Tag Archives: Baby boomer

Bullying: now versus then.

Posted on March 17, 2013 | 4 Comments

In January of this year, I provided a workshop for middle school students (8 to 12 years old) during their school’s annual Health Fair.  Given my predisposition to focus on the older population during my career, I was asked to bring forth a topic that might resonate with, and educate, the children who attended my workshops; something about old people, a topic about which they supposedly knew very little.

The title of my workshop was Your Grandparents are Cooler than you Think.  My goal was to bridge the gap that exists between those aged sixty years and older, with the younger-aged set.  My sophisticated, yet relatable, PowerPoint presentation offered many comparison and contrast examples that tended to disprove that any gap exists between such disparate groups.  (That was my goal.)  One can’t deny that some obvious differences exist, but the similarities with subject matters that really count are quite revealing.  First, I offer you a quote from the Atlantic Journal, challenging you to guess when this particular entry was published.  I read this same quote to the middle school students.

The world is too big for us.  Too much is going on.  Too many crimes.  Too much violence and excitement.  Try as you will, you get behind in the race in spite of yourself.  It’s a constant strain to keep peace  …  and still, you lose ground.

Science empties its discoveries on you so fast that you stagger beneath them in hopeless bewilderment.  The political world now changes so rapidly, you’re out of breath trying to keep pace with who’s in and who’s out.

Everything is high pressure.  Human nature can’t endure much more!

If you guessed that the above quote was ripped from today’s headlines – or thereabouts – you are incorrect.  These vital words were written 180 years ago, published on June 16, 1833.  The common sentiments of that time seem almost indistinguishable from what is in the minds of people today.  Amazing.  I guess we’re not much different from the people living in 1833.

English: this is my own version of what bullyi...

(Photo credit: Wikipedia)

One of the topics these middle schoolers and I discussed was Bullying.  The students were divided into eight groups of five each and asked to discuss the similarities, if any, of this globally prevalent problem.  Their insights were astounding.  Here is my paraphrase of some of their comments:

I think bullying in the olden days was more physical, whereas today, it’s psychological in nature.

Bullying a long time ago was limited to one-on-one interaction.  Today, if just one person is bullied, that act is broadcast to thousands just by the push of an “enter” key on ones computer.

I think there is little difference between bullying now, versus then.  You see, the motivation is the same; the intent to make someone else feel small; to exert ones power over another.  It doesn’t matter what that looks like or when it took place, the motivation remains the same.

I was humbled by these students, but I should not have been surprised by their astute thinking processes.  Perhaps the person who learned the most during my workshop was the presenter.  I thought I needed to convince them of how similar their elders are to them.  I guess the joke was on me.

The inspiration to write this article can be attributed to the driver behind me on my way home from the store today who bullied me by riding my bumper the entire way home.  My going the speed limit must have been quite an affront to her sensibilities.  (I couldn’t pull over to the side of the road but she had plenty of opportunities to pass me – evidently choosing not to do so.)  At almost sixty years of age, I felt threatened, powerless, and humiliated.

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Posted in Community outreach, Family issues, Health & Wellness, Personal Struggles, Quality of Life

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President Obama Says the “A” Word: Alzheimer’s

Posted on February 15, 2013 | 1 Comment

President Obama Says the “A” Word: Alzheimer’s.

Lest you think that Alzheimer’s has nothing to do with you, look at the following statistics provided by the Alzheimer’s Association:

  • By the year 2050, nearly one million new cases will be diagnosed each year – that’s one American developing Alzheimer’s every 33 seconds.  Taken further, that most likely equates to nearly one and a half million new family caregivers each year – considering that at least one family member will be involved in managing a loved one’s care;
  • Ten million Baby Boomers will get Alzheimer’s;
  • On average, 40% of a person’s years with Alzheimer’s are spent in the most severe stage of the disease;
  • The number of Americans that die each year from Alzheimer’s disease has risen 66% since the year 2000;
  • Alzheimer’s is the sixth-leading cause of death in the United States;
  • Today, there are no Alzheimer’s survivors – none.

Please take time to read the article I’ve attached above and consider the following: We are going to pay for Alzheimer’s one way or the other – now, or later.

This is a disease that will affect you, your children, your grandchildren, great-grandchildren, and beyond.  Burying our heads in the sand won’t solve anything.  Please consider donating to the Alzheimer’s Association as well as contacting your state’s congressional leaders asking for greater federal funding for Alzheimer’s research.  Why?  Because of this staggering statistic:

According to the National Institute of Health, the federal government currently spends much less money on Alzheimer’s research, prevention, and cure than on other conditions such as cancer, heart disease, and HIV.

