Lighten up Mondays

Posted on January 16, 2017 Updated on January 15, 2017

Okay y’all, we’re two weeks into the new year. As I mentioned in my first Monday of the year post, some of you might have resolved to exercise more and eat less. Whether or not you’ve stuck with that resolution, I’m sure you’ll find some humor in today’s post.

• Today I bought a cupcake without sprinkles. Don’t tell me diets aren’t hard.
• I have a condition that prevents me from dieting; it’s called being hungry.
• Desperation is shaving before you step on the scale in the morning.
• David said, “Don’t forget, you are what you eat” to which Susan responded, “Well then I need to eat a skinny person.”
• I thought I was losing weight but it turned out my sweatpants had come untied.
• I tried to avoid things that make me fat: scales, mirrors, photographs …
• Gloria joined an online weight loss forum and was greeted with this first message, “Welcome to the Weight Loss Forum. To lose one pound, double-click your mouse six million times.
• A great way to lose weight is to eat naked and stand in front of a mirror.
• I’m not hungry but I am bored. Oops.
• You are not fat, you have fat. You have fingernails, but you’re not a fingernail.
• If you had to choose between losing weight or eating chocolate, would you like dark, white, or milk chocolate?
• And for those of us who are accustomed to things happening quickly in this fast-paced world, there’s this, “Two days into my diet, and I’m still not skinny. This is bullshit.”