Fun and Games
A doctor is talking to his patient one day and he says, “I have some bad news and some terrible news.”
The patient asks, “What’s the bad news?” and the doctor says, “You only have 24 hours to live.”
The patient says, “Oh no! What news could possibly be worse than that?”
And the doctor says, “I’ve been trying to contact you since yesterday.”
These guys rob a bank wearing gorilla masks. As they’re getting away, a customer pulls off one of the robber’s masks to see what he looks like.
The bank robber says, “Now that you’ve seen me, you have to die,” and he shoots the man dead.
The robber looks around the room. Everyone is looking away or covering their eyes. “Did anyone else see my face!?”
An Irishman in the corner slowly raises his hand. “You saw my face!?” “No, but I think my wife might have got a wee peek.”
Three sisters, ages 92, 94, and 96 lived together in a large, rambling house in Asheville, North Carolina.
One night, the 96-year-old was drawing a bath. She put her foot in and paused. She shouted to her two sisters, “Was I getting in or out of the bath?
The 94-year-old yelled back, “I don’t know. I’ll come up and see.”
She started up the stairs and paused, “Was I going up the stairs or down?”
The 92-year-old was sitting at the kitchen table, having tea and listening to her sisters. She shook her head and said, “I sure hope I never get that forgetful, knock on wood…”
She then shouted, “I’ll come up and help both of you as soon as I see who’s at the door.”