Community outreach
Unsaid Words? Don’t wait until it’s too Late.
AND LET ME TELL YOU…I KNOW OF WHAT I SPEAK.
My sister, Mary, was born 8 months before me; my parents adopted her after my mother suffered three miscarriages. As sometimes happens, before the ink was dry on the adoption papers, my mother became pregnant with me. Yay me!!!
Suffice it to say, being so close in age, my sister and I grew up together, sharing the same experiences and often the same friends. We are still very close, even though we don’t live in the same state.
Several years ago, after our mother and father had passed away, my sister located her birth mother, met her, and had a few occasions to get together with her and her other daughters, even though her birth mother lived in eastern Canada and my sister resides in California.
Because I erroneously believed I would have all the time in the world to thank my sister’s biological mother for placing Mary up for adoption, I missed out on that opportunity because Cathy died a few years after my sister first connected with her.
Cathy’s decision to provide the best possible home for my sister was an extraordinary gift for which I wanted to express my gratitude. Still, I procrastinated and never told Cathy what a blessing her first daughter is to me. In my recent history, this is by far the biggest regret I harbor in my heart.
Kind words left unsaid benefit no one.
Diversity At Its Best!
I was recently tasked with writing my quarterly column for an Australian online publication, Grandparents Day Magazine, with that issue’s New Year’s theme being: JUNGLE. The first thought that came to my mind regarding that theme was diversity.
The Merriam-Webster Dictionary defines diversity as: The quality or condition of having or being composed of differing elements.
That being the case, a jungle certainly encompasses that definition. Although the jungle is known to be without much variation in seasons – it is humid and hot for most of the year – it contains a wide variety of elements. One could spend a lifetime recording them and not compile a comprehensive list of all that exists there.
One site in my online research noted that there are nearly 40,000 plant species, 1,300 bird species, 3,000 types of fish, 427 species of mammals, and approximately 2.5 million insects.
OH MY GOODNESS! As I said in my post’s title, Diversity At Its Best!
The jungle’s diversity, and that which exists all around us where we live and breathe, makes me happy.
We all have examples of diversity in our human experience. My goodness, my neighborhood in my Washington state town is comprised of homes of varying sizes, differing ages of residents, and, most certainly, a diverse ethnic composition that highlights what living is all about.
And is it necessary to point out that the residents of every country in the world have differing religious and political leanings? At least in the United States where I live, divisions currently exist that have never been wider in my lifetime, and I have lived on this earth 72 years thus far. That division does not make me happy.
I would like to use the jungles of the world as a healthy example of diversity, and although the jungle can also be characterized as a scary place to be …lions and tigers and bears, oh my! … it is still a natural example of diversity at its best, from which perhaps all of us in the world could learn a lesson or two.
May it be so.
Create a Season of Calm
Being kind to yourself is most definitely a serious matter. You deserve to be treated with the same gentleness you would treat others for whom you care.
If the Holidays are starting to get to you, do what is needed to bring some calm and control back into your life, even if that means disappointing others. Again, you matter just as much as those you might have to disappoint, so I would advise you to try a little kindness toward yourself, a kindness you so very much deserve.
And if you’re doing absolutely well right now and can exercise some outward gentleness, check in on individuals who might need a reminder that they matter and that someone was thinking of them. You don’t have to make a huge effort – especially if doing so depletes your own reserves – but a phone call, a text, or a hello in passing – could mean the difference between making their day and not.
Do what you can, and start with yourself.
A Little Goes A Long Way
I learned something years ago that when people donate or tithe to a church or other organization, a good rule of thumb is equal sacrifice. I love that thought because 10% of, say, $25, and 10% of $2500 is a different amount but an equal sacrifice for those concerned.
If you are like my household, you have a spare change jar/container that accumulates pennies (now out of circulation in the US), nickels, dimes, and quarters. We don’t like the jingle jangle of coinage in our pockets or wallets.
The other day, my husband and I decided to do something with that change that, quite frankly, was just collecting dust and tarnishing where it accumulated. We took the jar down to the nearest Coinstar kiosk, deciding that if there was a donation option for providing food to the needy, we would select that charity. BINGO! There was!!! This photo shows you what an accumulated $53.06 over the years was able to do for Feeding America, our chosen donation recipient. According to their website $1 = 20 meals so our spare change that we weren’t using equates to 1060 meals!!!
