Knowing When to Shut Up
This is a challenge for me, because I want to have a positive influence on more than those in my immediate purview. I will be the first to admit that I oftentimes stick my nose where it shouldn’t be stuck. I don’t mean that I boss people around or insist on my way or the highway. That is not the case at all, and when someone is heavy-handed with their advice to me, I speak up on how that negatively affects me.
What I do mean, however, is that my caring nature makes me think that it’s okay to offer advice or guidance to people about whom I care. It has taken me forever, and is still taking me that long, to hold back as much unsolicited counsel as I can.
I try not to offer counsel, I really do, but that maxim goes against the grain for me. My belief is that if you care about someone, you will lovingly provide words that might make a positive difference in a person’s current circumstances. I endeavor not to be heavy handed or insistent when offering advice, rather, I put it out there and once I put it out there, I take no responsibility for whether it is received or rejected. I mean seriously, my word is not gospel; people can simply take it or leave it.
Bottom line? I am still trying to figure this whole thing out. Eventually I will find the right balance between leaving well enough alone and leaning into caring enough to offer some sort of constructive guidance. Shutting up might be in the future, but not if doing so cancels out who I am at heart.
October 12, 2026 at 6:01 am
This is a tough one. My parent’s loved offering “unsolicited advice” and it is something I picked up. But my kids have been my teachers. So when I find myself starting to say something that sounds like advice, they remind me. “Mom, no unsolicited advice.” All we want to do is protect them from harm, and in reality, they are adults and I have to trust that if they make a mistake, they will learn from it.
An example of how hard this is came this weekend. My son and daughter-in-law were in New Orleans with the hurricane approaching. I texted my son asking what he had heard about the storm. He sent back a picture of him out on a fishing boat.
I responded by saying that evacuation orders were in effect from Mobile, AL to Pensacola, FL. He responded with a picture of himself with a big fish.
I took a deep breath. Reminded myself he was a grown man and would not be stupid enough to get caught in a bad situation. So I simply responded, “I love you.” He responded with a heart.
The good news is that they flew out safely on Friday and are back home.
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October 12, 2026 at 6:07 am
Terrific example. Thank you Wendy. I guess the truth of the matter is that in our kids’ situation, they know we love them and care about them, and as adults, they have lived long enough to apply wisdom and care to their own circumstances. No doubt you were an awesome mommy that prepared them for life’s storms.
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