Lighten up Mondays

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landscape-536173_1280Many are returning to work after this past weekend’s Holiday festivities. Here are some one-liners to humor you through your return:

  1. When an employment application asks who is to be notified in case of emergency, I always write, “A very good doctor”.
  2. Nothing ruins a Friday more than an understanding that today is Tuesday.
  3. There is a new trend in our office; everyone is putting names on their food. I saw it today, while I was eating a sandwich named Clarence.
  4. My annual performance review says I lack “passion and intensity.” I guess management hasn’t seen me alone with a Big Mac.
  5. A clean desk is a sign of a cluttered desk drawer.
  6. The only thing worse than seeing something done wrong is seeing it done slowly.
  7. We have enough youth. How about a fountain of “Smart”?
  8. Worrying works! 90% of the things I worry about never happen.
  9. Keep the dream alive: hit the snooze button.
  10. If you can stay calm while all around you is chaos, then you probably haven’t completely understood the situation.
  11. I don’t mind coming to work, it’s the 8-hour wait to go home I can’t stand.
  12. Some of us learn from the mistakes of others; the rest of us have to be the others.
  13. Discretion is being able to raise your eyebrow instead of your voice.
  14. All I ask is a chance to prove money can’t make me happy.
  15. There are two kinds of people who don’t say much: those who are quiet and those who talk a lot.

See you next year everyone, with a new look for your Monday humor.

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2 thoughts on “Lighten up Mondays

    Jill Weatherholt said:
    December 26, 2016 at 2:08 pm

    Great list, Irene. Number eight is so true. Happy New Year to you and your family!

    Like

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