The point I want to make, however, is that there is no such thing as a donation being not enough or too small because adding up all those coins means many people can benefit from any donation amount. I want to encourage you to never feel that what you have to offer is not enough. Every amount provides an impact. It all matters and it all counts.
Celebrating Caregivers
My thoughts about being a family caregiver, having been there AND done that.
Even with all the book knowledge a person can garner, caregiving “mistakes” are bound to happen. The following tips are provided to active and former family caregivers who struggle with what they consider failed attempts at getting the caregiving task done correctly.
- Perfection is highly overrated. No one, absolutely no one, expects you to do everything correctly 100% of the time.
- Don’t be so hard on yourself. Why? See Tip #1 above and Tip #3 below.
- Caregiving is difficult, so CELEBRATE the wins! Give yourself a High Five! Sometimes you will have just the right way of doing or saying something that wipes out every other time you feel you didn’t do or say something correctly. Tally up the victories and CELEBRATE them!
- Carefully choose your confidantes. Having acquaintances who are slow to judge but quick to affirm will be just the nourishment your body and soul will need.
- If you are doing your best, that is all that is needed. But you say, “I could have done better!” No. You did the best with what you knew at the time, therefore you are to be congratulated. Instead, ask yourself, “Did I give it all that I could in the moment?” Yes, you did.
- “Mistakes” are simply learning opportunities. Even today, years after my family caregiving experience, I remind myself that when something in my life isn’t going quite as planned, I can still learn something from that lesson, which is an “unmistakably” good thing, don’t you think?
I wrote a novel about my own caregiving experience. Just like my caregiving skills were a work in progress, so too was this novel, published a few years after my father passed from Alzheimer’s disease. May you or someone you know benefit from it.
AND MAY I JUST SAY, PAY AS MUCH ATTENTION TO THE GOOD YOU HAVE DONE AS YOU PAY TO WHAT YOU THINK YOU DIDN’T DO CORRECTLY.
CELEBRATE EACH VICTORY, REGARDLESS OF HOW SMALL, AND YOU’LL HAVE MANY PARTIES TO POST ON YOUR CALENDAR.
BREAKING GOOD NEWS!
Goodness abounds, yes, it does.
We don’t hear or read about it enough, but trust me, hatred and evil have got nothing on goodness and kindness in our world.
It has been said that it is the horrific stories that make headlines, and quite frankly, that is true. Newspapers, magazines, television, and social media scramble to break news in their attempts to be the first to offer their take on ongoing incidents.
I am all for free journalism; without it, I would not be writing this 1,303rd post, so bring it on in all its raging color. But wouldn’t it be rewarding to have our day interrupted by breaking news that reports on the good and kind incidents that occur as well?
All right, I’ll do just that. Allow me to introduce you to this wonderful soul who has brought light into the darkness. This is Breaking News of the very best kind.
Sophie Andrews is a person who learned the hard way – one of the hardest – that the best way to help is simply to listen. Sophie was on death’s door – you have to listen to this 14-minute TED talk to learn of the details when a volunteer at the UK’s Samaritan helpline picked up the phone and changed 14-year-old Sophie’s life forever. Years later, Sophie gave back and paid it forward by starting a helpline for some of the most vulnerable people in society who are lonely and without access or means for socialization. Her Silver Line fields thousands of calls a day, making the lives of countless UK senior citizens brighter, fuller, and healthier each year.
Listening – a free resource that is oftentimes not employed when needed the most; listening that actively tunes into the person speaking.
If you are someone who sets resolutions or intentions for the upcoming new year, perhaps practicing the art of listening might be at the top of your 2026 list.
I know it is on mine.
Truthful Living #4
Put on your big boy and big girl pants and let truth be your mantra and your standard.
Truthful Living #3
One cannot be a good person if truth is not a part of their character. A moral person can be respected. If one is not moral, why would I follow that person?
I wouldn’t. Would you?
Connecting With Others
A previous post I wrote several years ago addressed the good we can do in our little corner of the world. Today’s post talks about that little corner in which we find ourselves.
We find community in various settings, including our home, our extended family, our employment, and our day-to-day contacts near and far. I would offer that even when we take our doggies to the off-leash dog park and let them run around with the other dogs, we can find ourselves in community.
