Living: the ultimate team sport

Lighten up Mondays

Posted on December 5, 2016 Updated on November 30, 2016

Christmas and Hanukah are right around the corner. As such, there will be shopping to do. Whether you shop much or very little, I hope the following humor tickles your funny bone.

Fun things to do at a department store:

1. Set all the alarm clocks to go off at ten minute intervals throughout the day.
2. Tune all the radios to a polka station, turn them all off, and turn the volumes up to 10.
3. Try on bras over the top of your clothes.
4. Walk up to an employee and tell him in an official tone, “I think we’ve got a Code 3 in Housewares” and see what happens.
5. Walk up to complete strangers and say, “Hi! I haven’t seen you in so long!” See if they play along to avoid embarrassment.
6. Leave small sacrifices or gifts in the hands of the store mannequins.
7. As the cashier runs your purchases over the scanner, look mesmerized and say, “Wow, magic!”
8. Move “Caution: Wet Floor” signs onto carpeted areas.
9. Play with the calculators so that they all spell “hello” upside down.
10. Take up an entire aisle in Toys by setting up a full scale battlefield with GI Joes vs the X-Men.
11. While handling guns in the hunting department, suddenly ask the clerk if he knows where the anti-depressants are.
12. Dart around suspiciously while humming the theme from Mission Impossible.
13. When an announcement comes over the loudspeaker, assume the fetal position and scream, “No, no! It’s those voices again!”
14. Ask other customers if they have any Grey Poupon.
15. Relax in the patio furniture until you get kicked out.
16. Challenge other customers to duels with tubes of gift wrap.
17. Ride a display bicycle through the store; claim you’re taking it for a test drive.   and last and certainly least …
18. Grab boxes of condoms and randomly put them in peoples carts when they’re not looking.