  • $6 billion for cancer;
  • $4 billion for heart disease;
  • $3 billion for HIV/AIDS; but just
  • $480 million for Alzheimer’s disease.

I’m not comfortable with those numbers – are you?

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Posted in 21st Century Living, Alzheimer's/Dementia, Caregiving, Community outreach, Family issues, Finances, Health & Wellness, Personal Struggles, Quality of Life, Retirement

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The world as we know it – the good, the bad, the ugly.

Posted on February 3, 2013 | Leave a comment

In a recent NY Times post, Catherine Rampell writes about how the economy is affecting Baby Boomers; more specifically that it’s not just a matter of postponing retirement, it’s the need to hold down more than one job to meet the daily – and future – essentials of their lives.  Ms. Rampell is quick to point out, however, “(I)n the current listless economy, every generation has a claim to have been most injured.”  Certainly that seems to be the case as I have heard that Generation X and the Millennials have complained that Baby Boomers are to blame for the state of the economy – present and future.

English: Crowd gathering on Wall Street after ...

Crowd gathering on Wall Street after the stock market crash of October 1929. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Of this I am certain – each generation before us, and every generation after us, will contribute positively and negatively to the world as we know it.  I have to believe that every generation has pointed their fingers at generations other than theirs, and talked about the good, the bad, and the ugly that permeates their times.  Let’s look at those generations as posted on CNN, American Generations Through the Years: (figures and personalities provided by the Pew Research Center and CNN)

G.I./Greatest Generation: Pre-1928; Kate Hepburn and George H. W. Bush

Silent Generation: 1925 – 1945; Martin Luther King, Jr. and Tina Turner

Baby Boomers: 1946 – 1964; Oprah Winfrey and Michael Jordan

Generation X: 1965-1980; Jay-Z and Tiger Woods

Millennials: Post 1980; Christina Aguilera and Mark Zuckerberg

We’re all struggling in some way, and we’ll continue to struggle as we mimic the overall consensus felt through all generations.  There are carefree times, and then there are all the rest of our days, and we get through them, because we must.  We’re better for it, but it doesn’t feel like that while we’re going through it.  I have to look to Brendan Marrocco, a twenty-six year old Iraq war veteran who lost all his limbs because of a roadside bomb in 2009.  In an Associated Press story, in the Seattle Times, Brendan said he could get by without his legs, but he didn’t like living without arms.  “Not having arms takes so much away from you.  Even your personality  …  You talk with your hands.  You do everything with your hands, and when you don’t have that, you’re kind of lost for a while.”

The end of January 2013, six weeks after getting a double arm transplant, Brendan said the following at a coming-out press conference about how he’s made it thus far:

Just not to give up hope.  You know, life always gets better, and you’re still alive.  And be stubborn.  There’s a lot of people who will say you can’t do something.  Just be stubborn and do it anyway.

Sobering words, and ones that force us to reassess our current situations.  I’m not trying to minimize what you might be going through, nor of what’s going on in my life.  It’s just that I personally can’t help but focus on Brendan’s plight and then consciously turn my eyes away from my me-ness, and towards other-people-ness.  Is Brendan worse off as a Millennial who lost so much but gained a huge dose of intestinal fortitude, defined as strength of character; perseverance?  If it were me, I would be wallowing in a very deep pit of self-pity.  That doesn’t seem to be Brendan’s current location.

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Posted in 21st Century Living, Community outreach, Family issues, Finances, Health & Wellness, Personal Struggles, Quality of Life, Retirement

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Your Grandparents are Cooler than you Think.

Posted on December 26, 2012 | 2 Comments

I have been asked to hold workshops at two different Middle School/Junior High Schools in the next few weeks in an attempt to show that the gap between us Baby Boomers and the pre-teen/young teen population isn’t as big as one might think.

English: A grandfather teaching his little gra...

Photo by KF. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

The age group of this audience is not one with which I have ever worked but I absolutely love stretching my skill set so I’m very excited to take on this task.  I hope to deliver a workshop that engages the younger age group and leaves them with the tools needed to be more comfortable connecting with people in older age groups.

Description of the workshop, submitted to the schools: There is so much to be shared between generations, but we often miss out because we feel as though we speak different languages – and sometimes we do.  For example, when you say that something’s “filthy,” your grandparents might have said it was “boss.”  Believe it or not, your grandparents, and your great grandparents, were your age once so you do have that in common, and while it’s true that there is a lot to learn from older generations, they can learn a lot from you, too.

That’s where you come in.  We all know that there are obvious differences between the two generations, given the advancement of technology and the like, but I think a closer look at those differences brings about the realization that many similarities exist but they are just dressed differently.

I covet your input so please feel free to leave some suggestions and/or comments below.