But what if when at the dog park, we keep to ourselves and choose not to converse with any of the other humans; are we still in community? Yes, we are, because we are like-minded individuals giving our doggies a romp in the park with other doggies because we know it will inordinately please our four-legged friends. Our common goal in making the effort to go to the dog park is more or less the same: doggie community enjoyment.
What this very brief post is saying today is that community does not have to be a structured and organized grouping of people. It can consist of the lone walker in the neighborhood, coming upon another lone walker and sharing a smile and a greeting, even in passing. For myself, I relish every person-sighting – whether on my neighborhood strolls or six feet away from another customer at the grocery checkout. Other people! There are other people in this world, not just my lonesome self!!!!
Over the years, my eyes have been opened to discover community in places and in circumstances not recognized before. I hope you find similarly healthy connections as you go about your own daily routines.
Seeking Status Quo
Family Caregiver ChallengesSo this happened a few years ago: I wrote a novel about my personal experiences being a caregiver for my father who was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s disease in his early 80s.
The novel genre usually means fiction, but everything within my book depicts either my personal experience or those of caregivers with whom I supported as an Alzheimer’s Association group facilitator.
I don’t think enough positive attention is given to the phrase status quo. When you are caring for someone with a health condition, boy oh boy do you hope and pray for a return to the pre-caregiver status. Being a caregiver for a loved one creates the desire to enter back into a time when illness or upheaval were not present, both for the caregiver’s sake and that of the person for whom they provide care.
Perhaps you, too, have been or are currently a caregiver, or you are hoping for a return to a time devoid of chaos and uncertainty, and you need a diversion from this, that, or the other that permeates your purview. Maybe my novel will plant a seed of hope in you that you thought had dried up forever.
That is my hope for you. That is my prayer for you.
Celebrating the Differences
I absolutely love the different ways our UK neighbors label things that many of us, at least us in the United States, label differently.
One of those words is QUEUE.
One very friendly definition of the word Queue is: a line or sequence of people or vehicles awaiting their turn to be attended to or to proceed. Doesn’t that sound civilized? It denotes an attitude of: I don’t mind at all waiting in this crowd to take care of business once I find myself at the front of the queue.
My husband and I had the experience of waiting in our vehicle for one hour in a 2-mile (3.2 km) queue the other day, trying to enter a Washington state national park. There wasn’t anything exciting – or relaxing – about the effort, but queuing is what we did.
Speaking of that national park, I love that parking lots in some countries are called car parks. It’s almost as though the vehicle is being treated to an entertaining adventure as we diligently park it within the lines of the designated spaces. And in some of those car parks, one can find trollies discarded by shoppers who have completed their weekly food shopping.
And the elevators found in the United States would be called lifts in the UK, and I must say, I am very much enamored by the thought of being given a lift somewhere, even if it’s just from one floor to another. Giving someone a lift is a courteous thing to do, don’t you think? “Why, thank you for the lift! That was very generous of you!”
The list of different terms that I am quite enamored with include: nappy instead of diaper, torch instead of flashlight, bin instead of trash (see what I mean by civilized?), and the favorite that I have found myself saying lately is knackered instead of exhausted. Like just the other day when we spent seven hours traveling to and from that US national park (1 hour of which was in a queue), my husband and I were absolutely 100% knackered by the time we arrived home to prepare our sandwich and chips and a glass of plonk after visiting the loo.
ANYWAY, I think you understand that countries have their own way of saying things, and such differences don’t bother me at all. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I am going to reward myself with a biscuit for completing this mini exposé and say bollocks to anyone who disagrees with me. Time to sit in front of the telly and relax a bit! Cheers and Bob’s your uncle!!!
I Appreciate You!
What a terrific statement that is, isn’t it? This statement was made twice in my presence the other day. The first time was when I said it to the grocery store checker that morning, an employee who was stretching her back and then leaning on the check stand. I asked her, “Has it already been a day for you?” To which she responded, “You have no idea how long it has already been.” I told her I was sorry and that I hoped she got relief soon, then I said,
I appreciate you, I really do.
Later that same day, I was at a medical office, having turned in some paperwork to the front desk employee who then said the following to me,
I appreciate what you have done, thank you so much.
I felt acknowledged, and I felt like my presence mattered to her. I felt present.
One definition of appreciation is:
Recognition and enjoyment of the good qualities of someone or something.
