Microsoft
Lighten up Mondays
Writing is no laughing matter – take it from me – but these jokes about writing had me doing just that:
There once was a young man who in his youth professed his desire to become a great writer. When asked to define great, he said, “I want to write stuff that the whole world will read, stuff people will react to on a truly emotional level, stuff that will make them scream, cry, howl in pain and anger!”
He now works for Microsoft, writing error messages.
*****
A visitor to a certain college paused to admire the hew Hemingway Hall that had been built on campus. “It’s a pleasure seeing a hall named after Ernest Hemingway,” he said.
“Actually,” said his guide, “It’s named for Joshua Hemingway, no relation.”
“Was Joshua Hemingway a writer, too?”
“Yes, indeed,” said the guide, “He wrote a check.”
*****
A writer died and was given the option of going to heaven or hell. She decided to check out each place first.
As she descended into the fiery pits, she saw rows and rows of writers chained to their desks in a sweatshop; the writers were repeatedly whipped with thorny lashes.
“Oh my,” said the writer, “Let me see heaven now.”
As she ascended into heaven she saw the exact same scene as was in hell: writers chained to their desks and being whipped by thorny lashes.
“This is just as bad as hell!”
“Oh, no, it’s not,” said an unseen voice, “Here your work gets published.”
Thursday in the News
This perp is an insult to the human race and to women everywhere:
Apparently this ex-Microsoft manager thinks we’re stupid.
A senior manager at Microsoft in Redmond was working late – not unusual I guess – but what was unusual was what transpired during his overtime.
He approached a 32-year old woman on the building’s cleaning crew and asked her to follow him to his office. This dedicated cleaning employee thought perhaps something needed to be cleaned in his office so she dragged her cleaning cart with her. Nope! He threw her to the ground and raped her; and as she lay on the ground in pain and shame, he walked out of the building to throw away the condom he used during the rape – gotta hide that evidence!
The first cleaning company manager she complained to following the rape (it’s 1 a.m. by this time) dismissed her allegations. I guess he didn’t want to miss any of his beauty sleep. The second manager with whom she spoke the next evening – a woman – did not, and she called 911.
The senior manager was fired by Microsoft, was arrested and had to surrender his passport. When he was arrested, the perp said that the cleaning woman forced him to have sex and that he was afraid of her but he left his office to go to his car to retrieve a condom because he felt he had no choice but to let her force him to have sex. (Gee – if he was so afraid, why didn’t he just get in his car and leave?) He said he should have been stronger but he was missing his wife who had been in India for the past few weeks.
Living: the ultimate team sport 