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Posted in 21st Century Living, Community outreach, Family issues, Health & Wellness, Personal Struggles, Quality of Life, Retirement

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New roommate paradigm: adult children & their parents.

Posted on November 14, 2012 | 2 Comments

Historically, it’s the adult children who move back into the parents’ home, oftentimes because of financial issues.  Apparently that is no longer the sole definition of multi-generational living.

In a USA Today article, Who’s moving in? Adult kids, aging parents, Haya El Nasser writes, “(A)bout one in seven say they already have a ‘boomerang kid’ – an adult child who moves back home – or elderly parent living under their roof.”

This brings about two unexpected events:

  • The parents who enjoyed their empty nest and started to reestablish themselves as a couple, instead of just as parents, suddenly have an adult living with them who just happens to be the kid they gave birth to 30 years ago; or
  • The adult child who strove to establish his home with his spouse and their 2.5 kids suddenly have a parent living with them requiring just as much attention, if not more, than the young children they themselves brought into this world.

The USA Today article above focuses on a rising trend towards families deciding to purchase larger homes than they would have previously considered with the anticipation that it would be more economical to have other adult family members living in – and contributing to – the same household.  Talk about a paradigm shift!  Stephen Melman, director of economic services at the National Association of Home Builders says, “I remember when I was in college, no one wanted to be near their parents.”  That thought certainly resonates with me.  When I was single in my 20s and early 30s there was no such luxury of renting a place on my own and living-at-home was definitely not an option.  At one time I had two roommates so all three of us shared the same bathroom, kitchen and common living space.  Inconvenient and not as private as we would have liked?  Certainly – but the only way to afford housing and have the ability to put away money for our future was to split costs with other like-minded adults.

A Pew Research report earlier this year showed that “the share of Americans living in multi-generational households is at its highest since the 1950s.”  OMG!  As a Baby Boomer who was born in 1953, I just have to repeat, “OMG!!!!!”

My focus today is on the caregiving issue – that adult children and/or Baby Boomers find themselves with the added responsibility as caregiver to a loved one.  In my article Start your retirement – start your job as a family caregiver I address the caregiving aspect of Baby Boomer retirement which sometimes evolves into multi-generational living.  Our quality of life definition tends to change as family caregiving is added to our lives.  But it’s a fact of life for many of us and one that very few can escape.  But herein lies the problem…

Most of us aren’t prepared for that eventuality.  Those of us who are counting the days until retirement kid ourselves into believing that caregiving happens to others, not to us.  And our adult children find it difficult to wrap their minds around that type of living scenario whilst in the midst of their hectic career development and ever-changing family dynamics.

So what happens?  We find ourselves in an emergent situation that requires immediate action that may not be well-thought out because we don’t have the time to make a well-informed decision.  We all know that the worse time to make a life-changing decision is in an emergency.  There is a wealth of information available at our fingertips – the worldwide web is replete with helpful resources.  Even this website has many articles written on the subject.  As you browse through this website’s categories, be sure to enter a search term in the “Search My Site” box located at the right-hand side of each content page.

I’m not suggesting that you finalize plans that might not be implemented until many years down the road – or at all.  What I am suggesting, however, is that we all become aware that a) these issues exist and could very well happen in our own lives; and b) we’re going to do what we can now to make wise decisions later.

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Posted in 21st Century Living, Caregiving, Community outreach, Family issues, Health & Wellness, Personal Struggles, Quality of Life, Retirement, Senior Housing

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Bette Midler Discusses Her Life Lessons – AARP

Posted on October 9, 2012 | Leave a comment

Bette Midler Discusses Her Life Lessons – AARP.

You know you’re a Baby Boomer if you:

a) know who Bette Midler is; and

b) know that she is affectionately called “The Divine Miss M.”

It’s comforting to know that us normal Baby Boomers aren’t the only ones getting older.  Even world-renowned actors and singers fall victim to the passage of time.  Ms. Midler turns 67-years old on December 1, 2012, and I have to say that she looks fabulous in the October/November 2012 issue of AARP Magazine!  Let me provide some additional Baby Boomers that should ring a bell with you:

  • Tom Cruise 50-years old;
  • Madonna 54-years old;
  • Jay Leno 62-years old;
  • Meryl Streep 63-years old;
  • Cher 66-years old; and
  • Dustin Hoffman  and Warren Beatty 75-years old.

In the article linked above, Ms. Midler mentions that she came to the realization that, “Life is not your  personal express lane…It doesn’t all have to be about me!”  She also talks about dreams, destiny and deciding what matters.  I like that last point – deciding what matters – because oftentimes I find myself sweating the small stuff and you know what they say, “it’s all small stuff.”

Enjoy!!!

