United States Election Day Humor.

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First joke of five:

The president receives the news that his government is divided between optimists and pessimists.

“Who are the optimists?” the president asks.

“They are those who believe that we will be eating grass by the end of the year,” says the advisor.

“And the pessimists?”

“They are those who think that there won’t be enough grass for everybody.”

Second joke of five:

Why does the capital have so many one-way streets?  So that all the civil servants coming in late won’t collide with those going home early.

Third joke of five:

Overheard at the Food and Drug Administration (FDA):  “If laughter is the best medicine, shouldn’t we be regulating it?”

Fourth joke of five:

Four friends met at a restaurant for lunch  For quite a while, no one said a word.  Finally the first man mumbled,

“Oh boy!”  To which the next one said,

“It’s awful.”  The third friend then muttered,

“What are ya gonna do?”

“Listen,” exclaimed the last friend, “if you guys don’t stop talking politics, I’m leaving!”

And finally:

A veteran congressman was asked what he had learned in the rough-and-tumble of the political arena.

“Well,” he said, “I found it wasn’t so much whether you won or lost, but how you placed the blame.”

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