What would your loved one want?

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More frequently than I can tolerate, I have visited long-term care (LTC) facilities during Holiday celebrations: July 4th, Christmas, New Years Eve, etc., and I find residents in the dementia wing with accoutrements, e.g., July 4th hats, reindeer horns, festive party hats, that the resident with Alzheimer’s or other dementia would NEVER consider wearing if they had a choice.

My suggestion: before you allow anyone to adorn your parent, spouse, grandma/grandpa, aunt/uncle with a party adornment, ask yourself this question:

What would ______ want?

 Why do facility employees feel obligated to dress up their residents with what can only be described as hideous garments/accessories during Holiday seasons?  It’s demeaning.  It’s borderline abusive.  It’s just not right unless the resident himself has chosen to wear such accessories.

Becoming a clown does not equate to living a dignified existence.

My father, on the right, with his brother. My dad was in the Canadian artillery during World War II.

Prior to living in long-term care facilities, these senior citizens lead distinguished lives, fought in wars, managed households and families, and most likely survived tough financial times.  These men and women just happen to be older now, but no less important; no less dignified. In one of my earlier articles, Be an advocate for your aging loved one, I stated, “If your loved one no longer has a voice in which to defend or advocate for herself, who better to do so than you?”  Chances are in these costumed situations during the Holidays, your loved one doesn’t even see themselves in a mirror, and if they do see themselves, the image they’re seeing may not be comprehensible to them.  Would they want to look like a child wearing a season-appropriate party hat?  Would they have worn that hat in public prior to the advancement of dementia?

This brings to mind another article, Senior citizens are NOT children!  In that article, I broached the topic of talking down to Senior Citizens by using cutesy names: caregivers do it, customer service employees do it, DON’T YOU DO IT!  We have to get out of the mindset that our older population is somehow less worthy of respect simply because of their advancing age.  If anything, the opposite should be occurring.  All of us should honor the lives that were – and the lives that still remain.  This station in life, these circumstances, are not who they are.  They are simply where they are right now.  Use the memories that you retain of your loved one to promote the true person they are.  Don’t let others – caregivers or well-meaning friends – define your parent/spouse/family member.  It is my firm belief that regardless of the severity of a person’s Alzheimer’s or other dementia, the essence of the person remains in tact.   Make it your responsibility to enhance other people’s understanding of your loved one by correctly defining their true essence.

Dignity and quality of life are a right, not a privilege.

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