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As I age, I realize:
- I talk to myself because sometimes I need expert advice.
- Sometimes I roll my eyes out loud.
- I don’t need anger management, I need people to stop pissing me off.
- My people skills are just fine, it’s my tolerance of idiots that needs work.
- The biggest lie I tell myself is, “I don’t need to write that down, I’ll remember it later.”
- When I was a child I thought nap time was punishment, now it’s like a mini vacation.
- At my age, Getting Lucky means walking into a room and remembering what I came in there for.
- Even duct tape can’t fix stupid, but it sure as hell can muffle the sound.
- Wouldn’t it be great if we could put ourselves in the dryer for ten minutes, come out wrinkle-free, and three sizes smaller?
- If God wanted me to touch my toes, he would’ve put them on my knees.
- When the kids or grandkids text me “plz” which is shorter than “please”, I text back “no” because it’s shorter than “yes.” And last but not least …
- The day the world runs out of wine is just too terrible to think about.