Living: the ultimate team sport

Lighten up Mondays

Posted on September 7, 2015 Updated on September 7, 2015

As I age, I realize:

1. I talk to myself because sometimes I need expert advice.
2. Sometimes I roll my eyes out loud.
3. I don’t need anger management, I need people to stop pissing me off.
4. My people skills are just fine, it’s my tolerance of idiots that needs work.
5. The biggest lie I tell myself is, “I don’t need to write that down, I’ll remember it later.”
6. When I was a child I thought nap time was punishment, now it’s like a mini vacation.
7. At my age, Getting Lucky means walking into a room and remembering what I came in there for.
8. Even duct tape can’t fix stupid, but it sure as hell can muffle the sound.
9. Wouldn’t it be great if we could put ourselves in the dryer for ten minutes, come out wrinkle-free, and three sizes smaller?
10. If God wanted me to touch my toes, he would’ve put them on my knees.
11. When the kids or grandkids text me “plz” which is shorter than “please”, I text back “no” because it’s shorter than “yes.”  And last but not least …
12. The day the world runs out of wine is just too terrible to think about.