- When an employment application asks who is to be notified in case of emergency, I always write, “A very good doctor”.
- Nothing ruins a Friday more than an understanding that today is Tuesday.
- There is a new trend in our office; everyone is putting names on their food. I saw it today, while I was eating a sandwich named Clarence.
- My annual performance review says I lack “passion and intensity.” I guess management hasn’t seen me alone with a Big Mac.
- A clean desk is a sign of a cluttered desk drawer.
- The only thing worse than seeing something done wrong is seeing it done slowly.
- We have enough youth. How about a fountain of “Smart”?
- Worrying works! 90% of the things I worry about never happen.
- Keep the dream alive: hit the snooze button.
- If you can stay calm while all around you is chaos, then you probably haven’t completely understood the situation.
- I don’t mind coming to work, it’s the 8-hour wait to go home I can’t stand.
- Some of us learn from the mistakes of others; the rest of us have to be the others.
- Discretion is being able to raise your eyebrow instead of your voice.
- All I ask is a chance to prove money can’t make me happy.
- There are two kinds of people who don’t say much: those who are quiet and those who talk a lot.
See you next year everyone, with a new look for your Monday humor.