Wow. That must be why the grocery employee expressed her pleasure with my statement earlier that day and why I felt so present and worthwhile during my very brief encounter with medical staff a few hours later.
Please extend your appreciation to others as you go through your day today. You just might save that person from having the worst day of their life.
We Are All Important
The following quote is from the book Love is the Way: Holding on to Hope in Troubling Times by Bishop Michael Curry & Sara Grace
There was once a wave, bobbing along in the ocean, having a grand old time. All was well and the wave was enjoying himself. He was just enjoying the wind and the ride, until one day he noticed what was happening to the other waves in front of him. They were crashing against the shore.
“My God, this is terrible,” the wave said. “Look what’s going to happen to me!”
Then another wave came along who asked, “Why do you look sad?” The first wave says, “You don’t understand! We’re all going to crash! All of us waves are going to be nothing! Isn’t it terrible?”
The other wave’s response: “No, you don’t understand. You’re not a wave, you’re part of the ocean.”
Everything we do affects the rest of the world. Never think what you have to offer is of no use to someone else. We are all in this together; our combined acts of kindness and community efforts are genuinely worthwhile.
We are all a part of something big.
Kindness Heals
Have world events impacted you in such a way that you feel things are hopeless?
Are you overwhelmed to the point that you say to yourself, What could I possibly do to make a difference?
The answer is:
You can make a difference because kindness overcomes all.
My last post addressed the negative power of words. I sincerely believe that random acts or words of kindness can make a difference in the world in which we live. There are so many negative and hurtful words being thrust into our universe; can’t we please try to balance out that hurt with words of encouragement, recognition, and nourishment?
Yes, nourishment. In all our daily interactions—whether via social media or in person—we can nurture the hurt that exists all around us. Our words, our smile, and our actions may just change someone’s life forever. Haven’t you been on the receiving end of that type of transformative nourishment? Didn’t it feel good? Didn’t it fill the emptiness within you that hungered and thirsted for confirmation that you matter, that you aren’t a failure, that you have potential?
Let’s revisit how that felt and commit to quenching the thirst of each person with whom we come in contact, whether virtually or in person.
A Drop in the Bucket
What a terrific resource water is. We rely on water for everything we do. If you don’t think that’s the case, I challenge you to think of one aspect of your life that doesn’t rely on water. Cue the Jeopardy jingle while we all wait…
EVERYTHING AND EVERYONE RELIES ON WATER!
I live in one of the Pacific Northwest states of the United States, and it is currently our summer season – the hottest time of year. While watering my plants last month, I was struck with gratitude as I watched the water soaking into the ground on its way to nourishing the flowers I love to see this time of year. That gratitude was truly front and center in my mind because it just so happened that my street block was on the verge of having its water shut off for an entire day because of a required water main repair down the road. All of us neighbors made arrangements to store water for that period of time and discerned what each household needed to make it through that day. Let me tell you, laundry was hastily completed, dishwashers were run, and household members scrambled to claim the toilet they would use because flushing of toilets would not be possible for at least six hours.
Stressful…right?
No industry exists without the availability of water. Again, wrack your brain to think of what on earth isn’t affected by water. Forget the Jeopardy jingle, that’s a waste of music because the answer is still:
EVERYTHING AND EVERYONE RELIES ON WATER!
But this post isn’t just focused on appreciating and conserving water; it’s also about increasing our ongoing efforts to cherish that with which we have been gifted: our living space and everything within that space on which we rely, our loved ones, or aspects of our health – even when we don’t enjoy a 100% healthy existence. May you and I continually cherish all that matters to us, including every breath we take, because even the latter does not come with an endless supply.
MAY YOU SURVIVE AND THRIVE WITH A HEIGHTENED SENSE OF GRATITUDE
NOW, AND ALWAYS.
Friendly Connections
I’m the person who waves, but I’m also the person who waves back. I just can’t help myself, especially when a young child is concerned.
Ever since I became a grandmother back in 2017, I can’t resist waving and talking to a youngster while said youngster is accompanied by their parental unit. Caveat: Prior to attaining grandparenthood, I just couldn’t be bothered, but I am a reformed woman.
But it’s not just the youngsters with whom I engage; I can’t help but engage all age groups in friendly conversation. I crave the connection and I am shameless in my efforts to satisfy that craving.
