A mixed bag of jokes while on vacation: No.1

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In a panic, a traveler called down to the hotel’s front desk soon after checking in.

“Help!” he yelled.  “I’m trapped inside my room!”

“What do you mean, trapped?”

“Well, I see three doors,” the man explained.  “The first opens to a closet, and the second to a bathroom.  And the third door has a ‘Do Not Disturb’ sign hanging on it.”

What’s a person to do when their common sense has taken a hike?

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A mixed bag of jokes while on vacation: No.2

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With Valentines Day approaching, I can’t resist this one:

A gentleman entered a busy florist shop that displayed a large sign that read:

SAY IT WITH FLOWERS!

“Wrap up one rose,” he told the florist.
“Only one?” the florist asked.

“Just one,” the customer replied.  “I’m a man of few words.”

A mixed bag of jokes while on vacation: No. 3 and 4

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A business woman is sitting at a bar.

A man approaches her.

“Hi honey,” he says.  “Want a little company?”

“Why?” asks the woman.  “Do you have one for sale?”

Question:  What’s the difference between ignorance and apathy?

Answer:  I don’t know, and I don’t care.

A mixed bag of jokes while on vacation: No. 5

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At a party the hostess served a guest a cup of punch and told him it was spiked.  Next, she served some to a minister.

“I would rather commit adultery than allow liquor to pass my lips!” he shouted.

Hearing this, the first man poured his punch back into the bowl and said, “I didn’t know we had a choice!”

Come on, you KNOW you want to laugh.  It’s o.k.  It’s just a joke.

Techie Jokes for your weekend

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There’s a new telephone service that lets you test your IQ over the phone.

It costs $3.95 a minute.  If you make the call at all, you’re a moron.

If you’re holding on the line for three minutes, you’re a complete idiot.

Guilty as charged.

Another techie joke

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Did you hear about the high-tech ventriloquist?

He can throw his voice mail.

One more techie joke for the weekend

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Two executives in expensive suits stopped off at a small country bar.  As the bartender served them, he heard a muffled “beep! beep!” sound and watched as one of the men calmly removed a pen from his inside coat pocket and began carrying on a conversation.  When he was done talking, the exec noticed the bartender and the other customers giving him puzzled looks.  “I was just answering a call on my state-of-the-art cellular pen,” he explained.

A short while later, another odd tone was heard.  This time the second executive picked up his fancy hat, fiddled with the lining and started talking into it.  After a few moments he put the hat back on the bar.  “That was just a call on my state-of-the-art cellular hat,” he said matter-of-factly.

A few stools down, one of the locals suddenly let out a loud burp.  “Quick!” he exclaimed.  “Anybody got a piece of paper?  I have a fax comin’ in!”