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Posted in 21st Century Living, Personal Struggles, Quality of Life, Retirement

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Baby Boomers’ Greatest Fear: Loss of Independence.

Posted on September 2, 2012 | 2 Comments

A full-page newspaper ad for hearing aids, walkers, and safe bathtubs drew my attention the other morning:

“Seniors fear loss of independence more than death.”

My husband & I, still youngsters in our mid to late 50′s.

I agree with that catch phrase, even though the final act of death brings its own fear level centered around how it will occur or whether or not it will be painful.  But the loss of independence creates greater fear in me because of what it could mean:

  • perhaps having to move out of my private residence;
  • having my car keys taken away from me and being reliant on others for all of my transportation needs;
  • being told what to wear, what and when to eat, and when to go to bed;
  • not being able to bathe privately; reliant on someone else to make sure I get the job done right;
  • speaking of which, needing assistance on the toilet OR having an alternate means of evacuating my bowels – ugh!;
  • you name it – anything for which I am reliant, dependent, or beholden to someone else, scares me half to – well – death!

But maybe that’s just me.  Maybe I’m super sensitive to this issue because of my work with vulnerable adults in long-term care facilities.  So I asked friends, family, and others with whom I’m acquainted what stands out as their greatest fear in their Baby Boomer years.  Here is a summary of numerous responses to my query:

  • loss of independence which oftentimes involves chronic illness and/or dementia that drains the household finances;
  • loss of independence resultant from dementia as it seems to be  prevalent in so many families;
  • loss of independence thereby putting the burden of care on my spouse;
  • loss of mobility;
  • flatulence!

I couldn’t resist listing the last response because it made me laugh while contemplating a subject matter that brings little humor to the table.

While taking a walk with a neighbor the other day, he concurred with the above, also adding that if a person had unlimited finances, loss of independence wouldn’t hurt as much: use of your own private driver, 24/7 caregiving in your own home, the best Chef money could buy so you’re not relegated to institutional “cuisine.”  But you know, I’m not so sure that being able to afford all of the above would make me feel less dependent upon others than if I had a standard of living like most everyone else.  Sure, the amenities are better, but the underlying cause for needing those amenities remains the same – the inability to do things for myself.

Now that we’ve all agreed that living an independent life is very precious to us – I know we understand more clearly why our parents or other loved ones fought the aging process every step of the way.  I thought I was very empathetic to my father when he had to surrender his car keys.  But now that I’m a wee bit older than I was at that time, I’m thinking I had no inkling of what my father went through as little by little he lost the independence he had enjoyed for eighty-some years.

But how can we prepare so as to avoid a complete loss of independence?

Well, if you find the magic formula, please let us all know.  As for me and my household, I’m concentrating on the here and now in preparation for the future.  Here’s my contribution:

  • Exercise like your life depends upon it – because it does.  That doesn’t equate to running marathons or riding the Tour de France, rather, it’s participating in a variety of exercise options to which you know you can commit.  What works for you – not what everyone else is doing.
  • Enjoy the food you eat but don’t be addicted to it.  My husband and I have dessert every night and we use butter instead of margarine when we cook.  Those are luxuries that we decided to enjoy while making sure that the rest of our diet is balanced and more healthy than not.
  • Speaking of balanced, we love our wine, so nightly, we enjoy a glass during those post-workday (and post-exercise) moments while we catch up on our respective days.  Oh, and we also enjoy another glass as it goes so wonderfully with dinner, don’t you think?
  • Use your brain in ways that you don’t use it while at work.  There’s still no fool-proof method of preventing Alzheimer’s or other dementia, but you’ll feel better about yourself if you continue to challenge what you know – and what you don’t know.
  • Seek peace amongst the chaos.  In my article, Where do you find peace?, I explore both how to find peace, and how to keep that peace from slipping away.  Rather than repeat what I previously said, I hope you’ll find time to read my “peaceful” article.

Now it’s your turn.  What are you doing to avoid what many of us fear the most?  I know many Baby Boomers would benefit from hearing what you have to say.  We’re all in this together – regardless of how far from each other we live – so let’s work together towards attaining the goal of remaining independent as long as we possibly can.

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Posted in 21st Century Living, Alzheimer's/Dementia, Caregiving, Family issues, Health & Wellness, Personal Struggles, Quality of Life, Retirement

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Baby Boomer gray divorce – I’m just not gonna take it anymore!

Posted on July 6, 2012 | Leave a comment

Kind of like the movie “Network” in the iconic scene where the actor Peter Finch, as Howard Beale, says, “I’m as mad as hell and I’m not gonna take this any more!”

