Dignity For One And All
As a former long-term care ombudsman, I visited long-term care (LTC) facilities during Holiday celebrations and I found residents in the dementia wing with accoutrements, e.g., July 4th hats, Halloween adornments, reindeer horns, festive party hats, that the resident with Alzheimer’s or other dementia might NEVER consider wearing if they had a choice. My suggestion: before you allow anyone to adorn your parent, spouse, grandma/grandpa, aunt/uncle with a party adornment, ask yourself this question: What would ______ want?
Prior to living in long-term care facilities, these senior citizens lead distinguished lives, fought in wars, managed households and families, and most likely survived tough financial times. These men and women just happen to be older now, but no less important; no less dignified. If your loved one no longer has a voice in which to defend or advocate for herself, who better to do so than you? Chances are in these costumed situations during the Holidays, your loved one doesn’t even see themselves in a mirror, and if they do see themselves, the image they’re seeing may not be comprehensible to them. Would they want to look like a child wearing a season-appropriate party hat? Would they have worn that hat in public prior to the advancement of dementia?
In an earlier post a few years ago, I broached the topic of talking down to Senior Citizens by using cutesy names: caregivers do it, customer service employees do it, DON’T YOU DO IT! We have to get out of the mindset that our older population is somehow less worthy of respect simply because of their advancing age. If anything, the opposite should be occurring. All of us should honor the lives that were and the lives that still remain. This station in life, these circumstances, are not who they are, they are simply where they are right now. Use the memories that you retain of your loved one to promote the true person they are. Don’t let others define your parent/spouse/family member/friend. It is my firm belief that regardless of the severity of a person’s Alzheimer’s or other dementia, the essence of the person remains intact. Make it your responsibility to enhance other people’s understanding of your loved one by correctly defining their true essence.
Dignity and quality of life are a right, not a privilege.
October 19, 2026 at 6:43 am
Thank you, Irene for this lovely post. It is so important to remember that our loved ones who are journeying through cognitive impairment, were, and are still, doctors, army, officers, pilots, laborers, and worthy of respect and dignity. Here’s to caregivers and those for whom they are supporting on this long and challenging journey. And, I love the photo of our Dad and loving Brother❤️
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October 19, 2026 at 6:46 am
Glad you liked the photo. And yes, dignity for all needs to be our rally call day in and day out, in whatever circumstances we find ourselves.
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October 19, 2026 at 5:44 am
This is a very important reminder. Although my parents did not have dementia, they lived into their 90s, became frail, and had several medium-range stints in rehab facilities. I know that neither one of them appreciated being talked down to and neither one of them would have wanted to wear a party hat.
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October 19, 2026 at 6:08 am
Thank you for your reply. You certainly know of what I speak.
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