Husband tries to make his wife feel better: Susan was having a tough day and after returning home she started complaining. She said to her husband, “Nobody loves me…nobody cares for me…the whole world hates me!”
Her husband, watching TV, said casually, “That’s not true dear. You are not famous enough that the whole world would hate you. Some people don’t even know you.”
The most evil thing: “Cash, check or charge?” I asked after folding items the woman wished to purchase. As the woman fumbled for her wallet I noticed a TV remote control in her purse. “Do you always carry your remote with you?” I asked. “No,” she replied, “but my husband refused to come shopping with me so I figured this was the most evil thing I could do to him.”
The power of women: There were 11 people – ten men and one woman – hanging onto a rope that came down from a helicopter. They all decided that one person should get off because if they didn’t, the rope would break and everyone would die.
No one could decide who should go so finally, the woman gave a really touching speech saying how she would give up her life to save the others because women were used to giving up things for their spouses and children, giving in to men’s wishes, and not receiving anything in return.
When she finished speaking, all the men started clapping.
Male assertiveness: A mild-mannered man was tired of being bossed around by his wife so he went to a psychiatrist for help. The psychiatrist said he needed to build his self-esteem. He gave the man a book on assertiveness which the man read on the subway home.
The man stormed into the house and walked up to his wife. Pointing a finger at her he said, “From now on I want you to know that I am the man of this house and my word is law! I want you to prepare me a gourmet meal tonight, and when I’m finished eating it, I expect a sumptuous dessert afterward. Then you’re going to draw me a bath so I can relax. And when I’m finished with my bath, guess who’s going to dress me and comb my hair?”
“The funeral director?” responded his wife.