Gavel (PSF)

(Photo credit: Wikipedia)

What is often left out from that quote is the statement made just prior, “I’m a human being.  My life has value.”  I think some spouses in their 50′s through their 80′s decide that after decades of a somewhat dissatisfying, or perhaps an abusive, marriage they realize that they have a whole lifetime ahead of them and decide that they deserve better.  In an article from the AARP June 2012 Bulletin, one of the reasons for a late-in-life divorce centers around the fact that longer lives mean more years with an incompatible spouse.   And even though the overall divorce rate in the United States has decreased since 1990, it has doubled for those over age 50.

Jay Lebow, a psychologist at the Family Institute at Northwestern University says, “If late-life divorce were a disease, it would be an epidemic.”

Wow!!!!  I had no idea! I’m fortunate in that my second marriage at the age of 47 is still one in which I am very happy now twelve years later.   There are those, however, with whom I am acquainted who stick to the dictum of “in sickness and in health, until death do us part” even through an abusive relationship (verbal, physical or otherwise)  and, because they’ve been in it for the long haul, e.g., 30 plus years, they feel that they have no choice but to stay.

Why do those with abusive spouses – both male and female – cling to their marriage?

As I mentioned above – one reason is certainly the commitment to vows that were made at the height of a romantic relationship.  And there are other reasons.  An excellent therapist with whom I am acquainted who leads support groups for the abused told me that over the years, as abuse has prevailed in the household, the one being abused adjusts to each added level or intensity of abuse and becomes acclimated to each added degree.  Added to this unwarranted commitment to their abusive spouse, they fear the unknown, even though it may bring about an abuse-free life.   And without the help of good friends and powerful resources, a spouse in an abusive relationship may not have the tools that will give them sufficient confidence to make a decision that will benefit them the remainder of their life.

Divorcing later in life can often result in less time to recover financially, recoup losses, retire debt, and ride the ups and downs of the economy.

Some Baby Boomers out there have relished the security that their spouse or significant other has provided them in the form of financial stability.  They’re thinking that perhaps it’s worth putting up with this person with whom I am incompatible to guarantee a comfortable enough life until one of us dies.  Well – certainly that is a factor – but I personally believe that an individual’s life contains far more value than any bank account can provide.  If someone is feeling devalued in their relationship, they have short-changed the remainder of their life.  And if someone truly craves, absolutely longs for greater self-worth, nothing will stop them from satisfying that need.  I guess you have to look at the options and determine if you’re willing to go with it:

living in a mortgage-free home without financial concerns with someone who tears you down, or renting a one-bedroom apartment with thrift store furnishings, that frees you from a relationship that has prevented you from being your true, and valued self.

But who will take care of me in my old age?

A 2009 National Alliance for Caregiving/AARP survey found that 66% of caregivers were female, with women providing on average 22 hours per week vs. 17 hours for males.  In a divorce situation, “older men may make out better financially than women, but they don’t fare so well at finding someone to take care of them when they’re older.  They often don’t have alternative care networks the way women do,” says Andrew Cherlin, a sociologist at Johns Hopkins University.  When asked who they will turn to when they’re older, single men often cite paid help – a pricey and somewhat difficult option to find.  Some older divorced people have children or other family members who can assume the caregiving role, but not everyone does.

Gray divorce is occurring and there are certainly many factors to consider.  I guess I’m of the belief that a bad marriage is not better than living alone.  Whether you’re a Baby Boomer – or of any other generational group – only you can decide what you’re willing to sacrifice in order to obtain your sense of personal value.  As far as I know, we’ve only been given this one life. This is not a dress rehearsal and there are no do-overs. 

Your thoughts?

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Posted in 21st Century Living, Caregiving, Community outreach, Elder Fraud & Abuse, Family issues, Finances, Health & Wellness, Personal Struggles, Retirement, Senior Housing

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Baby Boomer Nostalgia – vanishing fixtures in our lives.

Posted on June 29, 2012 | Leave a comment

The June AARP Bulletin had a brief piece on the fixtures of our every day life that either have already gone by the wayside or will do so in our lifetimes.

How many of you still have the following items as functioning items in your household or in your day-to-day living?

Answering Machine: a machine that records phone messages either on tape or digitally that is NOT a voice mail service with your home phone.

Home phones: many younger than Baby Boomer age are dispensing with their home phones and relying 100% on their cell phones.  In most households that equates to at least two telephone numbers per household.  I know it works for all of our adult children, but we’re still holding onto our land line – along with our cell phones of course.

Phone books: the internet and  Smart Phones, have taken the place of this yellow book for the most part.  I was in my car dealership getting my oil changed the other day and a customer walked up to the receptionist and asked her, “Do you have a phone book?”  The look on her face summarized it all for me; it seemed to say: “Is this guy for real?!!!”

