stoicism
A Character Challenge
And I learned better the other day when my husband and I were on a mission to do a good deed: donating a rather nice leather recliner to a charity that would hold a discount day for Senior Citizens and Military. Our intention and motivation were without fault, but our delivery fell short.
We drove to a donation center approximately a half hour away and upon arrival, placed our truck loaded with the beautiful chair at the back of a line of vehicles similarly loaded down with their charitable contributions. Once we got to the front of the line, 15 minutes later, we were told the center was overloaded with furniture and couldn’t accept our item. Ugh, all that for nothing. That was the first test of our character, which Stoics state is realizing that we don’t have control over many things but we do have control over how we respond to those matters. Double ugh!
We were disappointed at not being able to take care of this charitable offering within an hour’s time but as we drove away, I called another donation center location and was fortunate to receive a live person who said they would gladly accept our furniture donation. Great news! And then we hit road detour after road detour due to unanticipated road construction that took us hither and yon and beyond. Ugh, but we finally arrived at the donation center and again stood at the back of the line of donees. Once at the front of the line, we were greeted by an employee who was so glad to see us and absolutely loved the recliner we were gifting to the center for some happy butt – Senior Citizen or Military – who would enjoy some relaxation in a chair that had served us well over the years.
Then it was time to drive home and although we were elated that the chair was received and would be used by a worthy sitter, every driver in our path became the recipient of our scorn over driving behaviors that didn’t align with ours. Ugh again! At that point I said to my husband, “Okay, we just failed the Stoic test of responding correctly to matters out of our control and I am pretty sure our character was on the line here.”
So long story short, three hours after we left our home to do a good deed for others, we pulled into our garage feeling less than proud of how we went about fulfilling that good deed. I even said to my husband, “Well, I for one didn’t pass the character test of responding correctly to something over which I had no control.” But that training episode was worth it because it opened my eyes to how easily it is to tarnish one’s character, even if only my husband witnessed it first hand…and now, of course, it has been witnessed by you.
How are you today?
I recently read a book on Stoicism, Reasons Not To Worry, and the author, Brigid Delaney, concluded that her goal most days is to be tranquil, rather than happy, because “Happiness…is often a fleeting emotion that seemingly comes and goes on a whim…”
So if your response to my post’s question does not fall into the category of happiness, please don’t feel as though you’re in a bad state of being. You are not; after all, as the author also states, “…tranquility, although a less exciting state, is more constant, acting like a slow-release drug that keeps me stable and content throughout the day.”
So I ask you, what’s not to like about stability and contentment?
Aging Isn’t For Sissies
I am 72 years old. Up until my 60s, I looked forward to every birthday, but when I was about to turn seventy, all bets were off. The good news is, I now know why.
My mother died at the age of 77, which, come on now, isn’t old. My mother’s cause of death doesn’t at all reflect my health status. Mom had three health conditions that adversely affected her quality of life for many, many years. I don’t have any of those conditions, but when I turned 70, I saw my life as one that was hanging in the balance.
Over the past couple of years, I have reconciled to the fact that I do not fear that I will die as Mom did. Nope! But I still don’t like being in this particular decade of my life. Perhaps I will get over it, and, quite frankly, I hope I do, because feeling averse to this decade is counterintuitive to living in the moment, which is what I truly endeavor to do. If you read last week’s post, you know that I’m trying to do better at living and accepting my age. But it’s not always an easy task, is it? But “easy” isn’t what I’m demanding out of life either; rather, I simply want to refine my ongoing attempt to accept what is.
And there you have it, unapologetically me in a nutshell.
