grandparents
Dignity For One And All
As a former long-term care ombudsman, I visited long-term care (LTC) facilities during Holiday celebrations and I found residents in the dementia wing with accoutrements, e.g., July 4th hats, Halloween adornments, reindeer horns, festive party hats, that the resident with Alzheimer’s or other dementia might NEVER consider wearing if they had a choice. My suggestion: before you allow anyone to adorn your parent, spouse, grandma/grandpa, aunt/uncle with a party adornment, ask yourself this question: What would ______ want?
Prior to living in long-term care facilities, these senior citizens lead distinguished lives, fought in wars, managed households and families, and most likely survived tough financial times. These men and women just happen to be older now, but no less important; no less dignified. If your loved one no longer has a voice in which to defend or advocate for herself, who better to do so than you? Chances are in these costumed situations during the Holidays, your loved one doesn’t even see themselves in a mirror, and if they do see themselves, the image they’re seeing may not be comprehensible to them. Would they want to look like a child wearing a season-appropriate party hat? Would they have worn that hat in public prior to the advancement of dementia?
In an earlier post a few years ago, I broached the topic of talking down to Senior Citizens by using cutesy names: caregivers do it, customer service employees do it, DON’T YOU DO IT! We have to get out of the mindset that our older population is somehow less worthy of respect simply because of their advancing age. If anything, the opposite should be occurring. All of us should honor the lives that were and the lives that still remain. This station in life, these circumstances, are not who they are, they are simply where they are right now. Use the memories that you retain of your loved one to promote the true person they are. Don’t let others define your parent/spouse/family member/friend. It is my firm belief that regardless of the severity of a person’s Alzheimer’s or other dementia, the essence of the person remains intact. Make it your responsibility to enhance other people’s understanding of your loved one by correctly defining their true essence.
Dignity and quality of life are a right, not a privilege.
Summer Wisdom – Influencing Children
Mr. Fred Rogers had a boat load of wisdom that he passed along during his show Mr. Rogers’ Neighborhood. With summer here and the outdoors calling my name, I am going to share tidbits of his wisdom. This inaugural Rogers quote centers on children.
Anyone who does anything to help a child in her or his life is a hero.
Thirty Second Friendships
I’m the person who waves, but I’m also the person who waves back. I just can’t help myself, especially when a young child is concerned.
Ever since I became a grandmother back in 2017, I can’t resist waving and talking to a youngster while said youngster is accompanied by their parental unit – I’m just so enamored by kiddos. Caveat: prior to attaining grandparenthood, I just couldn’t be bothered, but I am a reformed woman.
But it’s not just the youngsters with whom I engage; I can’t help but engage all age groups in friendly conversation. I crave the connection and I am shameless in my efforts to satisfy that craving.
Maybe you’re among the many who hope beyond all hope that when you encounter the stranger that is me, no conversational effort will be required on your part. Sorry to disappoint you, but if you’re in my sights, I’m reaching out to become your 30-second friend.
BE WELL. STAY WELL, Y’ALL.
Older and Wiser?
NOT NECESSARILY.
A person most definitely acquires knowledge and wisdom throughout the span of her or his lifetime, but that doesn’t mean that someone far younger can’t contribute appropriate wisdom in any given circumstance.
The less experienced, less rehearsed attitudes of children may very well prove more accurate than the somewhat tainted knowledge my sixty-eight-year-old self may have racked up.
- AN INQUISITIVE MIND. Our 4.5 year old grandson asks my husband and I questions that surprise us again and again. “Why are the leaves on the ground?” My husband adequately explained the reasoning as the fall season was newly upon us. “Look, Grammo (that’s me) there’s a tree that fell.” I explained that the massive amounts of rain we had experienced caused the roots to give up because the dirt was so wet. “The tree roots gave up, Grammo?” “Yes”, I responded, “and the strong wind we had a few days ago really helped to cause that tree’s roots to let go; to give up.”
- HEALTHY IMAGINATION. The other day, my husband and I were playing outside with that same grandson, and his 1 year old sister. Because of the aforementioned rain, we had various-shaped water puddles on our driveway. “Look Grammo, that puddle looks like an umbrella!” And it did, which was far more of an imaginative description than what I came up with: a mushroom.
- HONESTY. Granted, a child’s honesty can cause embarrassment to the adults within the scope of her or his straightforward statements, but for the most part, I’d rather be on the receiving end of clarity and transparency, than deceit disguised as courtesy. A few months ago, I had minor skin cancer surgery on my nose. When our grandchildren arrived for their weekly grandparenting care, I sported a bandaid on the tip of my nose. My grandson said, “Why do you have a bandaid on your nose, Grammo?” I told him that I had a cut on my nose, not unlike what happens when he falls down and skins his knee. “Oh, does it hurt?” My response, “No, it hurt a few days ago but not now. The next time I see you I won’t have a bandaid on my nose.” To which he said, “That’s okay, I don’t mind if you do.”
- COMPASSION. A couple years ago, I was having a difficult time putting together pieces of a puzzle with my grandson. “Lucas, I don’t think I can figure this one out.” His response, “Yes you can, Grammo, you can do it.” And I did. Additionally, my husband and I were playing outside with our grandson a little over a year ago. That morning, my back had decided to give me a tough time so I wasn’t as active as I would normally be. Our grandson wanted me to step up onto the deck with him, to which his Grampa said, “Grammo’s back is hurting so she isn’t able to do that today.” Our grandson didn’t miss a beat as he reached out his hand to me and said, “Here, Grammo, take my hand, I’ll help you.”
I don’t have any additional statements of worth that will top that latest anecdote, so I’ll close by saying:
Length of years is no guarantee of a well-developed life; it’s the development of character that provides a richness of worth. May curiosity, imagination, honesty, and compassion be your and my selected traits now, and going forward.