Printed encyclopedias.  Research now-a-days can be done on-line (computer, tablet, phone) and, quite frankly, is far more accurate and up-to-date than volumes of books whose content is so very limited.

Rolodex.  Every e-mail program has a Contacts function with ease of updating being a real bonus.  I remember holding onto my Rolodex at work, even though I had also put info into my computer’s Contacts file, just in case I needed it.  I dumped the Rolodex a couple months later.

English: 3" floppy disks, as used by Amst...

3″ floppy disks (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Floppy discs & drives.  Most people under 21 don’t know what this storage device is.  Confession: when cleaning out my home office the other day I got rid of an unused box of those antiquated and limited storage items.

Film!!!!!  Again, cleaning out my home office I found a roll of unopened Kodak 35mm film.   I didn’t throw it away, however, because THAT is a collector’s item!

Analog clocks.  All of my decorative clocks in my house contain numbers that go around a square or round face – you remember those don’t you?  Many children now-a-days are only accustomed to the digital clock and can’t tell time without it.

Stationary & note cards.  For me this is the most grievous vanishing fixture in my life.  I will NOT stop sending letters and cards by snail mail – unless of course the postal service vanishes before I’m six feet under.

A white toilet paper roll

A white toilet paper roll (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Toilet paper – WHAT!!!!!  AARP reports that eventually, toilet paper will be replaced by toilet-seat bidets that will wash and dry at the touch of a button.  Please say it isn’t so!!!!!  Maybe they figure the wash & dry could add an additional benefit that would make us smile?  I still don’t like the idea.

How many of you are now using items that you swore you’d never allow into your household just a decade ago?  And what are you holding on to?

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Raise the retirement age and cure boredom?

Posted on June 9, 2012 | 6 Comments

In an earlier article, “Retirement planning – its not what you think,” I talked about the planning required to have a quality of life after retiring from one’s job that relies on spending your time in a way that pleases you, and benefits others.

My closest friend, Sophia (not her real name), is in her 80th year of life and for the seven years that I’ve known her, Sophia has struggled with boredom, but not just boredom per se.  Sophia wants to matter; she wants to make a difference; she wants to contribute to the world around her.  In a recent e-mail to me, Sophia said:

“There are too many active Seniors roaming around the coffee shops and Malls wondering what to do next.  Even my friend Walter, at age 97, felt a sense of accomplishment yesterday when he washed all the bed linens and remade the queen bed – this done using his walker, back and forth.”

English: Golfer teeing off

(Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Sophia epitomizes the bored retiree that I discuss in my article, “Voices of the bored retirees.”  We often think that when we retire we’ll be satisfied with being able to golf whenever we want; sleep in as long as we want; work in the garden whenever we like, and read all the books we’ve stacked up, but not had the time, to read.  My father was one of those retirees who longed for the opportunity to be on the golf course as often as he wanted.  A month post-retirement, he was bored with it all.

Another quote from my friend Sophia: “I really believe that much that we call Alzheimer’s is just a simple lack of interest in remembering what no longer matters.  There is definitely a veiled space that occurs now and then when it is either too painful to remember, or not worth it to try.  This, in addition to physical pain and boredom, can reach a kind of black hole.”

I know my friend very well, so I know that she doesn’t support that type of Alzheimer’s reasoning, but what she said really resonated with me.  Too often we focus too much on what doesn’t matter, and far too little on what can matter greatly in our remaining years.  Gerontologist S. Barkin believes that we have a responsibility to actively walk through our retirement (or Baby Boomer) years:

“What do we want to do for the remaining time in our life?  We all should be mining our experiences and the wisdom therein to help with our present, and our future paths.”

Most of us, even when we’re enjoying the relaxation we so richly deserve in our retirement, truly strive to create a new purpose for our life.  We want a reason to get up in the morning.  We strive to contribute to the community around us.

Does the retirement age need to be raised in order for that to occur?  Or can we be just as effective, and less bored, by cultivating a lasting purpose after we’ve entered the long sought-after retirement phase of our lives?

O.K. BABY BOOMERS OUT THERE:

  • What’s your plan?
  • What’s working – or not working – for you?
  • What’s your cure for boredom?

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Posted in 21st Century Living, Alzheimer's/Dementia, Community outreach, Health & Wellness, Personal Struggles, Retirement

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Medications: harbinger of cognitive decline?

Posted on May 28, 2012 | 4 Comments

Why can’t I remember how to use this can opener?

English: A modern-type can opener.

(Photo credit: Wikipedia)

How in the world did I get lost driving to the supermarket – a route I drive at least once a week!

My words are getting all jumbled up and my sentences aren’t making sense.

What’s happening to me?

