helping an Alzheimer’s caregiver
- Caregiving and the 36-hour day
- A normal day, caregiving style
- Caregiving: grief, guilt, exhaustion, and discrimination
- Long distance caregiving Part I and Part II
- Caregiver: put on your oxygen mask first
- Caregivers, learning from our mistakes and finally
- But how am I supposed to do that?
Kindness Fridays
Today’s kindness focuses on customer service – not at retail establishments but at medical offices. And I’ll be brief.
On May 17th of this year, I had a surgical consult for a nasty, invasive skin cancer that decided to make itself known on my right leg. On May 19th, I had surgery to remove that skin cancer.
I then had two subsequent post-surgical visits, May 25th and June 1st, with the latter being my final visit (knock on wood) at the Skin Surgery Center in Bellevue, Washington.
Right before I left I said good-bye to the front desk person, Ashley, and quite truthfully told her, “I’m going to miss you!”
Ashley made my cancer journey – and no doubt those of many of the center’s patients – one that felt less clinical, and more restorative. She always greeted me by my first name, recognizing me among so many that pass through the doors of the surgery center. She also remembered something important about my life – important to me anyway – and brought it up as I left.
“Enjoy your hiking this summer!”
Big deal, right? Yes, it was, because of all the things that bothered me about my cancer, it was not being able to hike that I bemoaned the most. Her farewell greeting put the biggest smile on my face because I was cleared to hit the trails once again, and she was celebrating my ability to do so.
Living: the ultimate team sport 