This entry is from the Washington Post, publishing the winning submissions to its yearly neologism contest, in which readers are asked to supply alternative meanings for common words. I provide a few of those for you today.
- Coffee (n): the person upon whom one coughs
- Flabbergasted (adj): appalled over how much weight you have gained
- Abdicate (v): to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach
- Esplanade (v): to attempt an explanation while drunk
- Willy-nilly (adj): impotent
- Negligent (adj): describes a condition in which you absentmindedly answer the door in your nightgown
- Lymp (v): to walk with a lisp
- Gargoyle (n): olive-flavored mouthwash
- Flatulence (n): emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run over by a steamroller
- Balderdash (n): a rapidly receding hairline
- Rectitude (n): the formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists during an exam
- Frisbeetarianism (n): the belief that, when you die, your soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there.