Living: the ultimate team sport

Lighten up Mondays

Posted on January 2, 2017 Updated on January 7, 2017

New Year, new Monday logo.

I hope 2017 brings you much joy, and certainly lots of laughter. Many people resolve to lose weight and exercise more in the New Year. Let’s look at that, shall we?

• The advantage of exercising every day is that you die healthier.
• I have to exercise in the morning before my brain figures out what I’m doing.
• If you want to take up cross-country skiing, start with a small country.
• The trouble with jogging is that, by the time you realize you’re not in shape for it, it’s too far to walk back.
• I tried to exercise but the ice cubes kept falling out of my glass.
• A reason to smile: Every seven minutes of every day, someone in an aerobics class/spin class/Barre class pulls a hamstring.
• Doctor to patient: “What fits your busy schedule better, exercising one hour a day or being dead 24 hours a day?”
• I’ve exercised with women so thin that buzzards followed them to their cars.
• The word ‘aerobics’ came about when the gym instructors got together and said: If we’re going to charge $10 an hour, we can’t call it “Jumping Up and Down.”
• America has got to be the only country in the world where people need energy drinks to sit in front of a computer.
• I’m 99% sure no one would run marathons if they weren’t allowed to talk about running marathons.
• I forgot to post on Facebook that I was going to the gym, now this entire workout was a waste of time.
• After exercising I always eat a pizza … just kidding, I don’t exercise.
• Instead of the John, I call my bathroom, Jim. That way it sounds better when I tell friends I go to the Jim first thing every morning.