Maybe you’re among the many who hope beyond all hope that when you encounter the stranger that is me, no conversational effort will be required on your part. Sorry to disappoint you, but if you’re in my sights, I’m reaching out to become your 30-second friend.
BE WELL. STAY WELL, Y’ALL.
Anyone for a Parade?
Dr. Bernie S. Siegel provides some wisdom for our day from his 365 Prescriptions for the Soul book. The following is provided verbatim:
Parade of Life
Forget past mistakes. Forget failures. Forget everything except what you are going to do now, and do it. – William Durant
Life is a parade. Sometimes we march along and realize we have passed by what we were looking for. What do we do? Stand there and drop out of the parade? March on with regrets? Feel bad about how we looked or that everything we wanted was on the wrong side of the street? It’s passed! Forget it and march on!
Sometimes our parade isn’t so pretty, and the crowd isn’t interested in us. If we drag everything we have passed with us, we will destroy the present. We have no future when we live in the past.
We even talk about past lives. Whether you believe in them or not, the same principle applies. If you are living a past life, you are destroying your present one. In therapy, people come to understand why they are acting the way they are and how the past is affecting them. They learn to let go, move on, and not sit in the same classroom year after year. They graduate and commence a new life.
To conclude, I, Irene Frances Olson, have this to say about Dr. Siegel’s comments:
The good news is that we can learn from our past, both the good and the bad, but if we stay cemented in the past and don’t move on? That parade Dr. Siegel talks about? It’ll pass us by.
I don’t know about you, but I don’t want to get left behind.
Mind Games of Kindness
I would venture to say that 100% of us humans have some sort of mental health anomaly. In the Oxford dictionary, anomaly is defined as something that deviates from what is standard, normal, or expected.
A broken leg is an obvious malfunction: obvious to everyone who observes the cast that is worn or the crutches that are employed to hobble around. But what about what is going on in our brains? It is certainly true that certain behaviors are equally as detectable as a broken limb, but I believe the majority of us have degrees of anomalies of which only the individual affected might be aware. And we get up every morning hoping to crawl out of what that might mean for us: depression, anxiety, or fear of this, that, or the other.
The thrust of this brief post is two-fold:
to encourage those who suffer to seek beneficial support, and
to beseech others to be kind-hearted to those in need of your compassion.
To be sure, it is difficult to know what is going on in the emotional background of people we encounter so it is a very good practice to interact with others without passing judgment. I would very much appreciate being on the receiving end of a nonjudgmental encounter so it behooves me to extend that same courtesy to those who cross my path.
May we all practice acceptance and compassion towards ourselves and towards others.
Perhaps in addition to the above poster, this site would also be a helpful resource for all of us: NAMI
A Foot Ahead
Some time ago, I came to the realization about how many places my almost seventy-two year old feet have taken me. I’ve lived in the following US states: California, Hawaii, Alaska, and Washington. I’ve traveled to the following countries: Canada, Mexico, France, Scotland, and the UK. (I know, that’s not a lot of places but just the same, my feet took me there and back!)
Sometimes our feet take us to geographical places; other times they take us to and through life experiences – not all of which are easy or pleasing. But those gnarled toes and fallen arches manage to carry us where we need to be and will continue to do so until they can’t.
A few years ago, I came to a place of acceptance of my body resulting in gratitude for everything it has endured and managed to survive. That may not seem like a monumental achievement to some, but for me, it most definitely has been. My body’s challenges and your body’s challenges may not be identical but there isn’t a person around that doesn’t have them – bodies or challenges – and we’re still here!
I HAVE SURVIVED THE LESS THAN ENJOYABLE BODY FOIBLES 100% OF THE TIME AND HAVE LIVED TO WRITE ABOUT IT!
Wow! And because I have evidence that such successes have occurred, when I’m in the midst of seemingly insurmountable medical, physical, or emotional challenges, I can look forward to getting to the other side of them to add yet another success to my growing evidentiary list.
And my feet will take me there.
Love in Living Color
What a privilege it is to love someone and be loved by them. There’s a reason why there are so many dating/relationship services out there: we crave connection, and happily-ever-after is a worthy goal to pursue.
I’m fortunate that my current 29-year relationship (married for 25 of those 29) quite naturally fell into place. Girl meets boy on a blind date set up by a dating site; girl and boy decide to get together for another date, and…the rest is history!
