Three men died and went to heaven. Upon their arrival, St. Peter asked the first guy if he had been faithful to his wife. The man admitted to two affairs during his marriage. St. Peter told him that he could receive only a compact car to drive in heaven.
Then St. Peter asked the second man if he had been faithful to his wife, and the man admitted to one affair. St. Peter told him he would be given a midsize car to drive.
The third man was asked about his faithfulness, and he told St. Peter he had been true to his wife until the day he died. St. Peter praised him and gave him a luxury car to drive in heaven.
A week later, the three men were driving around, and they all stopped at a red light. The men in the compact and midsize car turned to see the man in the luxury car crying. They asked him what could possibly be the matter – after all, he was driving a luxury car!
“I just passed my wife,” he told them. “She was on a skateboard!”
In a panic, a traveler called down to the hotel’s front desk soon after checking in.
“Help!” he yelled. “I’m trapped inside my room!”
“What do you mean, trapped?”
“Well, I see three doors,” the man explained. “The first opens to a closet, and the second to a bathroom. And the third door has a ‘Do Not Disturb’ sign hanging on it.”
What’s a person to do when their common sense has taken a hike?
With Valentines Day approaching, I can’t resist this one:
A gentleman entered a busy florist shop that displayed a large sign that read:
SAY IT WITH FLOWERS!
“Wrap up one rose,” he told the florist.
“Only one?” the florist asked.
“Just one,” the customer replied. “I’m a man of few words.”
A business woman is sitting at a bar.
A man approaches her.
“Hi honey,” he says. “Want a little company?”
“Why?” asks the woman. “Do you have one for sale?”
Question: What’s the difference between ignorance and apathy?
Answer: I don’t know, and I don’t care.
At a party the hostess served a guest a cup of punch and told him it was spiked. Next, she served some to a minister.
“I would rather commit adultery than allow liquor to pass my lips!” he shouted.
Hearing this, the first man poured his punch back into the bowl and said, “I didn’t know we had a choice!”
Come on, you KNOW you want to laugh. It’s o.k. It’s just a joke.
There’s a new telephone service that lets you test your IQ over the phone.
It costs $3.95 a minute. If you make the call at all, you’re a moron.
If you’re holding on the line for three minutes, you’re a complete idiot.
Guilty as charged.
Did you hear about the high-tech ventriloquist?
He can throw his voice mail.