- To this day, the boy that used to bully me at school still takes my lunch money. On the plus side, he makes great Subway sandwiches.
- Going for a walk because I want to stay healthy. Taking along a box of M&M’s because let’s be honest here.
- I hope when I inevitably choke to death on gummy bears people just say I was killed by bears and leave it at that.
- Smoking will kill you… Bacon will kill you… But smoking bacon will cure it.
- Just burned 2,000 calories. That’s the last time I leave brownies in the oven while I nap.
- I eat my tacos over a Tortilla. That way when stuff falls out, BOOM, another taco.
- Up until I bought this bag of chips I thought the air was free.
- So far eating hasn’t filled the emptiness I feel inside, but I’m no quitter.