No one disputed my choice of a partner with whom I held hands, smooched in public, and eventually enjoyed full intimacy. That is not always the case, whether a partner is of a different race, financial standing, or of the same gender identity. I experienced racial hatred when I married my first husband who is Chinese American. As a newly married couple, we walked hand-in-hand on a weekend outing in an Eastern Washington town where we were verbally accosted by a woman who shouted, “Thou shalt not mix races! You are an abomination to God!” I very unpolitely told her off and went on my way with my husband, enjoying the love we had already shared for more than eight years. That was 50 years ago, and I am still negatively affected by it. Many are harassed and abused in a similar manner because of the love they share with someone, harassment that takes many forms.
In the early 90s, I was privileged to work at a progressive Seattle law firm where one of my coworkers, a woman, was in a relationship with another woman. The two of them had certainly experienced discrimination but expressed that for the most part they had been fortunate. I asked my coworker how she and her partner had met. “Susan is who I fell in love with and she with me. It’s all about who you fall in love with.” That made sense to me and still does.
What also makes sense is living one’s truth and genuineness about who you are as an individual, and with whom you choose to share your life. Being who you are with someone else is rife with hurdles, regardless of your gender, but truly there is no other way to be. No ifs, ands, or buts – being safely and securely transparent in a relationship is a gift! What a privilege it is to live honestly, not having to pretend to be someone else, not living a cloaked identity just to be accepted by others.
I experience that freedom, and wish that same freedom for everyone seeking connection, love, and happily-ever-after.
May it be so.
Our Words Count
I know words count because I recently experienced one word that means so much. Get a load of this! That one Hawaiian word, ALOHA, is packed with goodness. Not only does it mean “Hello” but it also means:
- Love
- Affection
- Peace
- Compassion
- Mercy
That one word has a deeper cultural and spiritual significance to native Hawaiians for whom the term is used to define a force that holds together existence.
Am I the only one who thinks there may be a need for such a force in the world at large and specifically to where each of us are located?
I thought not. I even wrote about this same topic in the online Australian Publication in which I have a byline each issue: Grandparents Day Magazine. Spread the word!
There isn’t a person on this earth who couldn’t benefit from what Aloha has to offer. I think many of us think that only grandiose acts of kindness can have an impact. We might say, “How can just saying hello to someone or opening the door for them make a difference in a person’s day?” My answer to that is: “How did you feel when someone extended those kindnesses to you?” Exactly. It made you feel acknowledged and cared for.
A very good friend of mine calls these mini connections GLIMMERS. As a matter of fact, I recently wrote a blog piece Glimmers of Friendship, that elaborates on how some accidental meetings just might make the difference between having an improved day or not.
You and I can make a difference just by embodying Aloha in our everyday interactions. It might take some practice on our part, but if practice makes perfect, then let me commit to practicing my heart out.
Let’s Make Someone’s Day Better!
There are 26 letters in the English alphabet and what I find amazing is that those 26 letters make up all the words we could ever want to write in our lifetime. I find that such an endearing fact!!!
But you wanna know what I REALLY love? Sending greeting cards to people.
Okay, true confessions time: I am a card-a-holic. Yes, I am! I love sending cards to people for noteworthy occasions or for no occasion whatsoever. Why do I do that? Well, it’s a passion of mine, but also, I have to believe that any day I can improve someone’s life with snail mail that lands in their physical mailbox, is a good day.
And who doesn’t want to gift someone with a good day?
Trust me when I say, I know that texting and writing emails is a more efficient way of getting ones’ message across, but is it always the best way? No, I don’t think it is. The tactile experience of someone slicing open an envelope to receive my greeting excites the heck out of me! I send more cards than I receive but that doesn’t stop me from sending at least one card a week to someone, and what also doesn’t stop me is the ever-increasing price of postage because seriously people:
Can you put a price tag on happiness? Nope, you cannot.
I hope that my own country’s postal service never goes out of business, and I am doing my best to support it by purchasing the stamps it sells and giving the employees something super worthwhile to do: improving someone else’s day by delivering a card!
So, there you have it. I am grateful for the English alphabet that was created centuries ago so I could stand at a greeting card counter – like I did the other day – and carefully choose future tactile experiences that many someones will receive in their postal mailbox.
I SURE DO LOVE WHAT JUST 26 LETTERS OF THE ALPHABET CAN DO FOR OTHERS!
