- People who file their taxes on the first day are the grown-up version of the kids who ask the teacher for extra homework in school.
- Worried about an IRS audit? Avoid what’s called a red flag. That’s something the IRS always looks for. For example, say you have some money left in your bank account after paying taxes. That’s a red flag. (Jay Leno)
- I’m not going to pay taxes. When they say I’m going to prison, I’ll say ‘No, Prisons cost taxpayers a lot of money. You keep what it would have cost to incarcerate me, and we’ll call it even.’ (Jimmy Kimmel)
- Why won’t sharks attack tax inspectors? Professional courtesy. (unknown)
- Children may be deductible, but they are still taxing. (unknown)
- Tax Day is the day that ordinary Americans send their money to Washington, D.C., and wealthy Americans send their money to the Cayman Islands. (Jimmy Kimmel)
- Death and Taxes: Of life’s two certainties taxes is the only one for which you can get an automatic extension.
- On my income tax Form 1040 it says “Check this box if you are blind.” I wanted to put a check mark about three inches away. (Tom Lehrer)