St. Peter’s gate
Lighten up Mondays.
A lawyer is standing at the gate to heaven, and St. Peter is listing the lawyer’s sins:
- Defending a large corporation in a pollution suit when he knew they were guilty;
- Defending an obviously guilty murderer because the fee was high;
- Overcharging many clients;
- Prosecuting an innocent woman because a scapegoat was needed in a controversial case … and so the list continued.
The lawyer objects and begins to argue his case. He admits all these things but argues, “Wait, I’ve done some charity in my life too.”
St. Peter looks in his book and says, “Yes, I see. Once you gave a dime to a panhandler and once you gave an extra nickel to the shoeshine boy, correct?”
The lawyer gets a smug look on his face and replies, “Yes.”
St. Peter turns to the angel next to him and says, “Give this guy fifteen cents and tell him to go to hell.”
Final vacation jokes: At St. Peter’s gate…
Three men died and went to heaven. Upon their arrival, St. Peter asked the first guy if he had been faithful to his wife. The man admitted to two affairs during his marriage. St. Peter told him that he could receive only a compact car to drive in heaven.
Then St. Peter asked the second man if he had been faithful to his wife, and the man admitted to one affair. St. Peter told him he would be given a midsize car to drive.
The third man was asked about his faithfulness, and he told St. Peter he had been true to his wife until the day he died. St. Peter praised him and gave him a luxury car to drive in heaven.
A week later, the three men were driving around, and they all stopped at a red light. The men in the compact and midsize car turned to see the man in the luxury car crying. They asked him what could possibly be the matter – after all, he was driving a luxury car!
“I just passed my wife,” he told them. “She was on a skateboard!”
Living: the ultimate team sport 