Adjusting Our Focus
Marcus Aurelius stated a good thing in this particular meditation, but boy is it difficult to comply with such wisdom. Am I right?
Negative matters and thoughts can really color our view of what’s going on around us but because of that negativity, I guess it’s far more beneficial to only give them their minimum due and then shift our focus to more positive happenings. After being on this earth for more than 71.5 years, I can state without hesitation that while yucky stuff is going on left, right, front, and center, positive stuff is equally as present…although not always recognizable. In a post last month, You Can Never Have Too Much Hope, I suggested that hopelessness is not a desired state of being. It’s a brief post I hope you will click on.
That is where hope comes in – an emotion that just might provide clarity when all the lines of decency seem blurred.
The Value of Connection
How well do you know the person who bags your groceries on a weekly basis? I am here to encourage you to engage with staff you see every week because the rewards to you, and the staff, are immeasurable.
The other day my husband and I said goodbye to our favorite grocery bagger, “Steven.” We saw Steven every week for a few years, and each time we did so – and after a certain measure of trust was established between customer and staff person – Steven opened up more and more to us. We shared grandchild stories while he shared tidbits about his hobbies and his later in life dating adventures.
But the other day, just a couple days before he moved across the country to help out his daughter in her hardware store business, he honored us by walking our groceries out to our car and then opened up like never before when I asked him how long he had worked at that Redmond, Washington area grocery store. His response floored us.
Steven revealed that he started working at the store six years ago, a couple years after he had survived, and been rehabilitated from, a brain aneurysm that didn’t quite stop him dead in his tracks. As a 50-something year old adult, he had to learn everything from scratch. Prior to this severe medical event, Steven was a professor of industrial engineering at a Washington university. Now he bags groceries, which, let me tell you, is a noble profession, especially during all the pandemic and other world events that pitted frontline workers in the midst of disarray and uncertainty.
My husband and I were shocked by his revelation given that we didn’t detect anything medically abnormal about this now 60-something year old gentleman. We never knew about the challenges he endured and overcame; we simply enjoyed our weekly interactions with him and quite frankly, felt those interactions were the highlight of each week’s mundane shopping trips. We were not looking forward to his planned move out of the state.
Opening up and being transparent with others is a vulnerable thing to do and shows a strength that many do not possess.
Once our groceries were loaded into our vehicle we visited with Steven some more and when it was time for him to head back into the store, the three of us exchanged goodbye hugs. We will miss this valuable connection but are happy that the state of Indiana will now get to benefit from this stellar human being we had come to know.
Just Checking In With You
How many times in a lifetime are we asked: How are you?
How many times have we answered: Fine.
How many times has that not been a true statement? Probably lots and lots of times.
We don’t always feel fine, and when I say “feel” I don’t just mean the physical or medical definition of fine. How about emotionally? How about the complicated psychological aspects that are tied in with how each of us is handling life as it presents itself to us?
Our confidence or lack thereof. Our sense of safety or danger in any given hour of every day. Our ability to cope when coping feels like the least practiced skill available to us.
I would suggest that each of us check in with those individuals within our sphere of influence: spouse or partner, neighbor, coworker, and friend, so that we assure the person we are querying that we really want to know and that they can be as transparent as they are comfortable being.
When we get in the practice of honestly inquiring about each other, it is my hope that our responses will be equally as honest so that dialogue, true dialogue will take place.
I hope that you are fine, but if you’re not, it’s okay to say so.
More Good News!
Last week I wrote a post about something terrific that happened to me while traveling recently. This post spotlights another terrific instance that took place at the commencement of our travels.
Our scheduled ride share failed to show up at our house to take us to the airport.
That certainly doesn’t sound like good news, does it? WELL, my husband and I had never used a ride share but wanted to do so for our most recent trip. Rather than drive our own vehicle to an offsite airport parking lot, we decided to enter the 21st century and hire a lift like so many other people routinely do. A couple weeks before our intended airport commute, we expressed our fear of doing so to our neighbor who immediately offered to be our backup should anything get in the way of the driver getting us to our intended destination. The day before our travel day, we scheduled the driver to pick us up at 7 the following morning.
Fifteen minutes before the driver was scheduled to arrive, they called me to say that their vehicle was slipping and sliding all over the road (it had snowed a bit the night before) and they didn’t know when they would arrive at our house. We both agreed that the scheduled ride needed to be cancelled. That left me needing to contact my next door neighbor at 6:57 am to ask if he could take us to the airport – a destination that was a good hour away.
