Living: the ultimate team sport

Lighten up Mondays

Posted on December 26, 2016 Updated on December 26, 2016

Many are returning to work after this past weekend’s Holiday festivities. Here are some one-liners to humor you through your return:

1. When an employment application asks who is to be notified in case of emergency, I always write, “A very good doctor”.
2. Nothing ruins a Friday more than an understanding that today is Tuesday.
3. There is a new trend in our office; everyone is putting names on their food. I saw it today, while I was eating a sandwich named Clarence.
4. My annual performance review says I lack “passion and intensity.” I guess management hasn’t seen me alone with a Big Mac.
5. A clean desk is a sign of a cluttered desk drawer.
6. The only thing worse than seeing something done wrong is seeing it done slowly.
7. We have enough youth. How about a fountain of “Smart”?
8. Worrying works! 90% of the things I worry about never happen.
9. Keep the dream alive: hit the snooze button.
10. If you can stay calm while all around you is chaos, then you probably haven’t completely understood the situation.
11. I don’t mind coming to work, it’s the 8-hour wait to go home I can’t stand.
12. Some of us learn from the mistakes of others; the rest of us have to be the others.
13. Discretion is being able to raise your eyebrow instead of your voice.
14. All I ask is a chance to prove money can’t make me happy.
15. There are two kinds of people who don’t say much: those who are quiet and those who talk a lot.

See you next year everyone, with a new look for your Monday humor.