Woe is me.
Woe is you.
Our lotto tickets failed to win.
So now it’s time for a joke or two.
Talented talking dog. An agent arranged an audition with a TV producer for his client, a talking dog that told jokes and sang songs. The amazed producer was about to sign a contract when suddenly a much larger dog burst into the room, grabbed the talking pooch by the neck and bounded back out.
“What happened?” demanded the producer. “That’s his mother,” said the agent. “She wanted him to be a doctor.”
Expensive cat exam. Mrs. Klapisch brought her cat to the veterinarian. The doctor had her hold the animal on the examining table as he touched and gently squeezed it. He then walked slowly around the table, all the while looking back and forth, back and forth. When he was done, he gave out some medication and presented Mrs. Klapisch with the bill.
“What?” she cried. “One hundred fifty dollars for two pills?” “Not just for pills,” said the vet. “I gave her a cat scan too.”
Literary dog. A man went to the movies and was surprised to find a woman with a big collie sitting in front of him. Even more amazing was the fact that the dog always laughed in the right places through the comedy.
“Excuse me,” the man said to the woman, “but I think it’s astounding that your dog enjoys the movie so much.” “I’m surprised myself, “she replied. “He hated the book.”
Randy cat. Kerry the tomcat was scampering all over the neighborhood – down alleys, up fire escapes, into cellars. A disturbed neighbor knocked on the owner’s door and said, “Your cat is rushing about like mad!”
“I know,” the man conceded. “Kerry’s just been neutered, and he’s running around canceling engagements.”