I’ll be at your place in ten minutes.
Yep! He had chosen to monitor his phone starting at 7 am just in case he was needed so he was awake and ready to roll if called upon.
What started as a stressful travel day turned into an exercise in appreciating the goodness that exists just over the hedge/fence. We certainly knew our neighbors were the best neighbors ever and this incident confirmed what we already knew.
So if you’re looking for some good news to brighten your day, look no further than someone who just might be a stone’s throw away.
Make Good News
I recently had the opportunity to see an extraordinary bit of good news unfurl right before my eyes. My husband and I recently traveled by airplane for our 25th wedding anniversary trip. From my seat in the plane I could view everyone else entering the airplane as they were greeted by flight attendants. A woman walked through the plane’s portal and handed the flight attendants a box of See’s chocolates. I figured she must also be in the industry and gifted her fellow flight attendants with a gift.
At our airport destination’s baggage claim area, this same woman was waiting for her luggage just as we were waiting for ours. I walked up to her and said, “Can I ask you a question?” She nodded a yes. “Did you know those flight attendants you gifted with a box of candy?” Her response, “No. When I fly, I always give the attendants a box of chocolates to thank them for the difficult job they do.” I then put my hand to my heart and said, “Thank you for making my day. What a lovely act of kindness you are in the practice of giving.”
Kindness doesn’t have to be a grandiose effort to make a difference.
You Exist, And I Am Glad
We have all averted our eyes from an uncomfortable site, which is probably something different for each and every one of us. But there is more to that thought than meets the eye. Seeing eye to eye doesn’t have to mean that we agree or understand everything a person stands for, rather, it could mean seeing and acknowledging the existence of he/she/they, regardless of their standing in life, their race or ethnicity, their religious beliefs, or their me-ness.
Acceptance is defined by the Oxford dictionary as: The action or process of being received as adequate or suitable, typically to be admitted into a group.
Don’t get me wrong, I am the first to say that I don’t love everyone with whom I come in contact because I haven’t known everyone with whom I come in contact for a long enough period of time to develop such a feeling.
With that said, however, even if I don’t agree with everything and everyone’s viewpoint, I don’t pretend for a second that everyone should change to meet my requirements, however adopt-worthy, nebulous, or ethereal they may be. Choice comes into play when applied to others, just as it does when applied to me.
I have never been a fan of clubs or organizations that are limiting in their scope.
For me, once you start doing that, exclusivity takes on an ugly appearance and one’s status becomes either elitist or not noteworthy. Ugh, how horrible that must feel to be in the latter category.
That is why when I look someone in the eye, I will give them the benefit of the doubt and let a far higher power than I handle the rest. I don’t want to be the judge or the jury during this limited lifespan I have been given. So here I am. Judge for yourself.
Be Your Own Best Friend
Have mercy, I can truthfully tell you that I have been VERY hard on myself as an adult. Heck, even events for which I am not proud that happened many, many decades ago have come back to haunt me and shame me.
But then I learned about self-compassion and I realized those past events, and that person who was involved in those events, me, isn’t the me I am today.
Nope. Some matters took lots and lots of scrubbing to wash away the negative sense of worth that permeated my mind and my heart. LOTS of scrubbing. But as Maya Angelou stated very wisely during the course of her life:
“Do the best you can until you know better. Then when you know better, do better.”
Trust me when I say, I believe in you and I really, really don’t want you to be so hard on yourself. If you wouldn’t treat a friend in that manner, please extend the same courtesy to yourself. Peace be with you.
You Can Never Have Too Much Hope
When Senator Gabby Giffords was shot at a campaign meet-and-greet and her future as a healthy human being was in severe jeopardy, a news reporter asked her husband, former astronaut Mark Kelly who is now the senior senator from Arizona, the following question when he expressed his extremely positive beliefs about his wife’s recovery, and I paraphrase:
Mark, don’t you think you’re hoping for too much?
His response, and again I paraphrase:
You can never have too much hope!
I have to believe that hope never disappoints. Let’s face it, the alternative, hopelessness, is far from an ideal state of being. Whatever you are going through, I hope that hope never stops growing within your heart and your mind.
Living: the ultimate team sport 