Are you one of the many people who started to take a medication to resolve a condition, or at least to make it better, only to end up with distressing – and life-changing – mild cognitive impairment?

How long did it take for you and your doctor to realize that this horrific change of condition was caused by a medication that was added to your health regimen?

What types of expensive, and grueling, tests did you go through prior to coming to that conclusion?  Did any of you go through neurological testing?

And how long did it take for you to feel “normal” again once you took your doctor’s advice to either go off the medication or replace it with a medication that did not cause cognitive decline?

I am personally aware of several people who experienced cognitive decline after taking the Pfizer drug, Lyrica (pregabalin) – originally intended for neuropathic pain and as an anti-seizure medication, and approved for treatment of fibromyalgia in 2007.  Additionally, cholesterol-lowering  statin medications oftentimes cause the same cognitive outcomes.  And with the Pfizer drug, Lyrica, increased depression – even suicide -  or newly diagnosed depression, were directly linked to the drug, Lyrica.

As Baby Boomers, we’re entering a phase where, depending upon what ails us, we start adding prescription medications to our health regimen in an attempt to have a high degree of health and well-being.

We need to be completely aware of how a medication may affect us, but it’s unfortunate that most of our awareness is dependent upon the Patient Information Sheet provided by the pharmaceutical companies.  These information sheets are sketchy, at best, and carry only half-truths, at worse.

Do you have similar experiences you can share?  We’d like to hear from you because awareness, and education, will help us all.

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Posted in 21st Century Living, Alzheimer's/Dementia, Health & Wellness, Personal Struggles

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Baby Boomer + Aging Parent = a changing paradigm.

Posted on April 27, 2012 | 1 Comment

Planning for a wedding?  FUN!!!!!

Putting together an extended vacation to a tropical paradise?  EXHILARATING!

Figuring out how to help mom and dad with their increasing care needs?  UNEXPECTED!

Logo of NPR News.

(Photo credit: Wikipedia)

A recent National Public Radio (NPR) Story: Preparing for a Future that includes Aging Parents addresses the unexpected, and the unplanned for.  Whether because we’re kidding ourselves or we really believe it, we oftentimes can’t imagine our parents as anything but the energetic, robust, independent mom and dad with whom we grew up.  And if we don’t live near them, we’re falsely sheltered in our assumption that mom and dad are doing just fine; at least they were the last time we saw them during the Holidays!  If we’re honest with ourselves, however, we’ll admit that our infrequent visits with the parents shock us greatly as we notice a bit of feebleness in their manner, because as the above story states, “time does what it does.”

Surprisingly, only 13% of some 4,000 U.S. workers surveyed for the 2011 Aflac WorkForces Report considered that the need for long-term care would affect their household.  We love to live blissfully ignorant, don’t we?  We have so many of our own stresses and pressures associated with running our family household, we’re just not going to entertain having to be on-point with our parents’ needs as well.  Guilty!

Taking a walk with my Dad.

I became a long-distance caregiver in the Seattle, Washington area for my father who lived in an all-inclusive facility called a Continuing Care Retirement Community (CCRC) in Southern Oregon.  The first eight years he lived there were worry free because my father was one of those robust parents who was on the path towards living to a ripe old age.  He did live to a ripe old age, dying at the age of 89, but from the age of 84 until his death, Alzheimer’s invaded our family’s peaceful existence, and I found that even as a long-distance caregiver, I was on-point 24/7.

Caveat: my parents had purchased long-term care (LTC) insurance so none of us three offspring were financially responsible for my father’s care.  But anyone who has been a caregiver for a loved one knows that care isn’t always equated to monetary expenditure.   In my case, the constant need to travel to Southern Oregon to monitor his care and be the designated (self-designated) sibling best equipped to coordinate his care with the facility’s staff, lead to my decision to temporarily leave my career, which was, coincidentally, one in the long-term care housing industry.  By the way – the answer was not to move him up to the Seattle area.  His financial investment in this CCRC up to that point rendered that an untenable option.

Even though I absolutely relished this opportunity to give back to my father – and I truly did – it was very difficult on my household and me.  My health temporarily suffered.  Everything I did revolved around being available for my father and hopping on a plane at a moment’s notice.  I lived in a five year period of dreading the ringing of my home phone or mobile phone because it most likely meant that something needed tending.  And getting home and finding NO voicemails in our phone system was cause for celebration.

  But enough about me.

Are you prepared for the eventuality of attending to your parents’ care or are you already on that journey?

Or maybe you are already caring for a spouse with medical or cognitive needs.  How are you managing that difficult task?

Let us hear from you.  Not talking about it won’t make it go away.  It’s time to face the piper and be as prepared as we can for the inevitable.

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Posted in 21st Century Living, Alzheimer's/Dementia, Caregiving, Community outreach, Family issues, Finances, Health & Wellness, Personal Struggles, Retirement

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Start your retirement – start your job as a family caregiver.

Posted on March 21, 2012 | 1 Comment

You’ve worked your entire life; you’ve lined up your retirement leisure activities; you’re ready to start the first day of the rest of your life, but instead you start a new job: caregiver to your sibling, spouse, parent, or other family member.

Or perhaps you retired early to take on your caregiver job because there was no way you could do it all: continue your full-time job while moonlighting as your loved one’s caregiver.  It doesn’t work or it only works until the caregiver runs out of steam.  One way or another, your retirement years sure don’t resemble what you envisioned.

The CNN article, As baby boomers retire, a focus on caregivers, paints a frightening picture but one that is painfully accurate.  The highlighted caregiver, Felicia Hudson, said she takes comfort in the following sentiment:

Circumstances do not cause anger, nervousness, worry or depression; it is how we handle situations that allow these adverse moods.

I agree with the above sentiment to a very small degree because let’s face it, the nitty-gritty of a caregiver’s life is filled with anger-inducing depressive circumstances about which I don’t think caregivers should beat themselves up trying to handle with a happy face and a positive attitude.  It just doesn’t work that well in the long-term.  It’s a well-known fact, and one that is always talked about by the Alzheimer’s Association, that caregivers don’t take care of themselves because they don’t know how, or don’t have the support, to stop trying to do all of their life’s jobs by themselves.

“I’m obligated because my parents took great care of me, and now it’s time for me to take care of them.” 

or

“For better or worse means taking care of my spouse, even though she’s getting the better of me, and I’m getting worse and worse.”

The problem with the above sentiments is that oftentimes the adult child or spouse start to resent the person for whom they are providing care.  It’s like going to a job you hate but being held to an unbreakable employment contract; your employer is a loved one with a life-altering or terminal illness; and you’re not getting paid.  “Taking care of a loved one in need is reward enough.”  No, it’s not.

I’m not bitter, I’m simply realistic.  Caregiving is one of the most difficult jobs any of us will hold and we can’t do it all by ourselves.  My blog article, Caregiving: The Ultimate Team Sport, encourages each person in a family caregiving situation to create a team of co-caregivers to more effectively get the job done.  And please take a look at the other articles found in that same category of Caregiving.   I hope you will find encouragement in those articles – some based on my own experience, and some from other caregivers’ shared experiences – especially when a positive attitude and a happy face just isn’t working for you.

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Posted in 21st Century Living, Alzheimer's/Dementia, Caregiving, Family issues, Personal Struggles, Retirement

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Voices of the bored retirees.

Posted on January 19, 2012 | 2 Comments
  • “I’m trying to decide what to do with the rest of my life.”
  • “I’m a frustrated fish out of water since retiring two years ago.”
  • “I’m desperate to find something to fill my time!”
  • Woman in her 80′s: “What am I supposed to do with the rest of my life?  I feel helpless and hopeless without worthwhile connections.”

Are you living past the sunset in your life?

I attended a class four and a half years ago comprised of people in their 50′s through their 80′s.  This class was designed to make our Senior years count.  I just now stumbled on notes that I took in that class wherein each class member was asked to make a comment about their current state in life.  The above four comments are just some of those statements.

Desperation and sadness all around me.  I recall now that the mood of this class was one of desperation and sadness as those who yearned for retirement their whole working life found themselves frantically trying to fill their days.  Their feelings were summed up in these words:

  • depressed
  • lack of purpose
  • short-sightedness
  • emptiness
  • loss of self

Gerontologist, S. Barkin puts it this way regarding our responsibility to be actively walking through our senior years, and I paraphrase,

What do we want to do for the time remaining in our life?   We all should be mining our experiences and the wisdom therein to help with our present and future paths.

As I mentioned in my article, Retirement planning: it’s not what you think, all of us have a history of life skills that should not be put up on a shelf and never used again.  Instead we should be retooling those skills into something that is meaningful and enjoyable to us and beneficial to others.  The students in my class had many thoughts – mostly unfocused and therefore not very productive – but those thoughts had yet to turn into action.

The first step is to decide what is significant to you and act on it.

Aging well starts with the mind but it’s in the doing that makes it count.  We all have a choice when we find ourselves at a loss of purpose: we can stay stuck, or we can actively make a difference in the local community around us.  Baby Boomers are the first generation of peoples to have such a long life span.  We’re living longer so we have more time to pass our knowledge down to others and use our skills in a valuable way.  As the sports company Nike says in one of their ad campaigns:  JUST DO IT!

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Posted in 21st Century Living, Community outreach, Personal Struggles, Retirement

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